Rants

Monday Nitro – January 3, 2000

By Scott Keith on 27th May 2015

Monday Nitro #221

Date: January 3, 2000

Location: BiLo Center,
Greenville, South Carolina

Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s a new year and in
the best present WCW could give us, the show is back to two hours
instead of the usual three. The big story this week is the rest of
the Tag Team Title tournament with all the random and wacky teams and
the rest of the field being filled out by regular teams who were
“randomly” paired together. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
last week. Why must I be forced to think of that mess again?

A
jet landed at the airport today. I’d assume a lot of those land
every day but for some reason this is supposed to be interesting.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: Harris Brothers vs. Buzzkill/Mike Rotundo

Sullivan
makes Leia Meow jump on a trampoline for obvious reasons. Rotundo
goes after let’s say Ron to start and eats a powerslam and
clothesline for his efforts. Off to Buzzkill for a forearm, but Ron
comes back with a big old side slam. It’s big enough that it almost
knocks Buzzkill’s hair off. Don comes in to hammer away as Standards
and Practices come out and get rid of Leia, drawing the Varsity Club
out to the floor. The H Bomb ends Buzzkill in a short match.

We
look back at the monster truck stuff last week which has damaged
Sid’s neck.

A motorcade is leaving
the airport.

There’s going to be a
new commissioner tonight.

Nash thinks Tom Zenk is
getting the job.

Bret arrives and gets
beaten down by Sid, wearing a neck brace.

Diamond Dallas Page is
ready for his match against Buff Bagwell but Curt Hennig comes up and
tells him the Powers That Be want him in the ring tonight. PG-13 is
in the ring right now and that’s fine with Page.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: PG-13 vs. Scott Steiner/Kevin Nash

Steiner
is Hall’s official replacement because there are a lot of people
named Scott in this company. PG-13 is in the ring doing their rap,
so here’s Page to lay them both out with Diamond Cutters. Here’s the
NWO with Nash dropping an elbow on Wolfie and pulling the tights for
the pin. It’s going to be one of those kind of shows, but at least
it’s two hours.

Here’s the NWO to
complain about now getting any respect and having to be attacked by
Sid. Jarrett: “Slappy New Year!” Jeff isn’t worried about
Triple Threat Theater with Benoit and doesn’t have much to say about
it. Nash warns the new commissioner that the NWO is going to keep
breaking the rules as they always have. Steiner jokes about his
retirement and thinks all his fans are Wall Street types. This
actually wasn’t that bad.

The motorcade arrives.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: David Flair/Crowbar vs. Lash
Leroux/Midnight

Lash
does a cross sign at Daffney in a funny bit. The bad night continues
for Lash as Midnight appearing in the ring freaks him out even more.
David and Lash get things going with Stevie Ray sitting in on
commentary. Flair is easily knocked around the ring because he’s
just not that good. It’s off to Crowbar who eats a drop toehold to
send him to the floor, only to have him slide back inside where he
accidentally baseball slides David.

Stevie tells Lash to
tag Midnight in and gets what he deserves, thereby lowering Lash’s
sucka levels for the rest of the match. Midnight throws Lash onto
Crowbar and nails a nice dropkick, only to have Stevie pull Midnight
out to the floor. Cue Disco, Tony Marinara and Disco as we now have
more people interfering than in the match. Booker yells at his
brother and takes a Slapjack to the head as Leroux hits Whiplash on
Crowbar. As the referee yells at Harlem Heat, Vito and Johnny come
in and lay out Lash, giving Crowbar the pin.

Rating:
D-.
Here’s a spoiler for the rest of the show: this match, which ran
5:15, is the longest match on the entire show. Also, in a match just
over five minutes long, six people interfered, giving us three
stories (Mafia vs. Lash, Harlem Heat splitting, the match itself) in
one match. I know we get on Russo for overbooking but come on man.
Calm down for like a minute please.

Lash yells at Disco in
the back but Disco says he has to deal with the Family, who come in
and attack Lash as Disco has to look on.

Here’s
Luger Luger, still dressed as Sting and yes, this is really WCW’s
best idea to fight Raw. Luger talks about Sting being afraid of him
and wants the no name wrestler to come out here and face him.

Total Package vs.
Tank Abbott

Stalling by Luger leads
into the mace from Liz for the DQ in less than a minute. But
remember, Luger is a veteran and therefore still a draw.

Jerry Flynn comes out
and beats up Abbott with less than no one caring.

The NWO takes their
ball bats to the limo.

Rob
Garner of the WCW front office comes out to talk about the “writers”
“swerving” WCW and how Sting and Goldberg are currently out of
commission. Therefore, let’s bring in someone new to help fight the
NWO. That brings us to the new commissioner: Terry Funk. Yes, the
big solution to the NWO is to bring in a guy who first retired about
sixteen years earlier.

Now
don’t get me wrong: Terry Funk is awesome and one of the best
wrestlers and performers of all time, but this is not the right move
in this spot. This needed to be someone young who could be a future
for WCW, not another legend who shows up, basically in the same role
as Piper.

Anyway,
Funk says he loves wrestling and wants to get rid of these fat hogs
at the trough. To do this, he needs an enforcer, and who better than
Arn Anderson? Anderson gives his usual great speech about putting
the heart back in wrestling, but the WE WANT FLAIR chants almost
drown him out. Cue the NWO so Hart can offer Funk a spot on the
team. Terry shrugs it off and makes some new stipulations for Hart
vs. Goldberg. Wait didn’t they officially cancel that last week? It
wouldn’t be the first time they lied about a match they had coming up
so why not do it here too?

The
match will have Arn as guest referee and the title can change hands
on a DQ. As for tonight, it’s Jeff defending the US Title against
Sid in a powerbomb match. Oh and Nash and Steiner will indeed get
screwed in their matches tonight. Nash threatens David Flair and
we’re done here.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Quarterfinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. Norman
Smiley/Asya

Buff
and Kanyon argue over how awesome this town is because Kanyon thinks
it’s not Hollywood. Kanyon offers him some champagne so Buff, the
hero that he is, breaks the bottle over Kanyon’s head. That’s a
great way to advance in a title tournament Buff. Norman is dressed
as a mascot of the local baseball team, complete with a three foot
long tail, which is shaken in Buff’s general direction.

Buff doesn’t take
kindly to Norman mocking his strut and nails him with a clothesline,
only to have Asya knee him in the back. We get the spanking dance
from Norman before it’s off to Asya, who is quickly suplexed down by
Bagwell. Everything breaks down and Asya hits Buff low, only to have
Norman accidentally hit her with the mascot head. A Blockbuster
sends Buff on his own (presumably) to the semifinals.

Rating:
D-.
Comedy ladies and gentlemen! This is what you get when you have no
reason for these teams to be fighting and you just throw them
together and have no chemistry or time to go anywhere. It doesn’t
help that neither team even tried to do more than comedy spots to get
to the ending. Couple that with Kanyon not even being in the match
and what were you expecting here?

The Revolution comes in
to beat up Buff, drawing down Duggan for a failed save attempt. The
Filthy Animals come out for the real save.

The old guys and the
NWO look for David.

Funk and Anderson find
Daffney in the boiler room.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Semifinals: Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. Harris Brothers

You
know, in a decent company, this could be a watchable power match.
Again Steiner sits in on commentary and lets Nash do the match
himself. The twins double team Nash until he gets a ball bat. They
obviously run away from the combined force of the bat and the hair,
only to have the Varsity Club come in and chair them down. Sullivan
throws Don back in and Nash pins him in less than a minute and a
half.

Jarrett kidnaps
Daffney.

Tag Team Title
Tournament Semifinals: Buff Bagwell/Chris Kanyon vs. David
Flair/Crowbar

Kanyon comes out for no
logical reason, only to get jumped by Bam Bam Bigelow and slammed off
the stage. This brings out Vampiro, who is apparently going to be
Buff’s partner whether Bagwell likes it or not. Vampiro starts with
some spinning kicks to put Crowbar down but Buff tags himself in.
Cue Anderson and Funk to talk to David because he’s not doing
anything important right now.

Vampiro superplexes
Crowbar down and Buff tells Vampiro to stay in for the finish.
There’s a Ligerbomb to Crowbar but Vampiro stops to argue with
Anderson because it’s the least logical thing possible right now.
Funk punches Vampiro in the face and Buff adds a Blockbuster to his
partner, again for no apparent reason, allowing David to get the pin
to go to the finals.

Rating:
F.
This was a circus with the partners basically saying screw the tag
belts because we want to do stupid stuff instead. I’ve completely
lost track of what’s going on with Bagwell (feuding with Page I
believe), Vampiro (feuding with no one that I know of) and almost
everyone else in this company. The sad part: I really don’t care
what they’re doing either.

The NWO drags Daffney
out so Steiner can call her ugly.

Flair and Crowbar can’t
find Daffney.

US Title: Jeff
Jarrett vs. Sid Vicious

Powerbomb
match and Sid is in a neck brace. He shoves Jeff away to start and
kicks away, only to have Jarrett go right for the neck. A backdrop
puts the big guy on the floor and Jeff rams him into the barricade.
Back in and a high cross body gets two for Jeff but Sid powers out
and nails a big boot, followed by the chokeslam. The champ shoves
the referee down of course and Sid hits the powerbomb, only to have
Bret come in with the ball bat for the DQ.

Standard beatdown and
spray painting follows.

Tag Team Titles:
Kevin Nash/Scott Steiner vs. David Flair/Crowbar

Steiner
and Nash clean house to start and I have no idea who to cheer for
here. There’s no referee to start and Steiner sits in on commentary
to say the opponents suck. Nash slams Crowbar off the top and pokes
him in the eye as this has been completely one sided so far. A
double noggin knocker puts Flair and Crowbar down again but here come
Terry Funk and Arn Anderson in a referee shirt. Crowbar gets
jackknifed as security and Funk yell at Steiner. The distraction
lets Crowbar hit Nash with a crowbar, giving David the pin and the
titles.

Rating:
F.
It’s the slip on the banana peel ending as this was just a beating
until the wacky ending. In other words, Russo probably thought it
was great and the wrestlers loved it too as they didn’t have to do
much. This wasn’t a match and that really shouldn’t surprise me at
this point.

Post
match Jeff Jarrett drags Daffney to the ring as David hits Anderson
with the crowbar. The new champs stumble away and the NWO swarms
Funk. Bret and Jeff kidnap Anderson and throw him in the trunk of a
car to end the show. The new champs were complete afterthoughts
here.

Overall
Rating: F.
So tonight we had seven tournament matches. Those matches combined
to run less than nineteen minutes, for an average of about two
minutes and forty seconds each. If you take away the marathon match
that ran over five minutes, you’re looking at six matches taking less
than fifteen minutes combined. There were two other matches on this
show: Tank Abbott in a match with literally no wrestling and a two
minute powerbomb match which ended in a DQ. They’ve taken the
wrestling out of this show and now I’m really not sure what Nitro is
supposed to be. At least it’s shorter now I guess.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – December 20, 1999

By Scott Keith on 13th May 2015

Monday Nitro #219

Date: December 20, 1999

Location:
Baltimore Arena, Baltimore, Maryland

Attendance: 8,915

Commentators: Mike
Tenay, Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re just past
Starrcade and……I have no idea what we’re supposed to do now
actually. Bret is still World Champion, Sting is out of action again
and the rest of the show was pretty much a big waste of time with
short matches that went nowhere or that only Russo and company care
about. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a recap of Piper calling for the bell on Goldberg to end
the title match against Bret. Yes, that’s their big idea: Montreal
part 58.

So you might be asking
how the big fallout show starts. After last night, we’re ready to
start on the new road forward for WCW. I promise, I’m not making
this up. This is really how this show began.

Here
are Madusa and Spice for a chat. Madusa brags about being the first
female Cruiserweight Champion and how the women of WCW are taking
over with their T&A. Right now she wants any man in the back to
come out here so she can neuter him. As luck would have it, Buzzkill
is in the crowd campaigning for equal rights, so Madusa calls him to
the ring for a title match right now.

Cruiserweight Title:
Madusa vs. Buzzkill

Madusa takes the sign
and blasts Buzzkill in the head, followed by the missile dropkick for
two. The German suplex is blocked though and Buzzkill dropkicks her
down. The Russian legsweep should have the title won (because it’s a
Russian legsweep) but Spice has the referee. In the distract, Spice
throws in a foreign object and Madusa knocks Buzzkill silly, setting
up the German suplex to retain.

I
need a minute here. After last night’s disaster of a Starrcade,
Vince Russo, the man who actually takes credit for the Attitude Era,
decided that the big idea was to open Nitro with a match between a
comedy character and Madusa, who is flat out saying she has one of
the most popular titles (well at least it used to be) in the company
because of how she looks. That’s their big way to open the
post-Starrcade Nitro. Imagine if the night after Rollins cashed in
Money in the Bank or after Bryan overcame the Authority, we opened
with a Nikki Bella promo and match. That’s basically what they did
here and it’s making my head hurt.

The announcers talk
about Goldberg getting screwed last night. I’ll set the over/under
for use of that word in this story at about 6,000.

Russo tells Curt Hennig
to get rid of Hugh Morrus tonight. Why Russo has issues with Morrus
isn’t clear, but I’d bet it’s a nuance of a plot point that I missed
in Russo’s 19 segments a night. Creative Control is sent to find
Piper.

Speaking of Piper, he
arrives with his assistant and son because of reasons I don’t want to
be told. The kid tapes Piper’s wrists and Creative Control comes to
collect him.

Hugh Morrus vs. Curt
Hennig

Before
we get started, it’s time for an another angle that no one will care
about but we need to force it in there anyway. This time it’s Shane
being beaten down by a guy in a Scream mask with what looks like a
pipe. As for the match, here’s Tony’s take on it: “I’ve never been
so confused coming out of a WCW pay per view.” I can’t believe I’m
saying this, but preach it Tony. Morrus slugs Hennig into the corner
to start as the announcers don’t explain Hugh’s issues with the
Powers That Be, likely because they don’t exist.

After a big running
splash in the corner, Morrus gets distracted by some old guy in a
hospital gown who wanders from the crowd to the ramp. For the love
of……JUST HAVE A WRESTLING MATCH! Morrus goes outside and helps
the man he calls Pop to the ramp so he stays out of harms’ way.
Hennig gets in a few shots as Pop comes back down to ringside. In
the distraction, Hennig hits the PerfectPlex for the pin.

Rating:
D-.
I would ask why this is happening and what this is supposed to mean,
but I really, really don’t care. Hugh Morrus is getting a story now?
Apparently about his father who just wanders around ringside after
leaving a hospital? As usual, Russo doesn’t get that you have to
make us care about a person before you just throw them into a story
that makes no sense on the surface. I don’t care about Hugh Morrus
because he’s never done anything worth caring about. Therefore, I
don’t care about his Pop or whatever they’re doing with him. Again,
just let them wrestle and THEN come up with a story.

Pop
checks on his son, who is still down after a devastating suplex.

Piper is in Russo’s
office where Russo talks about Piper making some sort of deal with
the devil, meaning Piper can’t touch Russo. It’s not over though
because Piper has to go out there and tell everyone that he sold out
and that Russo had nothing to do with it. So who did he sell out to
if Russo wasn’t involved? That question is immediately wiped from my
memory as Russo says that Piper will take his heat. Piper talks
about going out there to “shoot on the marks” and how he and
Hogan built this sport. The audio screws up so I can’t hear the rest
of it but do I really need to?

So to recap: Russo is
the mastermind behind screwing Goldberg out of the title and gave
Piper something in return for ending the title match last night and
now Piper has to go and take the rap for it. This is going to be a
SHOOT, because all those times where Piper was evil and made his big
name were just him acting and we should believe how much he cares for
wrestling? Can we go back to Hugh and Pop?

And
now, a word from Tony Schiavone about how Vince McMahon screwed Bret
Hart out of the WCW Title. Russo worked for McMahon at that time, so
rumors are speculating that Russo scripted the ending to that match.
I don’t even know how to respond to that so we’ll move on to Tony
talking about how Kevin Nash is defending Goldberg in the locker
room. You know, the SHOOT locker room.

This
brings out Kevin Nash, who talks about living by a code in wrestling.
There are certain rules you have to live by no matter what happens.
Yes people, KEVIN NASH is talking about ethics in wrestling. Just go
with it and maybe it’ll be over soon. There are two groups of people
behind the curtain: the boys and the office. The boys are all a
fraternity and the office doesn’t care about any of them. Nash
doesn’t care about Goldberg, but what happened last night was…..a
word they don’t actually censor. TV-14 it is I suppose. Hart
screwed one of the boys and now he has to pay.

Creative
Control says Nash is the biggest politician in the locker room. So
yeah, it’s clearly a big worked shoot (in case it wasn’t obvious
before) and the audience, after sitting through Madusa vs. Buzzkill
and Hennig vs. Morrus/Pop gets to hear a lot of stuff that is
probably going over their collective heads while Russo jerks off to
this nonsense because it makes him feel so much smarter than everyone
else. I understand what they’re talking about and it’s just so dumb.

Tank
Abbott vs. Jerry Flynn

No
holds barred of course. They trade slaps/punches before shoving the
referee, drawing out security to break it up. Flynn is put in
handcuffs and Tank knocks him out cold. This didn’t last a minute
and the fans are rightfully booing it out of the building.

Goldberg
arrives.

Here’s
the Revolution for what is actually the most interesting part of the
show so far. Douglas talks about how the Revolution was proven right
at Starrcade, but we pause for a word from Saturn about Tootsie Pops.
He calls out Jim Duggan to denounce America, but Jim doesn’t want to
do it. Instead, Duggan says he lied and gets beaten down. The
Revolution goes to burn the American flag but the Filthy Animals
(minus Eddie) return for the save. Great. It’s this feud again.
Shane’s look of shock when the Animals came out (walking at about
half a mile an hour) is great.

Here’s
Piper for his big explanation as Goldberg and Hart watch from
backstage. Piper lists off some of the evil things he’s done in the
past before going into a mini rant against Russo’s writing. Couldn’t
they just call it like, match making? Anyway, Piper knows people
just want to see the wrestlers fight. After listing off his
accomplishments from the 80s, Piper says he’s a real fighting and
quits. His son comes out to walk to the back with him, but Goldberg
comes out to block their way.

Goldberg
has stayed up all night trying to make sense of this (now THAT is
probably a shoot comment). He’s looked up to a few guys all his life
and until last night Piper was on that list. Piper made the wrong
decision last night but Goldberg doesn’t think Piper would ever sell
out. Roddy apologizes and things seem to be a bit better until Bret
comes out to pick it up all over again. As far as he’s concerned,
there’s no point in blaming Piper and the title is vacant. Bret goes
to the back to tell the Powers That Be what they can do with their
title. Keep shooting people. You’ll hit something eventually,
though it’s likely your own foot.

Post
break, Hart yells at Russo, but the boss says that was an attempt at
making up for Montreal. Yes seriously, THAT’S THEIR BIG STORY. Bret
throws the belt at Russo so he makes Hart vs. Goldberg for tonight.
Nice to see them continue their tradition of airing the same match
the night after Starrcade. I mean, it’s gone so well before.

Meng/Norman
Smiley vs. Fit Finlay/Brian Knobbs

Hardcore
of course. So why would Meng want to team with Smiley here? My
question is quickly answered as Meng goes after Smiley before their
opponents come out. Knobbs and Finlay come out to watch as the
announcers try to explain the psychology. Apparently Knobbs and
Finlay want Norman to keep the Hardcore Title so they can take it
from him with less of a fight.

Therefore,
we’re supposed to ignore the two of them knocking Smiley out cold
with a pipe so Norman could pin him with one hand last night, proving
that they could beat Meng with ease. As for the match, Norman gets
chased through the crowd, objects are thrown, a bathroom is invaded,
Norman’s head is put in a toilet and Knobbs gets the pin.

Rating:
F.
We’re over an hour into this show and this is the second best match
of the night so far. I’m not sure if it’s good or horribly stupid
that they’re trying to add psychology to this division. Yeah there’s
an idea to it, but the idea is stupid. The joke isn’t funny though
and Meng was just kind of there most of the “match” as everyone
else was “fighting.”

Piper tells his kid to
wait in the limo and gets a ball bat.

Video
of the Artist Formerly Known As Prince Iaukea’s recording session
where he doesn’t actually sing. Somehow this sounds like one of the
more logical things on the show.

Hart is walking and
runs into Piper. Bret tries to talk but Piper is back to babbling to
himself.

Maestro vs. Evan
Karagias

It’s
a flashback to the NWO days as the announcers ignore what’s going on
in the ring to talk about the backstage stuff. Maestro runs him over
to start but Evan hits a springboard spinning cross body. Evan rains
down right hands in the corner until he gets dropped throat first
across the top rope. We get a bit of a tease as Maestro loads up a
chinlock but slaps Evan in the face with both hands instead.

The
announcers talk about Montreal with Tony saying it’s unbelievable
that Russo wants to make up with Hart. Evan fights up and counters a
hurricanrana into a powerbomb. Symphony gets shoved onto the apron
but Evan has a quick change of heart to check on her. The
distraction lets Maestro hit a knee to the back for the pin.
Symphony is of course fine. Tony: “She sold that knee.”

Rating:
D.
Total mentions of Evan losing the title last night: zero. Then again
it’s fairly clear that there’s no future to the title so losing the
belt might have been the best thing possible for Evan. Maestro and
Symphony are a nothing pairing but at least they’re not victims of a
stalker anymore.

Piper
literally destroys the Powers That Be’s office. Piper: “How about
Adrian Adonis and Gorilla Monsoon?” And yes, he breaks the fourth
wall.

Chavo Guerrero tries to
sell Evan a book on how to pick up chicks. Thankfully, this ends in
a beating.

Chris Kanyon vs. Bam
Bam Bigelow vs. Diamond Dallas Page

Kanyon
says this isn’t Hollywood and talks about destroying the Triad.
Bigelow and Page come out and double team him with Page hitting a
Rock Bottom and Bigelow adding a headbutt. A clothesline and another
headbutt have Kanyon reeling but Page and Bigelow argue about which
finisher should end Kanyon. Page offers a handshake but pulls
Bigelow into a Diamond Cutter. It’s angle time though as Page drops
to the floor, kisses a fan, and leaves. J. Biggs throws Kanyon a
briefcase but the referee cuts him off, allowing Kanyon to hit
Bigelow with a champagne bottle for the pin.

Rating:
D+.
Well that happened. They spent the entire summer building up the
Triad and then the blowoff (I guess?) match takes four minutes with
no announcement on a Nitro? Sounds appropriate to me. At least
Kanyon has a new character and he’s getting as close as he can to
thriving in it.

Bigelow is busted way
open and Kanyon is bleeding from the hand. Were they stupid enough
to use a real bottle???

Creative Control vs.
Kevin Nash

There’s
no referee so I don’t think this is a match. Actually that makes
sense given how things worked earlier. Hall accompanies Nash on
crutches. Since this isn’t a match (no bell), the twins tag. Nash
slugs away at Patrick in the corner and kicks Gerald in the face as
the tagging part is already done.

The
numbers catch up with Nash and Gerald takes him down for a cover but
there’s no referee. Heenan praises Nash for having the guts to say
what he said earlier in the night. They start going after Kevin’s
knee and the tagging starts up again. Hall gets bored and comes
inside for some crutch shots to the twins. Creative Control walks
out to end whatever this was.

Luger
and Liz are amused at Sting having a broken jaw. Why they’re in the
rafters and why Luger is dressed as Sting isn’t clear but I don’t
think I want to know.

US Title: Chris
Benoit vs. Jeff Jarrett

Another
ladder match with Benoit defending because there’s no reason not to
do it again twenty four hours later. At least it was good last night
so maybe it works again here. They slug it out to start and Benoit
takes over with a pair of dropkicks. Benoit ties him in the Tree of
Woe for a running dropkick but Jeff crotches him against the post to
take over. Back up and Benoit is the first to the ladder but he has
to side step the baseball slide.

Benoit throws him into
the chair in the corner before nailing the back and knee with the
same chair. Jeff stays on the floor and holds his leg as Benoit
breaks the ladder by stepping on the rungs. Tony: “Someone has
gimmicked this ladder!” Tenay: “You know who it is!” Heenan:
“Kidman?” The other side’s rungs break as well and it’s a guitar
shot to Benoit as Jeff’s leg is fine. He grabs a fresh ladder and
wins the title because SCREW YOU BENOIT FANS! YOU’RE GETTING JARRETT
WHETHER YOU CARE OR NOT!

Rating:
D+.
They said the word gimmick for the ladder about ten times in two
minutes near the end as the levels of obnoxiousness get higher and
higher every single week. Benoit winning the title last night and
being in the main event of a pay per view last month already seem to
be nothing but memories.

After
a bunch of replays, Curt Hennig tells Jarrett that the Powers That Be
need to see him.

Sid Vicious vs. The
Wall

Sid
kicks him in the face to start and takes it outside for some right
hands to Wall’s face. Back in and Wall hits him right back, only to
eat a chokeslam. Cue Berlyn for a distraction, allowing Wall to load
up a chokeslam of his own. Not that it matters as Berlyn missile
dropkicks Wall for the DQ.

Sid
powerbombs Berlyn and shakes Wall’s hand to complete the face turn.

Russo
tells Jarrett that it’s going to happen tonight.

Disco offers to pay the
mafia but Tony Marinara’s dad tells him he can join the Family or
spend the rest of his life in a coma.

Harlem Heat vs.
Varsity Club

Rotundo/Steiner
here with Sullivan on commentary, where he spends the whole match
referring to Rick as Robbie (Rick’s real name) because SHOOTING IS
COOL AND HIP AND MAKES US SMARTER THAN YOU SO HA! Stevie quickly
runs Rotundo over to start before it’s off to the partners. Booker
kicks him in the face a few times but it’s too much to ask Steiner to
sell so it’s a big clothesline to put Booker on the floor. Things
get a bit confusing as the Varsity Club decides they’re the Freebirds
(they’re from the right time period) and start changing places with
Rotundo going to commentary.

That
lasts all of eight seconds before Mike runs back in and misses a
charge, allowing Booker to plant him with a Rock Bottom. Stevie
comes in off the hot tag and cleans house but there go the lights
because it’s Midnight. Ever the genius, Stevie yells at her,
allowing Mike to roll him up for the pin.

Rating:
D.
More mindless brawling here with Booker doing everything he could to
make it a match. I still have no idea why the Varsity Club is back
as Rick was the only one doing anything, even though he’s one of the
least likeable people on the roster. I’ll give them this though: at
least this felt like a match, even with the screwy ending.

PG-13 runs in and
attacks the Varsity Club. They can’t be serious.

The
yet to be named Daffney is getting a Surge when the Misfits come up
to hit on her. For reasons of crazy, she knees Jerry Only low and
runs off.

Here’s
David Flair for a chat but he beats up David Penzer first. Flair
calls out Vampiro, who says he has no problem with David. Vampiro
yells at Daffney but eats a crowbar shot. Jerry Only comes out and
takes a beating as well, leaving David and Daffney to kiss.

Buff
Bagwell comes out with something to say. He’s had a good career in
WCW but now he wants some gold around his waist. Gene goes way out
in right field and asks about rumors regarding Bagwell and Kimberly
Page. Buff pushes the mic away and whispers to Gene, but Okerlund
says that sounds like an admission of guilt. Bagwell admits that
Kimberly is a knockout and if Page wasn’t a factor, he would, and I
quote, “put his stuff all over Kim.” He mentions his bed and
Page comes out to jump Bagwell.

Piper
says goodbye to the locker room and calls Sid a kid. He rambles on
about how hard wrestling has been on him and wants the boys to fight
back against the Powers That Be.

WCW World Title:
Bret Hart vs. Goldberg

The
title is officially vacant coming in and Jeff Jarrett is watching on
a monitor in the back. Goldberg hammers him in the face to start and
chokes with a boot in the corner. They head outside with Goldberg
hammering away even more as Bret has been on defense almost all
match. Back in and a powerslam drops Hart but he grabs the ropes to
break up a leg lock.

Bret
starts going after the leg with kicks to the knee before wrapping it
around the ropes. The referee goes down because of course he does
and Bret slaps on the Figure Four. Cue the Outsiders with ball bats
to beat up Goldberg. Bret lets go of the hold and beats on Goldberg
as well so Piper comes back to try and protect Goldberg as the
referee calls for the bell. There was a cover in there somewhere and
Bret has won the title.

Jeff
Jarrett comes out with spraypaint and……THE BAND IS BACK TOGETHER!
Bret tries to say something but his mic doesn’t work. Everyone
celebrates with their new titles to end the show.

Overall
Rating: W.
That’s W for waste. I’ve watched a lot of wrestling shows in my day
(upwards of 4,000 last I checked). In the course of my time as a
fan, I don’t remember a show that felt like a waste of my time. That
has changed after this show. I can live with a show where nothing
happens. I can live with a show full of bad matches. I can live
with a show where the company loses its way for a night.

That’s not what
happened on this show. This show was about eliminating every single
concept and idea of logic and common sense from what used to be World
Championship Wrestling. I’m not going to go into the long, long list
of things this show did that made no sense, as A, I don’t have that
much memory on this computer and B, I don’t think my blood pressure
can take it.

Let’s sum up the major
flaw in logic on this show. The idea is that Russo and company are
in charge of booking the show and have turned it into a shoot.
Ignoring how absolutely stupid that is to point out (from a kayfabe
perspective, wrestling is always supposed to be a shoot), let’s go
with Russo’s theory (I’ll ask for forgiveness later). Let’s say that
Russo has complete authority and is writing himself into this
position.

If
that’s the case, why have any of his guys ever lost a match and why
did we need some big conspiracy? Why didn’t Russo just book his boys
on top the second he debuted? Why are we having some big conspiracy
with Jarrett having to win the title back? Why am I supposed to
believe anything that happens if Russo is just in charge of the whole
thing? Did he book Nash to fight back against his authority or is
Nash going into business for himself?

I
get that it’s what Russo is going for, but it leaves so many
ridiculous holes in the story and makes the whole thing so completely
illogical that you can’t buy into anything going on in this company.
Ninety percent of the show is scripted but THIS RIGHT HERE is real?
Why should I believe that? At the end of the day, this is wrestling.
I shouldn’t need a scorecard and a flow chart to keep track of
what’s going on, nor should I have to hear all these insider terms.
This is the definition of too much going on and making things way too
complicated.

This stopped being
wrestling and became Russo having fun and deciding to make this show
his big personal playground. He’s removed logic and common sense
from this show in order to turn it into some insider fest. I know I
say this a lot, but I literally do not think it can get worse than
this. They’ve taken away any the basic core principles of wrestling
and made this a B movie. There is however one bright spot to this
whole mess: Jim Cornette suddenly makes so much more sense to me.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with cheap wrestling books at:

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Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – December 13, 1999

By Scott Keith on 6th May 2015

Monday Nitro #218

Date: December 13, 1999

Location:
New Orleans, Arena, New Orleans, Louisiana

Attendance: 6,835

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

How is this already the
go home show for Starrcade? Goldberg vs. Hart feels like a midcard
match instead of the main event. Based on the amount of time given
to each match, it would seem that the Mamalukes vs. Disco/Lash is
headlining the card. I’m not even sure what all is on the card at
this point. Let’s get to it.

We open with Benoit
winning a fight against Jarrett in the back.

Opening sequence.

The Artist Formerly
Known As Prince Iaukea vs. Maestro

Between
the piano being lowered to the stage (with Symphony back) and
Iaukea’s slow artsy entrance, we’re ready to go at nearly ten minutes
into the show. Maestro throws him to the floor to start before
planting him with a spinebuster back inside. The girls get into it
and Prince grabs a rollup with a handful of tights for the pin.

Post match, here’s
Jarrett with the guitars to knock out both guys. Jeff wants a
Bunkhouse Brawl (another name for hardcore of course) with Benoit
tonight.

Nash is looking for
Hall.

Evan Karagias hits on
Spice but Madusa comes up to get in a catfight.

Here’s
Bret Hart with something to say. He talks about how much he respects
Goldberg, but guarantees a win this Sunday. Cue Goldberg, complete
with the full security entrance. How did they know to knock on the
door at that point? Goldberg wasn’t scheduled for a match, so did
Dillinger just think “he might want to respond here?” He thinks
Bret is going to be next on Sunday. I’m so glad it took two minutes
to get to that point. This brings out the Outsiders who want their
Tag Team Titles back. Hall wants to fight now but Nash has to go
finish his coffee.

Gene looks down at
Madusa’s chest as she promises to hurt Spice tonight. This is
another of those jokes that are only funny to Russo and Ferrara so
we’re getting it on national TV.

Terry Taylor tells
Luger that he has a tag match against Diamond Dallas Page/Sting with
David Flair as his partner. This was announced earlier in the night,
which explains why Luger is so surprised. I wouldn’t watch the show
either.

David
Flair chases off a delivery man for reasons of general insanity.

Madusa vs. Spice

Madusa
quickly takes her down to start and hammers away but Evan comes in to
say calm down. Spice is helpless as Madusa wants Evan to slug her,
but Evan won’t do it. Madusa gets in a cheap shot and covers Madusa
(with two limbs in the ropes) for the pin. Your #1 contender
everyone.

Post match Madusa
kisses Evan and suplexes him.

Hennig is ready for
Bagwell tonight. Those two are fighting again? Rhonda Singh comes
in and Russo makes fat jokes. He won’t talk to her unless she has an
agent.

Revolution recap.

Jim
Duggan comes out to say he has three mystery partners on Sunday. He
survived surgery to fight for this country and spend time with his
wife and children. The lights go out and come back on to reveal
Duggan out cold.

Roddy Piper is going to
referee Bagwell vs. Hennig. Russo tells him to do the right thing.

Curt Hennig vs. Buff
Bagwell

Roddy
Piper is guest referee and makes it a No DQ match just because. Buff
throws Hennig down a few times and poses before planting Curt with a
slam. This leads to Hennig arguing with Piper for some reason,
allowing Buff to grab a rollup for two. Buzzkill is in the crowd and
wants to save baby seals. Again I ask, why is this supposed to be
funny?

Curt comes back with
right hands and chops, followed by the namesake neck snap. Piper
counts slowly to start another argument. He begs Curt to slap him
but the distraction lets Buff fight back with a swinging neckbreaker.
Buff’s splash hits knees, but Piper and Hennig get in a fight,
allowing Buff to grab a rollup for the pin with a very fast count.

Rating:
D.
What is this storyline? Russo and Piper hate each other because
Piper has to be on TV (because he was big in the 80s you see) and now
Piper is on TV as a referee but he’s being told to do the right
thing, which sounds like Russo speak for let his guys win, but I
think Piper is rebelling against him? Oh and Piper seems to be
schizophrenic because he keeps talking to the voices in his head.

An
unhappy Creative Control is on stage.

Luger
goes in to see David Flair and is scared by what he sees in the
locker room.

Chris Benoit vs.
Jeff Jarrett

Bunkhouse
match, meaning a come as you are street fight. Jeff brings a
cowbell, a guitar and a bar stool so Benoit comes out with a ladder.
The brawl starts in the aisle with Jeff getting the better of it and
getting the cowbell because cowboys are awesome. They’re like boys,
but with cows. Benoit comes back by choking with the bullrope and
taking Jeff inside for two off a backbreaker. It’s ladder time but
Jeff baseball slides it into Benoit’s face.

A
whip into the ladder has Benoit in even more trouble but he throws
Jeff into it as well to make things even. Benoit pulls him off the
ladder but Jeff pulls him down with the rope. Cue Dustin Rhodes but
Charles Robinson breaks up Shattered Dreams. There’s a guitar to
Dustin, at the exact same time he kicks Jeff low. Benoit goes up top
but Dustin is shoved into the ladder to send Benoit down in a crash
to give Jarrett the pin.

Rating:
D+.
There were some decent spots here but the ending was, of course, a
mess. I don’t know why Dustin Rhodes is here as the man in black,
especially when he’s fighting because they’ve moved on from the idea
of Dustin fighting because the Powers That Be fired Dusty. Instead
it’s just Dustin Rhodes being Dustin Rhodes which isn’t interesting.

Luger doesn’t have much
to say about the tag match but David Flair has a headless teddy bear.

A
sports car arrives.

Piper goes into Russo’s
office with a ball bat but Hennig nails him with a chair. So Curt is
La Parka?

Meng vs. Tank Abbott

Oh
sweet merciful goodness. This is a hardcore match because would you
want to see them try to wrestle? They slug it out to start as this
is designed to look like a shoot. Abbott takes him to the mat and
they fight to the floor for a quick double countout. This is the guy
Russo wanted to put the World Title on a month later?

Kanyon
was in the car and seems to now be a pimp.

Police stop Piper from
going after the Powers That Be.

Meng and Abbott are
still fighting in the back.

Revolution vs.
Harlem Heat/Midnight

Before
the match we get the usual “we hate America” jazz. Dean: “We’ve
got heat tonight.” Saturn: “Yeah listen to these people.”
Dean: “No. Harlem Heat.” I’m not sure how to feel about that
exchange. The lights go out for Midnight and come back with Saturn
going after Malenko, presumably out of confusion. Booker takes Dean
down to start and it’s already Spinarooni time. Off to Stevie for a
slam but Booker tags himself back in.

That’s
not cool with Stevie as he wanted Midnight to get the tag for reasons
not entirely clear. The Revolution quickly takes over with Saturn
stomping away in the corner and tagging in Dean, who walks right into
the Bookend. Stevie gets the tag but Booker tags himself back in
after just a few seconds. Saturn hits Asya by mistake as Stevie tags
himself back in to fight Dean and Saturn at the same time.
Everything breaks down and Midnight injures her knee on a leapfrog.
Booker checks on the knee, leaving Stevie to get rolled up for the
pin.

Rating:
D+.
This was an angle instead of a match but I’m glad we’re starting the
latest Harlem Heat split. There’s nothing left for the two of them
to do together and it means we might get to the long overdue Booker
push. The match was nothing special but at least we got more man vs.
woman.

Stevie
yells at his brother.

Luger says Liz won’t be
there with David tonight because Liz works for him alone. So we have
female property.

Rhonda
Singh asks Kanyon’s agent (J. Biggs, Clarence Mason from the WWF) to
represent her. It turns out she can sing and dance. The agent isn’t
interested, but Chavo comes up to sell Singh dancing gear. I don’t
see this ending well.

Paul Orndorff is here
and summoned to see the Powers That Be.

The Nitro Girls dance
when Rhonda joins them in glittery attire. She’s horrible of course
and shrugs off an attack by the Girls. So in the span of ten
minutes, we have man vs. woman, Liz as Luger’s property and now this.
How long until Russo gets fired?

Finlay is still
training Knobbs on how to be hardcore.

Norman Smiley and Jerry
Flynn fight in the boiler room. That goes nowhere until Meng and
Abbott wander in. Norman and Meng get out while Abbott and Flynn
fight.

Orndorff is in the
office, where Russo fires him for training Midnight. Paul yells, so
he’s put in a match with Creative Control.

Sid
has a kid named Seth who he calls his coach. Seth says Sid is his
favorite wrestler in the world. I think the kid has Downs Syndrome.
If he does, I have no issue with this segment whatsoever.

Steve
Williams vs. Sid Vicious

Oh
man. Imagine this one in 1989 with JR on commentary. Instead it’s
1999 with Oklahoma. Before the match, Oklahoma says the Powers That
Be have made this a suplex vs. powerbomb match, which I assume means
the first person to hit that finisher wins. Dr. Death jumps Sid as
he’s sitting the kid down at ringside because he’s really evil. Back
in and Williams hammers away as Oklahoma lists off the resume. Sid
blocks some suplexes and hammers away but Oklahoma slips his boot to
Williams. He knocks Sid out but Vampiro appears to chase Oklahoma,
allowing Sid to powerbomb Williams for the win.

Post
match the Outsiders run in and lay out Sid to make sure the kid
doesn’t get to smile any longer than he should. Sure the kid has a
horrible disease, but is that any reason for the Outsiders to not
look good?

Post
break, Sid is looked at by a doctor and the Outsiders think it’s
funny.

David Flair/Total
Package vs. Diamond Dallas Page/Sting

Did
Page turn face again and I missed it? I know he’s been going after
David but heel vs. heel is hardly unheard of under Russo. David has
the headless bear with him but takes a Stinger Splash in the first 45
seconds. Sting tags Page in with a right hand to start a fight
between the two of them. Now it’s Page taking a splash but Luger
sneaks in with a running clothesline to Sting, followed by some
crowbar shots. Liz sneaks in to take the crowbar away before laying
over Sting to stop some chair shots. David hits Luger with the
crowbar so Liz puts Sting over Luger for the pin (from the referee
who saw ALL OF THIS). What a mess.

Singh
comes up to Champagne Kanyon and the agent in the back and asks if
they liked her dance. This goes nowhere so Bam Bam Bigelow comes up
and gets in Kanyon’s face. The agent offers a distraction so Kanyon
can beat him down. Kanyon: “Triad that!”

After a break, Bigelow
comes to the ring and demands Kanyon come out here for a match.

Kanyon vs. Bam Bam
Bigelow

Before
the match, Biggs wants to talk about legal ramifications and gets
shoved to the side so Bigelow can punch Kanyon in the face. Some
biting and stomps to the head have Kanyon in even more trouble but he
comes back with a swinging neckbreaker. A suplex sets up a World’s
Strongest Slam to Kanyon and there’s the top rope headbutt a bit low.
Kanyon is up and fine ten seconds later with the Flatliner (now
called That’s A Wrap) connecting for a clean pin.

Rating:
D.
Did…..did that match just end clean? Did I just see a match
without any interference or cheating? You always hear about these
things but you never expect to actually see them happen. It was
boring stuff though and the ending came out of nowhere with Kanyon
just popping up and hitting his finisher for the pin.

Norman
hides from Meng.

The Mamalukes have a
body bag for Lash.

Piper babbles about his
chair match later.

Lash Leroux vs. Big
Vito

This
is a body bag match, which I’m assuming is like a casket match. Lash
sucks up to his hometown to start. Vito pounds away to start and
nails a superkick for two. Back up and Lash nails a backdrop
followed by an elbow to the jaw to send Vito into the corner. A side
slam and legdrop get two more, followed by a Disco Inferno style
middle rope elbow drop. Disco and Johnny fight on the floor as Lash
nails the Whiplash. He puts Vito mostly in the bag which is enough
for the win, even though you can see Vito’s head and shoulders.

Rating:
D+.
Was there any point to this being a body bag match? I certainly
don’t think so, but I’m just a wrestling fan and therefore don’t
understand such nuances. Nothing match here as the tag match is
still set up, even though it’s not likely going to be anything
special to see. At least this story has gotten some consistent TV
time though and I can see what they’re going for.

Post
match the Mamalukes destroy Lash and put him in the bag, eventually
taking him out to their car.

Paul
Orndorff vs. Creative Control

So
yeah, Orndorff is back and in a match. I’ll set the over/under on
run-ins here at 5.5. Paul kicks Patrick in the knee to start and
puts him down with a knee lift. Gerald gets suplexed for trying to
come in and an elbow drop gets two. Orndorff chokes him with a rope
but Patrick makes the save to start the obvious beatdown. Cue
Anderson (you remember him Paul. He’s the guy that broke your neck
and ended your career) and Zbyszko to help beat up the twins,
allowing Orndorff to piledrive Patrick for the pin.

Rating:
D-.
I’ve never been the biggest Paul Orndorff fan (I don’t dislike him
but I never got the massive appeal) but you just had him hold his own
and beat last week’s Tag Team Champions. Yeah he had help, but the
Harris Brothers should have a lot less trouble beating up two guys
who retired due to neck issues and a commentator who has wrestled
like four times in three years.

Slick Johnson reverses
the decision and names Creative Control the winners by DQ. Good for
them I suppose.

The Mamalukes open the
body bag and find….Norman Smiley. Their reactions are actually
funny.

Curt Hennig vs.
Roddy Piper

Chairs
match and another pairing that would have rocked in 1989. Piper
apparently has a torn bicep so Hennig goes right after the arm.
Roddy comes back with some chair shots and Hennig leaves after about
70 seconds. I see zero point to this match existing.

Bret
Hart has been attacked and Goldberg checks on him.

Tag Team Titles:
Bret Hart/Goldberg vs. Outsiders

Hall
and Nash are challenging. Goldberg comes out to fight alone and does
just fine to start with the superkick dropping Nash and a right hand
sending Hall to the floor with him. Back in and Hall officially
starts for the team with a wristlock but gets put down with the AA’s
second cousin. A pumphandle slam sends Hall running to the corner
and it’s off to Nash. Kevin tries his luck by running the ropes but
walks into a powerslam for two.

The
numbers game starts catching up with Goldberg though and Hall’s cheap
shot lets Nash take over. The running crotch attack to the back gets
two on Goldberg and Hall plants him with a chokeslam. Hart limps
down and slugs away for the save. Nash gets caught in the
Sharpshooter but Hall makes the save. Everything breaks down with
Hall getting kicked down, right before Nash brings in the title belt.
Bret punches him down but his knee goes out, despite Nash not
touching him, allowing Nash to get the pin and the titles, just
before Goldberg Jackhammers Hall.

Rating:
D.
Angle instead of a match here, but thank goodness they managed to get
the World Champion pinned six days before Starrcade and give Hall a
second (or third if you consider the TV Title still around) title.
This is the problem with having the World Title match participants as
champions, but giving it to them for four days made it even dumber.

Trash fills the ring to
end the show.

Overall
Rating: F+.
Well let’s see: #1 contender for the Cruiserweight Title loses to a
non-wrestler, Sid gets beaten down again, the World Champion gets
pinned, Jeff Jarrett still isn’t interesting and Hennig and Piper set
up and blew off an angle in one night with a match barely breaking a
minute. Somehow, this is their go home show (Thunder hasn’t meant
anything in ages) for the biggest show of the year. Russo booking
Starrcade scares the heck out of me and this didn’t do anything to
make it better.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – November 22, 1999

By Scott Keith on 15th April 2015

Monday Nitro #215

Date: November 22, 1999

Location:
Palace of Auburn Hills, Auburn Hills, Michigan

Attendance: 11,449

Commentators: Bobby
Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re past Mayhem now
and Bret Hart is the new WCW World Champion, actually winning the
title mostly clean over Chris Benoit in the Sharpshooter. The next
big night for the company is about a month away at Starrcade, meaning
it’s time to see what Russo considers a big idea. This would be
different than a small match with only four run-ins, a ref bump and a
weapon being used. Let’s get to it.

Jeff Jarrett is in the
back and ranting about how he’s the chosen one.

Opening sequence.

Here’s
Bret to open things up with a very shiny title. He’s finally here
after a long two years but it was all worth it and this title is for
his father Stu. As for things around here, what happened to Goldberg
hasn’t been cool so Bret thinks he should give Goldberg a title shot
at Starrcade. Cue the Outsiders with Hall mocking everything Bret
says, as you would expect him to.

Maybe Bret should take
some lessons from the Outsiders because they took WCW to where it is
today. That joke easily writes itself. They want a match against
Bret and Goldberg tonight and Bret says of course, but Jarrett sneaks
in and blasts Bret with the guitar. Like any good heel, he leaves
with the belt.

Curt Hennig is in the
back and says he can’t wrestle, but he can say goodbye to everyone.
He turns around and sees the Maestro playing the piano. Nothing else
happens, and Maestro will be playing there all night long. Why?
Because that’s what Maestro does I suppose.

Konnan
tells Kidman to stop worrying about his missing camera.

Tony
Marinara is with the Mamalukes, better known as Big Vito and Johnny
the Bull. Vito wants a cheese sandwich, and he says it so
convincingly that I want to buy him a sandwich. They plan on putting
a horse’s head in someone’s bed, then realize they don’t know whose
bed it is. Marinara threatens to call his father the Don and reminds
them that it’s Disco.

Luger is with the
Powers That Be and tells them that he can book Liz in matches due to
owning her contract. They agree, so tonight it’s Liz vs. Meng. I do
enjoy them pretending that this is going to be a match instead of an
angle.

Liz is horrified. Me
too. What a stupid story.

Tag Team Titles:
Konnan/Kidman vs. Creative Control

Whoa!
A match! The twins are challenging. Kidman gets launched into the
air for two to start before the other twin plants him with a slam.
Gerald gets dropkicked down though and the hot tag brings in Konnan
to clean house. We cut to the screen to show Eddie and Torrie in the
locker room talking. Kidman freaks out and runs to the back, even
though they were just casually talking. The monsters don’t really
need the help though as a spinning belly to back suplex gives them
the titles.

Rating:
D-.
Well so much for the Filthy Animals, as they’ve gone from Russo’s
favorite toy to seemingly about to split in the span of about a
month. I can’t say I’m complaining though as they were one of the
most annoying acts I’ve ever seen. The wrestling was fine but my
goodness their talking got old fast.

Kidman
goes after Eddie, but Heenan points out the correct observation: they
were just talking and laughing a bit. Nothing implied that something
was going on.

Goldberg and Hart
aren’t sure how to deal with the Outsiders and Jarrett in the same
night. Goldberg says he’ll fight the Outsiders on his own and Bret
can go after Jarrett. It won’t necessarily be a handicap match
either.

Skye can’t talk Spice
out of fighting Tygress tonight.

With the piano music
still playing, Hennig and Buff agree that there are no hard feelings
about the whole forcing Curt into retirement thing.

Here’s
Hardcore Champion Norman Smiley. He’s the REAL hardcore man around
here. When you look up the definition of hardcore in the dictionary,
you see his tough mug. This morning, he drank a glass of milk that
was TWO DAYS PAST EXPIRATION! It’s open challenge time and here’s
Fit Finlay to scare the milk out of Norman. He kicks Smiley low and
puts on his football helmet for a headbutt. The Regal Roll leaves
Smiley laying despite being the funniest guy in the company in a long
time.

The
announcers recap the show thus far.

Liz can’t talk Luger
out of putting her in this match. Maestro is still playing and has
barely been acknowledged all night.

Hall thinks he’s
figured out Goldberg’s plan. He can’t confirm it, but it might
involve spears and Jackhammers.

Chavo Guerrero is
selling the Mamalukes some gold chains when Disco comes in, freaks
out, and leaves.

Tenay tells Jarrett
that he has a match with Bret coming up tonight so Jarrett throws him
out. Well, he’s got the jerk role down.

Evan Karagias vs.
Saturn

Non-title.
Evan stops to kiss Madusa at the start and gets suplexed out of his
shoes for his efforts. The Death Valley Driver is countered into a
sunset flip for two as we have a hippie coming over to commentary.
It’s Brad Armstrong in yet another new gimmick called Buzzkill
(Heenan: “How do you do Mr. Kill?”) because he needs a
personality. Saturn throws Evan again and puts on the Rings of
Saturn for the quick win. Some champion.

Kidman
yells about Eddie going beyond Filthy Animal business and wants a
match with him later tonight. That could be good.

Eddie reads off a cue
card (some of the most obvious I’ve ever seen) about Kidman not
understanding what’s going on and proving it in the ring tonight.

Vampiro vs. The Wall

Ferrara
and Williams come out for commentary. Well one of them anyway.
Vampiro slugs away to start and knocks Wall to the floor but the big
man kicks him in the ribs to take over. You can imagine what Ferrara
is talking about. The Misfits help their buddy out but Wall shrugs
it off and beats on Vampiro inside. Vampiro’s kicks put him down but
Berlyn comes in with a chair for the DQ.

Wall
isn’t pleased and the Germans come to blows, breaking up the long
standing partnership after all of two months. After they leave,
Williams beats up the Misfits but eats a spinning kick to the face
from Vampiro.

Liz jumps inside a
shark cage because they just have one around.

A limo arrives.

WCW World Title:
Jeff Jarrett vs. Bret Hart

Jeff
is wearing the title after stealing it earlier in the night. Of
course this main events the first hour instead of the entire show.
Bret slugs away to start and takes Jeff into the corner for right
hands and a boot choke. Outside now with Jeff going into the
barricade before they head inside where Bret gets crotched on the top
rope. Back to the floor again as they can’t make up their mind.
Jeff slams him head first onto the announcers’ table as this
wrestling thing just doesn’t do it for either guy these days.

They get back inside
for a sleeper on the champ but he suplexes his way out to put both
guys down. The Five Moves get some near falls and Jeff gets the same
off a middle rope clothesline. Jeff kicks him to the floor and
Creative Control swarms Bret, drawing in Dustin Rhodes to clock
Jarrett with the title. Bret didn’t see a thing and covers to
retain.

Rating:
D+.
I really wasn’t feeling this one as they were all over the place out
there and brawling instead of wrestling like these two could do in
their sleep. But then again, why should either of them care at this
point? Bret’s heart clearly isn’t in it and they’ve wasted him this
long, so why should be believe it’s going to get any better?

The
Mamalukes come up to the Maestro, who has the former Ryan Shamrock
next to him, and ask for some Sinatra. Karaoke is performed in one
of the only times all night that Maestro has been acknowledged.

Luger
is trying to get Liz to come out of the cage. This girls in cages
idea has to be some Russo fetish. She finally gives it up but Luger
says the match is still on. Eh points for making him even more evil.
On the other hand, points taken away for leaving her locked inside
the cage and saying he’ll put it in the ring. After a break, Liz
tries to get Sting to help her but he says to lay in the cage she’s
made.

Kidman vs. Eddie
Guerrero

Torrie
is in a blue swimsuit top and matching blue pants with her hair tied
back. You can imagine the reactions. Why she changed since we saw
her with Eddie earlier isn’t clear. Konnan comes out with Eddie but
Kidman dives over the top to take Eddie down before the bell. They
head in for the first time with Eddie getting hammered in the corner.
That goes as far as it can so Guerrero suplexes Kidman over the top
and out to the floor in a big crash.

After
a whip to the barricade, Eddie takes him back inside for some knees
to the ribs. The camera keeps focusing on Torrie and throwing the
announcers off. I can cut them some slack on this one. Kidman gets
hit low trying a leapfrog and the match slows down quite a bit. The
Revolution comes out to jump Konnan to pick things up and because
that feud just won’t die. The distraction lets Kidman come back with
right hands to Eddie, setting up the Shooting Star but Torrie asks
him for help, allowing Eddie to superplex him down and nail the Frog
Splash for the pin.

Rating:
C.
That wasn’t bad but I could go for anything but the Revolution vs.
Filthy Animals going forward. Hopefully this leads to the Animals
breaking up though as I can’t take much more of their stupid
catchphrases and slang that makes no sense. Or the whole being
thieves that I’m supposed to cheer.

Creative
Control is asked which is Patrick and both point to the other. Quick
one line jokes are Russo’s strong suit. Their next assignments are
to find Duggan (“Big goof, one kidney”) and find out who is in
the limo.

Skye
asks Spice not to fight tonight but Spice has to do what a girl has
to do.

Meng
vs. Elizabeth

Liz,
still in the shark cage, is brought in on a forklift. Meng of course
attacks the cage but can’t break through. Luger offers him the key
and gets put in the Tongan Death Grip as a result, drawing out Sting
with the bat to lay out the monster. He unlocks Liz and they leave
after a non-match. Or did Meng win by DQ?

Jim
Duggan asks Maestro to play Chopsticks.

Lash Leroux vs.
Disco Inferno

Disco
is so scared of the mob guys that he doesn’t even dance and starts
the match quickly. They trade hammerlocks and armdrags to start as
Disco keeps looking over his shoulder. Cue the mob guys to scare
Disco even more, but Johnny accidentally trips Lash, allowing Disco
to take over. Disco stomps away but Lash pops back up with a sunset
flip and Whiplash for the pin.

The mob comes in to
stomp Disco, only to have Lash make the save. Marinara tries to come
in but gets put to sleep and thrown into a white body bag.

Creative
Control tries to see inside the limo to no avail. After a break, the
twins say they have nothing to do with the limo’s car alarm going
off. It should be their limo though since they’re the champs now.

The Powers yell at
Duggan for messing up the bathroom last week, so Russo has been
eating prunes all day. Duggan gets to clean the toilet with a
toothbrush.

Tygress vs. Spice

Let’s
get this over with. Spice is dressed as a schoolgirl and Tygress is
in a leopard print body suit. Tygress easily takes her down and the
fans are dead. Back up and Spice hits a kind of running tackle and
we’re in catfight mode. A snapmare puts Tygress down and the
announcers of course freak. Cue Skye (Stacy, in a leather skirt that
might be nine inches long) with a makeup bag to knock Spice out.

Skye and Tygress put
makeup on Spice. I can’t imagine this story continuing.

We go to the back to
talk to…..MENG? As the Maestro keeps laying just because, Meng
speaks (!), saying he wants Sting in a No DQ match tonight with Sting
using the bat. So Meng is ok with someone hitting him in the head
with a bat. Why would you EVER take him up on that? I know Sting is
stupid but my goodness. Speaking of my goodness, MENG DOES NOT TALK.
This is just a step below WWE ECW having Sabu speak. You just don’t
do it.

Here’s
Hennig for his big farewell. After a hug to Heenan, Curt can barely
speak. He keeps trying but a PERFECT chant cuts him off and he
leaves with tears in his eyes.

We see the limo again.

Duggan finds Russo’s
toothbrush and cleans the toilet with it. You know this is coming
back later.

Cue
Roddy Piper of all people for the first time in about four months.
He rips into writers, ranting about how they put in all these women
and T&A and having a bunch of stupid entrances. This is actually
exactly what you would expect him to say. The mic is quickly cut
off, so Piper grabs a camera guy and takes him to the back to meet
with the Powers That Be.

After kicking the door
in, Piper is stunned to see Russo (well, despite them flat out saying
it was Russo since he debuted, how could Piper know? Did he really
expect there to be a body there instead of just an arm?) and tells
the boss that he has a contract, guaranteeing that he appears on TV.
Russo says Piper has a bad hip and is almost 50 so he needs to go
join Ric and Hulk in Florida. Piper can be on TV though, but it’s
going to be as a referee. Piper fumes about it, then walks to his
limo saying “Yes sir” over and over. Somehow, this fits him
perfectly.

Buff Bagwell vs.
Booker T.

Booker
gets taken down by a nice armdrag to start and it’s time to dance.
They lock up and Creative Control is out before we can even get a
minute into the match. Buff clotheslines him down and they head to
the floor for….nothing. Ok then. Back in and Booker nails the
kicks and the Spinarooni, only to have to nail one of the twins
instead of covering. The distraction lets Buff nail a Blockbuster,
but the other twin distracts the referee so the first can stomp
Bagwell. Cue Hennig to talk to the twins….and then stomp Bagwell.
One of the twins covers Buff and the bell rings because of whatever
their reason is this week.

Rating:
D.
So Hennig spent weeks getting beaten up by whoever Russo threw at him
and then joined them anyway. I’m so glad we’ve moved past that NWO
era and are now getting the same thing from a yet to be named group
led by the Powers That Be. Is there any team Hennig hasn’t joined
since he’s been in WCW?

Midnight comes out for
the save.

The Powers welcome
Hennig to the team. If you can’t beat em, join em you see, even
though he won several of the matches.

Liz offers to manage
Sting against Meng tonight.

Asya vs. Madusa

This
could be gloriously horrible. They’re already fighting on the floor
before the bell finishes ringing. Asya drives her into the barricade
but Madusa gets in some kicks to the ribs. Back in (assuming they
were in there in the first place) with Madusa lifting her up in an
electric chair before firing off even more kicks. Asya slams her off
the top and puts on a leg choke for the submission while Saturn beats
up Karagias on general principle.

Malenko doesn’t like
seeing Canadians fighting for an American prize. Tonight he’s going
to show Benoit how much he cares about Canada with a blowtorch. The
anthem is changing from O Canada to BURN CANADA BURN. This is going
to hurt isn’t it?

Chris Benoit vs.
Dean Malenko

Double
flag match, which is close enough to a pole match that I’m
considering it one. Benoit pulls Dean’s hockey jersey over his face
hockey style, setting up some knees to the ribs. The fans of course
chant USA. I have no idea which flag they need to pull down and
Heenan is too busy making hockey jokes. Benoit heads outside and
grabs…..gasoline. Oh geez this isn’t ending well is it?

Malenko saves himself
from being set on fire (just go with it) with a low blow but Benoit
chops him in the corner. Is that like a Canadian defense mechanism
or something? Benoit stops Dean from getting the Canadian flag and
puts him in the Tree of Woe for a good looking baseball slide. He
whips Malenko in but Dean drops to his knees to beg for mercy. Oh
come on now. Thankfully Benoit dropkicks him in the face, only to be
sent throat first into the bottom rope, allowing Malenko to get the
Canadian flag for the win. Tony makes it even worse by saying you
had to get your own flag but I really can’t bring myself to care.

Rating:
D.
This wasn’t much of a match but Benoit’s dropkicks looked good. It’s
just so depressing watching Malenko have to put up with this nonsense
which he clearly hates doing. At least it was fast though and it’s a
sad day when you have to say that about a Malenko vs. Benoit match.

The
Revolution comes in with a barrel and throw in the Canadian flag.
That’s not enough though as they throw in the American one as well,
but thankfully Bret runs in for the save. He hands Benoit the
Canadian flag and waves the American one because why not. See, this
is where the Revolution dies right in front of you. Russo seemed to
think they were paramilitary or something similar so that’s what
we’re getting: people who hate Canada and the US as well. I’m not
sure how we got here from guys tired of the older generation hogging
the main event and honestly, I’m not sure I want to know because it
might scare me.

The
Powers call Juventud Guerrera into their office to ask about an
expired work visa. Juvy offers the Powers some tequila and Russo
spits it out. He’d like his toothbrush please (you knew it was
coming), despite clearly just being an arm with a voicebox attached.

Meng vs. Sting

No
DQ and Sting is in a t-shirt again. Meng goes right after him to
start, possibly worried that the poly/cotton blend might chafe
Sting’s toned chest. Liz comes out to watch as Sting finally gets
out of the jacket, revealing leather pants. Huh? Sting avoids an
elbow but turns down Liz’s offer of the mace can. The Stinger Splash
has Meng in trouble but here’s Luger. Sting grabs him, possibly to
ask for hair tips, setting up the Tongan Death Grip to give Meng the
win, which I’m sure is totally leading somewhere right?

Liz checks on Sting
post match.

Nash shouts for someone
to come on….but Hall is in the other direction. I don’t see this
ending well.

Goldberg asks his
partner if he’s ready.

David Flair FINALLY
breaks up Maestro’s piano with the crowbar, probably turning into one
of the biggest faces in the promotion as a result. Well assuming the
fans can actually see these segments.

Outsiders vs.
Goldberg/???

Nash
gets to wear the TV Title, which you would think is way beneath him.
Somehow this is the first time Tony explains that Hall is the US and
TV Champion. You would think that would have been brought up earlier
in the night, but we had piano issues to discuss. Now the
stupid/shocking move here would be to go with Sid as Goldberg’s
partner in an act of respect for all the hard fou…..oh of course
it’s Sid so I’m not even bothering with the sarcasm here. They’re
acting like best friends now of course and don’t have the slightest
bit of animosity.

Hall
and Goldberg get things going but Scott throws the toothpick at Sid
to draw him in. The referee actually does his job for once and it’s
off to Sid. Hall is casually shoved across the ring and Sid does it
again for good measure. Tony tries to pass this off as a big respect
thing but it’s just not working.

The Outsiders have to
fight out of a double chokeslam attempt and it’s off to Nash for some
big right hands. A running boot to the face drops Nash though and
it’s time for the Starrcade rematch. Nash gets put with a superkick
and I can’t believe this has held together so long. Some good old
fashioned cheating gives the Outsiders a breather but Goldberg just
plants Scott with a powerslam. Another cheap shot slows Goldberg
down so Sid hits one of his own (with the bandaged arm) on Hall to
even things out.

Nash comes in for the
standard corner offensive package and it’s back to Hall for a front
facelock. Old school missed tag to Sid gets us nowhere so Goldberg
clotheslines both Outsiders at the same time. Sid comes in to clean
house and chokeslams Hall, followed by a big spear. The powerbomb
connects but Nash sneaks in while the referee is with Goldberg and
drops an elbow (just a regular elbow) on Sid to give Hall the fluke
pin.

Rating:
D+.
This was……shockingly watchable actually. The cheating end was as
tame an ending to a Russo main event as there has been yet and this
was a really by the book, standard tag formula power match. I mean,
it wasn’t anything good but for a TV main event in this era to
actually be calm and follow the rules is stunning.

Goldberg and Nash fight
until security pulls them apart to end the show.

Overall
Rating: D.
It’s a slightly better show this week with a few less things to get
annoyed at, but the Maestro thing got annoying in a hurry. I’m still
trying to get over that main event though as it was a totally calm
and rational match without a bunch of insanity throughout. It’s nice
that they’re focusing on Starrcade already but the stuff in the
middle is going to hurt them in the long run. I mean, do we need to
see the Revolution trying to burn flags or the Hennig nonsense? It’s
also annoying that Luger and Sting have one of the most logical
stories on the roster while everyone else is a mess. Fix that and
the show will improve.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – November 8, 1999

By Scott Keith on 1st April 2015

Monday Nitro #213

Date: November 8, 1999

Location: Conseco
Fieldhouse, Indianapolis, Indiana

Attendance: 8,134

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

With less than two
weeks to go until Mayhem, we have a long stretch of tournament
matches to still get through. The question now is can any match
break ten minutes. I don’t remember the last time we reached that
point, but it’s a very rare sight in Russo Land. Hopefully things
start to make a bit more sense but I wouldn’t get my hopes up. Let’s
get to it.

We open in the
production truck with Sid telling a production guy to play a tape
when he gives him a cue.

Here’s
Sid in the arena with something to say. I can’t see this ending
well. The Outsiders think he’s dumb, but he’s not as dumb as he
looks. This brings him to Goldberg, who quit at Halloween Havoc.
The tape is cued up and we see Goldberg beating on Sid as Sid shouts
I QUIT. That’s it. Seriously, that’s it. This brings out the
Outsiders with Hall carrying the US Title.

Wait a minute. Hall
took the belt from Sid, who wasn’t champion when he took it from
Bret. So does that make Bret Bad News Barrett, Sid R-Truth and Hall
Dean Ambrose? Suddenly my life makes so much more sense. (That’s a
Wrestlemania XXXI reference if you’re reading this ten years from
now).

Hall brings up beating
Sid last week but Sid says Hall was supposed to lay down. Hall
doesn’t lay down for anyone, because that’s how the Kliq works. Nash
wants Sid to call out Bret, but Hart saves Sid the trouble.
Apparently Bret thinks Goldberg is the real US Champion and he’s
going to give Goldberg his belt back tonight. Cue Goldberg to spear
Sid and challenge him to an I Quit match. Goldberg also challenges
the Outsiders to a game of hide and seek. They hide, he seeks and
destroys. Isn’t that the name of Sting’s theme song?

Here are the updated
brackets. Sting and Luger have both advanced due to injuries.

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

Sting

Chris Benoit

Madusa

Scott Hall

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Vampiro

Curt Hennig

Jeff Jarrett

That is one lame
tournament.

Sting
isn’t sure he can trust Luger and thinks Lex has a lot of splaining
to do.

Luger and Liz arrive in
Indiana Pacers gear and try to sneak into the building without being
noticed. The camera on them doesn’t help this.

We look at Kimberly
running David Flair over last week.

Kimberly
arrives and tells Doug Dillinger that David has been harassing her
all week. So why is she here? Dillinger gives her extra security.

Kevin Nash has his
security license and that’s all we hear as we go to commercial mid
sentence.

The
Filthy Animals are in the ring for all their sex based catchphrases
because Russo thinks they’re like DX. The insults bring out the
Revolution, with Dean challenging Rey to a mixed tag with Torrie and
Asya. Rey says it’s on.

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Norman Smiley vs. Kidman

Norman
is officially Screamin Norman Smiley. As he comes to the ring, Tony
announces Hall vs. Sid vs. Hart vs. Goldberg in a Texas tornado
ladder match for the US Title. This would be different from all
those ladder matches where you have to tag. Since Norman is hardcore
now, Brian Knobbs and Jimmy Hart come out for commentary. Kidman
rips off the helmet Norman is wearing and it’s fighting time.

Norman can’t quite take
his gloves off though so Kidman takes him to the ropes for a
spanking, only to get kicked low. Something like an inverted
powerbomb gets two on Kidman and Norman does his spanking (what is
with Russo’s obsession with spanking?) dance while Kidman screams for
Torrie. There are so many connotations there, I don’t know where to
start. Knobbs sneaks in with a hockey stick to lay out Norman,
giving Kidman the pin in barely two minutes.

To recap, Kidman is now
in the final eight of the World Title tournament after needing the
help of Brian Knobbs to defeat Norman Smiley in a two minute match
that saw both men being spanked. This is the brilliant Vince Russo’s
grand solution to Rock, HHH, Austin, Angle, Undertaker and company.

Sting searches for
Luger.

David Flair is lurking
around with his crowbar.

Kevin Nash is getting a
rainbow turban put on. Nash as the Grand Wizard would be….well it
would be stupid actually.

Here’s
an angry Sting to call out Luger. He gets Liz instead, who, after
tripping on the ramp because of her heels, says that Luger would
never do anything to hurt their cherished friendship. Sting puts his
arm around her and says she can be the female Total Package. Now
Luger comes out and says he’s here in friendship and apologizes for
what happened last week. Sting chokes him against the ropes and says
he’ll rip his throat out if that ever happens again. As we’ve known
for years, Sting can be a bit of a psycho.

Kimberly goes into her
dressing room when the lights go out. David Flair’s voice says she
won’t feel a thing. What am I even watching anymore?

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Chris Benoit vs. Madusa

Madusa
actually puts on a hammerlock but Benoit calmly brushes it off. He
tells her to leave and talks to the referee but Madusa fires off some
kicks and a hurricanrana. That’s it for Benoit as he rips off a chop
to put Madusa on the mat. Cue Evan Karagias to get in a fight with
referee Johnny Boone, who easily holds his own against Evan. Jeff
Jarrett runs in and lays out Benoit for the DQ, because this isn’t
the WWF and we don’t hit women.

Madusa freaks out on
Jarrett for costing her a shot at the title.

Chavo Guerrero Jr.
comes in to ask the Powers That Be for his opportunity for winning
the battle royal on Thunder. Russo tells him that the opportunity
around here is selling Amway, so get out of his office. So yeah, no
reward and the battle royal was a waste of time.

Jim Duggan is cleaning
toilets.

TV Title: Rick
Steiner vs. Disco Inferno

Steiner
is defending and Disco is Cruiserweight Champion. A quick
Steinerline sends Disco to the floor, where the kid who has been
hanging around Disco is carrying a bucket. He’s officially named
Tony Marinara and says he’s been carrying Glenn since they were kids.
Tony says he wants his money and it turns out the bucket is full of
concrete. Rick takes it away and hits Disco in the head with it,
setting up a German suplex for the pin. We’re getting a mafia angle
aren’t we?

Nash
is indeed the Grand Wizard of Wrestling and has powder, chloroform
and brass knuckles. He and Hall are ready for Sid and they have riot
police following them around.

We see the Nitro Girls
finalists do a mini routine until AC Jazz comes out and throws out
all the Nitro Girl wannabes. They’re skanks and various other
insults so here’s Spice to call AC a ho, triggering a fight. Who
looks at the Nitro Girls and says they need a story? Who looks at
the Nitro Girls and says they need to exist actually?

Kimberly
is hiding in the boiler room. David is there with her and says his
master needs another bride. In case you’re wondering, we’ve had
about five and a half minutes of wrestling time so far but this is
the third or fourth bit about these two.

Here’s
Dustin Rhodes as Seven for his debut promo. With the floor covered
in smoke, he flies to the ring with the help of some not very well
covered wires. “I want everyone here to take a good long look at
this crap I’m in.” He rants about leaving the WWF because of
gimmicks like Goldust, which completely sucked. It nearly ruined his
wrestling career and he wanted to come back home and just be Dustin
Rhodes. The Powers That Be think Dustin is boring though, so he’s
dressed up as Uncle Fester. “My new name is Seven by the way.”

He won’t have any of
this or Goldust and they know where they can shove it. Last week,
WCW fired Dusty Rhodes so now his mission is to make the Powers That
Be, WCW and TNA all suffer the consequences. You will never forget
the name of Dustin Rhodes. To recap, Russo came up with this
character and now has written a promo where he calls it stupid. He’s
already bored of burying the talent so he’s going to bury himself I
guess.

David is still on the
hunt.

Luger and Liz have a
plan to make up with Sting.

Sting vs. Goldberg

Just
a match and Goldberg’s first match of the night. After a two minute
entrance, Goldberg slugs Sting up against the ropes but gets caught
in a sleeper. Cue Luger and Liz as the referee goes down. They mace
Sting (clearly intentional) and it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the
pin in 2:13. These two should have been the biggest match all year
and Russo has run it twice in fifteen days in 5:21 total. That’s
borderline criminal. Also, in case you have hope for the future,
this is their last singles match ever.

And now, after that
huge match, the Outsiders offer Sid the riot squad when Rick Steiner
comes up and demands Sid make time for him tonight. So Rick is the
clingy ex?

Luger and Liz see
Duggan mopping floors and steal his “wet floor” sign.

Kimberly finds a
security guard and, say it with me, it’s David Flair. What happened
to the extra guards she was given earlier?

Vampiro is now a full
on member of the Misfits. Well sweet goodness I totally want to
watch the show, buy the merchandise and order the pay per views now.
This totally changes my perspective on the company and wrestling as a
whole and I can’t put into words how excited I am to have seen this
thrilling turn of events.

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Vampiro vs. Buff Bagwell

The
Misfits jump Bagwell during his entrance and the referee has no issue
ringing the bell during a 5-1 beatdown. Vampiro takes him inside for
a running clothesline but completely misses a top rope flip attack.
Bagwell fights off all of the Misfits but the referee gets poked in
the eye and Vampiro hits a missile dropkick. I don’t see why we
needed a ref bump for that but I’m still reeling from the
announcement that Vampiro has joined the Misfits so I probably missed
the subtext. Berlyn comes down and nails Vampiro with a chain,
setting up the Blockbuster for the pin. Five people, a ref bump and
a chain. Match time: 82 seconds.

The
Bodyguard beats up the Misfits post match. Creative Control comes up
and beats Berlyn down as well. As terrifying as this is to me, I’m
starting to understand these stories.

Luger is on the
bathroom floor holding his knee. After a break, the EMT says there’s
nothing wrong with it.

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Bret Hart vs. Perry Saturn

Bret’s
knee seems to be fine and Shane Douglas is on commentary. Hart goes
after the arm first but gets caught by a forearm to the face. Saturn
gets smart and kicks at Bret’s recently injured knee which Bret
quickly remembers to sell. A t-bone suplex drops Bret but he avoids
the Lionsault. Must be the Canadian instinct.

We hit the Five Moves
of Doom (Shane: “I’ve seen this before!”) but Asya distracts the
referee as Bret puts on the Sharpshooter. Shane gets up and hits him
in the head with a cast, setting up the Death Valley Driver for a
surprising kick out. Saturn throws him outside so Malenko can get in
some cheap shots but Benoit runs out for the save. Bret gets thrown
back in but escapes a sunset flip and puts on the Sharpshooter for
the win to advance.

Rating:
C-.
Another potentially good match ruined by too much overbooking. Hart
kicking out of the Death Valley Drive surprised me a bit, even though
I know how this tournament ends. The bad side of that is I fully
expected there to be a screwy finish if Bret was eliminated because
that’s the standard operating procedure around here these days: be
screwy for the sake of being screwy.

Kimberly asks Creative
Control for a meeting with the Powers That Be.

Nash does Johnny
Carson’s Carnac bit, meaning he gives the answer to a question and
then reads the question. The answer is 316 and the question is how
many times Undertaker and Austin have worked a pay per view against
each other. Oh get over yourselves WCW. That shouldn’t be hard
given how low you are in the ratings.

Here’s
Booker T. with something to say. He’s alone this week as Stevie Ray
has been suspended. Booker has three things on his mind: Jeff
Jarrett and Creative Control. He wants all three of them out here
right now for a Harlem street fight.

Booker T. vs.
Creative Control/Jeff Jarrett

Jeff sits on commentary
because Creative Control can handle Booker on their own. Booker
backdrops one of them to the floor and forearms the other so Jarrett
comes in with the guitar for a threat, allowing Creative Control to
hammer on Booker. Cue a woman who looks like a black Chyna….and
gets hit with a guitar a few seconds after she gets in. That’s the
end of the so called match as Jarrett and Creative Control walk out.

The Powers That Be tell
Luger that he has to face Sid or he’s out of the tournament.

Asya/Dean Malenko
vs. Torrie Wilson/Rey Mysterio

Torrie
is in a swimsuit top, the bottom half of a dress and very high heels.
She tries to take the dress off but Rey stops her for some reason.
Asya handcuffs Torrie to the ring five seconds in and Rey gets double
teamed. Torrie was really that big of a threat? A suplex gets two
and it’s off to Malenko for two more off a clothesline but Rey comes
back with a one legged dropkick. He knocks Asya off the apron but
Dean kicks him in the knee, only to get sent hard into Asya. Rey
misses the Bronco Buster, setting up the Cloverleaf for another fast
ending.

The Animals come in for
the save as Tony says this was a grand plan. There was nothing grand
about this Tony. Well except Torrie.

Kimberly goes into the
shower and David is waiting for her. Good grief just leave the arena
already. Then again David seems to have superpowers tonight so it
might not matter.

Sid Vicious vs.
Total Package

Liz
wheels Luger down and Lex says his knee is too banged up to compete,
but he’ll be fine for the tournament match next week. This brings
Sting out to beat Luger up and throw him in to face Sid. Sid hammers
away but has to move Liz to get at Luger again. Luger actually sells
the knee (still wrapped in ice) as Sid stomps on it. A big boot puts
Luger down and the riot squad comes out. They stop an invading
Goldberg, then step aside so he can come in and spear both guys for
the no contest, even though it should have been a DQ on Luger since
Goldberg got speared first.

Brian Knobbs vs. Bam
Bam Bigelow

Hardcore
of course and the winner will face Norman Smiley for the Hardcore
Title. Norman comes down to do commentary and asks if Bigelow has
dental insurance because he’s been missing that tooth for years.
He’s already the funniest commentator this company has. After some
trashcan shots they fight into the back with Norman playing Road Dogg
as roving commentator.

They knock each other
into a wall and Norman wants to know where Doug Dillinger is when you
really need him. Knobbs hits Bigelow with a chair and drives him
through a table as Norman screams a lot. Kimberly shows up and has
Bigelow come with her, meaning Knobbs wins by countout. Backstage.
In a hardcore match. This was a way for Kimberly to get some
protection but Norman continues to be hilarious.

Norman beats up Knobbs
and Jimmy and throws them in trashcans.

Kimberly and Bam Bam
Bigelow are looking for David. Bigelow: “If you want to pick on a
girl, pick on me!”

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Scott Hall vs. Lash Leroux

Nash
is with Hall and in the Grand Wizard garb. The riot guard is with
them as well to really overbook things. Heenan thinks the guest
referee for the ladder match is going to be from another
organization. We start with a toothpick throw and Lash is tossed
into the corner. Hall drives in the shoulders and puts on an armbar
to slap Lash in the back of the head. Back up and Lash scores with
some forearms and a dropkick as Tony is really putting Lash over.
The Outsiders have a meeting on the floor and Nash offers chloroform.

Back in and Scott
offers a test of strength and pokes Leroux in the eye. Tony talks
about the tournament and Heenan says he sounds like Dick Vitale.
Tony: “Really?” Heenan: “No.” A chokeslam sets up the Giant
imitation, because it makes sense to mock someone who left nine
months ago. Tony tries to cover for him by saying it’s climbing a
ladder, which is better than most ideas he’s had before.

Hall puts on an
abdominal stretch and lifts Lash’s leg to make it even worse. As
Lash makes his comeback, Tony promises a recap of everything that’s
happened earlier in the night. The fact that that’s a featured
attraction tells you how messy this show has been. Hall stops the
comeback with a discus punch and the fallaway slam. The Outsider’s
Edge is good for the pin.

Rating:
C.
You know what? This wasn’t half bad. Maybe it’s my shock that they
had a match end clean, but this was a totally acceptable six minute
(longest of the night) match. It’s nothing great and nothing I’ll
think about by the time this show is over, but this was such a nice
change of pace from the other “matches” all night that it was
pretty entertaining.

Nash
calls the riot squad into the ring and one of them is Goldberg. You
can figure the rest out for yourselves. Before the double spear,
Nash tries to throw powder in Goldberg’s face. I’m sure Nash had a
plan to get it past the helmet and visor.

Recap of Hennig having
to avoid getting pinned to keep his job. We still have no idea why
this stipulation has been put into place.

WCW World Title
Tournament Second Round: Curt Hennig vs. Jeff Jarrett

Hennig
jumps him in the aisle to start and they head inside with Jeff
grabbing a quick small package for two. They head right back outside
for a slugout with Jeff going after the knee as is his custom. Cue
Creative Control to watch from the stage as Hennig kicks out of a
Figure Four attempt.

Curt fights back and
naturally we get a ref bump. You can feel the ratings triple as fans
just know the referee has gone down in a five minute match and the
excitement cannot be contained! The PerfectPlex doesn’t matter
because no one is there to count, allowing Creative Control to beat
Curt down. They slam him through the announcers’ table and it’s a
countout, meaning this stupid angle MUST CONTINUE!

Rating:
D+.
Somehow this might have been the second best match of the night. I’m
already getting bored of telling Russo that there’s no need to have a
match this overbooked when you have two talented guys in there, but
this was more of the same problems over and over again. Boring match
but at least they had some time to set something up.

Jeff gives Curt the
Stroke post match.

Here are the updated
brackets:

Bret Hart

Kidman

Sting

Total Package

Chris Benoit

Scott Hall

Buff Bagwell

Jeff Jarrett

Kimberly comes to the
ring and says she’s tired of running from David, so come get her.
This brings out David but Bam Bam Bigelow jumps him. David hits him
low and gets in a crowbar shot though, sending Kimberly running away
again.

Post
break, Kimberly is trying to get in her car with David Flair behind
her. She drops her keys but gets in anyway, only to have David break
out a window. Creative Control comes up and chases him off, saying
the Powers That Be will see her now. Why she hasn’t CALLED THE
FREAKING POLICE all night is never made clear.

US Title: Sid
Vicious vs. Goldberg vs. Bret Hart vs. Scott Hall

Ladder
match with Goldberg defending. During the entrances, Tony recaps the
evening and my goodness it sounds even worse. Hall and Sid start
fighting before the other two get there and it’s clear that Sid could
easily reach up and pull down the title without a ladder. Bret and
Goldberg come in with no music as we’re reminded about the special
referee. We could also use a ladder, so here comes Nash with a
ladder and a referee’s shirt.

Goldberg and Hall slug
it out in the aisle and we’re told it’s Kimberly vs. David Flair at
Mayhem. So it’s Kimberly vs. a man stalking her and potentially
trying to rape her earlier. No, of course Russo doesn’t have issues
with women. All four get inside as the fans chant for Goldberg but
they get Rick Steiner instead. He plants Sid with the bulldog and
slugs it out with Goldberg. Hart pulls down the belt but Nash hits
him in the bad leg with a pipe and picks up the belt. Hall climbs
one rung and is handed the belt to make him the champion.

Rating:
D-.
Why did I expect anything else here? It was an overbooked ladder
match and that’s the best idea they could come up with, but at least
Hall is the champion now and….what exactly does that change?
Nothing of course, because titles mean nothing in this company and
are nothing more than a plot point. That’s one of those Russo ideas
that has stayed around, despite the fact that it’s rarely made things
even better.

Overall
Rating: F+.
At what point did this stop being a wrestling show? Somewhere
recently this turned into a bunch of direct to video movies spliced
together. Kimberly was all over this show more than the Filthy
Animals had been recently, which makes for good scenery but some
STUPID moments. She had no reason to be there tonight as she quit
the Nitro Girls and Page is allegedly hurt, but she showed up for the
sake of the plot. Bad show with some watchable matches when they
were given time, but we needed more shenanigans with Luger’s knee or
Kimberly being stupid. Standard WCW fare in other words.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon authors page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – November 1, 1999

By Scott Keith on 25th March 2015

Monday Nitro #212

Date: November 1, 1999

Location:
Target Center, Minneapolis, Minnesota

Attendance: 8,362

Commentators: Bobby
Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s still tournament
time and tonight we get the other half of the first round. Some of
the matches were already announced on Thunder, but I’d actually be
surprised if they remembered those matches after four days. Other
than that I’m sure we’ll see a lot more of the Filthy Animals vs. the
Revolution, which hopefully means more of Torrie. Let’s get to it.

The Outsiders are
drinking in their locker room when Bret comes in to yell at them for
interfering last week. They handed him the US Title but Bret wants
them to stay out of his business. You can see it coming from here.

After
the usual intro, here’s Bret on crutches with something to say. He’s
seen the tape from last week (now there’s something you don’t hear
every day) and doesn’t want to be associated with screwjobs. As far
as he’s concerned, Goldberg is still the US Champion. This brings
out Sid to say it’s his because he has proof Goldberg said he quit at
Halloween Havoc. They tell each other to screw themselves but here
are the Outsiders to break up a powerbomb. Nash hands Sid the belt
but tells him to go to the back. They yell at Bret as this is
already confusing.

There’s a cage above
the ring.

Here are some more
brackets for the tournament.

Chris Benoit

Dean Malenko

Madusa

Evan Karagias

Scott Hall

Sid Vicious

The Cat

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Stevie Ray

Vampiro

Berlyn

Disco Inferno

Curt Hennig

Booker T.

Jeff Jarrett

Double Madusa. Oh joy.

Saturn and Torrie
arrive on a motorcycle but Asya is right there to prevent her from
running off. That’s one of the more logical things I’ve seen on this
show in weeks.

Quick look back at
Savage’s speech last week about finding someone to hand the torch to.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: Vampiro vs. Berlyn

Berlyn
takes him down with a headlock to start but Vampiro does the same to
him. In a match between two people who could be World Champion, the
announcers talk about Torrie. Back up and Berlyn scores with a kick
to the ribs but charges into a powerslam for no cover. Cue the band
the Misfits to surround the ring as Berlyn hits a spinwheel kick.
Vampiro kicks him down as well but the referee gets bumped. The
bodyguard comes in with his loaded glove but the Misfits take him
out, allowing Vampiro to hit him with a chair. Vampiro dives into a
dropkick but the Misfits trip Berlyn to give Vampiro the pin.

Rating:
D.
Someone take away Russo’s caffine. It’s a four minute and eleven
second match but there was a ref bump (I’ll go low and say the first
of three tonight) and FIVE people interfering. I’m fine with Vampiro
pinning Berlyn, but you can easily do the same thing and get to the
same post match stuff with WAY more extra stuff. Does Russo really
think fans aren’t going to stick around for this match if the Misfits
and the bodyguard don’t interfere during a ref bump? I know he’s
delusional but come on.

Post match Berlyn says
screw this character and walks off.

Kevin
Nash says he can’t be Scott Hall’s manager tonight so he’ll be his
promoter instead.

Shane Douglas has
Torrie in a cage because that’s how you treat filthy animals. “Is
this how Billy likes it?” This is Russo’s version of porn isn’t
it?

After
a recap of the Revolution kidnapping Torrie last week, here’s the
Revolution for a chat. Shane calls out the Filthy Animals because he
has an offer for them. Saturn has the key to the cage, so he
challenges Eddie for…….wait for it…….you know it’s
coming……..A KEY ON A POLE MATCH!!! I’m stunned it took Russo
this long to get to one. Malenko rips on Benoit so here’s Chris to
say we should make their match a cage match. And thank goodness
there’s one above the ring.

Kevin
Nash is in a makeup chair.

The Filthy Animals
aren’t allowed into the building so they beat up the security guards.

Mike Tenay is in the
back with the Nitro Girls. Kimberly says Page is so injured that she
has to leave the team to take care of him.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: The Cat vs. Lash Leroux

The
now blond Miller is here against doctor’s orders though the injury
isn’t specified. He slaps Lash in the face to start and punches his
way out of a sunset flip attempt. Somehow being injured has really
opened up his offense. Lash Irish whips him across the ring,
Miller’s knee gives out, Lash grabs a basic leg lock and Cat gives
up. This didn’t even last a minute and the announcers were too busy
talking about Nash’s makeup to notice the match until it was over.

Hart
says either the Outsiders or Sid are going to pay.

AC Jazz and Spice argue
over who is going to lead the Nitro Girls. Why do they need a
leader? Ah that would be because EVERYTHING HAS TO BE AN ANGLE
around here.

The Filthy Animals are
filming Luger and Elizabeth, with the former wanting to know what
Elizabeth is going to do to help in his matches. The audio is out of
sync and the camera crew is shown directing the scene. I’m assuming
this is more breaking the fourth wall, but it might be something a
bit better, like horrible production and not knowing how to run a
show.

Larry
Zbyszko has gone to Scott Steiner’s house to talk about Scott’s
recent back surgery. Scott hurt his back about a year ago and then a
shoulder injury made it even worse. The medicine didn’t help so he
had surgery and starts rehab in 21 days. This didn’t mean much but
an update is nice.

The Nitro Girls get in
a fight during their routine. My goodness just let them be
cheerleaders.

Tenay tells Buff
Bagwell that the Powers That Be have a new surprise for him. Buff
says that’s two for him and zero for them.

Nash is on the phone.

We recap the Nitro
Girls fighting. Wrestling? Anyone? Soon perhaps?

They fight again in the
back. Egads that’s four segments in the first hour. Add “patience”
to the list of words Russo doesn’t know.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: Buff Bagwell vs. Stevie Ray

Wait,
this isn’t ready to go yet either. Stevie says the Powers That Be
have made this a strap match. He chokes away in the corner as Heenan
thinks Nash’s makeup reminds him of a former employer. We’re getting
Kevin McMahon aren’t we? More choking ensues until Buff throws him
over the top to hang Stevie. Cue the Harris Brothers to jump Buff
and that’s a DQ. So the Powers want to screw with Buff by having him
advance in the tournament?

Buff gets away so they
go after Stevie, only to have Booker come out for the save.

Jeff Jarrett is annoyed
people still think he hit Elizabeth with a guitar. What’s funnier to
me is that she hasn’t mentioned it yet.

Here’s
Kevin Nash as Vince McMahon. I guess this is the long awaited
response to the Billionaire Ted skits? Nash says he does everything
for the fans in his best Vince voice, which really isn’t all that
great. He’s the most powerful man in sports entertainment and he
built this place single handedly. In a pre-emptive move tells the
fans not to chant insults at him. He’s a billionaire due to the
stock options but he categorically denies anything going on.

Here’s
his future World Champion who he’ll push as a babyface until people
are sick of him. He’s clean, he’s sober, he’ll work in the main
event against Jeff Jarrett, and he has more than one catchphrase:
Scott Hall. Scott brings Nash a wig and says he can’t follow this
because the Powers That Be told him he’s gone if he has one more
strike and he doesn’t want to burn bridges up north. Hall asks who
picks out Vince’s clothes and thinks they’re from JC Penny. To all
the boys in New York, the attitude is down here.

Hokey freaking smoke
this was horrible. That’s in addition to being stupid, completely
missing the point, ticking off the audience, and being the last thing
they should be doing when they haven’t won a night in the ratings in
a year now. The imitation wasn’t even funny, especially given that
Vince is basically a walking cartoon character. How many of those
jokes do they think the common fan understood? The worst part, I
don’t think they care how many the fans understood, because this was
just for the writers to laugh at and had nothing to do with the
audience, because that’s what WCW is about these days.

Luger
comes up to Meng and tells him that Jeff Jarrett is making fun of him
in the back. I’m assuming this is about Liz getting attacked? Jeff
has been giving out bananas because Meng likes them, so Luger gives
Meng one. Meng eats the banana without peeling it. I could turn
this show in as a psychology project and get an A just for finding
something this insane.

Hennig isn’t going to
retire anytime soon and will beat Disco tonight.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: Disco Inferno vs. Curt Hennig

Curt’s
dad Larry is in the crowd and hugs his son. Disco tries to get a hug
as well but Curt nails him from behind and takes him inside for a
nice running dropkick. Some chops put Disco on the floor where Larry
gets in some shots of his own. Back in and Hennig charges into a
boot in the corner, setting up a swinging neckbreaker from Disco.
The offense goes nowhere but Disco blocks the PerfectPlex. Can we go
back to the Larry stuff? The Chartbuster is blocked as well and
Disco heads outside to talk to the yet to be named fan (ECW’s Tony
Mamaluke)…..and gets counted out.

Rating:
D-.
And that man is a champion ladies and gentlemen. The best part of
this match really was Larry Hennig getting a reaction from the crowd
who remembers the days when wrestlers wrestled instead of imitating
the owners of other promotions in not funny comedy bits. If there’s
a reason behind this Curt gets fired if he loses bit, I’m not seeing
it. Finally, there was no mention of Mamaluke being the same guy
that used to be Lodi’s biggest fan.

The
Filthy Animals want Torrie back and Konnan issues an open challenge
for the Tag Team Titles.

Norman Smiley is
wearing catching gear and dancing.

Nash
is “getting into character. Get it?” It makes no more sense on
screen.

Meng vs. Barbarian
vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore
match. Apparently Madusa is back in the tournament because it wasn’t
fair to have her fight Meng with no warning. Smiley is wearing the
catcher’s gear to the ring which would eventually become football
pads. The monsters fight in the corner but Meng stops to beat him
up. Tony thinks this is hilarious. The former Faces of Fear double
team Smiley with weapons shots until Barbarian hits Meng in the head
with a mop. They do the same sequence again but with a trashcan
instead of a mop.

Norman
keeps trying to fight back but Meng knocks him into the corner and
dropkicks Barbarian down. Meng takes off Norman’s catcher’s mask and
knocks him to the floor where Jimmy Hart rips off the chest
protector. Back to more double teaming of Smiley in the ring and a
stretcher comes out to save Norman. However, it’s a ruse as Norman
sees both guys down in the ring with Meng face first between
Barbarian’s legs. Somehow that’s not a cover from Meng so Norman
runs in to pin Barbarian.

Rating:
D-.
Oh for goodness’ sake. Somehow this match was the longest of the
night at a whopping six minutes and thirty one seconds. I guess this
is supposed to pass for comedy now as you have Norman go from nothing
to being the hardcore idiot, which is better than what he was doing
in theory. Somehow this is going to get even worse I’m sure, but
just let it be shorter. Please?

Norman
does the Big Wiggle on the announcers’ table.

Jeff Jarrett says it’s
time for his public apology.

Jim Duggan talks to the
Powers That Be and says he’s lost a kidney but he can have a bigger
impact in the few years he has left than he’s had in the last twenty
years. A voice (Russo) asks if Duggan is asking for an opportunity.
That’s all Duggan wants, but Russo asks how that will help the
ratings. He’ll think about it.

Sidebar
for future reference: the only people who care about ratings are
either people who work for a wrestling company or people with WAY too
much time on their hands. Stop using them as a plot device, because
almost no one knows or cares what the heck you’re talking about and
it just sounds dumb. Wrestlers fight for championships or to settle
scores, not for the ratings. Also, you lose the right to talk about
ratings after that Nash skit earlier.

Hall and Nash are in
the back and say if Sid gets screwed, it’s because Sid screwed Sid.
Can we at least get a reference to something not almost two years
ago?

Luger
talks to Meng again but Meng doesn’t seem to understand.

Here’s
Jeff Jarrett, who demands Luger come out here and apologize for
accusing him of attacking Liz last week. Jarrett: “This isn’t the
WWF and we don’t abuse women here.” Luger and Liz come out and
admit that they’re not sure it was Jeff, so they’re sorry. However,
Luger thinks it might have been Meng, who Jeff calls a giant ape.
Cue Meng to chase Jarrett off, allowing Liz to mace Meng so Luger can
beat on him with a tire iron. Couldn’t he have done this in the
back? Or during the hardcore match when Meng was out cold? Too
logical I’m guessing?

Sid doesn’t answer when
the Outsiders knock on his door.

Luger asks Sting to
team up with him to go after the Tag Team Titles.

Perry Saturn vs.
Eddie Guerrero

Pole
match with Torrie in a shark cage on a fork lift, wearing a dress cut
lower than this show’s ratings. Eddie is on Saturn from the bell and
takes him outside for a whip into the barricade. The early attempt
at the key doesn’t work though as Saturn comes back in and suplexes
Eddie instead. Eddie pops back up though and nails a SWEET
springboard tornado DDT, but this time it’s Shane stopping the run
for the key.

After a crash onto
Kidman, Eddie runs back in to stop Saturn as I ask the obvious
question: WHY ARE THEY CLIMBING A FREAKING POLE??? I know Russo
hates wrestling but what’s up with the pole thing? Anyway Saturn
superplexes Eddie down and plants him with a piledriver but drops a
headbutt instead of going for the key. Eddie gets back up and sends
him into the cage, where Torrie reaches through to choke Saturn.
With the other Animals going holding back the Revolution, Eddie
climbs the pole and (eventually since the pole is greased. Yes
grease on a pole) gets the key.

Rating:
D.
I’m so glad we built up this story last week and blew it off with a
five minute pole match instead of some big fight between the two
groups to win Torrie’s freedom. Instead, Eddie climbed up the pole
and got the key to the shark cage to get her off the forklift.
Somehow, a week is a long build up for Russo. That sums up so many
of his problems.

Torrie
is freed and that’s that.

The Outsiders are in
the back and “McMahon” tells Sid to trust him. Sid goes into a
rant about getting screwed when he left the WWF so Nash takes off the
wig and Sid starts laughing. For the far too many-th time tonight,
what in the world are they talking about?

Luger is now focused on
the Tag Team Title shot.

Tag
Team Titles: Konnan/Kidman vs. Sting/Total Package

Sting
and Luger are challenging. Tony’s horrible sense of timing continues
as he says last week’s 13 second Sting vs. Knobbs “match” was
about two minutes long. Package starts by posing but Sting cleans
house instead. We finally settle down to Kidman vs. Luger with Lex
laughing at him until a dropkick puts him down. Luger tries to get
up but grabs his knee. He crawls over to Sting for a tag as Konnan
comes in to clean house. It’s so bad that Mysterio and Guerrero come
in for the DQ beatdown of Sting. Another angle instead of a match.

The
Animals destroy Sting and beat him down with the bat. So is Sting
back to being a face like he should have been all along? That might
be the first thing Russo has gotten right. The Animals leave so
Sting yells at Luger.

Hall
says he’ll lay down for Sid tonight. Nash says he did these skits
because he’s the only giant left (remember that he’s saying this to
SID) and has no booking power.

Sting
looks for the Animals, because somehow they’re a main event level
group all of a sudden.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Booker T. vs. Jeff Jarrett

Jeff
goes after him in the aisle but the referee takes the guitar away,
allowing Booker to come back with some right hands. They fight into
the ring where Booker nails a spin kick and spinning forearm, only to
get sent outside for some whips into steel objects. The Harris
Brothers are on the stage as Jeff clotheslines Booker down and puts
on a sleeper.

Booker escapes and hits
his usual finishing sequence, only to have the bald guys throw in a
guitar. With one of them offering a distraction, Jeff nails Booker
with the guitar. Despite seeing the guitar come in, being maybe two
weeks from the guitar hitting Booker in the head and DIVING OVER THE
BROKEN PIECES, Robinson counts the pin.

Goldberg is on the set
of Slam (the name of Ready to Rumble, even though Tenay used the name
Ready To Rumble earlier in the night) and wants to kill Sid and the
Outsiders.

The Nitro Girls are
still fighting so Nash comes in and says save it for the pay per
view.

Evan Karagias wants to
be Madusa’s friend after their match tonight.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. Evan Karagias

Madusa
gropes him to start but then shoves his hat off. Evan grabs her from
behind but rubs her legs. She lays down but Evan pulls her up, only
to get kissed down to give Madusa the pin in another nothing angle
disguised as a match.

David Flair talks to
his crowbar.

WCW World Title
Tournament First Round: Chris Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

In
a cage. Malenko (who got a jobber’s entrance. IN A CAGE MATCH?)
chokes him down in the corner to start but Benoit comes back with
shots to the ribs and a powerbomb, sending Malenko head first into
the top of the cage for a bonus. Benoit chops away and dropkicks him
into the cage, only to miss another dropkick so Malenko can catapult
him into the steel.

A few battering rams
send Benoit head first into the cage, but he escapes a third one and
plants Malenko with a tombstone in a nice counter. Chris slits his
throat and goes up, only to have Malenko pop up and superplex Benoit
off the top. Cue Saturn with a chain, but Benoit intercepts the pass
to Malenko and knocks Dean cold (like ice man). With no real need to
other than to finally wake up the crowd, Benoit goes up top and nails
a HUGE Swan Dive from the top of the cage for the pin.

Rating:
C+.
90% of that is for the Swan Dive alone. Thankfully they let this
have some time (four and a half minutes is time in Russo World) as
Benoit and Malenko could have a good match in their sleep. I’m glad
to see Benoit rising above the rest of the midcard and he deserves
this more than Malenko (not that he doesn’t deserve a push of his
own).

Cue
the Revolution to chain Benoit to the cage. Before they can get much
further though, the Filthy Animals come out for the save but David
Flair comes out to crowbar all of them down. Konnan tries to get out
but Sting comes in to beat him down. Patience Russo, patience. I
assure you it won’t hurt anything and you can get all your nonsense
in every week.

David
Flair leaves and gets run down by a car. Kimberly gets out and pokes
him before getting back in and driving away. I think the whiplash
I’m getting from these fast angles is worse than whatever is wrong
with David.

Nash
is down in the back and says Bret did it. Russo trope: someone being
down when we didn’t see the attack.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Sid Vicious vs. Scott Hall

Sid
has the US Title on. They talk trash until Sid pokes him in the
chest to put Hall down. Sid covers but Hall tries a small package
for two. The bigger guy is ticked off and pounds Sid against the
ropes before getting two off a backbreaker. Sid chokes even more as
the fans want Goldberg. The cobra clutch has Hall in trouble but
Hall fights back with right hands. A chokeslam drops Hall again but
the referee goes down because we need to fill the quota. Bret comes
out and breaks his crutch over Sid’s back, allowing Hall to cover for
the pin.

Rating:
D-.
At least the show is over and at least this story makes something
resembling sense. The fact that I can map out the story from
beginning to end and (if I ignore the Vince stuff) make sense of it
tells me that it’s probably the best story on the show. Now if only
we can get a match to go five minutes.

Hall gets the title to
end the show.

Here
are the updated brackets, assuming they don’t switch things up:

Bret Hart

Perry Saturn

Norman Smiley

Kidman

Total Package

???

Meng

Sting

Chris Benoit

Madusa

Scott Hall

Lash Leroux

Buff Bagwell

Berlyn

Curt Hennig

Jeff Jarrett

Overall
Rating: D-.
Yet somehow, this was a step in the right direction from last week.
They cut down on some of the stupid stuff, but at the same time
cranked up some of the other problems. The Vince McMahon stuff
wasn’t funny, didn’t lead anywhere and seemed to be there to make
Russo laugh. That MIGHT have gone over better today since Vince has
basically turned into an insane man from time to time, but this was
just one big inside joke that got TV time.

The
wrestling sucked tonight but that goes without saying on a Russo
show. This tournament is a mess, but next week will only (in theory
at least) have half the matches of the first two weeks. Multiple
tournament matches were turned into gimmick matches, because
apparently I’ll care about Stevie Ray vs. Bagwell in a strap match.

At
least there are a few stories taking shape, even if they’re not very
good. Unfortunately for every Revolution vs. Filthy Animals, there’s
a Buff Bagwell REAL LIFE story. These “shoot” stories are
getting old fast but Russo seems to think they’re the greatest thing
since sliced bread (that would be sliced bread #1 in case that’s not
clear). Horrible show this week and I see no reason to keep coming
back, especially with two weeks before Mayhem.

Remember to pick up my new book of 1998 pay per view reviews from Amazon at:

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Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – October 25, 1999

By Scott Keith on 18th March 2015

Monday
Nitro #211

Date:
October 25, 1999

Location:
America West Arena, Phoenix, Arizona

Attendance:
9,630

Commentators:
Bobby Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re
finally past Halloween Havoc and as usual with pay per views, a lot
has changed. First up would seem to be Goldberg coming out as both
United States and World Champion, but only the former is for sure.
After Hogan laid down against Sting for no apparent reason, Goldberg
beat the champ in an open challenge, which may or may not be for the
title. Tonight we should find out what’s going on so let’s get to
it.

A
paintless Sting is walking through the back (I’m been skipping a lot
of these segments as they’re literally just people walking) and
shouting for JJ Dillon while throwing things all over the place.

Opening
sequence.

Sting
heads to the ring and calls out JJ Dillon, because last night he
issued a challenge for a fight, not a title match. Dillon comes out
and Sting repeats most of what he already said but throws in that he
was trying to bail them out of a bad situation with Hogan. Why do I
have a bad feeling that’s the extent of Hogan information tonight?.
The title was never on the line, so Sting wants his belt back. JJ
agrees that the title wasn’t on the line, because WCW never
sanctioned that match. Therefore, the title is vacant due to Sting
attacking the referee after the match.

Oh
come on. That’s some very convenient enforcing of the rules given
what half the roster gets away with on a regular basis. Also ignore
the fact that it wasn’t even in a match so why should it have any
impact on th…..never mind. I’m staying out of the quicksand that
is WCW/Russo logic. There’s going to be a 32 man tournament and
Sting can be a participant. That earns Dillon a beating until
Goldberg comes out for the save.

Here
are the brackets.

Bret
Hart

Goldberg

Perry
Saturn

Eddie
Guerrero

Norman
Smiley

Bam
Bam Bigelow

Kidman

Konnan

Total
Package

Rick
Steiner

Diamond
Dallas Page

David
Flair

???

Madusa

Brian
Knobs

Sting

I’m
sure we’ll see the other half later, because I’m sure it’s completely
prepared at this point. Also Madusa is now a man? JJ specifically
said 32 MAN tournament.

The
Outsiders are here with a cooler but Mike Graham comes up and tells
them they have to wrestle tonight. Nash’s retirement isn’t addressed
because that’s in the old regime or something.

Norman
Smiley says last night’s match was amusing and thinks Bigelow is
tough. Oh and he likes to dance. If Russo being in charge means
more short interviews for people who don’t often get TV time, maybe
he’s not all bad.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Norman Smiley vs. Bam Bam Bigelow

Norman
is terrified so Bigelow decides this is going to be a hardcore match.
Bigelow throws in weapons as Norman hides behind the referee, only
to get hit in the head with a broom. He puts the trashcan on
Norman’s head but Norman kind of headbutts him and falls with a low
blow ala Sting. It’s time to dance before Norman quickly covers
Bigelow for the pin. This was a mess and didn’t even break ninety
seconds.

Hall
and Nash are in the back and Nash says he can’t work. Hall says he
can’t comment until the top of the hour. He won’t listen to Mike
Graham either.

Recap
of the Filthy Animals vs. Ric Flair.

Here
are the Filthy Animals with Torrie sporting a shiny silver outfit
that Kidman really seems to enjoy. Eddie talks about how WCW will
never be able to break the team up. Now Ric Flair has been coming
after them, so look at this tape to see what happened. The video
show Ric being dragged away to what looks like the desert and being
buried in sand. Egads this is really happening.

Kidman
says Flair is done and Harlem Heat is next. Mysterio cuts him off
from swearing and gives the mic to Konnan for some bad catchphrases,
one of which involves the Filthy Animals being in heat. Cue Malenko
and Saturn to destroy the Animals, but Torrie runs off, only to get
caught by Shane Douglas and Asya. Well they tried to murder Flair so
I’m not sure I can sympathize with them when one of their members is
kidnapped.

Curt
Hennig doesn’t like the Powers that Be and if he gets pinned he’s
fired. Why you ask? The better question is why would you ask “why
you ask?” You should know by now that you’re never getting a clear
answer to most of the logical questions this show brings up.

The
Outsiders drink coffee, potentially to sober Hall up.

Curt
Hennig vs. Lash Leroux

If
Hennig gets pinned he’s fired. Hennig hammers away in the corner to
start and hiptosses Lash across the ring for two. Disco Inferno
comes out to praise Lash on commentary but gets interrupted by Curt
ramming Lash into the table. They head back inside with Hennig
getting two off a knee lift as this is a total squash so far, meaning
you can expect a swerve soon. Lash comes back with some right hands
and dropkicks before loading up Whiplash, only to have Hennig hit the
referee for the DQ. Well he didn’t get pinned.

Hennig
lays out Lash and Disco with a chair.

The
Filthy Animals are looking for Torrie.

A
limping Bret Hart arrives.

Here
are the Nitro Girls for the Nitro Girls search stuff but Jeff Jarrett
comes out to interrupt. Jeff threatens to stroke each one of them
and says this tournament is a big work. See, he’s the next champion
and if Luger disagrees, he can take the Lex Express out of town.
Amazingly enough, no one responds to the five year old reference. Oh
and he didn’t hit Elizabeth last week. Their big plan to get Jarrett
over as a heel is to break up the Nitro Girls stuff? He’ll be out
popping Goldberg in two weeks at this rate.

Sid
says the war with Goldberg is far from over.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Perry Saturn vs. Eddie Guerrero

Saturn
threatens to make Torrie disappear if the Animals interfere. The
Animals leave but Eddie jumps him from behind for the early
advantage. He goes after the leg as the fans are entirely behind
him, because I guess they see kidnapping Torrie as a good thing.
Guerrero uses his wrist tape to tie the leg to the ropes for some
hard kicks but Saturn quickly rips it off.

A
hot shot and gutbuster change control though and Saturn cranks on an
abdominal stretch. Eddie’s ribs are draped over the top rope before
they head outside with Saturn whipping him into the barricade.
They’re flying through this as you can almost feel the shenanigans
coming. Cue David Flair with a crowbar to nail Eddie in the ribs,
setting up the Rings of Saturn to give Saturn the win.

Rating:
C. That’s the match of the
night isn’t it? At the end of the day, you need more than four
minutes to get anything special going and even guys like Saturn and
Guerrero can only only do so much. The David Flair stuff makes sense
as he would be upset at Torrie and doesn’t want her to be rescued,
but it’s another case of throwing so much into one show that you
can’t process it all.

Saturn
runs from the invading Animals.

Hall
and Nash don’t want to fight so they come up with ways of shutting
down the show. Nash’s
best idea: strip naked in the ring.

The
Revolution has Torrie held hostage in a secret location. Does anyone
ever think of just flagging down the cameraman and asking where they
just came from? Malenko
walks out of the room but Benoit jumps him behind and lays wastes to
him, clearly swearing without being censored.

Here
are the Outsiders, potentially for stripping. Hall does the Survey
and says they’ve been partying in Vegas, but had to come here for the
real party. Nash says no
one is going to tell them what to do, but Goldberg pops up to
threaten them with violence later in the night. The Outsiders jumped
Goldberg before the Sid match last night so we have Goldberg’s next
feud. We don’t have an explanation for Nash’s retirement before
forgotten but you can’t have everything. Or anything around here
these days actually.

Here
are Randy Savage and Gorgeous George, clad in sparkly red attire
because it makes George look good and Savage look…..well like
Savage actually. Savage
says it’s been awhile but Russo and the rest of the vultures in the
back aren’t going to see him hang himself on live TV. However,
George is right when she says he’s well hung.

You
can’t kill off the Macho Man like
you did Hogan and Flair. The
yellow and red and Space Mountain have played themselves out but
Savage is still legit. It’s
time that he passes the torch to the next superstar to win World
Titles, set ratings records
and be even better than he was. I
don’t think he would be seen for another six months.

The
Animals find the Revolution’s dressing room (hint: it was labeled
REVOLUTION) but there’s no Torrie.

The
Revolution tries to get Malenko to chill.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Madusa vs. ???

And
it’s Meng. I’m assuming there’s a joke here that I’m not smart
enough to get. Madusa fires off punches and kicks which are sold as
well as an air conditioner at the North Pole. Meng goes after her
but stops to look at her chest, earning him an eye poke. So this is
a comedy match? Some choking and a missile dropkick have no effect
on Meng so she jumps on his back, gets flipped over and the Tongan
Death Grip is good for the win.

Evan
Karagias of all people comes out to check on Madusa, but Dean Malenko
comes out to challenge Benoit to a last man standing match tonight.
There’s no connection between Malenko and Karagias. Russo just
doesn’t know what it means to wait a second.

Nash
is taping up.

Curt
Hennig and Brad Armstrong are backstage. Brad has been told to leave
until he finds a personality and the Powers that Be suggest he call
his little brother. I’m getting a headache and we’re not even
halfway done with this mess.

Bret
has his leg looked at.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Total Package vs. Rick Steiner

Please
keep up the short trend here. We get the full monty of WCW’s bad
production here as Tony asks for stills of Bret vs. Lex, has to stall
for about 45 seconds before they come up, has to ignore Rick
Steiner’s music starting and stopping during the stills, and then we
miss the opening of the match because of Benoit vs. Steiner stills.
I mean dude, even TNA has their stuff together better than this.

Luger
hammers on him to start with his usual array of kicks and forearms as
Jarrett comes out to do commentary. Steiner fights back and sends
Luger into the buckle as Jeff talks about how he didn’t attack Liz
last week because he isn’t that kind of a man. Tony brings up the
WWF but Jeff says these are different days. Jeff goes after Liz but
Luger makes a save, only to have Jarrett’s guitar shot hit Steiner by
mistake. Liz freaks out so Luger checks on her, only to drop her so
he can beat the ten count back in to win another short (sweet) match.
This would be about three weeks’ worth of story crammed into a few
minutes.

Liz
isn’t happy.

Konnan
threatens to hurt the Revolution if they harm Torrie and also speaks
on cheese.

Benoit
tapes his hands.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Konnan vs. Kidman

Time
for a stable battle. Konnan takes over quickly and snapmares Kidman
down, setting up a basement dropkick. That’s not cool with Kidman
and they slug it out until Konnan hits the rolling clothesline. The
X Factor is countered with a BK Bomb for two but the referee is
bumped, as per Russo requirement. Cue Harlem Heat to lay out both
guys with finishers, though Stevie doesn’t actually go off his feet
on the Slap Jack. Mysterio and Guerrero try to make a save but
Kidman rolls over onto Konnan to advance. This looked like a back
door out of having partners fight, but more than likely Russo had no
idea what he booked.

Eddie
has to calm Konnan and Kidman down post match. Konnan agrees and
wants a Tag Team Title shot tonight against “these two mark punk
busters.”

The
Outsiders are wondering who they’ll be facing in their big, and I’m
sure totally serious, match. Maybe the Bushwhackers or the
Kangaroos?

Quick
look back at Bagwell being annoyed at having to job last week.
Seriously, that appears to be the story they’re going with.

Here’s
Bagwell for a chat. He’s going to start breaking all the rules and
doesn’t care about all the sacred things in this business. Last week
was the last time he’ll do a job (oh here we go) for the two idiots
in the back writing this nonsense. Cue the Harris Brothers in the
soon to be named Creative Control gimmick to beat Bagwell down. This
would be the worked part after the real stuff you heard from Buff.
There are a lot of problems with this, but if you don’t know what a
job is in wrestling terms, doesn’t it sound like Bagwell just quit?

Dean
Malenko vs. Chris Benoit

Last
man standing for reasons that aren’t really explained and
both guys are
in street clothes. They
slug it out to start and tumble out to the floor with Benoit being
sent into the barricade over and over. That
goes nowhere so they get back inside, only to have Benoit crotch
Malenko against the post. That’s not something Benoit would normally
do.

Chris
chops away in the corner before a belly to back suplex sends Malenko
down. They’re both up at six so Benoit rolls some Germans, only to
get kicked low. Dean tosses
him over the top and out to the floor for
more whips into the barricade. Back
in and Benoit suplexes him down again for a short count before a
double clothesline puts both guys down but only Benoit beats the
count.

Rating:
C-. This is Vince Russo in a
nutshell: a last man standing match announced with maybe half an hour
notice that gets seven minutes and ends with a clothesline because we
need to get on to all the other AMAZING things he has planned for us,
like three minute nothing matches. How did adding a gimmick to this
match help? Benoit and Malenko can have a good match with each other
in their sleep but they have to add in a last man standing gimmick
for the sake of adding one in, thereby making it look like a less
important gimmick going forward. Well done in just seven minutes.

Post
match the Filthy Animals come out but Douglas (with his arm in a
cast) and Saturn show up on stage with Asya holding Torrie. Shane
babbles about hurting Torrie and Dean is allowed to leave. The
Animals chase after him and get to the parking lot where both groups
speed away. I guess this is action adventure or something? Also,
no explanation for why Malenko did what he did last night. I’m not
expecting any reason after this point.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Sting vs. Brian Knobs

Two
ball bat shots to the chest for the pin
in thirteen seconds. Yeah
that’s going to keep Sting a heel. To
recap, the brackets said Sting vs. Knobbs, Tony said Sting vs.
Morrus, Sting actually fought Knobbs. Conclusion:
Tony Schiavone is incompetent.

The
Outsiders talk strategy for later.

Bret
Hart has a hairline fracture but is going to fight Goldberg anyway.

Tag
Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Kidman/Konnan

Harlem
Heat is defending. Stevie
hammers Konnan down to start and stomps Kidman on the apron. All
hail King Stevie. More
pounding ensues until Konnan clotheslines both champs down for a
breather. Off to Kidman but he eats a clothesline as well to give
Stevie control again. It’s
quickly back to Konnan with Booker taking over with right hands and a
side slam. The champs start
double teaming Konnan as
I guess they’re heels tonight, despite the fans being all over the
Animals earlier in the night.

Stevie
knees him down and cranks on an armbar. Back
to Booker who misses the ax kick, allowing the hot tag to Kidman. A
quick Dudley Dog staggers Booker but Stevie comes back in to set up a
Hart Attack with a Harlem Side Kick instead of a clothesline. Konnan
gets back up and goes after Booker, allowing Kidman to load up
another Dudley Dog, only to have Stevie counter with a bridging belly
to back suplex, but Kidman raises his shoulder for the pin and the
titles.

Rating:
D+. Well
that happened. Was there any reason to not just give Kidman and
Konnan the belts last night? Other than a “shocking” title
change that is? The match was nothing to see, again mainly due to
time, even though this was one of the longer matches of the night at
just over five minutes. Sign
of the Russo times: that’s the third title change, not counting the
belts being vacated, in eight days.

Goldberg
says he’s always been brutal and the match with Sid was just showing
that side.

WCW
World Title Tournament First Round: Diamond Dallas Page vs. David
Flair

Kimberly
grabs the mic and starts up the catchphrases in that great acting
voice of hers. Page wants Flair out of the ring and grabs him by the
neck before kissing him on the cheek. He
makes the mistake of turning his back on the crazy man though,
allowing David to get in some crowbar shots. Kimberly gets in to
call David off and he leaves as Page is looked at by medics. No
match.

Outsiders
vs. ???

The
Outsiders are in street clothes. Cue
the Harris Brothers…..who step aside so a bunch of porn chicks can
come out, one of which
appears to be smuggling basketballs in her shirt. The
bell rings and my goodness they’re actually doing this. Tony:
“The Powers that Be are looking for ratings and they’re going to
get them!”

Hall
starts with the blonde but doesn’t know where to put his hands. She
headlocks him into her chest and this is dying before my eyes. More
“comedy” ensues and Hall does the Flair Flop, earning him a
spank. The fans clap for
the hot tag and Nash is all fired up for the other blonde. He
gets the laughably enhanced brunette but both Outsiders lay down for
a double pin. You think I’m rating this?

Goldberg
comes out to clean house before the brunette can take her top off.

US
Title/WCW World Title Tournament First Round: Goldberg vs. Bret Hart

This
is for Goldberg’s US Title for no apparent reason. Bret
limps down to the ring because of the leg injury over the last few
weeks. Goldberg takes him
into the corner and gives a clean break. Instead
it’s the gorilla press into a powerslam to plant Bret but Goldberg
doesn’t want to follow up.

A
leg lock has Bret in trouble but he’s right next to the ropes. Bret
gets dropped again as this is coming off like an angle instead of a
match. Goldberg stomps away
in the corner and pulls Bret out by the leg. Another
leg lock makes Bret scream so Goldberg lets go and demands that the
referee stop it. Bret says keep going so Goldberg throws him back
to the mat.

Goldberg
charges into the good foot in the corner and Bret puts on a sleeper.
That goes as well as you
would expect with Goldberg throwing Bret onto the referee. Hart
is thrown outside so cue the
Outsiders and Sid (in his gear due to reasons of insanity) to
lay Goldberg out. Somehow
the referee looks at this and doesn’t call for a DQ, allowing Bret to
crawl back inside for the pin, even though Goldberg was sitting up
when Hart got back in.

Rating:
D+. This was kind of a mess but
not as bad as it could have been, again due to having more time
(nearly EIGHT minutes!).
However, it does make the events of last night seem like a big waste
of time. Was there any reason to have Luger make Bret give up if
Bret is winning the US Title here? Or to have Goldberg win two
titles in one night and then lose both twenty four hours later? What
a mess, but this was one of the less messy messes of the night.
Also, this is another
potential Starrcade main event thrown away for free on TV. Yeah
there would be a rematch, but this wasn’t really making me want to
see them again.

Here
are the updated brackets for the first half of the tournament.

Bret
Hart

Perry
Saturn

Norman
Smiley

Kidman

Total
Package

Diamond
Dallas Page/David Flair (no winner so it’s not clear)

Meng

Sting

What
a glorious set of options.

Overall
Rating: F. When the best things
I can think of on a show are Torrie and Kimberly looking good, you
can tell it’s been a waste of three hours. The
title matches ranged from a
series of quick ways out of having a match to adding angles to
matches so Russo can cram every single thing he can think of into the
show. It’s been said that
Russo wants nothing to do with wrestling and that was never more
clear than here.

One
thing he does love though is the Filthy Animals, who were all over
this show. Their story made
sense for the most part, but it’s very clear that the audience is
already having problems with who they’re supposed to cheer for.
That’s the shades of gray idea that Russo likes to use, which still
doesn’t seem to work 90% of the time.

This
was a huge mess with WAY too much stuff going on to keep track of
anything. I watched this show over the span of about twenty four
hours and I’m struggling to remember half of what happened on it.
None of the things you see
has the chance to stick with you because they have to get on to the
next idea. There was a line from HHH when he was on Austin’s podcast
that would really serve Russo well: there’s always next week. It’s
ok to let something play out on one show and do something next week
(or on Thunder to make that show actually mean something for a
change).

Here’s
the thing: yeah the WWF is pretty lame right now with all the sports
entertainment nonsense, at least it made sense and had the charisma
to carry things through. This
show feels like someone watched Raw and said “I CAN DO THAT!” and
got a job running a wrestling comp……oh dear goodness that’s
pretty much what happened isn’t it? Maybe this is Russo getting his
first ideas out of the way early and it’ll get better later, but for
now though, the Russo Era is terrifying.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – October 18, 2015

By Scott Keith on 11th March 2015

Monday
Nitro #210

Date:
October 18, 1999

Location:
First Union Center, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Attendance:
7,413

Commentators:
Tony Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s
the go home show for Halloween Havoc but more importantly, Russo and
Ferrara are officially in charge tonight. That’s going to lead to
some very rapid changes around here and that’s not a good sign before
the pay per view. In theory it would make sense to do Halloween
Havoc and then let them take over, but this is WCW after all. Let’s
get to it.

We
open with Sid arriving in a limo and wearing a suit, flanked by
attorneys. Oh yeah Russo is in charge.

Juventud
Guerrera vs. Evan Karagias

Evan
gets dropped by a quick shoulder but scores with a dropkick and
clothesline to send Guerrera to the floor. Back in and Evan shrugs
off some chops but charges into a boot in the corner. They’re not
exactly cranking things up here. A headscissors and cross body get
two on Evan….and here’s Bret to get in the ring and just start
talking. The match just stops because….well why not?

Bret
says that he wasn’t allowed to have an interview tonight and he left
the WWF for two reasons. He’s here to fight Hogan and win the World
Title but WCW won’t let him do either of those things. This brings
out Sting to say Bret needs to join the real world. Juvy is just
walking around the ring as this goes on. They talk about being
screwed (censored) and Bret is offered a title shot tonight. Is
there a reason why Sting’s paint is already chipped off at the top
despite not having any physicality so far?

The
announcers talk about Russo and Ferrara being hired as writers.
Tonight: an evening gown match. So this is why we’ve had a
“division?” As in the three girls that have matches once a
month?

Sid
is advised not to speak. Score one for Russo and Ferrara!

Goldberg
arrives. Why is wrestling so lenient about performers being late?

Back
to Sid, who now talks about Goldberg breaking the stipulation of not
touching him before the match. Nothing here other than acknowledging
what happened last week.

Vampiro
vs. Disco Inferno

Non-title
with Lash Leroux on commentary. Lash appearing offers a distraction
and Vampiro kicks him in the back of the head to take over. Another
kick to the chest drops Disco and it’s off to a shot of the
commentators. Back in and Vampiro gets one off a suplex but the
Chartbuster connects for our second fast ending of the night.

Lash
comes in and gives Disco Whiplash. That’s a very heelish move.

Goldberg
promises to Jackhammer Sid.

Dustin
Rhodes video with him talking like Yoda.

Madusa
refuses to perform in an evening gown match because it’s beneath her.

Nitro
Girls search stuff and FINALLY Stacy Keibler shows up. However, Buff
Bagwell cuts them off and says the internet has been talking about
how he’s taking WCW to the top. See, he heard that Russo and Ferrara
were high on him during an internet interview. This is the kind of
breaking the fourth wall stuff that I can’t stand and Russo loves for
whatever reason, ignoring the fact that it’s almost never drawn a
dime. But hey, I’m sure he’ll have a 300 page book explaining why
this was SO hard on him.

Mona
has never had an evening gown match but she’s wrestled several
matches wearing an evening gown.

Kimberly
is looking for David Flair. I think we’re in the soap opera portion
of the show.

Goldberg
and Sid reiterate the same things they said earlier.

Tag
Team Titles: Harlem Heat vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Kidman

Harlem
Heat is defending and Booker is now in trunks. Stevie elbows Rey in
the face and throws him way into the air on a backdrop. Rey comes
back with the not yet named 619 but gets clotheslined out to the
floor for his efforts. Cue Kidman and Eddie arm in arm with Torrie
Wilson as it’s off to Konnan vs. Booker. Konnan scores with a quick
DDT and Mysterio adds a Lionsault. This is already the longest match
of the night at about two and a half minutes.

Stevie
fights out of the Tequila Sunrise and Booker plants Konnan with a
Rock Bottom. Eddie and Kidman join commentary and brag about how hot
Torrie is. Well you can’t argue that. We see the First Family
watching in the back as Stevie bearhugs Konnan. Off to Booker for a
kick to the face and a double suplex for two, followed by an even
harder kick from Stevie. Well you can’t say they’re not thinking
along the same lines.

Rey
breaks up a cover off a powerslam and is promptly sent outside.
Everything breaks down and the commentators offer a distraction to
Booker, allowing Rey to hit the springboard seated senton on Stevie.
Konnan adds a trip and holds Ray’s legs for the pin and the titles.

Rating:
D+. So we sat through weeks of
the First Family vs. Harlem Heat to give the Filthy Animals the
titles in an unannounced match that will probably be one of the
longest matches of the night? SWEET! It
may make have been several wasted weeks, but I’ll take Konnan and
Mysterio as champions any day, as Harlem Heat has just outlived most
of their usefulness. They’re still watchable and could be far worse,
but at least Konnan and Rey are some fresh blood.

Kimberly
sticks her chest out at David Flair and gives him her motel key
because Page is out of town
and she’s lonely.

The
Filthy Animals celebrate the win but the First Family comes up and
demands their title shot on Sunday.

Hugh
Morrus vs. Meng

Time
for a guy getting a title shot on Sunday (in theory) to get squashed.
Morrus hammers away but
stupidly tries a headbutt. Meng
rakes the eyes and no sells a spinwheel kick of all things before
chopping Morrus around like he’s nothing. A boxing match goes badly
for Morrus and here are the Outsiders through the crowd. Morrus
scores with a slam and hits a pair of top rope elbows but stops to
talk to Jimmy Hart, allowing Meng to no sell again and Death Grip
Morrus for the win. So long logic. It was nice knowing you. Well
at least it was years ago when WCW was actually logical but this is a
step down even for them.

Here
are Sid and the lawyers, complete with a piece of paper. It’s the
contract for Halloween Havoc but Sid rips it to pieces after the
spear last week. Cue
Goldberg to clean house and spear an attorney, only to get kicked in
the head and powerbombed. The lawyer is up in about ten seconds as
Sid says he’ll see Goldberg at Halloween Havoc. Sid and company
leave so the Outsiders laugh at Goldberg, earning them punches to the
face. Just get them back in the ring already. The
Outsiders are ejected.

Bret
Hart promises to give Hogan a title shot if he wins tonight. Sting
comes in and jumps Bret but security breaks it up.

Hall
and Nash can’t get back in the building.

Goldberg
is looking for Sid.

Berlyn
vs. Rick Steiner

So…..Rick
is a face here? Berlyn stomps away in the corner to start, already
with more offense than almost anyone else ever. A
big Steiner Line takes Berlyn down and Rick barks like a good dog.
Berlyn gets sent outside but
Brad Armstrong comes in for a distraction. The bodyguard swings a
chair and hits Rick (not clear who he was aiming for), giving Berlyn
the fluke pin.

Rick
beats up Armstrong post match and
takes him into the back.

The
Outsiders sneak in, high on cough syrup. Seriously.

Kimberly
is at the hotel and strips down to her lingerie, only to find Ric
instead of David. More hijinks later I’m sure.

Goldberg
runs into the Insane Clown Posse (dang it!) and beats them up for not
knowing where Sid is. Good Goldberg.

Luger
is worried about facing Goldberg.

Madusa
starts packing while Mona gets ready for their match.

David
Flair vs. Kidman

Torrie
is with Kidman and kisses him before the match. David charges right
at Kidman and is promptly beaten into the ground. A
HORRIBLE looking shoulder drops Kidman (imagine the way people would
bounce off Vader but with David running instead of someone running at
him) and a suplex gets two.
Kidman nails a dropkick and a middle rope legdrop. David fights up
but Torrie opens her rope to reveal some rather fetching lingerie of
her own, allowing Kidman to hit the BK Bomb and Shooting Star for the
pin.

The
Filthy Animals hit the ring and beat David up. They’re good guys you
know.

The
Outsiders offer Gene cough syrup. If there’s a point to this I’m not
seeing it.

Ric
is back (about fifteen minutes at most after we saw him) and looking
for the Filthy Animals.

Madusa
vs. Mona

Evening
gown match which Tony credits to the new creative team. This is a
New York evening gown match, whatever that means. Tony
tries to call this a Nitro moment, whatever that means. For some
reason I seem to be saying that far too often tonight. Mona
goes right for her to start and snaps off a suplex followed by a high
cross body.

Madusa
hooks a suplex of her own and hammers away in the corner. A kick to
the head takes out the referee because a freaking evening gown match
needs a ref bump. Madusa
blasts Mona in the back with a chair but
goes after the announcers for no apparent reason, only to have Mona
rip her dress off. We’ll say that’s a win, even though Mona walks to
the back before we have a
decision.

Madusa
yells about “everyone behind here” and tells them what they can
do. It’s censored but I think you can put the idea together
yourself.

WCW
World Title: Sting vs. Bret Hart

Sting
is defending, six days before he defends against Hogan. For some
reason Bret comes from the side of the entrance instead of right down
the middle. During Sting’s entrance, we see a sign saying “Owen we
miss you.” My goodness it makes me sad to think about that Bret
vs. Benoit match after this mess tonight. Bret hammers away to start
and pounds the champ down in the corner before they’re quickly on the
floor. You expected a match to last long in the ring?

All
Bret as he takes Sting back inside and kicks him in the “lower
abdomen”. Sting avoids a charge in the corner and hits a Warrior
splash for two. Back to the floor for more brawling with Sting
choking with a cord. That’s one of the first heel things he’s done
since he turned over a month ago. Back in and another splash hits
Bret’s knees before a DDT gets two on the champ. A swinging
neckbreaker and suplex get two each for Bret but Sting comes back
with the Stinger Splash for no cover.

Bret
gets crotched against the post a few times (as usual the referee is
fine with this) and we hit the chinlock. A knee to the ribs stops
his comeback and the big elbow actually hits. I’m not sure how to
respond to that as I’m in total shock. Has that EVER hit? The
chinlockery continues before Sting misses a dropkick. Heenan thinks
both guys could go for their leg locks but Bret opts for a piledriver
and two instead.

Now
the hold goes on but Sting gets over to the ropes. Back up and Sting
is limping, so Bret hammers on the lower back. What exactly does the
Sharpshooter hurt anyway? Sting gets in a shot to the face to get a
breather but the knee gives out on a suplex attempt. The champ
throws on a sleeper but Bret suplexes his way out.

It’s
Sting up first but his top rope splash hits knees. Cue Elizabeth as
Bret starts in on the five moves of doom. Now we have Luger with the
bat but Bret nails him coming in. The distraction (plus Liz on the
apron) has Bret in trouble and Luger nails him in the knee with the
bat, setting up the Scorpion to retain the title.

Rating:
B. See,
this is called a wrestling match. You had two guys wrestling each
other (mostly) for about twelve minutes before the screwy shenanigans
began. Screwy shenanigan are fine, but let us have some wrestling to
get us there. Bret vs.
Sting could have been a major PPV headlining match, but instead let’s
just throw it away here with an hour and a half build. Such is life
in 1999.

Ric
yells at David for some reason but David says Kidman beat him up.
Papa Flair doesn’t buy it.

The
Outsiders have stolen the Villanos’
masks. Sure why not.

La
Parka vs. Buff Bagwell

This
is actually fallout from Thunder where these two teamed together for
no apparent reason. Literally, La Parka just ran out and helped
Bagwell and they teamed up in the main event that night. Buff walked
out on the match though and La Parka got beaten up instead. La
Parka now has chains on his outfit. You would think he would get a
push already, and somehow he’s more likely to under the new regime.
Buff walks out instead of
dancing so I guess he’s officially a heel. He
casually shoves La Parka away and they trade arm work.

They’re
playing up the idea that Buff’s heart isn’t in this.
Buff hiptosses him down and
stands in the corner. La
Parka hammers away in the corner but misses a running dropkick.
Bagwell gets all fired up but stops to pose, telling La Parka to
kick him in the head. La Parka does what Buff asks and gets the pin.
Oh yay. We’re SHOOTING again.

The
locker room celebrates Buff’s loss for no apparent reason.

Buff
gets on the mic and asks if Russo did a good job for him and wants to
know who else is going to beat him. Ah
so that’s what they were going with. I thought it might be something
a bit more interesting like Buff not needing to try because he was
the chosen one. Why do that when we can SHOOT though?

Anyway,
Jeff Jarrett runs out and
blasts Bagwell with the guitar in his big return after holding up
Vince McMahon for money (totally smart move at the time, but bad long
term) at last night’s
No Mercy PPV. Jeff asks how
he could be on a pay per view last night and here now. He has the
stroke and it’s right between his legs.

The
Outsiders can’t get past security and Nash vomits.

Eddie
Guerrero vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr. vs. Perry Saturn

This
could be interesting and it’s under elimination rules. No one
actually gets an entrance though and the interest is already dying
down. Shane Douglas is on commentary. The relatives shake hands but
Eddie goes after Saturn. Chavo grabs a quick rollup for two but
Saturn starts suplexing Guerreros. A Lionsault gets two on Eddie and
Chavo’s cross body gets the same on Saturn.

Eddie
suplexes his nephew to the floor but turns around for a superkick.
As you would expect, the announcers ignore the match to talk about
the Revolution and how awesome Shane is. Chavo stays on the floor as
Saturn beats up Eddie, only to go after the younger Guerrero for a
change. Eddie hits a big dive to take them both out and they fight
on the floor to fulfill the Russo requirement.

They
head back inside and go up top for a Tower of Doom, but Chavo flips
backwards instead of falling flat, landing on his head instead of his
back for a SCARY botch. Cue the Animals to yell at Douglas but
Saturn dives onto Kidman, only to hit the chair in Kidman’s hands.
Chavo throws Saturn back inside for a frog splash from Eddie for the
elimination, followed by a quick tornado DDT to give Chavo the win.

Rating:
C. This was entertaining enough
(terrifying botch aside) but it was more background noise while Shane
furthered the feud with the Filthy Animals. Is the Revolution even a
thing anymore though? They seem to have split several times now,
meaning I’m sure there will be an even bigger swerve on Sunday.
Also, make sure to have Chavo, who isn’t even on the show Sunday, get
the win over the people in a story. Keep up that CRAZY booking
Vince.

Recap
of Sid vs. Goldberg tonight.

Horace
Hogan vs. Norman Smiley

Hardcore,
because that was big in the WWF at the time. Horace
jumps him in the aisle and makes Norman scream with the threat of a
trashcan shot. They get
inside where Norman stops a charge by kicking the can into Horace’s
face. More screaming ensues. Horace
hammers away a bit more but gets sent into the steps. That
goes nowhere as he hot shots Norman onto the barricade and takes him
back inside for a superplex. Now
Norman is crying. It’s
table time but Norman collapses, sending Horace charging through the
table instead, giving Norman
the pin.

Rating:
D. Well that happened, and
unfortunately this is going to be what Norman is best remembered for.
Yeah he’s a talented wrestler and a solid trainer, but the thing
he’s most well known for is screaming and crying. Unfortunately this
is going to get even worse for him in coming months, but to be fair
it’s funny at times.

Here’s
Ric Flair to yell about Eric Lindros and the Filthy Animals. He’s
been in this sport for a long time now and knows David can be great
if the Animals will just leave him alone. Cue
the Animals to beat up Ric, as well as David on a save attempt. The
Animals rip Ric’s clothes off and steal his jewelery because they’re
heroes.

Elizabeth
is out back with a guitar next to her head. I bet she did it.

Total
Package vs. Goldberg

Goldberg’s
trunks say Team Obake on the back, which is apparently an MMA thing.
It’s a brawl in the aisle to start with Goldberg getting the better
of it, as you would expect. They head inside with Luger scoring with
some ax handles to the back but Goldberg no sells a suplex. A big
superkick drops Luger as this is starting to resemble a match.
Goldberg throws him over with a half butterfly suplex but misses the
spear in the corner. Luger keeps the offense going with a running
clothesline as I’m amazed that some of his matches with Flair were
only eleven years earlier.

An
elbow drop gets two but Goldberg nails a flying shoulder to take over
again. More heavy forearms have Luger in trouble but the referee
gets bumped because what would a wrestling match be without that?
Here are the high Outsiders again to keep up an unfunny angle
(security around here sucks) but Sting runs down with the bat to lay
out Goldberg. Cue a limping Bret to nail Sting with the bat but he
breaks it over the ring post. Bret and Sting get inside with Hart
putting on the Sharpshooter as I feel like I’m watching Raw.
Everything breaks down and it’s the spear and Jackhammer to end
Luger.

Rating:
D-. Luger is the definition of
a wrestler who has his position because he used to be good at this.
At least Hogan was easy to
hate. Luger on the other hand is just a guy with big muscles who
hits people in the back and occasionally uses a torture rack. The
cough syrup thing continues to be a waste of time but that’s the case
with a lot of Russo ideas. The
match was your usual bad brawling before we got to the angle for
another Russo signature.

Tony
promises that this is just the beginning to end the show.

Overall
Rating: D. Oh
sweet goodness we’re in for a long ride. You
can see Raw here but minus people like Rock, Austin, HHH, Edge and
Christian and the Hardys and with shorter matches and less logic than
the Corporate Ministry. I didn’t even mention the shots of people
walking in the back, which is a trend that continues to this day.
Why do I need to see someone walking through the back? Just say
what’s coming next and save some time.

This
is still in the transition phase between booking plans, but instead
of letting the transition happen naturally, the old stuff was ripped
up and put in its new pot. That makes for a very awkward show and
you can see the fans dying from exhaustion about an hour into the
show. I’ll give them this though: it was NOT boring. It didn’t make
sense half the time and felt like a parody of a bad wrestling company
than a show trying to compete, but it was not boring.

On
top of that, the pay per view was barely mentioned outside of Hogan
vs. Sid. I have almost no idea what the card is for Sunday, but I
have a feeling that’s universal in WCW. Finally,
WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THE OUTSIDERS BEING HIGH ON COUGH SYRUP???
What a bizarre show, but
it’s going to get much, much worse.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – September 27, 1999

By Scott Keith on 18th February 2015

Monday Nitro #207

Date: September 27,
1999

Location: Phillips
Arena, Atlanta, Georgia

Attendance: 11,919

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s time to continue
into this downward spiral that Nitro has become. Tonight they have a
major six man tag with Hogan/Hart/Flair teaming up to face
Luger/Sting/Page. Keep that in mind. This is one of the few times
that the show has set up a major match a week in advance and actually
hyped it up. I’ll come back to that later. Let’s get to it.

We open with Hogan
arriving in a limo to sign autographs for fans. Sting sneaks up on
him and speaks in a kid’s voice for a distraction. Hogan, ever the
genius, falls for it and gets hit in the knee with the ball bat.
They’re changing the main event aren’t they?

Quick recap of last
week’s major events.

The announcers preview
the show and oh man Heenan does not sound good. This could be a long
night.

Tenay tries to talk to
Hogan but Hulk gets inside anyway.

Sting says he isn’t
done with Hogan tonight.

Before
the first match, Heenan goes on a RANT, ripping into WCW for being a
mess and telling him how to talk. From now on the Brain is back and
he isn’t putting up with this nonsense. That’s quite out of nowhere.

TV
Title: Ernest Miller vs. Chris Benoit

The
ring looks WAY bigger tonight for some reason. Like bigger than a
modern WWE ring. Cat is challenging after asking for a title shot
and doing his usual schtick. Benoit chops away to start and Miller
immediately bails to the floor. Back in and Chris misses a charge
into the corner and things slow down. Miller has “Godfather” on
his tights. I would make a joke about that being a lawsuit but it
probably was at this point. More kicking and choking ensues as
Miller is rapidly running out of offense to go through. A sunset flip
gets two for the champ but he walks into another superkick.

For a change of pace,
Sonny gets in some kicks on the floor. The lack of Revolution backup
tells you all you need to know about Miller and Onoo’s standings.
Back in and Benoit ducks the Feliner and scores with a clothesline,
only to have Sonny try a choke. Even the referee doesn’t think
enough of Miller to make it a DQ. Miller’s loaded shoe kicks Onoo by
mistake and it’s the German suplex followed by the Swan Dive and
Crossface to retain the title.

Rating:
D+.
It’s nice to see Benoit get a win and for the TV Title to be defended
as it was intended to be for years. Miller losing is always a fun
thing to see, which really does make him decent as a heel. Yeah he’s
annoying and limited in the ring, but the point of a heel is to see
them get what’s coming to them, and that’s what you saw here.
Nothing great but an acceptable match that the fans could get into.

Sid has chokeslammed
and powerbombed a lot of people.

Vampiro vs. Buff
Bagwell

Thank
goodness the Clowns are gone. Buff, now minus the mustache, takes a
kick to the face early on and Vampiro stomps away a lot. In the vein
of Ernest Miller, Vampiro goes up top for a kick this time to really
vary up his offense. Bagwell finally starts going with a monkey flip
before nailing him with a clothesline. Vampiro’s hurricanrana is
countered with a powerbomb and they head outside with Vampiro sending
him into the steps.

A
chinlock goes nowhere as Heenan rips into Bagwell for the new facial
hair. Buff fights up but walks into the Nail in the Coffin, which is
just a regular move now. Vampiro misses a guillotine legdrop and
Buff starts his comeback, only to walk into an enziguri. They head
to the corner for a superplex but Buff shoves him off and hits the
Blockbuster for the pin. So NOW Buff’s face push starts and will
take him up the card right?

Rating:
D.
These lower midcard matches are death for Nitro. There’s no reason
for them to be taking place, they don’t go anywhere, and the best
part about them are Heenan’s rants about how stupid so much of this
stuff is. That being said, I’ll take this a hundred times in a row
over the Clowns in the ring again.

The
announcers talk about Goldberg for a bit and we hear a voice (which
sounds quite a bit like Dustin Rhodes) call out to Tony. There’s a
window shown and the voice says the darkness is coming. Well if the
best it can do is go after Tony Schiavone, it won’t be lasting long.

And
now, to a funeral parlor for the funeral of Lex Luger. As in the guy
in the main event tonight. He’s laying in a casket but his ghost
appears to describe himself as a great man and a great champion. We
cut to a cemetery and a woman in black, presumably Elizabeth, throws
flowers into a grave. It’s off to the arena with the woman in black
being revealed as Elizabeth of course. She comes to the ring to
reveal Lex Luger, who is officially renamed as the Total Package.
Same guy and the same gear, but now he doesn’t have wrist tape.
Literally, identical other than the tape.

Hogan is having his
knee looked at when Sting comes in and nails him with the bat again.

Dean
Malenko vs. Rey Mysterio Jr.

Douglas
tells Dean to take care of this guy but Dean doesn’t want “his kind
of help”. Saturn and Benoit are cool with this decision and leave
but Shane gives a look that says “well screw you then.” Mysterio
sends the Animals to the back and we get a one on one match. They
start fast as you would expect by trading shoulders and armdrags into
a standoff for one of the best exchanges WCW has had in months.

Malenko
is sent to the apron and they head up top for a crash out to the
floor. Back in and Rey escapes a reverse suplex into a rollup for
two but his springboard hurricanrana attempt is countered in a big
sitout powerbomb. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker gets two and the
Cloverleaf goes on, but we need to watch Rick Steiner and Sid arrive.
Mysterio gets to the ropes and grabs a crucifix for the fast pin
before Sid can come out and ruin another good match.

Rating:
B-.
Of course this match doesn’t get any time because we need to see
Hogan getting hit in the knee again because once wasn’t enough.
Again, when you just have the talented wrestlers wrestling, the show
gets so much easier to sit through. I could have watched another ten
minutes of this but that’s simply not allowed in WCW.

Malenko
shakes his hand post match and leaves as a good sport.

Goldberg vs. Hugh
Morrus

Time
for an anniversary match. After the full on entrance, Goldberg busts
out a very good looking dropkick and a superkick to send Morrus out
to the floor. A hard whip sends Morrus into the steps and Goldberg
takes him back inside for a powerslam. Heenan continues to be a huge
Goldberg fan, even now that the filter is off. Jimmy tries to offer
a distraction and Hugh sends Goldberg outside, allowing Sid to sneak
in for a chair shot to the back.

A top rope elbow gets
two for Morrus but he’s a bit shaken up from the impact. Stomping
and choking ensues as Goldberg’s leg is bleeding. Morrus slams
Goldberg to quickly stop a comeback bid and loads up No Laughing
Matter. In a repeat of Goldberg’s first match, he kicks out at two
and hits the usual for the pin.

Rating:
C.
This was far better than I was expecting, even though it wasn’t all
that great of a match. The Sid stuff is already old but at least
they’re pointing at something instead of just having him beat up
random luchadors. Morrus was good for a decent match when he needed
to pull one off, which is why he wound up with his upcoming punny
name.

Goldberg
wants Sid.

An ambulance leaves the
arena, presumably with Hogan inside.

More Nitro Girls Search
stuff with good looking women who still aren’t Stacy Keibler.

Evan Karagias vs.
Berlyn

Penzer
reminds us that the fans are not to make any noise during Berlyn’s
match. You can tell Bischoff isn’t in Tony’s ear as he points out
that demanding something means Berlyn doesn’t get what he wants.
Berlyn hammers away in the corner but Evan comes back with some
generic cruiserweight style offense.

The
evil German hides away but pokes Evan in the eye and slugs him down
even more. A running knee and nice overhead belly to belly have
Karagias in trouble but he’s still able to crotch Berlyn on the top.
Evan hits a high cross body for two as the announcers keep focusing
on the bodyguard. Said bodyguard nails Evan in the back, allowing
his boss to get the win with a neckbreaker.

Rating:
D.
Berlyn is going absolutely nowhere and it’s pretty clear that they’re
shifting the focus over to the bodyguard instead. I can’t say I
blame them as he at least has an intimidating look and could cause
some damage. Other than that though, there isn’t much to get fired
up about for either guy as Berlyn is just horribly boring in the
ring.

Berlyn goes after Evan
again post match but Brad Armstrong makes the save, only to get
beaten down as well. I like Armstrong, but he’s the clearest sign
possible that Berlyn is done.

Goldberg breaks into
Sid’s locker room and steals his keys from an attendant.

David Flair can’t find
Torrie.

Tag Team Titles;
Harlem Heat vs. Kendall Windham/Barry Windham

The
Windhams are challenging for Heaven knows what reason. Tony
continues to screw up continuity by saying Booker was a multi sport
athlete in high school. This goes against Tenay’s often repeated
line about Booker only being in the marching band. Somehow I have a
feeling I’m the only person to pick up on that. Booker superkicks
Kendall to start and hammers him down with ease. It’s almost like
one guy is a Hall of Famer and the other guy is there because he has
a famous brother.

Off
to Barry vs. Stevie with the latter in control as we take an early
break. Back with Hennig working over Booker on the floor before
throwing him in for a beating from Kendall. A DDT drops Booker and
everything quickly breaks down. In the melee, Stevie hits Kendall in
the knee with a title belt behind Booker’s back, giving T. the pin.

Rating:
D+.
These teams have fought so many times that there’s nothing left for
them to do. As I’ve said before, there are so many teams around WCW
but this is the only combination we ever get. A simple change of
pace on the booking staff could do wonders for this company, which
we’re inching towards every single day. Whether that’s a good thing
or not is yet to be determined.

Goldberg calls a towing
company. Your top star of the future ladies and gentlemen.

Rick Steiner vs. Van
Hammer

This
was supposed to be Hammer getting a US Title shot but Sid must be
afraid of vengeance from Slamboree 1993. Rick Steinerlines him to
the floor and Rick laughs as he beats the tar out of Hammer. Back in
and Hammer keeps getting beaten up before grabbing a quick Flashback
for his first offense. Charles Robinson breaks up the cobra clutch
slam because Heaven forbid Rick Steiner have to look bad for more
than ten seconds. Steiner tells Robinson to look the other way so he
can kick Hammer low, setting up the Bulldog for the pin.

Rating:
F.
So in other words, WCW built up a match (kind of) for the US Title
but instead of giving us something that might involve a new guy
getting into the title picture, we got ANOTHER Rick Steiner squash
that no one wants to see. What in the world does anyone see in this
guy that makes them want to push him down our throats as more and
more people change the channel?

Here’s
Bret for a chat. He got hit by a ball bat a few weeks ago but he’s
just a little banged up. He’s back in the ring and thinks Hulk Hogan
is the Elvis of wrestling. Seriously? I don’t really disagree with
the statement but it’s not something Bret would ever say. Cue Flair,
who Bret immediately praises as well. That’s not quite as much of a
stretch but still doesn’t fit. Flair says they need to take care of
Sting/Luger/Page tonight and takes off the jacket to pose. He’ll
ride Liz too if she gets involved. I can’t say I blame him after how
she looked earlier.

Heenan
talks about the mask vs. hair match tonight and says no one cares if
Kidman is bald.

Torrie
is in the Filthy Animals’ locker room when David calls her. He
doesn’t like the other male voices and hangs up. Dude, you had her
for like six months. Go out on that high note because you knew it
wasn’t going to last forever.

Sid is told Goldberg
stole his car keys.

Perry Saturn vs.
Konnan

Konnan
hiptosses him down but gets caught in an armbar for his efforts. A
superkick staggers Konnan but he blocks a suplex attempt. That’s
some of the hardest work I’ve seen Konnan do in years. The rolling
clothesline is countered into a Tazzplex and it’s back to the armbar,
sending Konnan into the ropes. Who would think a match between two
bald guys could be this watchable? Back up and a double clothesline
puts both guys down as we take a break.

We
come back with Saturn cranking on the arm again, sending Konnan right
back to the ropes. A top rope elbow gets two for Saturn but Konnan
grabs a powerbomb out of nowhere for the same. They head back to the
corner with Konnan hitting something like a reverse Razor’s Edge,
setting up his usual finishing sequence. Cue a bunch of luchadors
and the Filthy Animals for a big brawl to throw the match out.

Rating:
C+.
The match was far better than I was expecting but the run-in finish
hurt things as usual. Who would have thought Konnan could keep up
with someone like Saturn though? That’s quite the surprise and a
flashback to when Konnan actually could work a decent match. I’d
assume this ties into the mask vs. hair match later but given that
it’s WCW I doubt they’ve thought it that far through.

Sid goes to his car but
doesn’t find the keys. He heads back inside as the tow truck
arrives.

Post break, the tow
truck pulls the car away.

Here’s
Page for a chat. Page says he’s married to the most beautiful woman
in the world and that’s why the people hate him. He mentions Luger
being gone and the Total Package taking his place, only to call him
Luger a few seconds later.

Various
celebrities are here, including one of the members of ZZ Top.

Quick recap of
Psychosis vs. Kidman in the mask vs. hair match which was thrown
together by Chavo Guerrero.

Kidman vs. Psychosis

Hair
vs. mask and Psychosis has Juventud and Chavo in his corner.
Psychosis hammers away on him to start and they’re quickly on the
floor. The outside stuff goes nowhere so they head back inside where
Kidman scores with dropkicks. Psychosis sends him right back outside
for a slingshot moonsault but Kidman goes for his mask. That’s not
the nicest thing in the world to do and pretty out of character for
Kidman.

The
referee yells at him, allowing Psychosis to get two off a DDT. A
dropkick to the side of the head has Kidman in even more trouble and
a top rope hurricanrana gets two. The other luchadors get in some
cheap shots on Kidman on the floor, setting up a top rope spinwheel
kick for another two count. Kidman misses a dropkick but grabs a
quick sunset flip. They head to the corner with Psychosis hitting a
sitout gordbuster to drop Kidman again but we still don’t have a bald
guy yet.

Kidman
comes back with a powerslam and loads up the Shooting Star, only to
have Juventud pulls Psychosis to the floor. Chavo plants Kidman with
a tornado DDT for two and Juvy sneaks in with a Juvy Driver for an
even closer two. Psychosis is so stunned that he thinks he can
powerbomb Kidman. The Filthy Animals come out to take care of the
luchadors, allowing the Shooting Star to get rid of the mask and blow
the roof off the place. That’s kind of a surprising reaction.

Rating:
B+.
Again, give two talented guys ten minutes to work and let them fly
all over the ring before soaking in a great reaction from the crowd.
This will of course be followed by the fans not caring about the main
event because of whatever reason you care to pick for this show.
This was a really fun and fast paced match though with some great
near falls.

Kidman
quickly rips the mask off and there’s a huge brawl.

Sting, Luger and Page
are coming to the ring. Luger stops dead and starts chuckling until
Page says the red light is still on and Luger keeps walking.
Just……yeah.

Bret
Hart/Ric Flair vs. Sting/Total Package/Diamond Dallas Page

Because
this show clearly has enough power to pull a bait and switch. Sting
shoulders Flair down to start before hitting a gorilla press. Just
like last week, if you watched this match as a stand alone, you would
never know Sting had recently turned. Flair avoids a Stinger Splash
so it’s off to Luger vs. Hart. The Canadian takes over as Heenan
makes more jokes that don’t make sense.

Bret
starts up the Five Moves but Page breaks up the Sharpshooter before
it can do much. Everything breaks down for a bit with Sting nailing
a running clothesline. Tony brings up Liz sending an official memo
to the announcers, forbidding them from calling her man Luger. It’s
a shame he doesn’t bring up Bret injuring all three guys last year
because that might make things more interesting.

Luger
chokes Bret in the corner before Sting draws in Flair, allowing Hart
to get double teamed. A double clothesline puts Sting and Hart down
and it’s a hot tag to bring in Flair. It quickly settles down to
Flair suplexing Sting and going for the leg. Hart takes out Page and
Luger but Kimberly sneaks Luger the ball bat which nails Flair for
the DQ.

Rating:
D.
Totally standard tag match which wasn’t even advertised because WCW
is so much better than WWF about giving what they advertise.
Remember when that was Tony’s big talking point every week? Nothing
to see here as this was more running around in circles before the
“money” matches at the pay per view. Just more dull stuff here
that didn’t advance anything.

David
Flair runs in and gets beaten down. We cut to the back where we see
an empty ambulance and Hogan limps out as his partners and David are
destroyed. Hogan cleans house, gets the bat, and sends the villains
running. Screw off WCW. Seriously, it’s 1999 and Hogan is still
destroying everyone while Flair and Hart look like mere mortals. Was
there ANY reason to not have Hogan in this match?

Sid
goes to his car…..and it’s been completely crushed. He shouts for
Goldberg as we go off the air and I shout about why Sid was actually
in the arena despite having nothing to do tonight.

Overall
Rating: C.
There are some very good moments on this show but the bad ones drag
it back down to reality. The same problems continue to plague this
show: a main event with no heat and Goldberg being wasted on a feud
people don’t really want to see while Rick Steiner suddenly has match
making power and gets to pick who he beats up in the ring without
ever selling for more than five seconds. Two of the three big
matches being changed didn’t help either, which brings me back to
something I brought up at the beginning.

So
with the big main event match announced in advance, here are the
final ratings for the shows this week. Monday Night Raw: 6.8.
Monday Nitro: 3.0. To put this in perspective, back on Christmas
night 1995, Raw only beat Nitro by 2.5. On that night, Nitro wasn’t
on television. From what I can tell, this is the second largest
margin when both shows were on in their regular time slots in the
entirety of the Wars so far. Of note, the only time that beat it was
built around the return of Hulk Hogan. Somehow, neither week taught
WCW a thing and that’s a big reason why you don’t see Nitro every
Monday night.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – September 20, 1999

By Scott Keith on 11th February 2015

Monday Nitro #206

Date: September 20,
1999

Location:
Firstar Center, Cincinnati, Ohio

Attendance: 11,634

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

The question in WCW is
now “how bad can it get”. After last week’s mess, the main event
makes me feel like pounding my head in with a hammer, but the midcard
scene only makes me want to carve hieroglyphics into my stomach with
a branding iron. Russo can’t get here soon enough, and I’m sure
that’s going to be followed with a “what the heck was I thinking”.
Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
last week’s show and the theory that Sting has been having a master
plan for the last three years.

Juventud
Guerrera/Psychosis vs. Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Kidman
dropkicks Psychosis down to start but Juvy offers a distraction to
let the masked man take over. Juvy doesn’t like cheating and comes
in legally with a headscissors before some double stomping has Kidman
in even more trouble. Kidman flips out of a German (apparently you
can’t suplex him either. Unless you’re Lenny Lane) and tags in Rey,
setting up a Doomsday Device with Mysterio hitting a springboard
seated senton instead of a clothesline.

A Lionsault from Rey
gets two but Juvy grabs a quick suplex to take over again. Psychosis
comes back in for half of a double top rope guillotine legdrop (that
was awesome) for two with Kidman making the save. Rey makes a quick
tag so Kidman can hit a top rope cross body to take down both guys as
everything breaks down. Psychosis, not being Lenny Lane, can’t
powerbomb Kidman but Juvy shoves Kidman into a dropkick for the pin
by Psychosis in a big surprise.

Rating:
C+.
Take four talented guys and let them fly around the ring for five
minutes to open the show. That’s standard, common sense booking and
it’s something that is going to work every time. Well, except when
it ends with Sid powerbombing or chokeslamming all of them to
continue a stupid angle but at least they’re trying.

Cue
Eddie and Konnan for a beatdown with Kidman going for Psychosis’
mask. So the Animals are heels? It’s not really clear most of the
time. Chavo Guerrero Jr. comes out for the save and argues with
Eddie, but Psychosis starts ranting in Spanish. Chavo says that was
a challenge to Kidman for a mask vs. hair match next week but
Psychosis doesn’t seem to agree. Since everyone in this company has
match making powers, it’s on for next week.

Quick video on Sid vs.
Goldberg.

Brian Knobbs vs.
Goldberg

This
is actually fallout from Goldberg beating up Jerry Flynn last week.
Goldberg knocks him to the floor to start so Knobbs hits him with
five straight chair shots. As usual, the referee doesn’t seem to
mind. Goldberg blocks a ram into the post and hits a big boot back
inside. Jimmy Hart comes in and gives Knobbs the megaphone for a
cheap shot, but it’s the spear and Jackhammer for the easy pin.

Video on the
Revolution.

Clip of Benoit vs.
Malenko from last week.

Here’s
Flair for a chat. He wants Sting out here right now because he’s
free at last. From Bischoff I presume? Benoit comes out instead and
says the two of them have unfinished business, so after he wins the
title tonight, Flair can have Sting. Despite already having a
guaranteed title shot tonight, Benoit challenges Sting. Flair
ignores this and yells about Sting as Benoit talks about it being his
time after all of Flair’s lies. Ric runs off, looking for Sting. As
usual, the young guys mean nothing on this show.

Nitro Girls video.

Nitro Girls
competition. Still waiting on Stacy.

WCW World Title:
Sting vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit’s
TV Title isn’t on the line and all references to the champ will be
about Sting. The Revolution isn’t out here so it’s one on one.
During the entrances, Tony announces Sting/Luger/Page vs.
Hogan/Hart/Flair for next week. Good to see Benoit getting this shot
in the first hour instead of the main event where the World Title
should be. Feeling out process to start with Benoit missing an
enziguri and getting dropkicked outside.

Back
in and a clothesline sends Benoit outside again as they seem to have
a lot of time for this match. Another dropkick puts Chris down on
the floor for the third time in two minutes. He seems to be more
frustrated than outmatched so far. Benoit scores with a dragon screw
leg whip and dropkick to the knee. Sting is already a million miles
ahead of Sid by actually selling the injury. A bridging Indian
deathlock with Benoit’s hands around the face have Sting in even more
trouble but Benoit has to let it go.

The champ gets caught
in the Tree of Woe for a baseball slide dropkick but the second one
misses, crotching the Canadian against the post. There’s an atomic
drop from Sting as the knee is fine far too fast. Sting totally
botches what looked to be an attempt at a reverse Tree of Woe, nearly
dropping Benoit on his head in the process.

More atomic drops have
Benoit in trouble so he clotheslines Sting down. That earns him a
chinlock for a bit and a knee to the ribs to stop his comeback
attempt. A reverse suplex drops Benoit again and it’s back to the
chinlock. Back up again and Sting avoids a dropkick but gets small
packaged out of nowhere for two.

Sting’s
top rope splash hits knees and Benoit has an opening. The Stinger
Splash misses as well and Benoit nails the Swan Dive for a close two.
The Crossface goes on but Sting is right next to the ropes. Benoit
puts on a sleeper instead but the counter takes out the referee. A
piledriver has Sting in even more trouble but there’s no referee to
count the cover. Benoit’s German suplex gets the same result until
Luger runs in with a bat shot to the ribs for the pin to retain
Sting’s title.

Rating:
C+.
This actually wasn’t as good as you would think it would be. Sting
didn’t really sell much until the end, but it was nowhere near a
squash. Benoit looked like a decent challenge to Sting but he
clearly wasn’t a real threat to win the title. The interesting thing
here though was Sting’s offense. Other than some atomic drops after
Benoit crotched himself, which is more intelligence than anything
else, there was nothing here that would make you think Sting was a
heel. Is it any shock that the fans aren’t booing him?

Flair comes in to punch
Lex down and earns him a Diamond Cutter from an invading Page. Hogan
comes in for the save as Benoit is totally forgotten.

Berlyn video.

Berlyn vs. Scott
Armstrong

Armstrong
gets run over to start and Berlyn poses on the ropes. He spits on
Armstrong and drapes him over the top rope, knocking him out to the
floor. The bodyguard doesn’t get to fire off a right hand so Berlyn
hits a European uppercut back inside. The match just keeps going for
no apparent reason until the bodyguard gets in a cheap shot, setting
up the neckbreaker for the pin on Armstrong.

Rating:
D.
I’ll give them points for trying to push someone new but that Duggan
match has just crippled Berlyn right out of the gate. Well that and
the bad vignettes, bad interpreter, bad look that doesn’t at all hide
the fact that he’s Alex Wright, bad matches, bad finishing move,
bodyguard who already outshines him, the simplicity of the evil
foreigner gimmick and no one caring about him. Other than all that,
the guy is great.

Earlier
today, Vampiro and the Clowns argued over which one should get the
Cruiserweight Title shot but it’s eventually Shaggy getting the shot.
You know, the guy who pinned the champ last week. I apologize for
making you think about that again. Gay jokes abound to make it even
worse.

We see Flair getting
beaten up last week.

Here’s
Diamond Dallas Page to rip on Pete Rose for cheap heat. I’d much
rather watch Rose’s WWF appearances as they’re actually entertaining,
but cheap heat is better than no heat. Anyway, he’s facing Flair in
the main event tonight and is going to retire Ric because Flair won’t
retire like he should have years ago.

Clip of Saturn vs.
Guerrero from last week.

Evan Karagias vs.
Blitzkrieg

So
why did we see Saturn vs. Guerrero just now? The winner gets a
Cruiserweight Title shot on Thursday. They fight over wrist control
to start until Evan hits an uncharacteristic press slam. A more
likely dropkick sends Blitzkrieg to the floor for a big dive as Tony
and Bobby talk about the West Hollywood Blonds, dropping that name
for the first time. Back in and Blitzkrieg hides behind the referee
for a distraction, allowing him to elbow Evan in the face. A big
flip dive misses though and a top rope cross body gets two for Evan.
Cue Sid as Evan hits a spinning top rope splash for the pin and the
title shot.

Rating:
C.
This is actually a better step as they’re at least letting the
matches end before they get to the Sid interference. That really
isn’t too much to ask in theory, but for WCW it comes off like a
miracle. Not much to see here due to time, but at least they’re
pushing Evan as the next challenger.

Sid beats them both up
and challenges Goldberg for Halloween Havoc, as long as Goldberg
doesn’t touch him first. Well at least there’s a focus now.

Revolution video.

Perry Saturn vs.
Eddie Guerrero

Saturn
knocks Eddie into the ropes to start so he comes back with a
hurricanrana and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to put Saturn down. The
Revolution pulls Eddie outside for a beating and we take an early
break. Of course that somehow doesn’t end the match via
disqualification but why would that happen? Back with Guerrero
armdragging out of a chinlock and nailing a sweet springboard tornado
DDT. That was just awesome looking.

Eddie walks the top
rope into a hurricanrana to take Saturn down again but Perry pops
back up with a belly to belly. A huge top rope elbow drop gets two
for Saturn and it’s Death Valley Driver time. Eddie rolls into a
victory roll for two, perhaps because Saturn took time to signal for
his finisher move. Saturn loads up a superplex but gets
hurricanranaed down, only to avoid the Frog Splash. Eddie ducks a
charge and sends him outside to trigger a huge brawl with the
Animals. In the melee, Shane nails Eddie with a chain which Saturn
sees and doesn’t like. After a staredown with Shane, Saturn covers
for the pin.

Rating:
B-.
This is your token good match of the week but it still doesn’t seem
to be leading anywhere. I’m hoping this leads to the end of Douglas
in the group as he just doesn’t fit with the idea. If nothing else,
he just showed up one day and was suddenly part of a team who was
tired of being held down by WCW after being with the company for all
of a week.

Here’s
Hogan to ignore his history with Flair (as in history dating back
about six months at this point) and say how much he and Hart care
about him as they head into the six man tag. I mean, Flair is
totally cool with Hogan after the NWO kidnapped him into a field and
beat the living tar out of him or broke up the Flair family? This is
just a hard sell for the six man.

Recap of Shaggy pinning
Lane in the tag match last week.

Insane Clown Posse
music video. YOU WILL CARE ABOUT THEM!

Cruiserweight Title:
Shaggy 2 Dope vs. Lenny Lane

A
quick ICP chant breaks out which I’m sure is enough to validate this
horrible idea. Tony Mamaluke runs in again but gets punched in the
jaw by Lodi, allowing security to handcuff him. As he’s being taken
away, Tony shouts about his brother coming soon. Back to the comedy
match, Lenny jumps into the referee’s arms but gets dropped on his
back, allowing Shaggy to slam him down for two.

The guillotine legdrop
misses and a gutwrench sitout powerbomb gets two for the champ.
Lenny does the slow, crawling cover so Shaggy comes out of the corner
with a bad looking running Liger Bomb for two more. Lodi trips
Shaggy to the floor (not a DQ of course. The more interesting
question is what does it actually take to get a DQ in this company?)
but Shaggy knocks him onto J. and Vampiro, which somehow knocks him
out, allowing Lenny to get the pin.

Rating:
D-.
And that’s IT. Just stop with the stupid Clown matches and get them
out of this company so we can see some real wrestlers for a change.
I can’t believe I’m saying this but Lenny and Lodi deserve better
than this. I really shouldn’t be nervous that someone is going to
get maimed because a Clown is trying to drop a top rope legdrop and
has no idea what he’s doing and no one should have to take the move.
Bad match and the ending made no sense.

Here’s
Rick Steiner to brag about how awesome his brother and Sid both are.
This brings out a HUGE Scott Steiner to brag about how he’s been
chasing Wilt Chamberlain’s record. Apparently he just found out that
the NWO is done, meaning someone who seems to be a top heel hasn’t
been paying attention in four months. Speaking of those months, he
doesn’t tell us where he’s been, nor has WCW told us anything about
his whereabouts. He wants to fight Hogan, which could be such a
disaster that it’s one of the most entertaining messes in history.

Kanyon vs. Booker T.

Feeling
out process to start with Booker nailing an early dropkick to take
over. Kanyon bails to the floor, nearly falls over laughing at
Stevie’s intimidating face, and rolls back inside. Mr. T. scores
with his usual stuff and knocks Kanyon back outside, only to be sent
into the barricade for his efforts. A suplex brings Booker back in
and a middle rope Fameasser gets two. We continue stealing popular
WWF moves with a Rock Bottom to Kanyon (not yet named the Book End)
and the usual kicks, followed by the missile dropkick to pin Kanyon.

Rating:
C-.
This was fine with both guys getting to show off in a short match. I
mean, it’s not like they could have given any more time to this
because we needed to hear from the old guys all night instead. As
usual, the talented guys give us a reprieve from the boring nature of
the old guard, but this didn’t have the time to get anywhere.

Ric Flair vs.
Diamond Dallas Page

Flair
jumps him in the aisle and the fight starts fast. They head into the
crowd with Page trying to stagger away but eating more right hands to
the jaw. Page finally gets inside and nails Flair in the ribs to
take over. The backdrop sends Flair onto his shoulder as always and
sets up a pelvic thrust elbow, which is totally not like the Rock’s
big move whatsoever. We hit the chinlock for some very loud spot
calling before they slug it out. A lot blow sets up the Figure Four
but Sting comes in to break it up, only to miss that big elbow. Some
things never change. Sting gets put in the Figure Four but Luger
comes in with the bat for the DQ.

Rating:
D.
You know, some people might want to see the World Title match closing
the show instead of this mess but we can’t have Benoit closing the
show. This was angle advancement instead of a match to set up the
six man next week. Page is nothing at this point and it’s getting
more and more clear every week.

Hogan
comes in and takes a bat shot to the knee so Flair dives on top of
Hogan to protect him. If Flair has ever done something more out of
character, I’ve never seen it.

Overall
Rating: C.
The wrestling was significantly better this week but it was still
nothing great. That being said, you can still see that the younger
guys and the harder workers are locked in one part of the roster
while the rest of the company is firmly in the other half. Benoit’s
title shot was little more than a plot device to set up the next
week’s main event, which is just another six man tag. The lack of
continuity with the stories is frustrating, but at least we’re
finally getting somewhere with Sid vs. Goldberg. It won’t be any
good, but at least Sid isn’t destroying my soul anymore.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – September 13, 1999

By Scott Keith on 4th February 2015

Monday
Nitro #205

Date: September 13,
1999

Location: Dean Smith
Center, Chapel Hill, North Carolinas

Attendance: 5,571

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s the night after
Fall Brawl and again I’m convinced WCW has hit rock bottom. The
Revolution got swept last night and Sting turned heel to win the
World Title, despite the fans sounding pleased with the results.
We’re now a month away from Halloween Havoc and it’s time to see how
Nitro goes without Bischoff running things behind the scenes. Let’s
get to it.

Things are already
looking up on this show as we look back at last week with Hart
challenging Hogan and all the Hogan/Sting/Luger shenanigans.

Nitro Girls.

Quick recap of last
night. That’s the best way to do it if you absolutely must.

Recap of Benoit and
Malenko having a good match for a World Title shot tonight until Sid
interfered to give us a good old fashioned bait and switch.

Chris
Benoit vs. Dean Malenko

Rematch with the same
stipulations as last week with Saturn and Douglas at ringside.
Feeling out process to start as they fight over a hammerlock. Benoit
scores with an enziguri but can’t hook a dragon suplex. Instead Dean
nails him with an elbow tot he jaw but they both fall out to the
floor. Mostly even match so far. Saturn and Douglas don’t let it
turn into a brawl as Tony is talking about Sting, which actually ties
into this match. You can tell Bischoff isn’t in his ear this week.

Dean takes over with a
short arm scissors back inside but Benoit powers out and drops Dean
for two. Malenko avoids a dropkick and goes for the leg but Benoit
is right next to the ropes. Benoit misses a charge in the corner but
catches Dean taking way too long to get up top, setting up a top rope
superplex to put both guys down.

A double clothesline
gives us a double cover before we hit a very crisp pinfall reversal
sequence. Benoit starts rolling Germans but Dean counters into a
rollup for two. That’s enough for Benoit as he hooks a belly to back
and slits the throat, only to get caught on top for another
superplex, but Benoit hooks Dean’s leg on the way down and ties the
legs together into a small package for the pin and the title shot.

Rating:
B+. That
might be high but this is the best match WCW has had probably in
months. It wasn’t even ten minutes long but they packed stuff into
this match with both guys getting to look great. There’s a great
story in here with Benoit trying to use suplexes and throws while
Dean wanted to break Benoit down by going for body parts but kept
getting in trouble when he went out of his comfort zone, namely
whenever he went to the top. At the end of the day, there is no
substitute for a really good wrestling match and that’s exactly what
you got here.

All
four members of the team gets in to hug post match.

Gene
is in the ring and brings back Ric Flair as he returns in the
Carolinas again. They’re already about 10,000x better than what we
got last night. I wonder how much of a difference the lack of
Bischoff makes as there’s a good chance he booked the PPV before
leaving and this is the first real show without him.

Ric
is back in face mode and sucks up to the crowd, who of course love
him like free beer in a frat house. Flair
alludes to being free (of Bischoff I’d assume) before talk turns to
Sting and Luger. He doesn’t
approve of how Sting won the title. I’ll let you pause to laugh at
that for a minute. This
brings the two of them out to say it’s their time now, meaning it’s
time for Flair to go because
they’ve been held back long enough. Somehow they’re onto something
as they’ve combined for eleven World Titles and Flair has I think
fourteen at this point?

Ric
says they have to to earn their spots, which you would think they did
years ago but Flair has always had some issues with reality. Luger
and Sting deck Flair and put him in their respective submissions,
drawing out Hart and Hogan for the save. Hogan sets up the tag match
for later, which he’s doing for Flair. You know, for all those great
moments they’ve had together earlier
this year.

After
a break, Luger and Sting laugh because Luger doesn’t have medical
clearance or any gear. Sting
not mentioning facing Benoit later scares me.

Berlyn’s
entourage arrives.

DJ
Ran throws it to Riki Rachman to show us last week’s winner in the
Nitro Girls competition and introduce this week’s finalists. None of
them are Stacy Keibler so we’ll move on.

JJ
Dillon is on the phone with a doctor in Florida and finds out that
Luger has been cleared for three weeks. My what convenient timing
for him to finally look into that.

Stills
of Benoit vs. Sid from last night. The faster we move on from this
the better a lot of people will be.

Erik
Watts vs. Disco Inferno

Someone
explain to me why WCW keeps Watts on the payroll. They must owe Bill
a favor of some kind. Erik
“Let me show you my dropkick” Watts hammers away to start but
gets armdragged and hiptossed, setting up dance time. He
stomps Watts down in the corner but misses a charge, allowing Watts
to powerslam him into the corner. Think the Oklahoma Stampede minus
the followup powerslam.

Watts
stays on the ribs but Disco counters a Russian legsweep into one of
his own, even though it’s pretty much the same move either way. The
middle rope elbow misses though and DEAR GOODNESS TURN DOWN THE CROWD
NOISE! The fans suddenly go from silent to losing their minds in the
span of half a second as we go split screen to show Sid. Disco hits
the Last Dance for the pin a second later.

Rating:
D-. That powerslam wasn’t bad
but the audio going nuts was the most entertaining part of the match.
Disco really deserves
something better than this. Even a low level tag team or something
like that would be nice for him. Instead he’s stuck in these lame
matches and about to get powerbombed in half by Sid.

Of
course that’s exactly what happens, plus Sid rambling on about not
putting up with trash like this, or with Goldberg for that matter.
Charles Robinson was holding
the signs as Sid is now at 82-0 and got to wear the US Title.
Somehow, it kind of suits
him.

Silver
King vs. Norman Smiley

Norman
shoves him around to start but takes a quick enziguri (a popular move
tonight) and a quick flip splash. King
sends Norman outside and teases a dive which looks so horrible that
Smiley doesn’t even bother to move. Back in and Smiley busts out the
Big Wiggle but has to hit a wheelbarrow slam, followed by the
spinning slam. Not that any
of it matters though as Sid comes in for the no contest.

Chokeslams
and double pins make Sid 84-0.

We
recap the horrid Berlyn vs. Duggan match from Sunday.

Steve
Regal/Dave Taylor vs. Barry Windham/Kendall Windham

Regal
runs over Kendall with ease to start and takes him to the mat for a
well needed wrestling lesson. A
front facelock has Kendall in trouble and Regal goes behind him to
throw Kendall around a bit. Off to Barry and the gut of doom before
Taylor comes in for a European uppercut. The
Windhams take Taylor into the corner for a double teaming with the
Windhams moving at top speed. Well top speed for them at least,
which is slow motion for most other teams.

Taylor
finally rolls away, somehow countering the Windham’s lightning quick
offense to make the tag to Regal. Steve comes in with those pretty
lame left hands of his and a Regal Cutter to Barry as everything
breaks down. Taylor hooks Barry in a leg lock but Kendall makes the
quick save. The referee goes after Taylor, allowing Hennig to hit
Regal with the cowbell to give Barry the pin.

Rating:
D. The Windhams need to get
away from my screen as soon as possible. They’re not interesting,
they’re not good in the ring, they’re not really in shape and they’re
not losing like they should be. The Brits are a decent heel team and
could actually have a nice match if given the chance, but here they
are jobbing to the Windhams, who still aren’t over after losing the
titles a day earlier.

Back
from a break with Jerry Flynn in the ring but Goldberg is shown
coming to the ring with security while wearing street clothes.
Goldberg comes down to the
ring and passes Prince Iaukea, who seems to be Flynn’s scheduled
opponent. THANK YOU BILL! Goldberg
isn’t pleased with Sid’s comments earlier and would like to challenge
him to a match. That’s the cleaned up version of course. We cut to
Sid in the back where again his audio is so low that I can’t hear a
thing he says. He picks up a bag and leaves as Goldberg is still in
the ring. Flynn complains and I think you can guess what happens.

Stills
of the Tag Team Title match last night.

Harlem
Heat vs. First Family

So
we had Malenko and Douglas lose last night for a non-title match?
The countdown is on for
those guys. Ray and Morrus stall for a few moments to start before
both guys shove each other around. Knobbs
comes in for a double team attempt but Booker kicks him in the face
to send us to a commercial. Back
with all four fighting outside until it’s Morrus slamming Ray
for two inside.

The
Family hits back to back splashes in the corner but try a double
clothesline and get run over for their efforts. At least Stevie is
at the point where he can run at people and stick his arms out. I
mean WCW praises the Clowns for doing it so they
should praise Stevie too right? Booker
comes in to fire some kicks at Knobbs but the Rednecks come back out
to break up the missile dropkick for the DQ.

Rating:
D+. The match wasn’t bad and
they’re getting the idea of making the hot tag to someone who can
actually use some speed. That
being said, did Douglas and Malenko really just lose to the First
Family to set up a loss to Harlem Heat the next night to continue the
boring rivalry with the Rednecks? That’s what we really just did?
The fact that it’s not the
Clowns getting this feud is somehow the best news to come out of
this.

Insane
Clown Posse vs. Lenny Lane/Lodi

Oh
this is going to hurt. Vampiro is hurting as well after a bunch of
injuries to his head and eye
after the match last night. Lodi
is wearing an East Carolina University football jersey. Does he want
a job in WWF (Vince went to school there if that made no sense)? A
fan runs into the ring before the match but it turns out to be Tony
Mamaluke, who has been following Lenny and Lodi recently. Heenan:
“Take him out back and hang him.” When did Brain get so harsh?

J.
does some bad looking
hiptosses so Lenny starts prancing a bit. A
gorilla press sends Lenny running on his knees to Lodi. The
camera goes to Vampiro at ringside and thankfully he says there’s
something more important going on and points to the ring. Shaggy
hammers on Lodi and Stuns Lane
across the top rope. A
double suplex sends 2 Dope into the ropes as the fans are cheering
for the Clowns. The
brothers hit a knee lift into a legdrop for two on Shaggy but we get
heel (?) miscommunication to allow the tag to J.

Tony
and Heenan keep sucking up to the Clowns and say they deserve a Tag
Team Title shot. My goodness ANYTHING but that. We
get the spot where Lenny and Lodi are knocked into sexual positions
before they plant Shaggy with a double DDT for two. The
brothers load up a suplex/cross body combination but Lodi hits Lenny
by mistake, allowing Shaggy to roll Lenny up for the pin on the
Cruiserweight Champion.

Rating:
F. A Clown just pinned a
champion in what was supposed to set up Shaggy winning the title.
Thankfully the Clowns wouldn’t wrestle again in WCW until August so
this didn’t go anywhere, but my goodness. They’re treated like good
guys, the announcers freak out over hip tosses, and they’re pinning a
champion. Just….come on
WCW. Even you should be
better than this.

The
Clowns want Kidman. That
recruiting thing isn’t going to be mentioned again is it?

WCW
World Title: Chris Benoit vs. Sting

Before
the match, Benoit talks about Sid tapping out last night and the
whole world saw it, but sometimes the calls don’t go your way.
Instead of violins playing Sting to the ring, dogs are barking and
Rick Steiner is here. Oh geez here we go. Rick says this isn’t
Benoit’s night and for absolutely no adequately explained reason,
this is happening instead of Benoit’s World Title shot.

TV
Title: Chris Benoit vs. Rick Steiner

Steiner
hammers away to start and knees Chris in the ribs. He plants Benoit
with a powerslam as this is one sided so far. More beating in the
corner ensues until Rick does that face grab of his. Steiner
shoves the referee before they
head outside with Benoit going into the barricade. Total and
complete squash so far.

A
belly to belly sets up more face ripping, followed by one of the most
painful looking release German suplexes I’ve ever seen. Benoit
landed right on the back of his head in a huge crash that made me
cringe. It’s only good for
two though so Steiner smacks the referee in the face, allowing Benoit
to grab a bad looking rollup for the fast count and the pin for the
title. Steiner clearly
kicked out at about two and a half.

Rating:
D-. This
right here is the moment where it was clear WCW did not care about
Chris Benoit. Yes he won the title but he had a total of some right
hands at the beginning and a rollup with a fast count due to
something Steiner did. This was all about Steiner and Benoit got
squashed the entire time after having a great match earlier tonight
because in WCW’s eyes, Steiner is more important than Benoit by
definition. On top of that, there’s the whole missing World Title
shot. Why stick around if
you’re Benoit?

Post
match, Steiner destroys Benoit until Malenko makes the save. Just in
case you needed any more proof that Benoit is just a guy and might as
well have been Prince Iaukea in WCW’s eyes.

Video
on the Revolution. You know, those four guys that Steiner and Sid
regularly beat up.

Eddie
Guerrero vs. Perry Saturn

The
Revolution and Filthy Animals are at ringside with
Kidman looking to be in pajamas.
Feeling out process to
start with both guys trading attempts at holds until it’s Eddie
grabbing a headlock. Saturn
shoves him off and hits a big T-Bone before putting on a headlock of
his own. Somehow both guys
have already had as much or more offense than Benoit in the previous
match.

Back
up and Guerrero jumps on Saturn’s back for a sleeper as Tony takes
way too long to get to a commercial.
We come back with Saturn hitting a hard belly to back suplex but it
seems to just fire Eddie up. Things
speed WAY up with a sweet exchange of sleeper attempts and suplexes,
all of which do little more than make me even angrier at Rick Steiner
and Sid for getting pushed so hard.

Eddie
gets T-Boned off the top but is still able to hot shot Saturn in the
corner. The third T-Bone sends Eddie flying again and makes me think
I’m watching a Taz match. The Death Valley Driver is countered
though and Eddie plants him with a brainbuster. Eddie
has to bail out of the Frog Splash but escapes another DVD attempt,
setting up a solid pinfall reversal sequence. Saturn sits down on a
headscissors attempt and gets a surprise pin.

Rating:
B. Another awesome match here
between two guys who can just get in a ring and go. Therefore,
neither guy is going to get anywhere around here. This show has had
some really good wrestling but also been some of the most frustrating
stuff I’ve ever seen. Some combination of these guys could be
tearing it up with Harlem Heat for the Tag Team Titles but we’re
getting the Windhams and threats of the Clowns because WCW is that
stupid.

The
groups stare each other down and war is imminent. Why
have them fight big names when you can just have them fight each
other right?

Berlyn
vs. Buff Bagwell

So
he’ll skip the PPV (while still appearing to likely get a payday) but
he’ll fight on TV where more people are watching? Again, WCW is
stupid. The interpreter is
back and goes to the commentary booth to make this even more painful.
She starts speaking German
and the voice is already annoying. Bagwell
stalls to start as Tony actually calls this an anticipated match.

A
nice dropkick puts Bagwell down and the German continues. Some
clotheslines look to set up the Blockbuster but Buff gets crotched on
top. The bodyguard gets
yelled at as this match is already dragging. Berlyn
gets two off a belly to back suplex and we hit the chinlock. The
comeback sets up a top rope clothesline and some basic offense as
Berlyn is knocked down in the corner. A
hot shot sets up a punch from the bodyguard, giving Berlyn the three
count.

Rating:
D-. Gah this was dull and it
barely broke five minutes. It
was a short step better than the Duggan match but it’s clear that
Berlyn isn’t going anywhere. The German chick got annoying the
second she started talking and it didn’t make the match any better.
On top of that, it’s clear that they’re going for the Shawn/Diesel
formula with the bodyguard becoming the star, but Berlyn is as far
from Shawn Michaels as I am from being Miss Nebraska 1973.

We
get a long video on Sting posing the theory that Sting’s entire run
as the crow was just there to set up his heel turn last night. It’s
a cool video but this sounds like some nonsense about the moon
landing being staged in a big studio somewhere. It
doesn’t help that the video contains dialogue like this: “Perhaps
Sting was driving the Hummer that attacked Kevin Nash. He was seen
getting out of a Hummer a week later, remember?” They
even bring up NWO Sting being part of Sting’s grand plan.

Sting/Lex
Luger vs. Bret Hart/Hulk Hogan

Luger
is in street clothes and it’s a brawl to start. Hogan and Sting get
inside with Hulk destroying the champ with all the right hands he can
throw. Bret comes in for
right hands of his own as Luger finally gets on the apron. The
champ comes back with a clothesline and the fans loudly cheer for
him. If you were just watching the match with no commentary or any
idea what happened last night, you would have almost no reason to
believe Sting was a heel.

It’s
off to Hogan vs. Luger with Hulk firing off even more right hands but
eating the running forearm to the head. Sting
comes in with a top rope splash for two because heels use high flying
moves. Back to Luger for more choking as we’re still waiting on
wrestling to start. Hogan
blocks a ram into the buckle but Sting comes back in for a suplex.
Lex starts going after the
knee as this match needs to just die already.

The
knee goes nowhere as Hogan clotheslines both guys down, setting up
the lukewarm tag to Bret. A
quick Russian suplex gets two on the champ and the middle rope elbow
gets the same. Everything
breaks down as Diamond Dallas Page comes out for no apparent reason,
carrying a ball bat. Hogan knocks it away as Bret has Sting in the
Sharpshooter but Luger picks it up and nails Bret in the face, giving
Sting the pin.

Rating:
F. When
I’m miserable over the fact that there are only two minutes left in a
match, there’s something very wrong. This was terribly boring with
no one putting it into even second gear. It doesn’t help that the
story makes no sense. All of a sudden Sting is EVIL (despite not
really doing anything evil tonight), Bret and Hogan are Flair fans
and Page is now hanging out with Luger and Sting. Terrible
match here and I have no interest in seeing this go forward.

Overall
Rating: D+. This is a really
hard one to grade. The Revolution matches (save for Benoit vs.
Steiner but that was the booking’s fault) were really good and some
of the better TV matches WCW has put on in a very long time.
Unfortunately though there’s a HUGE gap between those and the main
event matches, which ranged from horrible to the preferred method of
torture in 14 countries.

This
show was a perfect illustration of how nothing is going to change in
WCW. The young guys can go out there and have great matches that
actually get the fans reacting, but no one is going to break through
into the main event scene. Those guys exist to fight each other and
warm the crowd up so the real stars can have their boring matches
with whatever nonsense stories they’re running. It’s
like banging your head against a wall and wondering why the door
doesn’t move. As usual, the
wrestling can be good in spots but the booking will make you pull
your hair out.

Thunder
was canceled this week due to a hurricane and replaced by a recap
show so I won’t be putting it up. Sorry to the four people that
actually read those recaps.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – August 30, 1999

By Scott Keith on 21st January 2015

Monday
Nitro #203

Date: August 30, 2015

Location: Nassau
Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Uniondale, New York

Attendance: 10,605

Commentators: Bobby
Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re two weeks away
from Fall Brawl and I don’t think we’ve had any matches announced
yet. What we do have though is Sid Vicious as the focal point of the
company and Sting, Hogan and Goldberg suddenly as best friends
against the combination of Sid and Rick Steiner. I keep thinking
this show can’t get worse but they keep surprising me. Let’s get to
it.

Disorderly Conduct
vs. Dave Taylor/Steven Regal

Yes
we’re starting with a match and just bring in Sid already. Mike
jumps Regal to start but gets taken down by a drop toehold. It’s off
to Taylor vs. Tom with Dave hooking a butterfly suplex….and here he
comes.

Four powerbombs to Mike
and Tom later and Sid is still ranting about being the Millennium
Man.

Lenny
and Lodi aren’t allowed in the building until Lenny reminds security
that he’s the Cruiserweight Champion. It’s not funny or interesting
when you watch it either.

Recap of last week’s
major events.

Nitro Girls.

Time
for a Sid discussion as Tony compares his streak to Goldberg’s.
Goldberg won the US Title in his 75th
match, even though Sid is now up in the 80s. Thankfully that means
they won’t be stupid enough to have him beat Benoit for the title or
anything like that……right?

The Demon will be here
later.

Here’s Luger to say he
doesn’t buy Hogan’s turn around. Tonight he’ll show irrefutable
evidence that Hogan is lying.

Berlyn arrives with
security and his version of Lana.

Video on KISS and the
Demon.

Scotty Riggs vs.
Lash LeRoux

Riggs
takes him up to the ropes and smacks Lash in the face as the mind
warped fans want Sid. Scotty nails that great dropkick but gets
monkey flipped over for his efforts. A jawbreaker and running knee
keep Lash in trouble as it’s clear to see why neither of these guys
went anywhere. Lash gets two off a sunset flip but takes a pair of
clotheslines. Cue Vampiro and the Clowns to watch as Lash gets two
more off a northern lights suplex, only to eat a Fameasser for the
pin.

Rating:
D-.
So they interrupt Regal and Taylor after about two minutes but this
match gets twice that long? Neither of these guys give me any reason
to keep watching, which is exactly why they’re on in the unopposed
hour designed to make people stick around when Raw comes on. WCW
really needed some major roster cuts around this time to get rid of a
bunch of these guys.

Vampiro
says Riggs owes him something.

Here’s the Revolution,
now with their own shirts. After a lame attempt to get the crowd to
care from Shane, Saturn issues a challenge for the TV Title at Fall
Brawl and Benoit issues an open challenge for the same show. I
really don’t see this ending well for either guy.

Nitro Girls.

Kaz Hayashi vs. Lodi

Lenny’s
Cruiserweight Title now has a bow and tassels. He also seems to have
a thing for Kaz, which Lodi is totally cool with. Lodi accidentally
clotheslines Lenny to the floor, allowing Kaz to botch a
headscissors. A slingshot DDT looks far better and gets two with
Lenny putting the foot on the ropes. With the match starting to go
well, we get a split screen countdown clock for the Mayhem video
game, which comes out in October. This will stay up for about half
the match.

That
earns him a big dive from Hayashi but Lodi gets up and dives onto
both of them. Could this be, dare I say, a sign of things to come
for Lodi? Back in and Lodi powerslams him for two but Kaz escapes a
German suplex and scores with a quick brainbuster. Kaz goes up but
Lenny crotches him down, setting up a middle rope bulldog for two
more. Lenny comes in…..and gets small packaged for the pin? Sure
why not.

Rating:
C.
So let me make sure I’ve got this straight: they managed to job the
Cruiserweight Champion in a match he wasn’t even in? Even WWE can’t
pull off that kind of nonsense. The match was actually entertaining
with Lodi more than keeping up with the high flier Hayashi. It would
seem that Kaz is going to challenge for the title next. That’s fine
based on his skills, but this is a pretty big downgrade from Kidman,
Mysterio, Guerrera and Guerrero.

Lenny
and Lodi lay Kaz out post match.

Here’s
Hogan to a massive New York reaction. I’ll give the old WWF towns
this: they’re the most loyal fans in the world. If you’re ever over
there, you will be until the end of time. It was his son that made
him believe in the power of Hulkamania again brother and he would
NEVER stab Sting in the back. He can’t wait to see this proof from
Luger, so he’ll be sitting in the back, eating fruit (his words) and
waiting. Luger better not try to frame him either.

Hogan
and Flair have new home videos. I only mention this because a piano
starts playing, distracts them, and then stops abruptly.

La
Parka/Blitzkrieg vs. Rey Mysterio Jr./Eddie Guerrero

Eddie’s
stoic look during Rey’s high energy entrance makes me chuckle. La
Parka’s skeleton is red and he starts with Mysterio. First up
though, it’s time to dance. Rey slaps La Parka in the face and sends
him to the floor, bringing in Eddie to throw his partner to the floor
for a tornado DDT. Blitzkrieg takes Eddie down and hits a rolling
senton followed by a moonsault for two, only to walk into a
tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for the same. Back to Mysterio for a
Lionsault on Blitzkrieg before he pulls La Parka down by the mask. A
chop puts Rey down and a Hart Attack with Blitzkrieg kicking Rey
instead of clotheslining him gets two.

Vampiro
and the Clowns come out again as heel miscommunication allows the hot
tag to Eddie. Everything breaks down and Eddie hits a gorgeous top
rope hurricanrana to Blitzkrieg. Blitzkrieg misses a handspring into
a moonsault and gets caught on the top, allowing Eddie to launch Rey
into another hurricanrana. Eddie tosses Rey over the top onto La
Parka, setting up the Frog Splash to Blitzkrieg for the pin.

Rating:
B.
Really, really fun tag match here which somehow didn’t even make it
four minutes. This continues the trend of letting talented high
fliers get into the ring and jump around for a little while. That
hurricanrana from Eddie was absolutely perfect and some of the high
flying looked great. And somehow it’s all designed to get the Clowns
over, because WCW.

Berlyn
video, followed by Berlyn and his Lana (Uta Ludendorf), flanked by
security. Through the interpreter, Berlyn brags about Germany being
awesome and says his wrestling is art. Fan: “WE WANT ALEX WRIGHT!”
It’s so loud that everyone in the ring looks over at him. A
consortium of German businessmen have turned him into the perfect
wrestler and his first victim is Buff Bagwell.

Buff
represents everything bad about America and will be a good first
victory. The interpreter acknowledges that Berlyn speaks English and
has indeed been here before, but that language is beneath him. She
forgets her line and says losing is…….it is not acceptable!
She’s no Lana.

Fall
Brawl video, featuring Savage, Nash, Hart and Steiner.

A banged up Luger comes
out and says someone in red and yellow attacked him and went through
his bags. No word on if the evidence was taken, or why Lex Luger is
in a major storyline in 1999.

Tag Team Titles:
Kendall Windham/Barry Windham vs. Prince Iaukea/Kenny Kaos

This
would be the WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY THINKING AND WHERE IS THE
REMOTE match of the week. Kendall takes Prince up to the ropes as
Tony describes the champs as a new duo. That’s up there with Gorilla
Monsoon calling Carlos Colon a youngster. Iaukea fires off a quick
dropkick but eats a boot to the face. A jumping DDT knocks Prince
silly and Kendall throws him outside. Back in and a knee drop
retains the titles. No one ever made a tag.

Post
match Barry says the champs have no competition, including Harlem
Heat. This brings out Booker and Stevie for a lot of kicks, one
leading to the referee counting a pin on Kendall. The Rednecks come
out and beat down Harlem Heat, including hog tying Booker. The feud
continues for some reason.

Here
are Luger and Sting to present Lex’s evidence. The evidence is a
picture of Hogan standing next to a white Hummer, proving that he was
the one that tried to kill Nash. We’re still on that story??? Hogan
comes out and says the obvious, that this doesn’t prove anything.
Sting believes Luger and questions Hogan, but here’s DDP to nail
Hogan before running off. Sting asks Hogan why he should believe
him.

Nitro Girls.

Van Hammer vs. Buff
Bagwell

The
bell rings and that means it’s time to pose. Buff grabs an armdrag
and we’ve got Germans. The distraction lets Hammer choke Bagwell (to
be fair though, anything shiny, including Berlyn’s head, is going to
distract him) but Buff scores with a hiptoss and clothesline. Buff
goes up top and gets slammed down from the top by the neck. That’s
quite the painful looking move. They head outside for a quick
beating from Hammer before we hit the chinlock. Our hero hits Hammer
low and gets two off a cross body, setting up the Blockbuster for the
pin.

Rating:
D.
So let me make sure I have this straight: we’re supposed to care
about a guy who used a Blockbuster to win a boxing match beating a
guy who used to be a peace loving hippie to set up for his match
against what might be a Neo Nazi and used to be a dancer. This is
one of those stories that you don’t want to see, and then when you
explain it, your head starts to hurt.

Clip
of Nash being crushed by the Hummer, nearly three months ago.

Insane Clown Posse CD
ad.

Mike Enos vs. Evan
Karagias

For
some reason Evan wears jeans to the ring and takes them off to
wrestle. Evan scores with a pair of dropkicks to start and a third
sends Enos to the floor where Karagias hits a fourth dropkick. His
springboard dive is caught in midair though and Mike throws him over
the shoulder to walk him up the steps and back into the ring. That
kind of power display is always impressive. Granted it’s not as
impressive as knowing how many seconds there are until Mayhem comes
out.

The
fans are begging Sid to come out and end this match. Well Enos was
in the match when Hall jumped the railing to debut so why not have
Sid do it here? Evan hammers away and gets countered into a big
powerbomb followed by a powerslam. Mike picks him up off the cover
though and hits a wicked piledriver. Good grief Vampiro and the
Clowns are back. The Clowns distract the referee, allowing Vampiro
to kick Mike in the head, giving Karagias the pin.

Rating:
D+.
The match wasn’t even that bad but my goodness I don’t want to see
Vampiro and the Clowns any more. They’ve been out here three times
now and we had to see them plug their CD. At the end of the day,
they’re not wrestlers and they’re not driving the ratings through the
roof, so why does WCW insist on driving them down our throats and
give them all this TV time?

Vampiro
gets in his face and says Evan owes him. Cue the Demon, who says
this isn’t the time for Vampiro. Do they even know what this is
supposed to mean?

Hugh Morrus/Brian
Knobbs vs. Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas

Because
this feud needs to keep going. Knobbs calls the Revolution a bunch
of crybabies and you know it’s time for a fight. The First Family
takes over and give Douglas the Pit Stop. Morrus and Knobbs hit
running splashes in the corner until Dean comes in, presumably out of
boredom. Everything breaks down and Malenko puts Brian in the
Cloverleaf, only to have to deal with Jimmy Hart. Morrus and Knobbs
take Dean down on the floor but Hugh misses No Laughing Matter to
Douglas. Shane even dives off the top to take out all the heels but
it winds up being a double countout.

Rating:
D.
WHY IS THE REVOLUTION FEUDING WITH THE FIRST FREAKING FAMILY??? You
have the Windhams as the Tag Team Champions (which is an even bigger
headscratcher) talking about how they have no competition, but
Malenko and Douglas, one of the only face teams on the roster not
names Harlem Heat, is busy going to double countouts with Brian
Knobbs and Hugh Morrus. We could also have Mysterio and Guerrero
challenge for the titles, but they’re busy fighting a pair of
non-wrestler Clowns. The more I step back and look at this company,
the more my head throbs.

They
keep fighting to the back and I hope this doesn’t go on to Fall
Brawl.

Gene
brings out Hogan to continue this thrilling story about him standing
next to a car at some point in his life. He mentions his son (who
should never be allowed near a car) and promises to deal with Luger
next week. Instead, he wants to deal with DDP calling him out every
week. He’s right you know. Starting with this show, Page
has…..actually he didn’t call him out as much as hit him from
behind. Hogan is a liar. Anyway, Goldberg is supposed to face Page
tonight but Hogan wants to take his place in the match. Goldberg
comes out and suggests a handicap match, which Page comes out to
accept. Another bait and switch.

TV
Title: Disco Inferno vs. Rick Steiner

Before
the match, Disco says he’s living la vida loca and is pretty fly for
a white guy. Dang 1999 was a weird time. Rick comes out and decks
Disco with a Steiner Line before ripping at his face. The German
suplex sends Disco flying and the Steiner Bulldog ends this in a
hurry.

Steiner
puts on the armbar but Saturn runs out to superkick the champ to the
floor.

US Title: Chris
Benoit vs. Jerry Flynn

Jerry
wants the champ to be checked for weapons but it’s a RUSE as he kicks
Benoit in the head. Another kick is countered by the dragon screw
leg whip because Benoit doesn’t put up with cheating. He drops Flynn
over the top rope to send him outside, setting up a nice baseball
slide. Jimmy Hart offers a distraction to keep earning his paycheck
and Flynn kicks the champ’s knee to take over. He unleashes the
kicks but Benoit avoids a big running boot in the corner and fires
off chops. Benoit rolls some Germans but the First Family runs in
for the DQ.

Rating:
D+.
So the Revolution vs. the First Family is more than just the tag
feud? Great, the stupidity is spreading. Here’s the thing: you have
three members of the First Family in action tonight and they all
escape without getting pinned or submitting? Including to the United
States Champion? How does this make me care about seeing them again?
Am I supposed to care about Hugh Morrus, Brian Knobbs and Jerry
Flynn? This company’s priorities are so screwed up.

The
Revolution makes the save and Benoit challenges Sid for Fall Brawl.
So much for the open challenge.

Goldberg/Hulk Hogan
vs. Jersey Triad

Buffer
does the intros and Kanyon does his usual schtick. Bigelow hammers
Hogan down to start, like 1987 means nothing to him. Hulk comes back
with right hands and the Triad is knocked to the floor. The fans
want and get Goldberg, who gets to suplex Kanyon. A gorilla press
into a World’s Strongest Slam crushes Kanyon again but a Bigelow
distraction lets Page come in with a top rope clothesline.

Bigelow pounds away on
his back as the Triad starts taking turns. Kanyon’s Russian legsweep
into an elbow from Page is good for two, but Goldberg comes back with
a double clothesline. The hot tag brings in Hogan to clean house as
Tony acts like this has never been done before. Hogan boots and
legdrops Bigelow for the pin as Page hits Goldberg with a chair and a
Diamond Cutter. Goldberg pops up and Page is terrified.

Rating:
D.
Here’s the problem with this match: did it ever feel like Hogan or
Goldberg couldn’t beat these three on their own? This was just a
workout for Goldberg and Hogan before they can get on to something
more important. It really shows the gap between the levels of
competition as the main event scene is miles ahead of even former
World Champions like Page. This was a glorified squash with Goldberg
being nice enough to sell for about a minute.

We
jump to the back where Sting is asking security if Hogan is in his
locker room. My goodness I know Sting is seen as stupid at times but
this is ridiculous. Anyway he goes into Hogan’s locker room to find
Randy Savage and Gorgeous George to end the show.

Overall
Rating: D.
More than any other episode, this show was incredibly frustrating and
showed that WCW doesn’t care about going forward as much as it cares
about keeping the old guys happy. There are so many talented people
locked in feuds designed to either keep them busy so they can’t move
up the card (Revolution) or so they can babysit niche celebrities who
want to wrestle (Eddie and Rey).

On
the other side of the card, there’s the story of who was driving the
Hummer and is Hogan really evil. That actually isn’t the worst story
in the world and I’m kind of interested in seeing where it goes. The
problem I have with it is how Lex Luger is the only person showing
the slightest bit of common sense or continuity. Hogan has screwed
over every major name on the roster at some point (the Fingerpoke of
Doom and beatdown of Goldberg was less than eight months ago) and no
one but Luger is questioning Hogan whatsoever. That’s hard to
accept, at least so quickly.

Overall,
the company is running out of gas and is dying for some fresh blood
at the top. However, they’re content with Hogan, Goldberg (who is
fresh enough), Sting, Steiner and Sid as their top names while the
rest of the roster is shackled to whatever stupid stories they can
come up with. It’s very clear that Benoit is going to drop the US
Title to Sid, because Benoit’s push was clearly just until WCW could
find a way to get the title back into the main event talent’s hands
so they could “draw” with it. You can see the future coming from
here and it’s terrifying.

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Monday Nitro – August 23, 1999

By Scott Keith on 14th January 2015

Monday
Nitro #202

Date: August 23, 1999

Location: MGM Grand
Garden Arena, Las Vegas, Nevada

Attendance: 8,940

Commentators: Bobby
Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

It’s the KISS show!
Yes indeed. After all this time, it’s the most hyped up event WCW
has had in months. The band will be performing tonight and this is
supposed to be the big weapon to fight back against the fallout from
Summerslam 1999. Now to be fair we also have Sting vs. Hulk Hogan
for the World Title, which is a major ratings draw. I’m sure that’s
why they’re going it for free with one week’s notice instead of at
the pay per view. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
Sid’s path of destruction. He’s off to a good start too as he’s
basically crushed the cruiserweight division in just a few weeks.

KISS video.

There will be a new WCW
President announced soon.

Chase Tatum vs.
Mikey Whipwreck

Mikey hammers away in
the corner but gets his head taken off by a clothesline.
Chase….well I can’t say hits because only one foot connected and it
was nothing resembling a dropkick, so we’ll say Chase does a
disservice to dropkicks everywhere. Thankfully Mikey hits a decent
one….and Sid comes out for the powerbombs.

This
time is different though as Sid has a guy with signs, counting up the
wins on the streak. He winds up being 68-0 by the end of the
segment. The worst part is this could be an interesting story but
it’s freaking SID doing this stuff.

Kidman runs into
Kimberly in the back and apologizes to her for last week’s issues.
Kimberly says she’ll calm Page down.

Goldberg
arrives and sees Page attacking Kidman, only to have a staredown with
the Triad. I thought he was feuding with Sid.

Here’s
the Triad for a chat. Page praises Kanyon for helping train him and
says Kidman can’t breathe the same air as Kimberly. He wants
Goldberg tonight though, because why bother hyping up a match like
that? Page promises to blow the roof off of Goldberg. I’m not sure
what that means but I have a feeling it’s going to be a letdown
compared to Halloween Havoc from last year.

Sting
comes out with something to say. He thanks Hogan for the title shot
tonight because he’s back in black. Hasn’t he been in black for like
three years now? Cue Lex Luger for the first time in months after
that brief return in the spring or whenever it was. Luger talks
about Sting being there for him when he was recovering from a
motorcycle wreck and how Sting is the bedrock of WCW. Everyone is
clapping that the red and yellow is back but Luger isn’t buying Hogan
being friends with everyone again. Sting thinks Luger should
understand this after 14 years: he’s taking Hogan on no matter what.
A handshake ends this worthless return.

Tenay is in the parking
lot when Bischoff pulls up in a Hummer. Mike asks if Bischoff is
going to be the new President but Bischoff laughs him off and asks if
Tenay got that rumor off the internet.

Cat vs. Buff Bagwell

Because
this needed a rematch. Feeling out process to start with Buff
slamming Cat down and dropkicking him to the floor. Back in and
Miller kicks him down before hitting his dancing elbow. To really
mix things up, Miller tries another dancing elbow bus misses this
time. See, he’s versatile! A low blow puts Bagwell down again and
throws him to the floor for some Sonny kicks. This brings out Lex
Luger of all people to scare Onoo off, meaning we miss the
Blockbuster to give Bagwell the pin. Why can’t Sid come out and
powerbomb these guys for a change?

Berlyn is coming.

DJ Ran/Nitro Girls.

Goldberg vs. Diamond
Dallas Page

This
is quite the first hour main event. Bigelow comes out with a
trashcan and the Triad starts triple teaming Goldberg early on, only
to have Kanyon get ripped in half by a spear. Bam Bam eats a spear
as well, sending Page running off. Goldberg challenges him for next
week and there’s no match.

Video for the new West
Texas Rednecks song Good Old Boys. It’s Jeff Jarrett’s 1996 music
with lyrics, which makes me wonder why they didn’t put Jarrett with
the Rednecks when he showed up. If a guy from Minnesota can be from
West Texas, why not a guy from Nashville?

Nitro Party video.
Those are still a thing?

Cruiserweight Title:
Lenny Lane vs. Juventud Guerrera

Lane
won the belt last week on Thunder and crawls around on all fours to
start, because he’s strange you see. Lenny goes behind him to start
and thrusts his hips so Juvy kicks him low, because everything for
this character has to be related to sex in some way. Some Lodi
interference fails so Juvy dives onto him, only to get taken down by
a very nice corkscrew dive from the champ. Back in and
Lenny….plays with his pigtails and skips around before covering.

We get the idea already
WCW. A pair of shoulder breakers and a powerslam get two for Lenny
and it’s time for Lodi to get in some shots. The fans think Lenny is
gay, which really is the only thing we know about him so what else
are they supposed to chant? He plants Juvy with a running Liger Bomb
and celebrates with his brother/lover, drawing a much more offensive
chant from the fans. Back up and Juvy hits a quick Juvy Driver and
loads up the 450, only to have to dive at Sid for the DQ.

Rating:
C-.
Stop it, please. I mean that on both counts if that’s not clear.
Stop the ridiculous gay story with these two and stop having Sid
destroy the cruiserweights because they’re nothing more than target
practice. We get the idea, but does he have to beat up former and
current champions? You can’t have him beat up jobbers or really low
level guys instead? Of course not, because this is WCW where ONLY
old heavyweights matter.

Sid
is the man, powerbombs a go-go, 71-0, thousands of remotes change the
channel.

Here
are the Rednecks to perform Good Old Boys live. Hennig takes a few
shots at KISS, because they’re trying to turn their stupid musical
performances and guests into a story.

Nitro Girls.

Dean Malenko/Perry
Saturn/Shane Douglas vs. Hugh Morrus/Barbarian/Brian Knobbs

Malenko
dropkicks Morrus to start, followed by Shane coming in for a double
back elbow. It’s quickly off to Barbarian, who charges into a boot
in the corner and eats a middle rope clothesline. Since no one can
stay in this match for more than thirty seconds, here are Knobbs and
Malenko to keep the slow pace going.

We
actually stick with Dean getting beaten up for a bit with everyone
hitting some clubbing, yes CLUBBING I SAY, forearms to the back.
Knobbs dives into a raised boot and the hot tag brings in Saturn.
It’s a superkick and t-bone for Knobbs, but Rick Steiner comes in,
walks RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE REFEREE, and bulldogs Saturn to give
Knobbs the pin.

Rating:
D.
So now Steiner is costing the Revolution a match against the First
Family. As in the low level stable that should be cannon fodder for
Goldberg. I know WCW’s answer is that they gave Benoit the US Title,
but do they really need to give the Barbarian and Brian Knobbs a TV
win over a team like the Revolution? Again, I’d pay so much to hear
them validate this stuff.

Benoit
runs out and challenges Steiner for later tonight.

Berlyn is still coming.

Insane Clown Posse
vs. Billy Kidman/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Shaggy
hammers on Kidman to start but eats a dropkick to put him to the
floor. A whip into the barricade keeps 2 Dope (I feel so stupid for
having to type that) in trouble and it’s off to J. vs. Mysterio. Rey
destroys him with ease and hits a quick Bronco Buster on Shaggy, only
to get jumped by J. Shaggy gets two off a guillotine legdrop with
Kidman making the save. J. heads outside and Rey tries a big flip
dive, only to have J. be WAY out of position, leaving Rey to mostly
crash. Vampiro breaks up the Shooting Star but Kidman sends Shaggy
into Vampiro for the pin.

Rating:
D+.
Not bad for the most part here and thankfully they didn’t have the
Clowns go over the former World Tag Team Champions. This was every
major complaint I’ve had about the Clowns wrestling since they
debuted and I don’t see it getting better any time soon. Thankfully
they kept it short though, which is the best thing you can say about
one of these matches.

Eddie
comes out for the save.

Here’s Hogan for the
big push towards his match with Sting. He doesn’t know why Luger
doesn’t trust him and promises to never swerve his family, including
Nitro Nick. This was a waste of time.

US Title: Rick
Steiner vs. Chris Benoit

Benoit
is defending, likely because Steiner isn’t even carrying his belt.
Well to be fair, it is worthless remember. Rick slugs him down to
start but eats a German suplex to put him down. Serves him right for
disgracing a title like that. Benoit dives right into another suplex
though and Rick starts his choking/raking the face offense.

The champ (as in the
guy who actually wears a belt) is sent ribs first into the buckle but
gets his boots up in the corner, setting up some Rolling Germans. He
heads up top but Steiner pulls him in the way of the Swan Dive,
drawing in Saturn to go after Rick. This brings out Sid to lay out
Saturn, because cruiserweights just aren’t enough for him anymore.
Benoit chases them off and I guess the match is thrown out.

Rating:
C.
I’m happy whenever I get to see Steiner dropped on his head over and
over as I keep hoping it might beat some sense into him. Thank
goodness they didn’t make him a double champion here, which was an
actual worry I had during this match. Oh and thank goodness Sid is
now involved in I think a fourth story because we just weren’t
getting enough of him.

Benoit challenges Sid
and Steiner to a match against himself and Saturn for Thunder. Two
things:

1. That match was
already set up on Thunder.

2.
That match will be going head to head with the debut of Smackdown,
featuring HHH vs. the Rock for the WWF World Title. Therefore, yes,
WCW does think that Sid and Steiner are big enough draws to compete
with the WWF’s main event guys. I didn’t want to believe it but
somehow, that seems to be the case.

Tag Team Titles:
Harlem Heat vs. Barry Windham/Kendall Windham

Stevie
reiterates his hatred for fruit booties. Harlem Heat is defending
and Booker cranks on Kendall’s arm to start. It’s quickly off to
Stevie who gets taken into the Windham corner as Heenan seems to
think Barry is Bobby Duncum Jr. Booker comes back in for some double
team punching to Barry’s head. There is no energy to this match,
likely because the Windhams are such heatless challengers.

Stevie clotheslines
both rednecks and everything breaks down. The Windhams nail their
stable mates by mistake and Booker ax kicks Kendall, followed by the
missile dropkick. There’s no referee though Curt comes in with that
stupid cowbell and knocks Booker silly to give Kendall the pin and
the titles.

Rating:
D-.
I’m not sure if I hated the match or the booking more. The match was
really dull stuff because Barry doesn’t care and Kendall is Kendall.
That being said, who thinks this is a good idea? You reform Harlem
Heat and have them drop the belts just a few weeks later, of course
with Booker taking the pin because we can’t have Stevie get pinned
right?

Vampiro vs. Eddie
Guerrero

Tony mentions an
upcoming search for a new Nitro Girl which will give us a pretty well
known blonde. Eddie gets hammered into the corner to start and
thrown across the ring with a good looking release belly to belly
suplex. Back up and Guerrero just explodes in the corner with chops
and punches away. I’m still trying to figure out why these two are
fighting. I know they’ve been fighting for weeks now but I have no
idea why and commentary is busy hyping up whatever they can think of
to talk about instead of talking about the match.

A spinning kick to the
chest drops Eddie again but he comes back with a superplex. He loads
up the Frog Splash but we’ve got Clowns. Insane ones at that, and
Eddie is so annoyed at them being on the show that he slips off the
top instead of diving at them. With J. offering a distraction,
Vampiro sends Eddie head first into Shaggy for the pin.

Rating:
D+.
Can you blame Eddie for leaving soon? He comes back from a major car
crash that put him out for months and gets to job to Vampiro for the
sake of appeasing some niche celebrities like the Insane Clown Posse?
The match wasn’t bad with Vampiro, as in the wrestler instead of the
wrestling imitators, getting to show his skills, only to have a lame
ending with Eddie going down thanks to Shaggy. Yeah, all those years
and the classics with Mysterio but he gets to lose to a guy named
after a Scooby-Doo character.

Kidman and Mysterio
come out for the save.

Nitro Girls.

WCW World Title:
Hulk Hogan vs. Sting

Hogan
is defending of course and this means KISS will be main eventing the
show. They shake hands to start because these two have never had a
single issue ever. Neither guy can get an advantage off a lockup but
they shove each other away and start jawing with each other. Hulk
(still called Hollywood by Tony) grabs a wristlock but Sting counters
into one of his own. They’re mirroring each other very well so far.

A test of strength
gives Hogan control but Sting small packages him for two. Sting
fires off right hands in the corner but misses the big elbow that
always misses. Both guys head outside for a brawl with Hogan being
sent onto the announcers’ table. Sting is being way more aggressive
here than usual, which would seem like plans for a heel turn. I
can’t help but laugh at this, because turning Sting heel would be
like trying to make fans boo the Easter Bunny.

They take it back
inside and Sting gets two off a Vader Bomb. Somehow Hogan sells it
more than he ever did when Vader himself did it back in 1995. We hit
the chinlock for a bit until Hogan Hulks Up, only to miss the big
leg. The Stinger Splash connects but a second hits boot. The third
hits buckle and Hogan is ready to go, only to have Sid and Steiner
come in for the DQ.

Rating:
C.
The worst part of all this is the match was actually getting good
(well as good as these two can get in 1999) until the ending. It
wasn’t like the match was over and they ran in to prevent the
obvious. In theory this sets up a tag match next week, because we
haven’t seen enough of those lately.

This
brings up the problem at the moment: Goldberg is feuding with Sid
(and apparently the Triad), Steiner is feuding with the Revolution
and Hogan doesn’t have a big challenger. In theory it would be Sting
challenging at the PPV, but that’s what we just saw here. The
non-conclusive ending leaves an opening for a rematch, but I’ve never
liked a TV match setting up a major pay per view rematch.

Goldberg
and Luger come out for the save, because you need four former World
Champions to deal with Sid and RICK STEINER. Hogan offers Sting one
more title shot, likely at Fall Brawl.

It’s
time for the real main event and Tony promises a brand new KISS
inspired wrestler debuting before the end of the show. Schiavone is
apparently a huge KISS fan and gets to do their introduction, right
around the time that HHH is pinning Mankind to become WWF World
Champion. They perform God of Thunder and a spiked coffin is brought
out on stage. It opens up to reveal…..Brian Adams in KISS
attire. I’ve heard this is the lowest drawing segment in Nitro
history and the lowest overall rating for the show since a one hour
episode in May 1998.

Overall
Rating: D.
More Sid, more offensive booking, more referees not needing to be
there, more focus on celebrities and not wrestling, more hot shotting
of big matches, more young guys getting beaten up by old guys that
should be jobbers. In other words, it’s everything wrong with WCW
rolled up into one show.

Good
Old Boys is a really appropriate name for the entire show. It’s all
about pushing the guys that used to be big names because screw anyone
that wants to get a push around here. I mean, BARRY WINDHAM as a two
time champion in 1999? There are a few interesting things here and
there, but I have zero desire to sit through all these horrible
things to get the glimmer of hope that WCW won’t destroy them all. I
know the destruction is coming, but it’s nice to believe that there’s
a chance something might get better.

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Monday Nitro – August 9, 1999

By Scott Keith on 31st December 2014

Monday
Nitro #200

Date: August 9, 1999

Location: Idaho Center,
Boise, Idaho

Commentators: Bobby
Heenan, Tony Schiavone

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re
at a milestone show here and there’s a pretty well known main event.
At the moment we have the battle of the old guys with feuds ranging
from Kevin Nash vs. Hollywood Hogan, Rick Steiner vs. Goldberg and
Sting vs. Sid Vicious. That sounds like a reason to mix those guys
up in a big match. Oh and we have country music with Chad Brock.
Yeah I don’t remember him either. This is also the go home show for
Road Wild. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap of the end
of last week’s show.

Tony is back on
commentary with no reason given for his absence. He does however
have an announcement: Dusty Rhodes is now head of the WCW
Championship Committee. Wasn’t he last seen as part of the NWO?

Norman Smiley/Lash
Leroux/Prince Iaukea vs. Vampiro/Insane Clown Posse

Uh…yay.
Raven is in the corner and has officially named the team the Dead
Pool. Do they like chimichangas? Vampiro and Lash get things going
with some chops back and forth. Tony is back to his old standard by
randomly talking about Nash vs. Hogan. Off to the Prince for his
selection of right hands but Vampiro hits a kind of throwing
powerbomb. You would think Norman or Lash would have done something
given that he powerbombed Iaukea out of their corner, but my guess is
they’re trying to figure out why the Insane Clown Posse is wrestling
a match in Idaho.

Violent J. (called Jack
Jeckyl by Tony. To be fair that’s what it says on his jersey) hits a
decent suplex before playing Neidhart to Vampiro’s Hart in a Hart
Attack. Shaggy comes in for a bad looking DDT but Prince sweeps the
legs to take over. To make things worse, Shaggy’s shorts are falling
down. Norman tries to come in to help Iaukea but it just allows
Vampiro to hit him low.

J. drops a leg to the
chest but hurts his head with a headbutt to the Prince. At least he
knows his stereotypes. They head outside with Vampiro throwing
Iaukea into the steps. Back in and Shaggy misses a guillotine
legdrop, allowing the hot tag to Norman. A big old spinning slam
drops Shaggy and everything breaks down. The fans are actually WAY
into this one. Vampiro suplexes Lash down and J. adds a moonsault
for the pin.

Rating:
C-.
The Clowns are an interesting case as they actually have some
training so it’s WAY better than when celebrities have matches on
Raw, but I’d still be hard pressed to call them good. They can do
some very basic stuff like suplexes and the moonsault was acceptable,
but they’d be lost trying to do more than a four minute match without
people there to help them. Case in point, this match worked for the
most part because the Clowns weren’t in a good chunk of it and the
wrestlers carried it. The crowd helped a lot too as they were into
the match, but the wrestling was nothing great.

Nitro
Girls.

The Revolution is in
the back with Dusty and ask him when things are going to change
around here. Dusty says in due time but gets cut off by David Flair
and Torrie Wilson. Dusty is called an old man so Benoit slaps the
Crossface on David. Apparently the way to make things change is
through violence because that earned Benoit a US Title shot. It’s
about time someone realized David and his dad had no authority
anymore and they could get the US Title off of him in about 10
seconds.

Curt Hennig/Barry
Windham vs. Public Enemy

The
Rednecks have a new song called Good Old Boys, which is nowhere near
as catchy. Tony starts talking about Chad Brock and actually gives
us a reason for him to be here: he used to train at the Power Plant
and actually was in an eight man tag on Saturday Night back in 1996.
That still doesn’t make me want to see him but WCW never really cared
what fans thought. Hennig throws Rocco around the ring to start but
eats a boot in the corner.

Off
to Grunge who has the same luck as Hennig when Windham blasts him
with a lariat. Kendall actually does something by tripping up Grunge
to keep the Rednecks in control. We hear about Brock even more as
Johnny and Curt double clothesline each other. It’s a double tag as
Public Enemy takes over with their usual brawling before a flip dive
puts Barry through the table. Not that it matters though as Curt
nails Grunge with the cowbell for the pin.

Rating:
D.
The Rednecks seem to be in decline as there isn’t much for them to do
anymore. If the best they can come up with is having Curt feud with
the country singer coming in to perform, they need to just disband
the team now or let Hennig and Windham be a regular tag team. It was
a fun idea while it lasted but there’s nothing for the team to do
right now.

Little Jeanie vs.
Mona

Tony
tries to tell us how easy it is to order a WCW PPV as this is
sounding more and more desperate every week. Jeanie never did
anything that I can find. Apparently Mona was a powerlifter in her
younger days, which isn’t something you would expect out of someone
her size. They hit the mat to start and trade some hammerlocks and
armbars. Jeanie isn’t half bad out there and takes a decent monkey
flip to send her outside.

The
match stalls for a bit as they trade places, only to have Jeanie
choke a bit on the way back in. Mona gets two off a sunset flip and
the fans give her a good reaction. Granted it likely has something
to do with the short skirt flipping over but a pop is better than
nothing. Back up and a dropkick to the head sends Jeanie into the
corner. For a sweet ending, Mona puts on an Indian deathlock but
grabs Jeanie’s shoulders and rolls her over, bridging the legs into
the air for a pin.

Rating:
C+.
Shockingly good match here and I’m surprised Jeanie never did
anything else. She needed some work but with more experience and
some polish she could have been something decent. Mona of course
would have her success in the near future and it’s easy to see why
off this match. This was a big, nice surprise.

Brandi Alexander, a
chick that Mona beat up before, comes in but takes a clothesline from
Mona.

Video on Hogan vs.
Nash.

Hogan is in the back
when his son Nick comes in. Hogan is in the NWO gear and Nick wants
to know why his dad didn’t wear the red and yellow that Nick packed
for him. We hear a noise though and Hulk runs out of the room, only
to get laid out by Nash, Sid and Steiner. They beat him out to the
ring but Sting and Goldberg make a quick save.

This is apparently
enough for Hogan to put his career on the line on Saturday and makes
a challenge for a six man tag. Nash says it’s on, but Sting wants
Nash’s career on the line too. That’s cool as well, but Goldberg
tops them all. He says Steiner doesn’t have anything to put on the
line at Road Wild so he’ll just have to beat Steiner up.

Is
there any question why the title was retired soon after this? I mean
good grief it’s one thing to not acknowledge that someone is a
champion but to flat out say that the belt is worthless? The worst
part: you know Goldberg never got any flack for that backstage. Why
would he anyway? The title has been dying a brutal death since
Steiner became champion and just brutalized everyone he’s fought in
meaningless matches.

That
belt could be used for people like the Revolution, Booker T.,
Bagwell, even Disco Inferno or Cat. But instead it’s being held by a
guy no one cares about while Goldberg says the belt doesn’t matter.
Stupid decisions like this are among the biggest reasons WCW went
under: they didn’t care about anyone but the old guys and they think
people care about guys like Rick Steiner because he was a big deal
nine years ago. I really can’t get over that stupid line. I agree
Goldberg is above the TV Title, but did he have to point out that
it’s worthless in general?

US
Title: David Flair vs. Chris Benoit

Maybe
this can make me feel better. Heenan’s tongue is falling out of his
mouth over Torrie’s outfit. Little Naitch is ejected as referee and
Nick Patrick will be taking over. Isn’t he almost just as corrupt?
Flair immediately bails to the floor and tries to leave, only to be
thrown back in by Malenko and Saturn. Douglas was there too but he
was too busy reminding us of how great he was in ECW to actually
help.

David
bails again but is surrounded on the floor. A snap suplex sends the
champ flying and Benoit slaps him a few times. Benoit is just toying
with him here. Kanyon tries to do a hilarious looking run in (the
look on his face was priceless as he looked like he was trying to
save a baby from a burning building) but gets stopped by Saturn,
allowing Benoit to drop the Swan Dive for the pin and the title.

Rating:
B.
This is a hard one to grade as it’s clearly not about the wrestling
but they did exactly what they were supposed to out there. Benoit
FINALLY wins a singles title and gives David exactly what he
deserves. Granted it’s about three months too late for it to have
the impact they were going for but at least it finally happened.

Page
comes in and Rock Bottoms Benoit but thankfully the Revolution runs
in for the save before Page can ruin the moment. Benoit issues a
challenge for Saturday in a No DQ match.

Nitro
Girls.

Here’s
Savage to reveal who is going to guard George on Saturday, who also
drove the Hummer. Gene introduces George as being with him but
Savage is alone. After a quick President plug, he promises to kill
Rodman on Saturday. Gene gets to the point by asking about the
Hummer driver…..and Savage ignores him. One more line about
Saturday and we’re done. As I ask myself every week, why do I even
bother watching Thunder if they’re going to tease stuff like this and
then never follow up?

Chris
Adams/Dave Taylor vs. Eddie Guerrero/Rey Mysterio Jr.

It’s
Eddie and Taylor to get things going, but first they have to see who
the fans are behind. The stalling continues as we’re nearly two
minutes into the match with barely any contact. Taylor actually
snaps off a headscissors and dropkick to send Eddie to the floor,
drawing some solid booing. You would have thought Eddie would start
that way but instead he headscissors Taylor down to take over.

Off
to Rey, who is in an orange prison uniform because for some reason in
the 90s, that was considered cool. Adams runs him over with a
shoulder and a powerslam gets two. He misses a top rope splash
though and Rey hits a Lionsault, on the same night that Chris Jericho
was debuting on Monday Night Raw. Adams pops back up with that sweet
superkick of his for two before catapulting him into the wrong
corner.

Dave finally charges
into a boot in the corner and the prison enthusiast rolls over for
the hot tag to Eddie. Everything breaks down and Eddie dives through
the ropes to take out Taylor. Adams is all alone, setting up a
Mysterio top rope hurricanrana, followed by the Frog Splash for the
pin.

Rating:
C+.
What is with this show tonight? They’ve been nailing the wrestling
all night with everyone clicking in the ring. Mysterio and Guerrero
being a good tag team isn’t a surprise given how much they’ve worked
together in the past. Adams and Taylor were fine in this role as two
guys that can work well with anyone. If this was what Nitro was like
until a big main event, I’d have far fewer complaints.

Speaking
of complaints, cue the Dead Pool to jump Mysterio and Guerrero, only
to have Kidman make the save. Six man on Saturday it seems.

Gene
brings out the Rednecks, who imply they were with the Dixie Chicks
and Shania Twain last night. Apparently they were scheduled to
perform Good Old Boys live but Chad Brock has replaced them.
Seriously, this is the best thing they can come up with? Ignore the
fact that the fans booed Brock’s name in general but cheered when
Hennig promised to beat him up. Why do I have a feeling this was
translated as “See??? THE FANS RESPONDED TO HIS NAME! MORE
CELEBRITIES!”

Kidman
vs. Disco Inferno

Over
halfway through the show, Tony sends out get well wishes to Scott
Hudson. Gee that’s nice of him. Did we ever get a reason why Tony
was gone in the first place though? Kidman starts fast with a
dropkick and the slingshot headscissors, potentially causing lethal
hair damage. Disco pops back up and throws him over the top before
grabbing a Russian legsweep back inside.

The
chinlock is broken in about five seconds and Kidman nails a quick
clothesline. Disco continues his hot pace (maybe he has a fever?)
with a swinging neckbreaker and a hot (I’ve got something here!) shot
for two. Kidman comes back with a Sky High, which is a move I really
would like to see someone use as a finisher full time. And I mean
someone that matters, not Titus O’Neil.

Kidman ducks his head
though and eats the AWESOME jumping piledriver. I know he was a
comedy guy but he always had one of the best piledrivers I’ve ever
seen. It’s only good for two though so, in another recurring theme
tonight, he tries it again, only to have Kidman faceplant him. The
Shooting Star is ready but Vampiro runs in for the DQ.

Rating:
C.
Disco looked great here and continues to be one of the most
underrated WCW guys in the ring. Vampiro coming in makes sense and
keeps setting up their match on Saturday, though they could have
spaced the matches out better on the card. By having them back to
back, it runs the risk of overloading people on one feud, and you
know there’s a big crowd to see wrestling clowns.

Vampiro plants Kidman
with a super Nail in the Coffin. I’m not a Vampiro fan but that
looked GREAT, especially Kidman’s head flying up after impact and
falling back onto the mat. Disco actually tries to make the save but
eats a superkick, drawing out Eddie and Rey for the real save. Disco
offers Rey a handshake but Rey is a hugger, sending Disco running
away in fear. If a small man in a prison uniform tried to hug me,
I’d be a bit nervous too.

The announcers chat
about Saturday’s main event.

Scott Norton vs.
Buff Bagwell

Vicious
runs Delicious over to start and shoulders him to the floor. A
clothesline misses though and Buff hits some dropkicks (clearly
inspired by his match with Riggs on Thursday) to knock Norton
outside. Back in and Bagwell actually uses a dragon screw leg whip.
Well that’s some psychology at least.

Norton
shrugs it off though and hits his shoulder breaker as we see Cat
putting on the red shoes up on the ramp. Bagwell fights out of a
neck crank and a cross body actually works. Cue Cat to distract the
referee so Onoo can nail Bagwell with the briefcase, giving Norton
two. That’s enough to make Miller call his Mama, or come into the
ring for a DQ. Ignore the lack of actual contact of course.

Rating:
D.
Well the good match streak had to die somewhere. This was about as
bad as you would have expected as Bagwell just isn’t there in the
ring. It makes sense that he was great as a tag guy because he can
talk well enough to get on people’s nerves and then hit the
Blockbuster for a good looking finish.

Speaking of the
Blockbuster, Onoo takes one as Norton chases Cat to the back.

Now
for the REAL main event in any event in the country (except whatever
the Rosemont Horizon was called at this point because they’re smart
enough not to have this nonsense over in that company), here’s…..A
SINGER THAT DOESN’T EVEN GET AN INTRODUCTION! Yeah we come back from
a break and the song is starting. You know those musical acts that
are said to not need an introduction anywhere in the world but for
some reason they’re introduced anyway? As in like Elvis, the Rolling
Stones, Bruce Springsteen etc? Well apparently Chad Brock is
important enough to not actually introduce whatsoever.

He sings, people don’t
care, Hennig comes out and jaws with him, the Rednecks and the
Revolution come out for a staredown, I’ll never got those seven
minutes of my life back.

As if that’s not
enough, KISS is coming in two weeks.

Nitro Girls. They
haven’t been around as much lately. You know who has been though?
Chad Brock.

Kanyon vs. Booker T.

For
history’s sake, the Millennium Clock ended right about now. All
respective partners are out here with them. It’s Booker in control
to start with a back elbow to knock Kanyon to the floor so Stevie can
get in some cheap shots of his own. He doesn’t have this whole face
thing down yet.

Back
in and Kanyon extinguishes half of the Heat with a knee to the ribs
and we hit the chinlock. Booker fights up with the usual as they’re
clearly flying through this. The barrage of kicks set up the 110th
Street Slam but Kanyon pulls the referee in front of a clothesline.
The rest of the Triad stops Stevie, allowing Kanyon to nail Booker
with the belt, setting up the Flatliner for the pin.

Rating:
D+.
The match went so fast that there was only so much they could do out
there. I’ll let you make your own complaint about Brock taking up
their time. This was little more than another way to set up the Tag
Team Title match on Saturday, which is about all you can do for a
match like that. I’ve seen worse though.

Here’s
Rodman to Voodoo Child, so maybe we’ll find out who was driving the
Hummer here. Rodman says that this Saturday, George is going to
learn that she’s his BEEP. You mean the woman that Rodman, in theory
the face in this feud, as in the guy that has kidnapped George and
attacked from behind, kidnapped and may have raped? Savage runs out
and Rodman, your hero and mine, runs away in fear.

Sting/Goldberg/Hollywood
Hogan vs. Rick Steiner/Sid Vicious/Kevin Nash

Nash’s
team comes out to the Wolfpack theme but Nash has a Black and White
logo on his shirt. I’M SO CONFUSED! Remember that if Nash’s team
loses, his career is on the line Saturday. Goldberg comes out to
Crush Em, which I like but it doesn’t have the same impact as his old
music.

Now
we get the big, famous moment here though as Hogan returns to the red
and yellow for the first time in over three years. Tony loses his
mind as you would expect him to. To their credit, the fans go NUTS
in one of the final legitimate shows of emotion you’ll ever find in
WCW. I take no shame in admitting that it gave me a big smile too as
I grew up a Hulkamaniac and he belongs in the red and yellow. Also,
has there ever been a better three man face team in WCW?

Hogan
and Steiner get things going and the worthless champion is shoved
down. The big boot connects about a minute in and even Heenan is
fired up to see Hogan. Some more right hands drop Steiner and the
giants take punches of their own. Hogan beats up all three villains
on his own and they take a breather on the floor. With Hogan
dominating, the fans chant for Goldberg. You know, the guy in a
match with someone that has nothing to put up on Saturday.

Goldberg
gets the tag and the pop of the night as Nash comes in to face him.
Nash hammers away but eats a superkick and suplex as the fans get
even louder. You can see Hogan saying “Yeah they popped louder for
me brother. I heard them chanting HO-GAN too.” Sid walks into a
powerslam and it’s off to Sting, who seems almost out of his league
for once. He lays Sid on the top rope for the Stinger Splash but the
top rope version gets two to stop the crowd dead.

The
referee gets in the way of Nash’s Snake Eyes as someone has exposed
the buckle. That earns him a ref bump and Sting hits a pair of
Stinger Splashes into the exposed buckle and a third into a more
modest buckle. Steiner comes in with a chair but there’s the spear.
Hogan takes the chair and cleans house, including knocking Nash
willy. Another referee comes out to say Nash is out for the win,
putting his career on the line Saturday.

Rating:
B-.
It’s a very fun match and Hogan coming back in the red and yellow is
a big moment. We had a top level WCW face team against the three top
heels (since Flair has disappeared) and the crowd went nuts. That
brings me to my one big issue with the match: wouldn’t this have made
more sense next week?

Next week’s main event
would be Hogan vs. Sid for the title, so couldn’t they have swapped
that to this week and had the six man after the PPV? With this,
whatever they do on Saturday is going to feel like a letdown from
this and you get Hogan putting on the red and yellow again after he
defeats his “biggest challenge” (work with me here) thanks to the
power of the Hulkamaniacs. This took away the drama because you know
Hulk Hogan isn’t losing to Nash in this kind of a match. Still
though, good moment and a really fun main event.

Overall
Rating: B-.
Easily the best Nitro in months, but this company is clearly running
on borrowed time. The main event scene is dying for some fresh blood
and putting Hogan in the old colors is only going to keep him going
for so long. Benoit getting the title is a bright spot and at least
a sign of hope, but I’m still stuck on that TV Title line. It’s
going to take some time to get that back to credibility and Rick
Steiner holding it isn’t going to help that. Midcard title problems
aside, this show was solid action (mostly) in front of a red hot
crowd. They still need to cut back to two hours, but not being
horrible is a good start.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

http://www.amazon.com/Thomas-Hall/e/B00E6282W6

Rants

Rants

Monday Nitro – August 2, 1999

By Scott Keith on 24th December 2014

Monday
Nitro #199

Date: August 2, 1999

Location: Sioux Falls
Arena, Sioux Falls, South Dakota

Commentators:
Bobby Heenan, Scott Hudson

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

I’m really starting to
feel sorry for the wrestlers in this company. They have to work hard
and try to carry this show to something resembling wrestling while
the old guard just won’t shut up and get out of the way. There’s
room for the older generation in a company because the young guys
have no credibility without wins over established names, but there
comes a point where it’s time to pass the torch. Unfortunately that
was well over a year ago. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
last week’s main event stuff in case you’re having a hard time
staying awake this week.

Recap of Hogan vs. Nash
with Goldberg basically as a plot device.

We see Harlem Heat
reuniting on Thunder.

Harlem
Heat vs. Kanyon/Bam Bam Bigelow

Non-title
with Page not in wrestling gear. Before the match he makes more your
mama jokes about Benoit. He goes one step further though by saying
David Flair is a better US Champion than Benoit could ever be. Oh
you know it’s on now. Well at least Harlem Heat’s music is on, minus
the pyro. Also in an amusing bit: Booker told Stevie to take off the
black and white to reform the team. Naturally tonight, they’re in
black and white.

Page
leaves so Booker and Kanyon can have a Raise the Roof contest.
Booker cranks on the arm and nails a dropkick before it’s off to his
brother. Kanyon is mediocrekicked outside and Bigelow comes in for a
power brawl. It’s Bigelow hammering him down until Stevie actually
blocks a suplex and takes Bigelow over with one of his own. Booker
and Kanyon come back in to try and make this a bit more interesting.
Seriously if you have those two in a match, why would you ever let it
be Stevie vs. Bigelow?

Anyway, Bigelow offers
a distraction so Kanyon can poke Booker in the eye. Another suplex
puts Booker down and Bigelow adds the top rope headbutt for two.
It’s not quite Benoit, but then again maybe Bigelow’s mama was worse
than Chris’. Booker fights up again and hammers away before nailing
the flying forearm.

The hot tag brings in
Stevie for big boots all around as the fans just not care.
Everything breaks down and Stevie breaks up Greetings From Asbury
Park. Not a Springsteen fan I guess. The Harlem Sidekick sends
Kanyon to the floor and Booker goes up top, only to have Page come
out and get on the apron. This brings out Benoit for a save,
allowing Booker to dropkick Kanyon for the pin.

Rating:
C+.
This one is a mixed bag for me as the match was a nice change of pace
from the stuff I’ve been sitting through lately, but at the same time
I’m really not liking the idea that Booker T. is back in the same tag
team he was stuck in for about four years. Harlem Heat used to be
great, but I really don’t want to see the team again in late 1999.

Booker is the guy that
should be the US Champion, but instead we’re sitting through an angle
designed to make Ric look corrupt, even though he doesn’t have the
power anymore. Is there a reason why Sting hasn’t done something
about that yet? Does WCW even know that Sting has been in charge for
like two weeks now? If they do, why hasn’t he like, done something
yet?

Benoit wants a match
later with Page.

Lenny
and Lodi ask Ernest where he shops. Because they’re gay you see and
gay men like to shop. HAVE THEY MADE IT CLEAR TO YOU THAT THEY’RE
GAY YET??? I DON’T KNOW IF THEY’VE BEATEN IT OVER YOUR HEAD ENOUGH
YET SO I THOUGHT I MIGHT SHOUT TO GET IT INTO YOUR HEAD SOME MORE!
Did I mention this story is getting on my nerves?

Opening
sequence.

Chad Brock will be
performing next week. I don’t know who he is either.

Here’s President Sting
with something to say. He wants Sid and Steiner out here tonight but
needs a partner. The fans chant for Goldberg and Sting seems to
think that’s quite a jolly idea. He’ll be back here at 9pm to get
Goldberg’s answer.

Sonny and the Cat
(sounds like a 1970s Saturday morning cartoon show) come out to rip
on Buff’s bunny slippers deal last week. Tonight he’s going to whip
someone without his red slippers, so he wants Lenny and Lodi out here
right now. If they show up, he’ll tell them where he shops.
Apparently this is a match.

The
Cat vs. Lenny Lane/Lodi

They’re
now wearing glitter and sucking on lollipops. Miller rams their
heads together to start and throws Lodi to the floor before beating
on Lenny. Lane goes outside as well and we have a chase involving
Onoo. Back in and a pair of Feliners drop the brothers so Miller can
pin Lane.

Ok, time to pause for a
second. Let’s take a look at this. We have two men who are
apparently gay, even though I don’t think it’s actually been said
yet. On top of that, they follow almost every gay stereotype in the
book, ranging from bright clothing to glitter to shopping. Then
apparently they’re stupid enough that Miller can beat them both up in
less than two minutes because they’re weak fighters. Oh and they’re
brothers because why not make an incest joke too.

What
in the world is the point of this storyline? If there’s any reason
behind it other than to make fun of gay people, I certainly can’t see
it. I tend to think that a lot of official statements and complaints
from groups due to something they find offensive are stupid and a
case where they need to just grow thicker skin, but this deserved
every single lawsuit, complaint and raking over the coals that WCW
got.

Compare them to the
version that came three years later: Billy and Chuck. Now I’m not
saying Billy and Chuck were some great leap forward for gay rights,
but they were done roughly 19,000% better than Lenny and Lodi. To
begin with, they won the Smackdown Tag Team Titles twice. In other
words, they actually WON something. Have Lenny and Lodi won a single
match between the two of them since this story started?

On
top of that, and most importantly of all, they weren’t treated as
something horrible and worthless. Yeah they were played for comedy,
but the comedy felt much more lighthearted with them. Lenny and Lodi
are seemingly getting beaten up because they’re easy targets. Billy
and Chuck came off as stupid, but harmless for the most part. This
story though comes off as offensive, low brow and really, really
hateful. I could have gone with this story until they were suddenly
brothers, because that changed this from something amusing to WCW
trying to shock people and get a rise out of them.

Here’s
Gene, who suddenly loves Hogan again. Okerlund always was a fickle
guy. Anyway here’s Hogan in the black and white and a necklace made
of paperclips (seriously) but minus the beard. Apparently the chicks
have been all over him since he shaved. Sounding like Hulk instead
of Hollywood, he talks about bleeding last week and how the cameras
had to pan away before kids got scared. Oh come on that cut was so
lame that even the Maryland State Athletic Commission wouldn’t have
stopped the match. Anyway, Nash is a woman and Hogan is SHOOTING.
Nash can have his title shot tonight if he wants one.

Sting
comes out to get Goldberg’s answer. We see Goldberg looking at a
clock and heading towards the ring, only to run into Rick Steiner
before he gets through the curtain. Steiner lures him into a room
where Sid is waiting with a snow shovel. Goldberg gets blasted in
the head a few times but Sting runs into the back.

This
goes as well as you would think it would as Sid and Steiner beat
Sting down as well before dragging him back to the ring. Sting
fights back but eats a chokeslam, only to have Goldberg run out for
the save. You would think a SNOW SHOVEL TO THE BACK from a 6’10
300+lb monster would have more effect than it did in Home Alone but
whatever. Goldberg wants to fight and I think we have our main
event. This was actually a really well done segment and set up the
match quite well. Unfortunately the match is going to be a disaster
but the build was good.

Evan
Karagias vs. Disco Inferno

Karagias
speeds things up to start with some hiptosses and dropkicks. You can
tell there’s something here as the announcers actually stop prattling
on about the main event to hype Evan. Of course as they do that,
Disco comes back with his usual barrage of clotheslines and atomic
drops, followed by a middle rope forearm to the face for two. A
second attempt misses though and Evan comes back with some right
hands and a powerslam. Evan grabs a nice snap suplex but Disco
actually uses his experience to hold the ropes to avoid a dropkick.
The Last Dance is enough for the pin.

Rating:
C.
Hokey smoke that was actually entertaining while it lasted. It’s so
rare for a match like this to have some thought put into it. Yeah
it’s a basic story with Evan being full of fire but Disco using his
experience to catch him trying for one too many moves, but the fact
that there’s something to a match this short says a lot. I’ve said
it time and time again: when you cut out all the nonsense and over
thinking of a match and just let guys tell a story, it’s going to be
entertaining because most wrestlers on this level are talented enough
to make a match work.

Torrie
thinks David should only have to defend the title when he feels like
it because he’s already beaten everyone. Ok then.

Video on David Flair’s
US Title reign.

KISS is here in three
weeks.

Nitro Girls.

Sid says…..something
in a whisper that I couldn’t understand other than the word Goldberg.

Hugh
Morrus/Jerry Flynn vs. Dean Malenko/Shane Douglas

The
youth movement is officially dubbed the Revolution. Dean tries a
Cloverleaf in the first ten seconds but Morrus makes a fast save.
The Revolution quickly clears the ring and stands tall. Well not
really but you get the idea. Back in and it’s Morrus gorilla
pressing Shane, which I’m sure is Ric Flair’s fault somehow. Shane
escapes and dropkicks Hugh down, but that’s enough wrestling for
Shane so it’s back to Malenko for a rollup.

Apparently
Dean isn’t cool with Shane showing up and jumping into this group
with people who have put up with WCW’s nonsense so he tags him right
back in. Hugh nails a clothesline but takes too long loading up No
Laughing Matter, allowing Shane to slam him down. A double tag
brings in Malenko to hammer away on Flynn, only to take another
clothesline. Jimmy Hart gets involved by tripping Malenko to the mat
before Flynn starts kicking.

We
run through the gauntlet of all the standard face in peril spots from
the sunset flip broken up by a tag, the referee not seeing the tag
and the heels taking turns with really basic moves. Flynn misses his
495th
kick of the match and Dean dives over to make the tag. Douglas
cleans house with right hands and a powerslam on Flynn for two.
Everything breaks down and the Pittsburgh Plunge is enough to pin
Jerry.

Rating:
D+.
Sweet they have a really simple name now and they even beat a nothing
tag team! Clearly they’re ready to move to the top of the company
and take over the industry. This push seems to be too little too
late as we had to sit through Bagwell’s push just dying and the Triad
going over the Revolution time after time, save for I think a three
day title reign for Benoit and Saturn. At the end of the day, these
guys could light the world on fire but it’s never going to matter
because WCW is too busy booking musical acts for the show instead of
paying attention to guys working hard to entertain the people.

Malenko takes the
Hardcore Trophy from Hart and says he’s bringing this back to Fit
Finlay where it belongs.

Speaking of the musical
acts, KISS is still coming in three weeks.

Goldberg Megadeath
video.

Nitro Girls.

In a bizarre segment,
Rick Steiner comes out, throws Scott Hudson into the ring for a belly
to belly, and is taken out by security as we take a break.

We
come back with Bischoff joining commentary as Hudson is taken into an
ambulance. Great, now we get another hour and a half of Bischoff
babbling about doing the right thing, which makes me think of
Stephanie McMahon’s stupid interviews where she just goes on and on
about whatever her latest endeavor is and how important it is while
no one else in the world has any idea or cares what the heck she’s
talking about.

Sturn
comes out for his match and Bischoff immediately starts talking about
how Saturn and the Revolution will be taking the company into the
next generation. I’m sure that’s why you booked Bagwell vs. Piper in
a freaking boxing match a few weeks back and are giving us Hogan vs.
Nash at Road Wild while the Revolution doesn’t actually have a match
announced.

As
if that wasn’t enough, Hennig comes out before the match and rips on
Chad Brock for not being a real country singer. So the Revolution
can’t get a feud but the freaking country singer can get one? Again,
you can see why this company is about to die from here. Maybe Benoit
and company should put out a record and get on the radio if they want
a spot in the main event. Or they should stop having good matches
and turn 40.

Anyway
Hennig sends Duncum in to fight and Saturn plants him with a Death
Valley Driver immediately. Saturn wants Hennig in there right now
because he isn’t a real cowboy. Time for a replacement match.

Saturn
vs. Curt Hennig

Saturn
is all over him like over the hill wrestlers on an episode of Nitro
and quickly knocks him into the corner for some right hands to the
face. Possibly too drunk to feel pain, Hennig knocks him out of the
corner and nails a quick neck snap. Curt hits his knee lift as
Bischoff talks about Hennig in the WWF for no apparent reason. A low
blow puts Saturn back down (just make them legal. I don’t remember
the last week that went by without one of those happening.) but he
rips Curt’s shirt off. Back up and Saturn nails a quick spinwheel
kick and the Death Valley Driver but the Windhams run in for the DQ.

Rating:
D+.
This was just story development as I’m assuming we’re setting up the
Rednecks vs. the Revolution at Road Wild. That being said, it really
wasn’t the best match in the world but again, that’s due to the lack
of time. I kind of which they could have taken out Kendall Windham
instead of Duncum because Bobby actually has some potential rather
than just a famous last name, but this went five minutes and didn’t
manage to bury any talent or put the first 20 rows to sleep so
they’re improving.

The
Rednecks try to tie Saturn up but the rest of the Revolution comes in
for the save.

Video of Benoit getting
screwed out of the US Title last week.

Chris
Benoit vs. Diamond Dallas Page

All
this over a your mama joke. They spit at each other to start until
Page nails him in the ribs and grabs a quick belly to back suplex.
Benoit will not be outsuplexed by anyone so he slaps on the
Crossface, sending Page scurrying to the floor. Back in and Page
nails a quick neckbreaker but the Diamond Cutter is stopped and
Benoit grabs the snap suplex.

Remember
a year and a half back when these two and Raven were tearing up the
midcard over the US Title? Well now Benoit is still the same guy he
was before and Page has just been going through the motions for
months now, basically wasting all of his time built up as a top guy.
Anyway Page elbows him in the face and hits that very nice helicopter
bomb (that should be a finisher. It worked in No Mercy so it works
in real life) for two.

Another
low blow keeps Benoit in trouble and a spinebuster gets yet another
two. Page goes up top for the sole purpose of getting crotched and
superplexed to put both guys down again. Benoit rolls some Germans
but, say it with me, Page hits him low to escape. A Rock Bottom gets
two for Page but Benoit plants him with a DDT. The Swan Dive
connects as David Flair comes out, only to get knocked off the apron.
The distraction lets Page grab a rollup but Benoit reverses into one
of his own for the pin.

Rating:
C+.
Pretty good, hard hitting match here as Benoit gets a pin over a
former World Champion. Like I said it’s a far cry from their great
US Title match on Thunder the previous year, but it’s always good to
see Benoit get something like this. It wasn’t even that overbooked
with just the Flair interference near the end. Now if only Benoit
gets to keep this momentum going.

And of course it lasts
all of 8 seconds as Benoit eats a two Diamond Cutters plus one off
the top as the Triad comes in. David taunts Benoit with the belt,
apparently continuing their…..I’m not sure what to call it because
a three minute beating with a screwy ending doesn’t sound like much
of a feud.

Here’s Savage on his
own to talk to Okerlund. He’s suspended his campaign for President
(oh darn the luck) because he has to hurt Hulk Hogan, Kevin Nash and
Dennis Rodman. He wants Rodman out here right now but gets the
former Miss Madness instead. Mona begs to be back on his team again
so Savage shoves her down to her knees. Savage looks at her and says
she’s still fired.

Cue
Rodman with the No Limit Soldiers and oh dear goodness why are they
mixing these stories? Rodman says George is his now, presumably
because once you’ve gone black you never go back. Rodman: “Once
you go black, you never go back.” Mona hits Savage low and Rodman
comes in for the same offense he had back in 1997 and the fans love
it as we go to a break.

Why are these two
feuding? That’s a serious question. One night Savage just started
talking trash about Rodman and now we’re watching this mess every
week. As has been my issue for months, why isn’t this ANY ACTIVE WCW
WRESTLER fighting Savage and getting this rub by association? It
worked wonders for Page last year but now it’s all about Dennis
Rodman for the short term celebrity moment. If nothing else, have
some young guy fight with Rodman. Also, who am I supposed to cheer
for here? The kidnapper or the woman beater?

Vampiro
vs. Eddie Guerrero

Vampiro
has Raven and the Clowns with him. It’s amusing hearing Heenan talk
about the Insane Clown Posse when he clearly has no idea who they are
and would love to rip on them if not for Bischoff sitting next to
him. Eddie stomps him into the corner to start as Bischoff tries to
apologize for the comments made in the previous segment. I’d prefer
he just apologize for the previous segment but I’d rather not hear
him talk about doing the right thing again.

A clothesline turns
Vampiro inside out but Raven trips Eddie up to take over. Eddie is
sent outside and knocks a cameraman over as the Clowns get in some
cheap shots. They whip him into the steps before Vampiro and Eddie
trade chops back inside. Vampiro gets armdragged off the top and
dropkicked over the top, only Shaggy. Eddie hits a great looking
dive to put them down again but Raven shoves him off the top, setting
up the Nail in the Coffin for the pin.

Rating:
C-.
Good grief stop with the celebrities! We have Brock, Rodman and the
Clowns all on the show plus KISS coming in to perform in a few weeks
and getting two separate videos so far tonight. They have such a
huge roster but insist on bringing in those people to keep taking
spots and going further and further into the hole against Raw. But
hey, Bischoff is saying how great the Revolution is so that has to
mean something right?

The Clowns beat Eddie
down post match but Mysterio comes out for the save.

Berlyn is coming. I
actually liked that character.

Hogan comes out for
commentary with Bischoff. Oh this is going to hurt.

Sid/Rick
Steiner vs. Goldberg/Sting

Hogan’s
first gem is about wanting to pass the torch to Sting. There’s a
LONG rant about Starrcade 1997 in there but I want to get this over
with. It’s a big brawl on the floor to start until Sting suplexes
Sid over the top and back into the ring. That lasts all of four
seconds before they head back outside and switch things up. I guess
these old guys can’t handle having a match at this point. Steiner
sends Sting into the buckles back inside before tagging Sid in as the
match actually gets going.

Sting
takes his second chokeslam of the night but Goldberg makes a fast
save. That’s enough for Sting to start a comeback but a splash on
the mat hits knees. Sid’s legdrop hits the mat though and Sting
loads up the Scorpion, only to have Steiner break it up. Everything
breaks down again with Goldberg being sent to the apron. Naturally
it’s time to cheat but Hogan takes a chair from Rick and blasts him
in the head with it, drawing a DQ.

Rating:
D.
Standard angle disguised as a wrestling match here with Goldberg
never actually tagging in. It’s a shame that the main event is being
hogged by these guys but that’s a broken record at this point. This
is clearly setting up a big six man followed by three singles matches
at the PPV. In other words, Goldberg went from World Champion to
gone for months to the TV Title against Rick Steiner while Hogan and
Nash have the main event title program because Nash felt like turning
heel. This really shouldn’t surprise you.

Cue
Nash to powerbomb Hogan through the announcers’ table to end the
show. It’s a good thing there were no monitors on the table and that
it was clearly gimmicked.

Overall
Rating: C-.
I hate to admit it but they’re getting a little better. Maybe I’m
just numb to how bad WCW is at this point but I didn’t hate this
episode. I hated things about it but the wrestling was mostly fine
and the stories actually advanced. Granted the stories are mostly
about the celebrities and old people but they are indeed advancing.
At this point it’s more that you have to just accept what you’re
given with WCW because the chances of them getting it right get
weaker and weaker every week.

The
Revolution stuff continues to frustrate me every week. You can see
them chomping at the bit to take over, but they’re clearly running on
a treadmill, perpetually stuck being the guys waiting to take over
instead of ever actually taking over. Those spots are saved for the
guys that were draws before and will be draws in the future because
once you’re a draw, you’re ALWAYS a draw, but apparently you can’t
become a draw for some reason. Even Goldberg, who was the hottest
guy in the world not named Austin last year, is looking more like a
catalyst to get to the real main event of Hogan vs. Nash. Better but
still weak show here.

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Monday Nitro – July 26, 1999

By Scott Keith on 17th December 2014

Monday
Nitro #198

Date: July 26, 1999

Location: Mid-South
Coliseum, Memphis, Tennessee

Attendance: 7,201

Commentators:
Scott Hudson, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re less than three
weeks away from Road Wild and the top of the card is starting to come
into focus. Nash took a very sharp heel turn last week, seemingly
for no reason other than Hogan vs. Nash needed to be face vs. heel.
On top of that, Thunder actually set some stuff up for tonight, such
as Nash/a mystery partner vs. Hogan/whomever he can find, plus Hennig
vs. Goldberg. Let’s get to it.

We
open with a long recap of last week’s major events, including Sting
winning control back and Rodman attacking Savage.

Recap
of Hennig challenging Goldberg from Thunder.

Video on Goldberg.

Gene brings out Hogan
for an opening chat and brings up Nash’s challenge for the tag match
tonight. Hogan doesn’t have a partner, but he does have the title.
Cue Nash, Steiner and Sid to beat Hogan down until Sting makes the
save.

Back from a break with
a recap of what we just saw.

Psychosis/Juventud
Guerrera vs.Kendall Windham/Bobby Duncum Jr.

Juvy
wants to start and springboards in, only to dive into Bobby’s boot.
The Rednecks take over to start with their slow Texas pummeling until
Duncum charges into a boot to the face. A missile dropkick sends
Bobby into the corner for the tag off to Kendall, who knocks Guerrera
into the corner. Juvy doesn’t tag for some reason, allowing the
Rednecks to beat him down even more. Bobby misses an elbow to the
jaw and Juvy finally tags out.

It’s
Psychosis in with some fast kicks to the face followed by a
springboard missile dropkick from Guerrera. Kendall comes back with
a hot shot and BIG lariat to take Psychosis down as the Rednecks
regain control. Duncum gets two off a shoulder breaker, setting up a
Windham belly to back superplex for two on Psychosis. An attempted
tag to Juvy goes nowhere and a double bulldog is enough for the pin.

Rating:
C.
The ending here was kind of awkward but the luchadors put on a decent
effort. This is the weaker half of the Rednecks and it’s getting a
bit annoying to see the team out there getting cheered when we’re
supposed to be booing them because WCW doesn’t understand its own
fans. Nice little match though and that’s a step up for WCW.

Country singer Chad
Brock will be performing live in two weeks.

Madusa
and Miss Madness will be having a match at Road Wild but they can
still insult Gorgeous George. Ignore the phone ringing during this
segment.

Vampiro
vs. Rey Mysteiro Jr.

Non-title
because the Cruiserweight Title means nothing anymore. The Insane
Clown Posse is in Vampiro’s corner because they think they’re
wrestlers. Vampiro easily shoves Rey down to start and nails him
with a clothesline. Rey finally gets up and dropkicks the knee out
before a regular dropkick puts Vampiro on the floor. The Clowns have
a quick meeting with Vampiro outside before he heads inside for a
Rock Bottom to plant Mysterio again.

Rey ducks a spinwheel
kick though and nails a Fameasser in the ropes. The Clowns offer a
distraction though and the Nail in the Coffin knocks Rey silly.
Vampiro goes up though, only to get crotched. We’re not done with
the Clowns though, as Jay holds Vampiro’s legs to prevent a super
hurricanrana, allowing Vampiro to powerbomb Rey off the ropes for the
pin.

Rating:
C.
Again the match was fine and it’s nice to see someone new getting a
bit of a push, even though it has to be thanks to the Clowns. That
being said, this was a nice change of pace as the underdog good guy
was fighting big odds and lost to cheating heels. That’s wrestling
101 and it’s going to work every time. Granted it helps that these
wrestlers aren’t my grandparents’ age.

Eddie runs out to save
Rey from a beatdown.

Vincent vs. Stevie
Ray

Well
you knew the good stuff wasn’t going to last forever. Vincent, with
Horace in his corner, rips on Stevie for having a heart about his
brother before jumping Ray on the way into the ring. Ray shrugs him
off and nails a hard elbow to the face, setting up a Flair Flop. A
powerslam puts Vincent down again but he comes back with a low blow,
which is totally legal anymore in WCW. Horace tries to interfere but
Ray whips Vincent into him to knock Sergeant Nepotism (David Flair
would be the Captain of course). Ray loads up the Slap Jack as
Booker comes out to cut off Adams. The Slap Jack (move) is enough to
end Vincent.

Rating:
D.
If this is what it takes to finally end the NWO, I guess I can
survive it. It’s still not a good match or anything, but at least
they kept this under four minutes. Unfortunately it means we have to
see Booker T. get dropped back into the tag team scene instead of
moving up the card like he should be. Granted, that’s probably a
good thing at this point.

Sting
goes into Hogan’s dressing room.

Post
match here’s President Sting to say that he’s made his first decision
as boss: he’s going to be Hogan’s partner tonight. Hogan comes out
and says he’s not Hollywood anymore and promises not to stab Sting in
the back. Sting says that’s fine, but if Hogan does screw him, Sting
will “getcha”.

Jason
freaking Hervey joins the broadcast booth to make up for the bad
taste Arliss left on him last week.

Prince Iaukea vs.
Lash Leroux

Iaukea grabs a quick
armdrag to take Lash down but slaps him in the face. Not that it
matters as Savage and George come out to beat up both guys for the no
contest less than a minute in.

Savage babbles about
running for President until Madusa and the former Miss Madness come
out to insult George. Madusa is on Savage’s side in this, but George
is the real problem. In the distraction, Dennis Rodman sneaks in and
kidnaps George.

KISS is coming.

Savage is looking for
George.

Goldberg comes out,
says he’s going to hurt Hennig, and that’s about it.

The Cat vs. Evan
Karagias

Miller
makes his usual offer as Hervey plugs some movie he’s in with DDP.
Of course he doesn’t mention the name of the movie or when/where we
can see it but he does mention it. Cat takes Evan down with a
clothesline to start and we appear to be in squash mode, which makes
me think there’s a swerve coming. Kicks abound, broken up by a
dancing elbow from Miller.

A sunset flip doesn’t
get Evan anywhere so Ernest dances and kicks him in the face. Evan
comes back with a forearm and a nice springboard cross body. Cue
Onoo for a distraction so Miller can get the shoes, but he finds
bunny slippers instead of the ruby slippers. Bagwell pops up on
stage with the red shoes, allowing Evan to get a rollup for the pin.

Rating:
D+.
Somehow this was tolerable as Miller is starting to get the hang of
being a heel. He’s still nothing to see in the ring but at least
he’s starting to find something other than just kicking all the time.
This is a waste of Bagwell, but at least he might get a win out of
the thing.

Mikey Whipwreck vs.
Steven Regal

The
announcers explain that Finlay has injured his leg in a hardcore
match last night and may never wrestle again. During Regal’s
entrance, a fan jumps the barricade but is quickly taken down by
security. As you would expect, Regal takes it to the mat to start
and easily rides Whipwreck. Back up and Mikey tries to quicken the
pace with some armdrags and a headscissors, sending Regal over to the
warm cuddling arms of Dave Taylor.

Regal
gets back in and takes Whipwreck down again before cranking on the
arm. That goes nowhere though because Hart’s First Family (about as
over as anyone all night) comes out to say the Brits can get the
Hardcore Trophy back at Road Wild. We get an Andy Kaufman reference,
allowing Hervey to try to sound intelligent, making him all the ore
annoying.

The
distraction lets Whipwreck grab a quick rollup for two and a nice
pinfall reversal sequence doesn’t get anyone anywhere. Regal drops a
leg for two but gets rolled up for the same. Now it’s Mikey taking
him into the corner for the top rope hurricanrana, only to have
Taylor blast him with the Union Jack, setting up the Regal Stretch
for the submission.

Rating:
C.
They’re actually bringing some decent wrestling tonight, perhaps due
to letting talented people get a few minutes in there. The match
wasn’t anything great, but it was nice to see some wrestling going
on. You know, in between the various interference that this match
just had to have. I’m still not quite sure why Mikey was hired,
unless it was so that he couldn’t work for ECW.

Mike gets covered by
the Union Jack.

Here are David Flair
and Torrie for a chat. David does all his dad’s catchphrases
(including saying to be IN the man) and has Torrie say he looks good.
Short version of this is David will be champion as long as he wants.

Savage swears a lot and
storms into Rodman’s trailer with the censor missing an F bomb.

Shane Douglas is here
to help his friends and cut out the cancer called Ric Flair. I
really don’t like it when you hear wrestling angles called cancer.

Goldberg vs. Curt
Hennig

Hervey
brags about having access to WCW clips and how great a job Goldberg
does. Hudson: “I don’t think Goldberg does jobs at all!” I
chuckled a bit. Anyway Goldberg throws Hennig around with ease and
slams him out to the floor. The Rednecks offer a distraction so
Hennig can nail Goldberg with a cowbell for no cover. Goldberg pops
back up and powerslams Hennig down, drawing in the Rednecks to be
quickly dispatched. Curt grabs a chair but backs down instead,
giving Goldberg a DQ win due to the interference. They couldn’t have
Hennig get pinned by GOLDBERG?

Goldberg
spits on Hennig post match to draw him back in, only to knock Curt
right back to the floor.

Video on Hogan vs.
Nash, featuring a big backstory on the NWO. I’ll give them points
for making it feel like a big deal, but making it face Hogan vs. heel
Nash has really hurt my interest in the match.

Patty Stone Grinder
vs. Madusa

Stone
Grinder is former WWF Women’s Champion Lelani Kai as a biker. Hervey
spends the entrances bragging about being a network actor, making him
better than Arliss. Patty jumps Madusa as she gets in the ring and
chokes her with a chain. Some bad looking knees have Madusa in
trouble as Hudson runs down upcoming Nitro dates. Patty drops her
with a butterfly suplex but Madusa comes back with a clothesline to
knock Grinder to the floor for a big dive. Back in and the German
suplex ends Patty to end the Wrestlemania X rematch.

Rating:
D.
You know, I had a big rant set up about how this is the best WCW can
do to compete with the WWF’s women’s division, but then I realized
that Fabulous Moolah was about three months away from winning the
title again. However, that at least had some nostalgia and charm to
it. This was Madusa beating up whatever relic WCW could find who
could work a passable match. It’s really all the proof you need that
they didn’t care about this division and just put it together for the
sake of saying they had one. To be fair though, that’s basically
what WWF did with the light heavyweight division around this time.

Shane
Douglas vs. Scott Putski

Scott
actually gets the first blows in with some clotheslines and a snap
suplex for two. A backdrop has Shane in even more trouble but he
finally grabs a neckbreaker to take over. We actually get a
reference to Shane’s WCW tenure back in 1992. Shane piledrives
Putski for two and we hit a chinlock. Way to show WCW that fire
you’re bringing with you Douglas. Putski fights up like a jobber
should and walks into the Pittsburgh Plunge (fisherman’s buster) for
the pin.

Rating:
D+.
So to recap, Shane Doulgas is back from ECW to cut out the cancer
known as Ric Flair for holding Shane down in ways he never has the
time to explain and he starts by having issues beating Scott Putski.
I’ve never been a Douglas fan and this is yet another reason of why I
feel justified in that thinking.

US Title: Chris
Benoit vs. David Flair

Little
Naitch is refereeing and Benoit is challenging of course. Benoit
easily takes him down to start and rips David’s chest off with chops
to send the champ to the floor. David tries to leave but Robinson
tells him to keep going. Back in and more chops have David
screaming, followed by a backbreaker and Liontamer. The champ taps
but Robinson just lets him suffer. The Swan Dive sets up the
Crossface, only to have DDP come in with a belt shot to give David
the pin.

Rating:
D.
Do I need to explain this one? Again, I actually like the idea
behind Flair as they’re openly acknowledging that he’s horrible and
only there because his dad was the boss but…..wait why can they
still get away with this cheating with Sting in charge now?
Shouldn’t that have stopped immediately?

Malenko, Saturn,
Douglas and the rest of the Triad run in for a big brawl.

TV
Title: Chase Tatum vs. Rick Steiner

Tatum,
a No Limit Soldier, comes out to heavy metal. Steiner just mauls him
in the corner with right hands and knees to the back. A shoulder
drops Rick for a few seconds but another suplex sets up the Steiner
Bulldog to retain.

Hollywood
Hogan/Sting vs. Kevin Nash/Sid

Of
course it’s Sid, because that’s the least logical option outside of
Randy Savage. Somehow that means this could be worse if you can
actually believe that. Hogan doesn’t bring the belt with him for no
apparent reason. Speaking of no apparent reason, there is no reason
for either of these teams to trust each other given their recent and
distant histories. Again, Sid tried to MURDER Nash a few months back
and it’s just forgotten here. By the way, average age of the people
in this match: 43, with Sid as the young pup of the group at 38.

Sid
tries to take Hogan into the corner to start but Hollywood takes him
in instead with a series of right hands. An atomic drop puts Hogan
down but Sid is nice enough to help him up. Hogan and Sting get Sid
caught between them for a barrage of right hands but Sid blocks a
slam. It’s Sid slamming Hogan though, only to miss an elbow drop.
Everything breaks down and the good guys clean house.

Back
in and Nash slows things down but misses the framed elbow. Sting
tries to jump over Nash in the corner but gets caught in Snake Eyes.
It’s back to Sid who rakes the eyes to stop Sting’s comeback and we
hit the chinlock. Sting fights back again but his splash hits knees
and it’s back to Nash. Another comeback is quickly stopped though as
Nash knocks Hogan to the floor, leaving no one for Sting to tag.

Nash sends him into the
corner and Sting tries another jump, only to have Nash stay in the
middle, leaving Sting to just crash into him. Now we get the hot tag
to Hogan as everything breaks down again. The referee takes the
Stinger Splash by mistake so here’s Rick Steiner to blast Sting with
a chair. Hogan cuts his forehead, starts bleeding, and then gets hit
in the head to bust him open, giving Nash the easy pin.

Rating:
D.
Were you expecting anything else here? This was your standard main
event tag but the things like Sting just crashing into Nash or Hogan
clearly blading in the middle of the ring and bleeding before anyone
hit him in the head took away any fun this match could have had.
Also, anytime Rick Steiner gets closer to the main event, the match
loses more of its value.

Goldberg
comes out for the save but gets beaten down as well to end the show.

Overall
Rating: C-.
This show wasn’t horrible actually as the wrestling and story
advancement carried it to a decent enough performance. Things have
actually settled down over the last few weeks and a lot of the
insanity has gone away. Unfortunately a lot of the ability to
remember plot points from week to week has gone away as well, making
a lot of the story developments mean absolutely nothing. At least
the wrestling helped things out here though, which is better than
what you get most of the time anymore.

Remember to check out my website at kbwrestlingreviews.com and head over to my Amazon author page with wrestling books for under $4 at:

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Monday Nitro – July 19, 1999

By Scott Keith on 10th December 2014

Monday
Nitro #197

Date: July 19, 1999

Location: Metrocentre,
Rockford, Illinois

Attendance: 7,558

Commentators: Scott
Hudson, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re inching closer to
Road Wild and we have a main event of World Champion Hollywood Hogan
defending against Kevin Nash, who may or may not be a heel now. The
main story for tonight though is Sting facing Ric Flair for control
of the company, which is a more interesting match as I really don’t
remember where these stories go. Let’s get to it.

Quick recap from last
week and the opening sequence.

Here’s Sid for an
intellectual chat. He can feel the same thing the fans feel in his
blood and wants Hogan’s World Title. We get the usual catchphrases
and I’m assuming that’s our main event.

Nitro Girls.

Jerry
Flynn vs. Fit Finlay

Before the match Jimmy
Hart pops up on screen to challenge Finlay for Road Wild, giving him
a chance to get the trophy back. Finlay takes over to start and
hammers on Jerry in the middle of the ring. Then he hammers him
against the ropes and in the corner for good measure. A snapmare and
elbow get two on Jerry but he pops up with his spinwheel kick to get
a breather. The fans actually cheer for Jerry as he nails a top rope
clothesline for two, only to walk into a jawbreaker.

They head outside for
some shots into the barricade but the referee takes Finlay’s chair
away. We hit the chinlock back inside as Jimmy pops up on screen to
cheer for Jerry again. Flynn comes back with his usual jobber
offense and chokes against the ropes. He avoids a charging Finlay
but walks into the rolling fireman’s carry. Not that it matters
though as Finlay leaves to go after Hart, only to get jumped by the
First Family, including Flynn. I’m assuming it’s a no contest.

Rating:
D-. This is the match that’s
supposed to get people to stick with the show? Seriously? This is
the best they can come up with? When you have Road Dogg, Bob Holly
and Al Snow doing actually entertaining hardcore stuff, at least try
to counter with actual hardcore stuff instead of two guys having a
bad match. It might actually work. Ok not likely but it could.

JJ
Dillon is in the back with Lenny and Lodi. Their contracts have been
renewed by something went wrong. Apparently they’re really brothers
and should have signed as such. This story just reached a new level
of creepy and stupid, which I didn’t think was possible.

Hogan
comes out, says he’s going back to his old ways of listening to the
fans and accepts Sid’s challenge. Somehow this took five minutes.

Video
on Flair vs. Sting.

Norman
Smiley vs. Lodi

Lenny
and Lodi hug before we get going. Lodi rakes the eyes to take over
early on, only to get armdragged down. The spinning slam sends Lodi
running to the floor though and it’s time for another embrace.
Smiley sends him into the barricade to keep Lodi in trouble though
and it’s time for the BIG WIGGLE.

Lenny
seems to like the idea and does it too, allowing Lodi to get in a
cheap shot to take over. Lodi
rolls some suplexes for two with Smiley getting a foot on the ropes.
Norman fights up but runs into an elbow to the jaw. We pause for a
bit for a consultation between the brothers, only to have Lodi run
into a boot in the corner. The Norman’s Conquest goes on and Norman
rolls Lodi up for the fast pin.

Rating:
D. So we have brothers
who…..you know what? I can’t get through this sentence without
feeling very wrong. It’s a shock value story and isn’t making me
care about either guy any more than I did before. I can’t picture it
ending well either as it’s going to get into some uncomfortable
areas.

The
brothers try the Big Wiggle post match.

DJ
Ran.

Eric
Bischoff jumps in on commentary. Yay.

Video
hyping Sting vs. Flair. Basically Sting says Flair is corrupt (he
is) and now Sting wants a match for control of the company.

Sting
vs. Ric Flair

Bischoff
goes on another rant about what he did wrong. I really don’t know
what they’re trying to accomplish with these talks but it comes off
like trying to make me care about Bischoff, which would work better
if he actually DID something. Sting plants Robinson with a Scorpion
Death Drop before the bell, meaning Mickie Jay will come out to
referee. Flair looks
terrified as reality begins to set in.

The
gorilla press plants Flair to start and the chops have no effect.
You would think ten years would have taught Flair a lesson already.
Sting sends him into the corner but Ric nails a quick low blow to
take over. He tries a suplex from the apron to the floor and I’m
assuming you know how that turns out. Ric
rolls outside and pulls Sting with him, only to eat a hard
clothesline.

Back
in and Sting nails a big superplex for two as Anderson makes the
save. Sting nails Arn but
here’s Sid to attack Sting and give us a mini Horsemen reunion.
Flair slowly stomps away on
Sting and puts on the Figure Four. The ropes are grabbed and Sting
gets back up to no sell some more chops. He charges into an elbow
though, allowing Flair to go up top. After the required slam off the
top, Sting nails some clotheslines but Ric pulls the referee in front
of the Stinger Splash. Anderson and Asya come in but are quickly
dispatched, allowing Sting to put on the Scorpion. Bischoff comes in
and accepts Flair’s submission.

Rating:
C+. This was just the greatest
hits from Sting vs. Flair, which is fine given that they almost
always have a good match. That being said, this felt more about
Bischoff’s redemption, even though no one was really interested in
seeing him be redeemed anyway. The fact that these two have had what
is likely to be the match of the night tells you all about the match
selection on this show.

Post
match Sid comes in and nails Sting before powerbombing Bischoff.
Hogan runs in for the save.

TV
Title: Horace vs. Rick Steiner

Let’s
get this over with. Steiner
hammers away on Horace to start with his usual array of brutally bad
offense. Horace pulls him out to the floor but misses a splash on
the barricade ala Sting. Back
in and Steiner slugs Horace down again with hard shots to the face
before putting on a chinlock. Horace
fights up with a big boot to knock the champ outside. The referee
doesn’t seem to mind the chair shots to Steiner’s back. Kevin Nash
seems to mind though as he comes out to send Horace into the steps.
The Steiner Bulldog retains the title.

Rating:
D. Someone lock Steiner in a
room so he can’t hurt any more matches. This was the usual dreadful
mess with Rick in there beating up whomever he’s against and barely
selling a thing. Horace isn’t much but he’s light years ahead of
Rick, who somehow used to be a good hand in the ring.

Nash
and Steiner touch fists post match, drawing out Hogan to ask what’s
going on. Kevin says it’s personal and that’s that.

Nitro
Girls.

Eddie
Guerrero vs. Psychosis

We
continue the search for Eddie’s wallet. Psychosis misses a charge to
start and crashes into the corner, allowing Eddie to baseball slide
him out to the floor. Back
in and Eddie nails a quick slingshot hilo, only to eat a clothesline
from Psychosis. A
headscissors and tilt-a-whirl backbreaker get two Eddie and we head
outside again.

Eddie
is sent into the barricade to work on the ribs so Psychosis throws
him back in for a waistlock. A
top rope spinwheel kick drops Eddie for two and a top rope
hurricanrana gets the same. Eddie blocks a tornado DDT though and
grabs a quick neckbreaker, followed by the Frog Splash for the fast
pin.

Rating:
C-. Psychosis doesn’t get the
respect he deserves as he’s actually better than people remember. He
may not have been as good as the elite members of the division but
he’s still more than able to hold his own in the ring. Eddie
continues to look sharp since his return, but this wallet thing needs
to wrap up soon so he can go somewhere else.

Villano
V and La Parka run in to beat down Eddie post match until Rey
Mysterio comes out for the save. Naturally former issues are
forgotten and they shake hands.

In
the back, Stevie Ray asks Vincent and Brian Adams to watch his back
against the Triad. Adams isn’t interested because Ray should be
worried about NWO business. He
has a point there. Squashing Prince Iaukea on weekend C shows is
serious business.

Kanyon
vs. Stevie Ray

The
Triad does their usual stuff but throws in some Your Mama jokes about
Stevie. Ray storms the ring
and destroys Kanyon
with a big shoulder followed by a gorilla press and big boot. He’s
wrestling like a total face so far. Kanyon
ducks a corner clothesline though and hammers away, only to be thrown
to the floor with ease. Stevie continues to defend his mama’s honor
by sending Kanyon into the barricade and then the steps as this has
been almost one sided.

Back
in and Kanyon grabs a quick slam, followed by a middle rope legdrop
for two. A swan dive misses though and Stevie plants Kanyon with a
powerslam. The rest of the Triad comes in but Stevie fights them off
with relative ease. Stevie totally botches the Slapjack, nearly
falling onto Kanyon instead of jumping. Not that it matters as Page
comes in for the DQ. Actually scratch that as the referee says it
was a pin, even though Page hit him before the three. Ok then.

Rating:
D+. Stevie looked like a
monster out there but at the end of the day, there’s only so much he
can do in the ring. That Slapjack was just horrible, especially when
it doesn’t fit Stevie’s style. He’s a power guy but it’s really not
a power move. If the skinny version of HHH can hit it, how powerful
can it be?

The
Triad beats Stevie down until Booker makes the save. To be fair they
made fun of his mama too.

Robert
Wuhl of Arli$$ joins commentary. I’ve never seen the show so I’m
assuming he’s in character and doesn’t really sound this annoying.

Randy
Savage vs. Kidman

There’s no Madusa with
Savage for some reason. Before the match, Savage says he wants his
title back and that he’s running for President in 2000. Sure why
not. They trade wristlocks to start with Savage looking a bit
frustrated. Savage kicks him in the ribs as Arliss is already
getting on my nerves, talking about how amazing Dennis Rodman is. A
headscissors and dropkick send Savage to the floor where he grabs a
chair and blasts the announcers’ table.

Back in and Savage
hammers away, only to get backdropped out to the floor for a big
crash. That’s fine with Savage as he pulls Kidman out to the floor
and chokes on the table……WITH A SLIM JIM! Ok that made up for a
lot of the problems in this show. Back in again and Kidman eats an
elbow to the jaw as Arliss STILL won’t shut up about Rodman. Miss
Madness accidentally dropkicks Savage (at least it wasn’t the Molly
Go Round) to give Kidman two. Savage pops up and piledrives Kidman
into next year, setting up the big elbow.

He pulls up at two
though and decks the referee, only to drop another referee. Cue
Rodman in semi-drag to hit Savage in the back with his hat, sending
Savage to the floor and Arliss into the ring to celebrate. I’m
assuming the match was thrown out but the fans eat Rodman up because
this is Chicago Bulls country.

Rating:
C-. This summed up a lot of
WCW’s issues in a nutshell. We had a watchable match going on, but
between Arliss on commentary, Rodman coming in and the girls brawling
afterwards, it was almost impossible to care about the match. On top
of that, this was all to set up Randy Savage vs. Dennis Rodman?
That’s the best idea they can come up with for a pay per view?
Decent match ruined by WCW being unable to stop messing with things.

Security (and Tony
Schiavone for some reason) comes in to break it up as Arliss makes a
challenge for Savage vs. Rodman at Road Wild. Madusa comes out and
brawls with Miss Madness

Clip of Vampiro beating
up Konnan last week.

Konnan
vs. Vampiro

Konnan babbles about
cheddar before the match and slaps Vampiro in the face before the
bell. Vampiro quickly takes over and suplexes him down for two
before stomping away on Konnan. A spinwheel kick drops Konnan as
Heenan sounds bombed. The kick to the ribs and X Factor set up a
clothesline to knock Vampiro outside. Back in and a horrible looking
takedown called a bulldog sets up the rolling lariat, only to have
the Insane Clown Posse come in to stomp on Konnan for the DQ.

Shaggy 2 Dope drops a
terrible looking “legdrop” on Konnan which seems to hurt him way
more than it should. Raven is out with the clowns too. Rey tries to
come in but gets laid out for a moonsault from Violent J. Let’s see:
NWO, Team Savage, Rednecks, Triad, No Limit Solders, First Family,
Vampiro and company and you could argue Regal/Finlay/Taylor. When
you’re reaching enough factions to hold a factions tournament, it’s
time to cut things down a few dozen notches.

Nitro Girls with DJ
Ran.

Clip of Hogan winning
the title last week.

Here’s Buff Bagwell
dressed as the Cat to continue this stupid feud. I’ll gloss over the
small guy with him in an Asian face mask and the fact that Buff has
brown makeup on. His impression is good at least and he rips on fans
for being fat. Buff promises to whip all of the Jacksons and wants
to click his red shoes together three times to get out of Rockford.
Eh point for a funny line. This brings out Cat and Onoo for a red
shoe to the head and a Moonwalk elbow. So long Buff. It was nice
having you in credability land while it lasted.

Road Wild ad.

Chris
Benoit/Perry Saturn vs. Curt Hennig/Barry Windham

This could be good.
Hennig takes Benoit into the corner to start but has his whip
reversed so Benoit can hammer away. A dropkick to the knee puts Curt
down and it’s off to Saturn for a double suplex. Back to Benoit very
quickly for a double clothesline before the Crippler goes back to the
knee. Kendall finally trips Benoit up to give Hennig a breather,
allowing Curt to nail a clothesline and tag in Barry.

Windham hits a
clothesline of his own and we take a break. Back with Barry
superplexing Benoit for two as Saturn makes the save. Off to Curt
for his usual, only to miss a charge in the corner. The hot tag
brings in Saturn but he has to fight off all four Rednecks. Hennig
rakes the eyes to get out of the Death Valley Driver but gets caught
in the Crossface, drawing in the Rednecks for the DQ.

Rating:
C. The match was ok while it
lasted but I’m getting tired of these heel groups that keep
interfering to end matches. We had it for years with the NWO and now
we have it with the Triad and the Rednecks. I’m glad that they’re
giving so many people something to do, but come up with something
fresh. Also, did a six and a half minute match really need a
commercial?

Malenko
tries to make the save but gets beaten down as well. Instead SHANE
DOUGLAS makes his return and cleans house. He grabs the mic and says
these guys are the backbone of the company and won’t be held down
like he was for years. Where he comes from, if someone is trying to
stop your career, you bash them in the head with a stop sign. He’s
going to take the cancer out of WCW starting tonight. Hopefully
this lights a fire in the old vs. new story even though it’s already
dying of frostbite from being so cold. Also, when Shane Douglas is
your best hope, you might want to just pack it in now.

Nitro Girls.

Clip of Hogan winning
the title last week.

Road Wild ad.

WCW
World Title: Sid Vicious vs. Hollywood Hogan

Hogan is defending of
course. Heenan doesn’t think these two have ever had a match before.
Even Hudson corrects him, saying they may have but not in a WCW
ring. They circle each other for a bit before Sid drops outside.
Back in and Sid shoves the champion down before Hogan does something
similar, though Sid doesn’t go off his feet. A test of strength goes
nowhere and Sid is sent outside again.

We’re almost four
minutes into the match already and a LOUD boring chant starts up.
Back in and Sid kicks at the recently injured knee but Hogan blocks a
weak ram into the buckle. A bunch of right hands have Sid reeling
and Hogan rains down ten punches in the corner. Hogan rakes the eyes
but can’t slam him with the bad knee giving out. Sid grabs a
chinlock before wrapping the knee around the post, but the TNT feed
goes out for ten seconds for no apparent reason.

We come back without
the announcers acknowledging the break so I can’t imagine it was
intentional. Back in and Sid puts on a cobra clutch of all things
but lets it go and boots Hogan down, only to miss a legdrop. Hulk Up
time and he slams Vicious, only to have Nash come in for the DQ.

Rating:
D. Here’s
the current dilemma for WCW: their options range from trying
something “new” with Nash vs. Savage and having the matches be
disasters or trying something old with Hogan vs. a monster, which
will be more tolerable
due to Hogan being able to do that match in his sleep, but
still nothing we haven’t seen a thousand times. Yes
those are our only two options, because we’re not getting anyone new
in the main event anytime soon.

Sting comes in for the
save until Rick Steiner comes in to beat Sting down. Goldberg
FINALLY returns and cleans house, sending the villains to the floor
for a big staredown to end the show. Of course Nash is totally cool
with Sid, who was involved in attempting to murder him about a month
ago.

Overall
Rating: D. I know I said they
needed to get back to something more basic, but could they move past
1988? We’re really sitting through Hogan vs. tall monsters and Sting
vs. Flair in 1999. That’s
in addition to all the lame celebrity appearances and the ridiculous
amount of factions. This
wouldn’t be so bad if there wasn’t an army of young talented guys
that are just spinning their wheels in nothing feuds while the old
guys do whatever they feel like doing because no one is going to tell
them no.

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Rants

Monday Nitro – July 12, 1999

By Scott Keith on 3rd December 2014

Monday Nitro #196

Date: July 12, 1999

Location: Jacksonville
Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida

Attendance: 7,945

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re past Bash at the
Beach and the woman beater is World Champion. In a match that
totally ignored the whole “Sting can pin Nash” rule, Randy Savage
pinned Nash with the help of Gorgeous George, who turned on Savage
and Nash in the span of about ten minutes, to win the World Title.
Bash at the Beach was one of the worst shows I’ve ever seen so things
have to pick up here. Let’s get to it.

Video on Bret Hart’s
speech last week and Goldberg returning. I wouldn’t show highlights
from last night either.

Gene brings out the new
champion to open the show. Savage actually comes out alone for once.
He talks about how some people just can’t accept what’s right in
front of them. Gene asks about Sid and the girls but Savage says
he’s a self made man and had to do this himself. The fans want
Goldberg as Savage issues an open challenge to anyone but Kevin Nash.

With
the fans clearly making their choice clear, here’s Hollywood Hogan
and you can see it coming from here. Hogan wants to take him up on
the challenge but Savage says Hogan is in the same category as Nash.
Somehow Hogan has already confirmed the match so Savage finally
agrees.

Savage video.

Nitro Girls.

I
Hate Rap video. Good grief we get it already.

Vampiro vs. Konnan

Konnan
gets jumped during his catchphrases and Vampiro kicks him down with
ease. Heenan actually gives us some backstory, explaining that these
two hated each other down in Mexico. Granted he doesn’t say why but
that’s more than you usually get. Vampiro stomps away as Tony keeps
hyping up Hogan vs. Savage. Ok to be fair, that’s actually a big
deal. Konnan avoids a top rope flip dive and hits the rolling
lariat. A powerbomb gets two on Vampiro and a DDT gets the same.
The X-Factor plants Vampiro and they head outside so Vampiro can pelt
a chair at Konnan for the DQ. Tony of course thinks it’s a double
countout.

Rating:
D+.
I still don’t get the appeal of Vampiro but at this point pushing
anyone new is a good thing. Konnan and his stupid catchphrases
getting beaten up is always a good thing and the fact that his
buddies weren’t with him was even better. Nothing match due to the
time but it’s a sign that they’re trying someone new.

Vampiro plants him
again with the Nail in the Coffin (Michinoku Driver) post match.

Stills of Flair vs.
Malenko last night. Dean gets the better one later on.

Here’s Cat for some
dancing and to insult Buff Bagwell. Are you kidding? Bagwell pins
Flair, has to beat Piper in a boxing match because of whatever
nonsense reason they couldn’t have a wrestling match, and now he gets
ERNEST MILLER? Anyway, Cat makes fat jokes about Buff’s mom, drawing
Bagwell out for a rather tame response. They fight, Bagwell beats
him up, Miller kicks him with the red shoe and Sonny counts a pin,
complete with a bell.

Nitro Girls.

Dean Malenko vs. Ric
Flair

Bischoff
comes out for commentary. So Ric was too injured to wrestle last
night but can wrestle tonight? That’s rather convenient. Dean has
Benoit and Saturn with him as Bischoff compares David Flair to Erik
Watts. Ric orders Benoit and Saturn ejected and we’re ready to go
with Dean erupting with right hands and clotheslines. Ric’s chop is
no sold as Bischoff actually says Nash was ripped off last night.
Malenko shoves Little Naitch away and whips Ric over the corner and
out to the floor.

Ric
backpedals just far enough for Anderson to run Dean over with a
clothesline. Another volley of chops has no effect but Arn comes
into the ring for a double team. Now the chops work as Ric hammers
away in the corner. Robinson looks away so Flair can get two off a
low blow. Dean fights back with right hands but Ric kicks him low
again. A big vertical suplex gets two for Flair and an atomic drop
stops Dean’s latest comeback attempt.

Malenko
backslides Ric but Anderson distracts Robinson. Same thing happens
off a small package so Dean clotheslines Flair into a Flop. A
missile dropkick gets a delayed two and Dean clotheslines Arn for
good measure. There’s a sleeper from Ric but Dean rams him into
Robinson. Another referee comes in as Flair hooks the Figure Four.
Malenko turns it over but Asya kicks the referee. Robinson gets up
and gives it to Flair via submission, even though Dean’s music plays.

Rating:
C.
More angle than a match here as the disappointment in the old vs. new
feu…..it’s not really a feud anymore so we’ll call it “the old
guys beating up the new guys out of paranoia and short sighted
thinking” continues. Flair is one of the few guys willing to put
someone over but this nonsense continues. At least the action wasn’t
bad.

Sting
comes out to save Dean and says Flair has been holding people down
for ten years, even though Space Mountain is on Viagra. Now Sting is
going to take up the fight for WCW and wants a match with Flair for
control of the company. Ric says Sting has to beat David to get the
match he wants, which Sting is of course fine with. So to recap:
everything in the last few weeks of Bagwell, Malenko, Benoit and
Saturn have been used to set up Sting vs. Flair to continue a feud
that has lasted twelve years. Such is life in WCW.

Stills from the
junkyard match.

Steve
Regal vs. Kidman

This
could be really interesting if it had the chance to have a clean
ending. Regal has Finlay and Taylor with him as the announcers list
off a ton of injuries from the hardcore match last night. Regal
cranks on the arm to start but has to roll away from a wristlock. A
nice headscissors and dropkick set up a headlock on Regal as they
stay on the mat for a bit. Kidman cranks on the headlock but has to
kick out of some rollups.

Back up and Regal
LAUNCHES Kidman over the top for a beating from his buddies. Regal
suplexes him down and puts on a chinlock as we take a break. We come
back with Regal putting on a surfboard before it’s off to a hard
chinlock with a forearm over Kidman’s face. Kidman fights up and
counters a powerbomb (which Regal uses SO often otherwise) before
getting a few rollups for two each.

Some nice dropkicks
have Regal in trouble but he launches Kidman into the referee by
mistake. Cue the Europeans for the beatdown but Finlay accidentally
hits Regal with a chair. Kidman cleans house and loads up the
Shooting Star but hits the top rope by mistake. Bischoff gets in to
check on him but Kidman is goldbricking and rolls Regal up for a fast
pin with Bischoff counting the pin.

Rating:
C+.
I was digging this match until they had the screwy ending. Was this
whole thing just about setting up Bischoff doing the right thing? If
that’s the case….well ok I guess, even though I’m not sure why I’m
supposed to be interested. The story keeps starting and stopping,
even though it could be used for someone a bit more important.

Regal
yells at Bischoff post match but nothing comes of it. Eric sits down
and says Kidman was setting Regal up for the small package but a
replay shuts him up. This was kind of odd all around.

Nitro Girls.

Sid
Vicious vs. Kenny Kaos

Bischoff
hypes up future appearances by the Insane Clown Posse, Dennis Rodman
and KISS. You know, because Megadeth did so well. The match is
exactly what you would expect: big strikes, no sold offense, a
camel/cobra clutch, the chokeslam and powerbomb for the pin in less
than two minutes.

Post match Sid wants
Sting.

More Nitro Girls.

We see Sting and
Flair’s talk from earlier.

Sting
vs. David Flair

Non-title.
The Stinger Splash hits in about four seconds and the Deathlock goes
on but Robinson won’t even look at David. Sting doesn’t care and
beats up everyone in sight with Ric’s shots having no effect
whatsoever. Ric hides behind Asya in the corner but she takes a
Splash of her own. No match for all intents and purposes.

Recap of Hogan and
Savage.

Gene brings out Finlay
for the presentation of the Hardcore Championship Trophy. Finlay
puts over Northern Ireland and insults America until almost everyone
from the junkyard match runs out for a big brawl and Jimmy Hart
steals the trophy.

They screw up the
stills package by showing the bad tag team match before showing the
actually good one.

Booker
T. vs. Diamond Dallas Page

After
the Triad’s catchphrases, Page sends them to the back to make this a
fair fight. That’s quite nice of him. Feeling out process to start
with Booker nailing a dropkick before they head outside for a chase
scene. Back in and Booker nails the flying forearm and a superkick
to take over again. The big side kick misses though and Booker
crotches himself on the ropes, allowing Page to grab a suplex as we
take a break.

Back
with Page hitting a quick clothesline followed by a sleeper, only to
have Booker fight out with his usual stuff. The Diamond Cutter is
blocked but the referee gets bumped, allowing the Triad to come back
out for a beatdown. A Flatliner from Kanyon gets two so he tries
powder, only to have it knocked back into his own face. Not that it
matters as Bigelow comes in for the DQ.

Rating:
C.
Another match that was just ok and should have been better given who
was in there. Booker REALLY needs something to do right now as he’s
just been hanging around for months. That being said, I’d much
rather have him here than in Bagwell’s spot where he has to get
beaten up by James Brown meets Dorothy Gale.

Post
match the Triad tapes Booker into the corner for a beating. We cut
to the back to see the NWO making fun of Booker, causing Stevie Ray
to grab a chair and run out for the save. As annoying as a Harlem
Heat reunion would be, it’s better than nothing.

WCW
World Title: Hollywood Hogan vs. Randy Savage

Savage
is defending and Hogan comes out to the Wolfpack music. Savage rakes
the eyes to start and man alive do these guys look old. Some lefts
and rights in the corner have Hogan in trouble but he won’t be rammed
into the buckle. The champ is sent to the floor so the girls come
in, only to have Hogan ram Madusa and Miss Madness’ heads together.
The girls get into it on the floor but get dragged away by security.

We
keep going after a good bit of stalling with Hogan hammering away in
the corner. There are the ten punches in the corner but Hogan ducks
his head, allowing Savage to kick him in the face. Hogan of course
pops up and takes it to the floor before this breaks down into a
wrestling match. Savage goes into the barricade and steps before
Hogan blasts him a few times with a chair.

Now
it’s over to the announcers’ table as the brawling continues. Savage
hides behind George and nails Hogan in the face to take over. They
head back inside for a whipping and choke with the weightlifting
belt. More slow punching and whipping follows before Savage slams
him down to set up the elbow. Hogan isn’t interested in no selling
and just rolls away before Hulking Up. Cue Sid to jump Hogan but
that’s still not a DQ. George hands Savage a chain but Sting runs in
to break up a powerbomb attempt. The chain knocks Hogan out but Nash
breaks up the cover and Jackknifes Savage to give Hogan the title.

Rating:
D.
The match actually wasn’t the worst in the world but it was a lot of
standing around waiting on something interesting to happen. These
two know each other so well that they’re going to have something
above a disaster, but that’s really not saying much. At the end of
the day, Hogan may be the same thing we’ve seen a million times, but
he’s more interesting than Nash or Savage.

Post
match Hogan celebrates but Nash grabs the mic. He welcomes Hogan
back and asks him for a title shot, presumably at Road Wild, since
he’s handed Hogan the title twice now. Hogan says it’s on to end the
show.

Overall
Rating: D+.
This could have been much worse and is such a huge upgrade over last
night. It’s still certainly not a good show or anything like that,
but it’s enough to keep me from wanting to jump off a building like I
did at Bash at the Beach. Hogan vs. Nash may not be the most
interesting match, but it’s something new that doesn’t involve Randy
Savage again.

However,
there’s another major problem to deal with in WCW: following up on
new developments. Look at stuff like Bagwell again. He’s feuding
with the top heels and even pins one of them, then is losing to the
curtain jerking nitwith Ernest Miller? Seriously? Or Goldberg, who
returned last week and now is nowhere to be seen? Same goes with
people like Torrie, who sided with Nash willingly, then ran back to
David like nothing ever happened. And where did Luger go after
returning for like a day?

So
many stories start and are just dropped with no reasoning given,
making it hard to get into anything new. This company needs a big
chart or something with a reminder of who has something going on at
the moment. They’re just starting and stopping stuff on a whim and
it’s making it harder and harder to keep track of what’s going on
around here. Granted I barely care after all the nonsense they’ve
put me through but it’s still not easy.

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Monday Nitro – July 5, 1999

By Scott Keith on 26th November 2014

Monday Nitro #195

Date: July 5, 1999

Location: Georgia Dome,
Atlanta, Georgia

Attendance: 25,338

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re
back in WCW’s home town now for the go home show for Bash at the
Beach. At the moment there are only a few matches announced for
Sunday but that’s better than we’ve been getting lately. The main
story continues to be Nash stealing Gorgeous George and Savage being
a psycho. Well that and the youth movement being crushed like a bug.
Let’s get to it.

Opening recap of last
week’s events and Savage accidentally taking Torrie back instead of
George on Thunder.

The announcers do their
welcome.

Juventud Guerrera
vs. Chavo Guerrero Jr.

There’s
a raised logo, presumably for Megadeth later or some stupid WCW
thing, on the ramp and Chavo falls down on his way to the ring. Nice
job WCW. Juvy mocks Chavo’s history with Pepe to start and gets the
fans fired up. A shoulder drops Chavo and Juvy gives us a pelvic
thrust. Juvy hammers away in the corner but gets dropped throat
first across the ropes. Chavo follows up but takes a Stunner to put
him across the ropes as well.

An
early Juvy Driver attempt sends Chavo bailing as the announcers hype
up Megadeth and Bret’s appearance for the third time already. On the
floor now with Chavo taking over off a dropkick. Back in and we get
the Gory Stretch into a Gory Bomb but Chavo drops an elbow instead of
covering.

Guerrero goes up for
the “I’m going to jump straight down so I can land on your raised
boots” spot before they go into a pinfall reversal sequence, capped
off by Juvy scoring a German suplex for two. A slam looks to set up
the 450 but Chavo pops up to crotch him. Something like a sitout
brainbuster plants Juvy but Sid and Savage come in for the DQ.

Rating:
C.
The match was fun while it lasted but Sid and Savage are almost a
guarantee to bust up matches like this on Nitro anymore. Chavo is
still one of the best cruiserweights without being over the top with
his high flying. Juvy is starting to be insane and it works well for
him when he gets it right.

Sid,
wearing the World Title belt, powerbombs Juvy to set up the big
elbow. The big man grabs the mic and says they want George back and
won’t be held responsible for their actions. Nash and Torrie
(looking as good as she ever has in WCW, which covers a lot of
ground) pop up on screen. Kevin wants his belt back and thinks he
should just beat up Sid tonight, but he’s been worn out this week.
They banter a bit until George comes in wearing a Nash shirt, asking
if she just heard Randy.

DJ
Ran.

Gene
brings out Ric Flair who comes out with his son. The boss takes the
mic and says that since Scott Steiner has been running around the
world, it’s time we have a new US Champion. That new champion will
be….David Flair, due to him beating Nash by countout last week.
Little Naitch comes out with a bunch of women who are all over the
new champ. This brings out Buff Bagwell as balloons fall from the
ceiling. Short version: Bagwell vs. Flair for the title tonight.

TV
Title: Rick Steiner vs. Vampiro

Rick
yells about beating Van Hammer this coming Sunday. The champ hammers
on Vampiro like the mindless brawler he is before hitting a hard
German suplex. Vampiro’s kicks go nowhere as he gets dropped with a
Steiner Line. The Steiner Bulldog sets up that weird arm hold Rick
has been using to end this quick.

Lenny
and Lodi come through some doors with Lodi giving Lenny new tights.
Lenny isn’t sure that they’ll fit but Lodi says he knows ever inch of
him. The doors close to reveal the word “closet”. GET IT?

Video on Bret Hart
leaving due to Owen passing away. The last shot is of an empty ring.

Here’s
Bret for his first public comments in months. He’s been told he has
all the time he wants so he’s going to try not to rush. Bret thanks
the wrestling fans on behalf of the entire Hart Family for all the
well wishes they received. WCW has given him a chance to collect
himself and he appreciates that. Owen wasn’t your average wrestler
and he was a great human being. Bret doesn’t think there’s anyone
that can say a bad thing about him. They were the closest of all his
brothers and never had a single argument.

Eric
Bischoff has asked him what he wants to do but Bret isn’t sure where
he wants to go with his life. The Hart Family has lived and died for
wrestling and there really isn’t much left for him to accomplish.
All these great athletes are retiring in 1999 and they all seem so
happy. He’s afraid that his career will end in a tragedy but he just
doesn’t know. Bret thanks all of his fans everywhere and all of the
wrestlers he’s worked with over the years. He hopes he wasn’t too
stiff and that’s about it.

Eddie
Guerrero comes up to Doug Dillinger and shouts in Spanish. After
switching to English, he says someone has stolen his wallet. It was
a masked wrestler and Eddie wants them all lined up so he can pick
out the culprit. I don’t see this ending well.

DJ Ran.

The Cat vs. Jerry
Flynn

This
is a kickboxing match because WCW is a stupid promotion. We have a
round system with Round 1 consisting of a lot of circling and some
light kicks. The fans boo this out of the building as the round ends
with nothing to talk about. Round 2 starts with Cat going down to
the mat and receiving a warning. Flynn tries a big kick and falls
flat on his back because this is a joke. Back up and Cat hits some
kicks to the ribs to knock Jerry down before a big shot to the head
results in a DQ for hitting a downed opponent. Seriously, that’s the
whole thing.

Flynn
tackles Cat and they brawl some more. This was one of the dumbest
things I’ve ever had to sit through.

Lodi
vs. Van Hammer

Hammer jumps him from
the start and knocks Lodi all over the place. Some jumping
clotheslines and a big boot send Lodi out to the floor, where he
steals Heenan’s water. Lodi is sent into the barricade but Lenny low
bridges Hammer down to change things up a bit. Back in and Lodi
actually busts out a hurricanrana, only to try again and get dropped
onto the top rop. A superplex brings Lenny in and the cobra clutch
slam ends Lodi. Total squash for the sake of unfunny comedy.

Dillinger tries to get
all of the luchadors together for a show up but there are some
communication barriers. Cops come in and clear things up as this is
going to continue.

Gene brings out Roddy
Piper because this show hasn’t gone low enough yet. Roddy agrees
that rap is crap but wants to talk to Sting. Here’s a clearly fake
Sting who is about an inch taller than Okerlund. Piper asks him
about working with Savage but Fake Sting shakes his head no. Now
Piper wants to see his real face but gets another no, earning Fake
Sting a neckbreaker. Piper takes the mask off and we barely see the
guy’s face.

Moving
on to Sunday, Piper wants a boxing match against Buff Bagwell. Why a
boxing match you ask? Well we really don’t get a reason for that but
we’ve had bad kickboxing so why not bad regular boxing? If that’s
not enough, JJ Dillon brings in Judge Mills Lane (a former TV judge
and big time boxing referee) to referee Sunday’s fight “In
California in Florida!” Lane’s words, not mine. I know this
sounds stupid, but it’s not like Piper has wrestled a match in years
anyway so why not just let him do nothing but punch?

Nitro Girls.

DJ Ran.

Rey Mysterio
Jr./Konnan vs. Steven Regal/Fit Finlay

You
know, for all the bad things that WCW did in 1999, they actually
built up a nice tag division. Mysterio clarifies that HOOTY HOO is
the call of the soldier. Apparently Regal and Finlay don’t approve
of the soldiers and want to beat some peace into the rappers. Regal
powerbombs Rey and catapults him into a clothesline from Finlay.
There’s the rolling fireman’s carry as Rey is in early trouble.

The Europeans crank on
a Mysterio leg each but the referee makes them break it up. Mysterio
finally avoids a charge in the corner and makes the hot tag to Konnan
to clean some house. Everything breaks down as Konnan does the
usual, including throwing Rey into a Bronco Buster on Regal. Not
that it matters as the West Texas Rednecks come in for the DQ.

Rating:
D+.
Finlay and Regal continue to work very well as foreign villains and
they just look like they enjoy hurting people. The match was a way
to have the Rednecks jump the soldiers and set up a match on Sunday.
Who will be in that match hasn’t been announced yet but there are
some combinations that could make for an interesting match.

US
Title: David Flair vs. Buff Bagwell

David is defending in
an angle that actually kind of works. Yeah he’s in over his head,
but WCW acknowledging that he’s in over his head makes this a lot
easier to sit through. Back when Erik Watts was thrown in over his
head, they had to pretend he was good and it made things feel so
stupid. At least here it’s making Ric look evil and corrupt and
being played as an angle instead of reality.

Bagwell hammers away to
start as you would expect, including planting David with a suplex.
The champ finally hits a quick low blow to take over, only to run
into an elbow and take the Blockbuster. Buff covers but Charles
Robinson’s arm gives out. There’s a Figure Four on David but Ric and
Arn come in. Buff beats them up too and puts the hold back on while
small packaging Ric at the same time. Dean Malenko and Asya come in
as well as this whole thing is a mess. Roddy runs out and nails Buff
with something to give David the pin. Total mess but you had to
expect that.

Time
for Eddie to interrogate the luchadors. We have La Parka, Ciclope,
Psychosis, Villano IV, a guy I don’t recognize, and Blitzkrieg.
Everyone has to take their mask off but La Parka and Ciclope’s faces
scare Eddie. He thinks Psychosis is a good looking guy. The guy I
didn’t recognize is Cheetah Kid and apparently is Prince Iaukea under
the mask. Blitzkrieg isn’t Hispanic and no one is happy with him.
I’m assuming we’ll get more on this later.

The
TV feed messes up and we have Hak and Chastity on a ladder. Hak was
born in 1963 and started choking his doctor. He’s had to fight all
his life and it’s all he knows how to do. Now he’s in WCW to get
paid to fight. Hak lists off all the men he’s hurt and thinks there
should be a junkyard hardcore invitational on Sunday because we can’t
have hardcore matches in the arena anymore.

The
rednecks come out and asks how many people here are good old boys,
rednecks and people that just hate rap. They plays the song and
that’s it.

Video on Savage and
company.

Jersey Triad vs.
Chris Benoit/Dean Malenko/Perry Saturn

Benoit
runs Kanyon over with a shoulder and snaps off the Rolling Germans
before we go to an early break. Back with Saturn getting triple
teamed but ducking a charging Page, sending Kanyon into his partner
with a clothesline. Off to Benoit who cleans house with clotheslines
and a dropkick for Bigelow. He heads up but Page crotches him down
and stomps away in the corner before tagging out to Kanyon. A
slingshot elbow gets two on Benoit and it’s back to Bigelow for a
bearhug.

Benoit actually climbs
up Bigelow into a sunset flip and avoids the big sitdown splash. A
double tag brings in Saturn and Kanyon with Perry cleaning house as
everything breaks down. Malenko tombstones Kanyon and avoids
Bigelow’s top rope headbutt, setting up a top rope Saturn splash to
Bigelow, followed by the Swan Dive for the pin.

Rating:
C+.
It didn’t have a ton of time but you knew these guys were going to
have a good match if they were given more than eight seconds. They
had to give the small guys a win to set up their Tag Team Title match
on Sunday, even though I don’t think Malenko has anything for the pay
per view.

And
now, Megadeth performs Crush Em live. After five minutes of barely
understandable lyrics, the band is booed out of the arena. The
lights go out and Goldberg’s voice says I’M BACK! We see his
silhouette and go to a commercial. I’ll give Megadeth’s performance
this though: at least their drummer was making contact, unlike Barry
Windham earlier.

WCW World Title: Sid
vs. Kevin Nash

Nash
is defending of course but Sid has the belt itself. Before the bell,
Nash tells Savage to get rid of the girls if he ever wants to see
Gorgeous George again. So it’s Nash vs. Sid for that In Your House
main event the world was waiting for. They head into the corner for
some elbows to the challenger’s jaw followed by a running
clothesline. Sid bails to the floor but Savage runs in after about a
minute. The referee doesn’t ring a bell though, leaving Nash to
fight off both guys. Sid decks the referee to officially throw the
thing out.

Nash fights them off
until Fake Sting comes out to beat him down. Cue the real Sting for
the real save but Nash powerbombs him, thinking it’s the Sting that
attacked him. The champ goes up the aisle and says what’s left of
George is in his dressing room. Savage runs to the back and finds
Torrie with George.

He gets in George’s
face, demanding to know if he touched her. Savage turns to Torrie
and smacks her in the face. A screaming Torrie points out that
George is wearing a Nash shirt so Savage rips it off her and throws
her into a hallway (George: “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS???”) as the
camera cuts off REALLY fast to end the show. I know I say a lot of
stuff on these shows are horrible, but this was bordering on hard to
sit through.

Overall
Rating: D.
Leaving out the disturbing ending, this was a horrible show. We’ve
reached the point where WCW has gone from boring to stupid with stuff
like Mills Lane refereeing a boxing match between Bagwell and Piper,
two different music performances, Lenny and Lodi beating their story
into your head and what felt like a comedy sketch about kickboxing.
They’re on the verge of running scared at this point, but somehow
this is easier to sit through than the shows from a month and a half
ago.

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Monday Nitro – June 21, 1999

By Scott Keith on 12th November 2014

Monday
Nitro #193

Date: June 21, 1999

Location: Superdome,
New Orleans, Louisiana

Commentators: Tony
Schiavone, Bobby Heenan

Reviewed by Tommy Hall

We’re in the
Silv…..SUPERdome tonight with three weeks before Bash at the Beach.
The main story is the old vs. new story kicking off last week with
Bagwell pinning Flair in an eight man tag. Other than that it looks
like we’re looking at Sid vs. Nash for the title at the PPV, which
almost has to be better than Nash vs. Savage. Let’s get to it.

We open with a recap of
last week’s show. Haven’t I suffered enough?

The Hummer shows up
with Savage and entourage inside. Nash’s limo pulls up behind it and
tries to find out who was driving but the Hummer gets away. So Sid
wasn’t driving a few weeks ago?

Nitro Girls.

Master P. and some
other rappers perform. These guys are so “bout it bout it” that
they don’t even need microphones near their face to rap. This goes
on WAY too long.

The announcers wonder
about the Hummer.

Video on the music
battle match from the Bash.

Lenny Lane is in the
back and wondering what trunks to wear. Lodi comes in to give him a
pep talk for his match with Meng later because Lenny can last a long
time and has a lot of stamina. Lenny even gets a shoulder rub to
warm him up. This is exactly what it sounds like.

DJ Ran.

Kidman vs. Psychosis

We start fast with
Psychosis scoring with a shoulder and baseball slide to send Kidman
out to the floor. Kidman slingshots back in with an ankle scissors
and a great looking dropkick. A clothesline puts Psychosis on the
floor for a HUGE dive to put both guys down. Back in with Kidman
nailing a slingshot legdrop for two, only to have a superplex attempt
countered into a super gordbuster.

They head outside again
with Kidman going into the barricade, setting up a split legged
moonsault out to the floor for a cool spot. Back in again with
Kidman dropkicking the masked one out of the air, only to miss a
charge. Psychosis puts him on top for a huge hurricanrana, only to
try a powerbomb for some stupid reason. Kidman goes up for the
Shooting Star….and Savage and Sid come in for the DQ.

Rating: C.
Nice opening match but the Savage Show must continue. Sid at least
keeps Savage from needing the girls to do all the work for him to
make Savage look a bit tougher. The match itself was entertaining
but we’re running out of matches to see in the division. I
still don’t get why
Psychosis had to drop the belt back a week after winning the thing.
Mysterio has defended
it once since
winning it nearly two months
ago so why give it to him?

Sid cleans house until
Sting comes out for the save. Nash follows him out but has a
question for Sting: why didn’t he attack Savage and Sid? And why did
he get out of a black Hummer last week to go after Rick Steiner?
Sting denies driving the Hummer a few weeks ago, but Nash says he
wasn’t accusing him. Nash even calls Sting Franchise Boy. There’s a
Shane Douglas joke in there somewhere.

Piper and Flair make
Savage/Sid vs. Sting/Nash for Bash at the Beach and Sting vs. Sid for
tonight.

Clips of Piper and
Flair teaming up.

Meng vs. Lenny Lane

The fans shout various
homophobic terms at Lane. Lenny’s headlock is easily broken up and a
headbutt works as well as you would expect. He tries going up top
but gets Tongan Death Gripped down to the mat for a fast pin.

Lodi helps Lane to the
back.

Nitro Girls.

More on who was driving
the Hummer. No one knows if that wasn’t clear.

Here are Master P. and
the No Limit Soldiers, complete with Brad Armstrong in fatigues.
Master P. wants to sing Happy Birthday to his brother and asks a fan
to come in to sing the song for him. We get a guy in a big black
afro wig to sing Happy Birthday as the fans are just dying. Cue Curt
Hennig in a Dallas Stars jersey with a present for P.’s brother.
Hennig opens the gift and pulls out a cowboy hat. The brother throws
it down and stomps on it, a brawl starts and cake is thrown.

You know, out of all
the stupid stuff WCW did over the years, this might be the worst
thought out feud ever. To begin with, Master P. allegedly cost
hundreds of thousands of dollars per appearance, which usually lasted
all of three minutes. Then he and his friends run around shouting
HOODY HOO and sounding like a bunch of morons. But remember, they’re
the good guys in this story.

The bad guys are the
ring technicians who wear cowboy hats and gave what appeared to be a
nice gift to Master P.’s brother. Keep in mind that WCW has weekly
NASCAR updates on Thunder, but we’re supposed to boo the cowboys.
This feud has been a disaster since the beginning and makes the least
sense of anything I’ve seen in a long time.

Eddie Guerrero vs.
Juventud Guerrera

Can we just keep this
match on for the next two hours or so? This is Eddie’s in ring
return after about six months off due to injury. A slap annoys Juvy
and Guerrero stomps away to take over. A tilt-a-whirl backbreaker
plants Juvy but he comes back with a hurricanrana for two. Eddie
takes over again with a belly to back suplex and they head outside.
After whipping Juvy into the barricade they head back inside for a
sleeper from Eddie as we take a break.

Back with Juvy in an
abdominal stretch but crawling over Eddie into a sunset flip for two.
Eddie starts going after the legs before nailing a brainbuster for
two. We hit the sleeper again until Guerrera counters with a belly
to back suplex of his own. Juvy pulls Eddie down by the hair and
nails a missile dropkick to send Eddie outside. A big suicide dive
drops Guerrero and a springboard spinwheel kick does the same back
inside. Eddie easily escapes the Juvy Driver though and grabs a
neckbreaker, only to pick Guerrera up and spin him around before
dropping him again. The Frog Splash is good for the pin.

Rating: C+.
Yep Eddie still has it. He looked as polished as he has in years
here and had a good comeback match minus a lot of the character stuff
he had going before the injury. Eddie looks like a guy that is ready
to step up to the next level, but I can’t imagine that’s going to
happen in this company.

Prince
Iaukea vs. The Cat

We
get the usual dancing and five seconds thing before Iaukea dropkicks
Cat out to the floor. They
slug it out on the floor with Iaukea going into the barricade before
it heads back inside. Iaukea nails an enziguri and Samoan drop for
two, only to have Sonny slip the shoe on Miller’s foot. A big kick
to the head is enough to end Prince and thankfully get us out of here
quickly.

Booker
T. vs. Kanyon

Kanyon
has a Tag Team Title with him. Booker gets one of the biggest pops
I’ve ever heard him get. At least the fans can recognize talent. We
get things going with Mr. T. armdragging him down and scoring with an
awesome looking dropkick for two. The
big forearm and a clothesline sends Kanyon to the floor and us to a
break. Back with Kanyon
running from Booker on the floor before coming back in to duck a
sidekick and botch what looks like a Gory Stretch with Booker falling
off his shoulder.

A
neckbreaker and legdrop get two on Booker but he they head outside
with Kanyon taking over again. Back
in again and a surfboard has Booker in trouble but as usual, the hold
doesn’t last long. Some suplexes and a slingshot elbow get two for
Kanyon. Booker fights up with his usual and hits some kicks, only to
have Page and Bigelow come in for the DQ.

Rating: C.
Again, good stuff for the most part until someone ran in for the DQ.
That being said, Booker fighting off the forces of the Triad could be
interesting and could be a boost for him, as long as he doesn’t just
get back together with Stevie Ray to reform a tag team that stopped
meaning anything about two years ago.

Something
like a 3D on the title belt leaves Booker laying.

Gene
brings out Piper and Flair, with entourage of course, for a chat.
Piper uses the usual cheap
lines about sports teams and mentions Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Flair says Buff is a beggar and that he was with Bagwell’s girlfriend
last night. Buff comes out, gets beaten down and the brawl is on.
Actually make that a match according to Flair.
Good thing he and Piper just happened to be in their wrestling gear.

Buff
Bagwell vs. Roddy Piper/Ric Flair

Flair
tells Bagwell to make the same sounds his girlfriend made last night.
The old guys hammer away on
Bagwell and throw him out to the floor, only to have Anderson get
nailed in the face. Buff comes back in with a sunset flip for two
and nails all three guys. He slaps a Figure Four on Flair but Piper
makes a fast save. Some atomic drops have Piper reeling but he comes
back with that double ear clap. Piper
puts on the sleeper and the crowd just dies. That was almost
disturbing.

Bagwell
fights up and hits Piper low before slamming Flair off the top. Off
to Ric who ducks a dropkick and tries the Figure Four but gets rolled
up for two. Piper comes
back in as Malenko tries to come in but gets stopped by Mickie Jay.
Dean is allowed to be Buff’s partner as Bagwell clotheslines Flair
down and makes the hot tag to Malenko. Roddy breaks up a quick
Cloverleaf attempt so Dean slaps it on Arn instead. The Blockbuster
knocks Flair out but Piper hits Buff with brass knuckles and puts
Flair on top for the pin.

Rating: D+.
Well so much for Buff’s
momentum. By momentum I mean winning one match after losing every
big match he’s had for months of course but that’s a major push in
WCW if you’re under 38 years old. Piper continues to drag down any
match he’s in as his offense would have looked outdated in 1978.

Nitro
Girls.

Tag
Team Titles: Kanyon/Diamond Dallas Page vs. Konnan/Rey Mysterio Jr.

Why
would Kanyon work twice tonight when Bigelow is in their corner?
Page takes Mysterio into the
corner to start but takes a standing Lionsault and a dropkick to
knock him into the ropes. Off to Konnan for the rolling clothesline
but he walks into a jawbreaker. Kanyon comes in but walks into a
drop toehold, setting up a springboard legdrop from Mysterio. For
some reason Rey dives onto Bigelow, earning him a whip into the steps
as we take a break.

Back
with Mysterio headscissoring
Page down, setting up a double tag to Kanyon and Konnan. Everything
breaks down with Konnan cleaning house and throwing Mysterio into a
Bronco Buster on Page. Kanyon
comes back with a legdrop between Konnan’s legs as Bigelow gets in as
well. Things settle down
with Page hooking a front facelock on Konnan. Back to Kanyon who
misses a moonsault, allowing for the real hot tag to Mysterio for
a springboard seated senton to Page. Rey dives onto Bigelow again
but with better results this time. Everything
breaks down again but the cowboys come in for the DQ.

Rating: D+.
Yet another DQ to mess up what could have been a decent match.
Konnan and Mysterio have nice chemistry together and putting them up
against three guys at once is a good way to make them look like
underdogs. Mysterio diving on Bigelow over and over again made him
look stupid though and slowed things down.

Benoit,
Saturn and the No Limit Soldiers run in for the save to try and
validate the latter’s pay.

Sting
vs. Sid Vicious

They
stand around for a bit before Sting avoids a charge in the corner.
Cue Savage and the girls to trip Sting and give Sid early control.
Sting makes a quick comeback
with a bulldog and kick to the face but Savage offers another
distraction to let Sid choke away. Some
kicks to Sting’s head and ribs have him in trouble but Sid stops to
yell at the camera. Another
boot misses and Sting hits the Splash, drawing in Savage for the DQ.

Rating: F.
This match headlined a show in 1989 and it’s headlining another show
in 1999. Is that really all WCW can come up with? And a DQ finish
to make sure neither guy has to look bad? The fact that it’s the
fourth DQ on the show doesn’t help either, as it makes things all the
more frustrating. This was barely a match.

Luger
comes in for the save and a long staredown and insults wrap things
up. Sting: “WE’VE GOT TWO WORDS FOR YOU!” A crotch chop ends
the show. Seriously.

Overall Rating: D.
I’m not sure how to describe this show. It was better than the
recent weeks due to less stupid stuff going on but the in ring stuff
was even more frustrating. Half of the matches ended via DQ, two
ended with foreign objects to the head, and one of the clean wins
lasted all of ninety seconds. This
show has almost completely stopped being about wrestling and is now
about every old, over the hill wrestler they can dig up. The
old vs. new stuff was still around but it’s clear that the story is
taking a backseat to the other old guys. Speaking of which, where
did Nash disappear to? He was just gone after half an hour.

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