Toshiaki Kawada & Akira Taue vs. Hayabusa & Jinsei Shinzaki (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have an AMAZING All Japan match, as the Holy Demon Army (Akira Taue & Toshiaki Kawada) face a high-flying squad from other promotions- the ethereal Hayabusa and Jinsei “Hakushi” Shinzaki! This is a wonderful contrast of styles, as the big, beefy lugs of All Japan have to face the incredible agility and double-teaming of their opponents!

Next up it’s another look at Shimmer, the women’s wrestling indie promotion from the 2000s era, as Cheerleader Melissa faces KANA, better known as WWE’s Asuka, in 2014! And finally, our PWI 500 guy of the week is Crazzy Steve, a brawler who it turns out is a guy who’s done two TNA runs over the years- come see him against Trey Miguel- aka the Rascalz member who didn’t get to go to AEW and do jobs for the entire roster!

THE HOLY DEMON ARMY (Toshiaki Kawada & Akira Taue) vs. HAYABUSA & JINSEI SHINZAKI:
(All Japan, Nov. 23rd 1997)
* WOOOOOOOOOOOOO MEAT & POTATOES vs. FLIPS MOTHERFUCKERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRS! So Hayabusa & Shinzaki did some All Japan touring, because like many people, Giant Baba was wowed by Hayabusa and wanted him on his cards. Both guys are GREAT wrestling gimmicks, with this kind of ethereal, mystical quality to their entrance and silent personae, and so of course their opponents are the two most down to earth, unflashy, rough & tumble meat & potatoes wrestlers ever, Kawada & Taue. Kawada has an adorable caricature of himself on his t-shirt. This is in Sendai, the rowdiest of Japan’s wrestling locations, and hometown of Shinzaki so this will be extra quiet and respectful. The contrast is AMAZING- Shinzaki as a Shinto priest and Hayabusa in his flashy brown outfit and cool mask, both guys with dark tans and great physiques (Shinzaki bulky & muscular and Hayabusa slender and athletic), and here’s these two burly, pasty dad bods with double-chins opposing them. Kawada gets a hero’s welcome as big as the other two, actually.

The fans realize they’re getting Kawada/Hayabusa to start and are already as quiet and respectful as can be- Hayabusa starts off with a couple elbows and Kawada’s like “oh, alright then”, shaking it off and firing off two of his own, then peppering the fucker with knees… but when he uses a meat & potatoes shoulderblock, he comes off the ropes again and Hayabusa kips up and dropkicks him! Then follows with a leaping knee to the face and a springboard dropkick! The stakes are set- YOUTHFUL AGILITY vs. BURLY MANLINESS! A frustrated Kawada just slams & kicks him (meat! potatoes!) and tags out to the big man. In comes Shinzaki, and Taue grinds on a headlock until an international sees Shinzaki CARTWHEEL past him and superkick him! Karate pose! Taue’s never seen the likes of THIS! When do you think the All Japan dojo had them doing CARTWHEELS? The crowd roars as Shinzaki prepares his Praying Ropewalk already, but big clumsy Taue chooses the most basic counter possible, just yanking him off & peppering him with clubbing forearms and stomping on his head. The crowd peppers him with respectful boos and thumbs-down gestures for ruining the highspot. A meaty lariat hits and they double-boot Shinzaki to the floor for a breather. Kawada kicks him on the apron, but Shinzaki catches a punch and– no, Kawada disappoints the fans by escaping a second ropewalk attempt. NO HIGHSPOT FOR YOU! They’re gonna explode when they finally get it. Kawada peppers Hayabusa with kicks & suplexes & facelocks him, but Hayabusa jawjacks out and hits a single-arm suplex floatover for two. Kawada counters to a pin and just powers him out and puts him up top, where big Taue can reach with a giant big boot- great “flop back” sell by Hayabusa, who leans all the way back and slides down the corner in a heap. Taue tries to capitalize but is too slow & Hayabusa dodges him and hits a rolling savate kick into a rolling DDT. Taue groans in a facelock to put it over & Shinzaki hits his elevated Vader Bomb for two.

A nervehold wears Taue down to set up Hayabusa’s slingshot legdrop for two and he whips Taue off the ropes for a dropkick- I like how Taue isn’t flying around for them, but stumbling and lurching into the ropes. Shows the size difference without no-selling and illustrates the difference in agility, too. But Taue has too much size, pushing him to the corner for a double-team, and Kawada launches some stiff as hell chops, but Hayabusa is HULKING UP, shaking his head and trying to fight through the pain! He even drops down then gets right back up into his face, then counters a gamengiri kick by running off the ropes for his own! But Kawada acquiesces and hits his own, Hayabusa staggering off the ropes and eating a front facelock because that took the no-selling outta him. Kneedrop gets two and he dumps Hayabusa like a sack of shit so Taue can whip him into the guardrail and PULL UP THE FLOOR MATS- rolling DDT! Hayabusa has to be pulled half-dead off the floor and barely kicks out in the ring. Taue just drops him onto Kawada’s elevated boot as the offense is so incredibly plain and brutal, and quickly pounces for a jacknife pin as Shinzaki has to break. Kawada in with a Boston crab, and then elevates it into a brutal Liontamer- Shinzaki throat-thrusts him and Kawada powers it up in response but the ropes are made. Taue with a delayed suplex for two, then just launches Hayabusa out of an atomic drop lift, scoring the same. Kawada works him over with kicks and aims for a Powerbomb, but his second-sight catches Shinzaki coming in and he brutally kicks him in the face- head on a swivel, motherfuckers! Kawada has to settle for some kicks to the forehead and… Hayabusa hurricanranas out of the Powerbomb! And Shinzaki sneaks in and pays him back- superkick! Hot tag Shinzaki, who prays and hits a flying shoulderblock! He goes up, and when Taue expectedly rushes in, Hayabusa blasts him off the apron and legdrops Kawada to set up a Praying Headbutt off the top for two! Shinzaki prepares the Praying Powerbomb, but in comes Taue with a big boot and Kawada spinkicks him down, allowing the big lummox to come in with a lumbering big boot, then keeps pulling him up by the arm for some lariats for two.

Taue goes for the Nodowa Otoshi chokeslam finisher, but Shinzaki FLIPS OUT, using agility to counter, and then spins Taue down and in a BEAUTIFUL run of moves, Hayabusa comes in for a double-whip, double-spinkick to the gut, a double-facecrusher and a springboard somersault senton into a springboard kneedrop into a springboard MOONSAULT- two! Perfect floating agility on those moves! Taue’s too big for a German… but Shinzaki SUPERKICKS him and Hayabusa completes it while Shinzaki deals with Kawada- two! Some lady in a tan overshirt on the hard cam is going NUTS for this, laughing on every fall. Hayabusa knows just what to do to dust off Taue- slam in the corner sets up the Firebird Splash and Kawada sliiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide kicks in to break! The crowd is going BANANA and Shinzaki comes in to take him out, hitting the wristlock as he weathers some counter-chops, and Hayabusa flies in to nail the arm and yes…. PRAYING ROPEWALK! They made the fans wait for it! But he has to leap off to nail an incoming KAWADA instead, so the fans roar but now Taue has recovered- he intercepts a shot with a big, meat & potatoes BITCHSLAP, as unfancy as ever and Shinzaki falls over like a dead tree. Boos surround Taue as he tags out, but Kawada’s German is stopped by Hayabusa flying in, setting up a flipping PELE KICK from Shinzaki for a double-down! Boos as Taue breaks up the pin, and Kawada dramatically backdrops out of powerbomb, only for Hayabusa to fly in on him again! And he takes out Taue and pescados him so Shinzaki has Kawada all alone- FOLDING POWERBOMB! For TWOOOOOOOOOOO as that poor lady counts along like “ONE! TWO! OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAHAAHAH!”. Still alone, it’s all down to them- Kawada fires up and they exchange plain old chops until Kawada hits two enzuigiris (the first whiffs so he immediately does another to not break up the action), then the Stretch Plum submission- Hayabusa breaks that up so Kawada hits a monster lariat and desperately sits on top of a stacked Shinzaki, who THEATRICALLY kicks out and flings Kawada off and the fans roar! Both are down, but Taue has Hayabusa blocked, allowing Kawada to hit the Folding Powerbomb and lean all the way on top of Shinzaki for the pin at (18:10)- MEAT AND POTATOES WINS OVER FLIPS AND AGILITY WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! The AJPW team leaves the arena quickly to give the locals their moment in front of an appreciative Sendai, and we’re out.

AMAZING match, and a true “Styles Makes Fights” contest. The younger team has agility and athleticism on their side, using careful tactics and precision timing to counter the bigger, slower opposition, hitting great double-teams and flying moves until they’re fully worn down. But the big lugs are all “slow & steady wins the race” as they fight back using the most gloriously unfancy, ugly moves possible- slaps to the face, clubbing forearms, pulling them around, sitting on them, etc. Like Shinzaki’s big counter is to reverse a chokeslam by BACKFLIPPING then catching a kick; Taue’s big counter is to just pull him off the top and hammer him with overhand clubs and stomps to the head. Taue selling like a lummox is WHY he’s great, looking somewhat hapless and unable to deal with the raw agility of his opponents as he stumbles into the ropes off of various things they’re doing, and he ultimately has to be saved by Kawada, and fittingly his giant counter that ends Shinzaki’s run is a wind-up bitchslap to the face. This is the perfect use of both guys, as they get to fly around and look magnificent as only the Holy Demon Army’s tactics and interceptions save the day- that run of moves on Taue was amazing and I loved how it kept escalating with every move. The perfect way to use COOL FLIPZ in a match and show the advantage of that style, making it believable the smaller team could beat the AJPW legends.

Rating: ****1/2 (fantastic Style vs. Style match, as meat & potatoes are victorious over things like “youth” and “agility”, while also making the cool moves look devastating)

SHIMMER CHAMPIONSHIP:
CHEERLEADER MELISSA vs. KANA:
(Shimmer Women’s Athletes, Shimmer Vol. 67, Oct. 28th 2014)
* So I went looking for Shimmer stuff to assess Cheerleader Melissa’s stuff, and a match that’s given as one of her best is against modern WWE star Asuka, back when she was Kana! Kana’s just staring and looking down all nervously to start. Melissa, the heel, is cockily smirking to begin, and here is not dressed like a cheerleader, but is in some slate-grey two-piece thing. Kana’s in green & red. Someone in the comments is like “If Melissa debuted 10 years later she’d be a HUGE STAR!” but someone wisely pointed out she was born in 1982 and is barely older than Kana or Nattie Neidhart, and I note she’s only 5 years older than Becky Lynch. This is at the Eagle’s Club- I could tell right away it was some kind of club hall by all the wood slats used for walls

They do alternating chants to start, going to the mat quickly, Melissa doing an AJW-style counter of a bodyscissors (that bow & arrow thing using their legs) as commentary talks about Melissa’s run in ARSION (where she was mostly a jobber). Kana escapes a front facelock and grabs an ankle, but Melissa stands up out of it and gets a low-angle backdrop suplex to escape. Melissa gets a slick wristlock counter and does her own, but Kana trips her up and Melissa has to escape after a head kick. Leagues ahead of the Shimmer match I covered last week, but has Melissa doing the “hold still and wait” thing to anticipate Kana offense. That’s usually a sign of unfamiliarity. Melissa eats more back kicks and some facewashing shoves piss her off, leaving her standing up in defiance, no-selling elbows- that’s a babyface spot but ok. She pulls Kana down by the hair and does some Nash chokes in the corner, then some light ax kicks and one-woman clubbering, looking very soft. Speaking of, she grabs her upside-down and “swings her” into the guardrail and ring steps, looking comically ineffective but the fans react like these are lethal shots, haha. I mean she bumps her into the stairs and makes them look like 5 pounds of nothing by gently pushing them aside. Kana “twists” her leg on the apron to drop her and Kana lightly donks her ankle into the railing, but does some okay stuff draping her ankle on top of the railing and kicking from beneath and axehandling it off the steps. A running “thigh-slap” forehead kick drops Melissa out there and Kana hits the ring for a breather.

Back in, Kana works the ankle with a heel hook & half-crab, then more holds (a long deathlock/chin grab leads to a rope-break) until they trade elbows and Kana feints her and does an ugly takedown to another hook, then throws chest-kicks and twists the ankle in the ropes when Melissa tries to duck out. Melissa counters a charge with a shoulder and hits a slam & legdrop, still selling the leg, then gets a kick intercepted by an anklelock into a German, then Kana lands another sliding forehead kick for two. Melissa no-sells an anklelock and they exchange strikes into a double-down- Kana roars a bit as she awakens, hitting an inverted DDT out of a strike attempt for “1”, then more strikes lead to that “turn around in front of an opponent and run” spot from both that IRKS ME SO, Melissa hitting a Samoan drop when Kana runs at her for two. They trade go-behinds until Kana hits a standing octopus stretch, going to the heel and then that loose deathlock again (barely latching onto Melissa’s chin, much less doing a completed clutch). Melissa the heel heroically makes the ropes, Kana dragging her up for a rude awakening for two and lands a Buzzsaw Kick, Melissa “slow-falling” and barely kicking out. Kana goes for her Kana Lock (a crossface chickenwing), but her wrist is pointed the wrong way and her hand not clasped so Melissa escapes and aims for the Air Raid Crash (a move swiped from ARSION’s Mariko Yoshida), Kana rolling her up out of that. Melissa blocks a kick and lariats her down- Air Raid Crash gets two. Melissa does this good “… fuck” expression (ah, this is before SHOCKED KICKOUT FACE) and instead deathlocks Kana’s legs and pulls her arm back so she can hit ten Curb Stomps in a row, putting her foot in Kana’s back and “popping” out their grip so the impact looks nifty, then hits one last Air Raid Crash for the win (21:36).

Not bad! The length meant they had to take a lot of breathers and work slow a lot of the time, especially in front of this few fans, but it was decent work save for being WAY too soft for much of it. The initial matwork wasn’t too long and looked like it was going somewhere instead of just being performative “because people expect it”, and they did more tightly-executed stuff, even if everything looked very soft (not helped by the camera basically hugging their butts the entire time so you could see how light it all was). The match construction was a bit funny- sorta even, then Kana dominates for 10+ minutes or so and works the leg, making the HEEL have to score rope-breaks of desperation all the time, until Melissa gets a last bit of lucky offense and then just unleashes a bunch of finishers in a row to win with little build. Kana had more interesting offense but zero character stuff- like she either didn’t know how to play to America or was trying to keep to a plan or not mess anything up. A far cry from WWE’s screaming demon. Melissa kept to the character work but was kind of soft and moved a bit more stiffly. So Melissa is hardly BAD- she’s actually fairly good. And in 2002-2014 or so, being a good women’s worker in the US was treated like you were the greatest star ever because these fans grew up on Alundra Blayze or Sable and hadn’t seen All Japan Women’s Pro-Wrestling like the TRUE elitist wrestling snobs had, so “good” came off like “transcendent game-changing talent”. This is when if you were a woman, “fine” was considered “good”, and “fairly good” was considered the makings of a superstar, because fans back then operated on a weird Bell Curve because this was a time when 2002 Trish Stratus was some of the best women’s wrestling most people had seen. Which is silly- Akira Hokuto & Aja Kong are as good as any man that ever wrestled- ain’t no need for a BELL CURVE that overrates Cheerleader Melissa, ya know?

Rating: **1/2 (mostly fine, and pretty good for a puny show in front of a tiny handful of people in a VFW Hall-looking thing- solid technique and the finish is largely out of nowhere)

WCW CRUISERWEIGHT TITLE:
CHRIS JERICHO vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA:
(WCW Monday Nitro, June 30th 1997)
* I wanted to find some Chris Jericho WCW stuff, preferably from his heel run, but I got distracted! This is actually from Jericho’s first Cruiserweight Title reign, when he was a babyface with dorky mannerisms and luxurious long hair. He JUST won the belt the day before at the PPV, in fact.

They start with arm stuff, Juvi kipping up into a spot that would usually draw “pause for applause” reactions today but here means nothing- Jericho takes him down with a rear waistlock into a bow & arrow as commentary is mostly nWo-themed. Juvi rolls out for a cover but they pop up and Jericho headlocks him after they sorta stall-out, and Juventud ducks a lariat but fucks up a springboard (probably was gonna be headscissors) and slips off, Jericho quickly recovering to a backdrop suplex, then a delayed suplex as Larry Zbyszko decries Jericho for stalling, saying it’s better to stay aggressive (yes, LARRY ZBYSZKO said that). They seem to have forgotten their gameplan, as Jericho calls a spot and tosses Juvi up into the air and is rana’d down, but scores a back elbow out of nowhere and puts him in the tree of woe for a sliding dropkick, then wanders around again. Mike Tenay drops the “very methodical” line as Jericho bends Juvi over his knee for a bit, then Juvi floats over him in the corner and a spinkick puts Jericho down (about half a second too early on the bump there).

Juventud capitalizes with a springboard… fuckup, just cannonballing into the mat. Oh jesus. Emergency plan as Juvi pounds the mat in frustration when he should be selling- Jericho goes flying over the top on a missed charge and Juvi goes airbone with a massive tope suicida over the top rope to light up the crowd! Yeah I probably wouldn’t try a near-vertical tope when I clearly have the yips but the man has never been a bright one. Surprisingly they move right to the 450 Splash and Jericho kicks out rather than use the ropes or protect the move. Jericho immediately elbows free of a waistlock and Juvi flips out of a German (falling on his ass first) but charges in for a rana and Jericho hits a BIG powerbomb, then hauls him up for a second one (his first WWF finisher!) and takes too long celebrating and gets only two. Juvi goes up and Jericho stands right on the top rope with him and hits a MONSTER Superduper Frankensteiner that wows the fans, rushing right over to slap on the Liontamer (elevated crab) for the submission win at (7:08).

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOF oh man, haha what a tragedy. Just so full of fuckups and miscommunication-stalling. Juvi in particular definitely had the yips, as was somewhat common in his early WCW run. They often had good chemistry, but definitely not yet, as Juvi kept messing up his springboards and looking nowhere near as agile as he should be. They either had no plan or forgot what it was, as it ended up being just a bunch of random stuff, and it wasn’t until that giant tope that the fans started responding to stuff, and in the end only the moves were over.

Rating: *1/2 (shockingly bad for both guys at this point in time)

CHRIS JERICHO vs. JUVENTUD GUERRERA:
(WCW Monday Nitro, Jan. 19th 1998)
* Welcome to the rise of Douchebag Jericho! He’s in white tights with purple, and Juvi’s got purple tights over a black singlet top.

Juventud gets a quick sunset flip out of a wristlock exchange, then monkey flips Jericho out of an International, so Chris comes up with this GIGANTIC disingenuous grin and offers a handshake that Juvi’s like “…” and hesitantly accepts. Mind games! Jericho bowls him off and shouts “Come on, bay bay!” as commentary discusses him being a poor loser of late (“He’s just frustrated!” Heenan takes up for him), and he’s like “what?” all disappointed that the fans are now dogging on him. He growls and snarls as he hits a forearm and misses a lariat, Juvi springboard dropkicking him to the floor and the fans are now WELL aware Jericho’s got a heel turn in the making- Juvi graciously holds the ropes for him and Jericho pouts “Good sportsman!” with his arms on his hips. Tremendous. Juvi climbs up Jericho’s back and ends up German’d, but he lands on his feet and spinkicks him (Jericho again takes that weird- does he just not know howta sell spinkicks?)- another hits and some chops excite the crowd and Juvi annihilates his shoulder charging into the ringpost on the other side. Great “slowly flop to the mat all limp and dead” sell on that- the hair and arms flopping around really adds to it.

Jericho tries a Tornado DDT but Juvi flips out of it (still touching his head near the mat so it looks weird) and La Majistral gets two for Juvi, who is now fine. A fan walks along the hard cam with an “AL SNOW pleH eM!!” sign (imagine this being your proud moment at Nitro, lol). Also another fan has a Hyatte sign- you know it’s a 1998 crowd when they’re celebrating HIM. Juvi with a boot in the corner and a flying wheel kick for two, but does the Mulkey Bump missing a dropkick against the ropes. And now JERICHO holds open the ropes, except when Juvi steps through he gets a kick to the collarbone! Jericho aggressively whips him off the ropes for a big spinebuster and hits the Liontamer for the tap-out at (4:37)… and won’t release! He keeps shaking his head “no!” and tortures poor Juvi some more, then releases and cuts a disingenuous promo about how “The ref didn’t make it clear to me” that Juventud had submitted and that it will “never! … E-E-EVER… happen again!”. Dickhead Heel Jericho was an S-tier wrestling character, but here he’s just getting started.

The match was more about the character stuff than the COOL MOVES at this point, establishing that Jericho isn’t just a sore loser, but a sore winner as well- the bit with the rope-holding shows fully Jericho’s hypocrisy and now makes it REALLY clear to even the dumbest fans that he doesn’t mean any of his apologies. It’s funny seeing Juvi job in 4 minutes so cleanly but looking up his history a while ago I marveled at how he spent most of 1997 jobbing and only got a push once Rey hurt his knee. Though he actually beat Ultimo Dragon for the Cruiserweight belt the week before and had already lost it so they were obviously elevating him in their weird 50/50 WCW sorta way.

Rating: ** (a decent but super short match)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: CRAZZY STEVE:
PWI Appearances: #496 in 2009, #474 in 2010, #415 in 2011, #407 in 2012, #422 in 2013, #132 in 2014, #152 in 2015, #93 in 2016, #68 in 2017, #430 in 2018, #419 in 2019, #320 in 2021

-haha I searched this guy up because he randomly appears near the very end of a PWI 500, but it turns out he’s a modern-day TNA IMPACT guy, too. “Crazzy Steve” is a legally blind pro wrestler in his early 40s now, who’s been wrestling since 2002. Maybe his eyesight is why he uses two “Z”s- shouldn’t it be pronounced like it rhymes with “snazzy”? He joined TNA in 2013 and thus rocketed up the PWI 500, eventually peaking at #68 (WAY higher than most guys who started out in the very bottom of the list). Looks like he left TNA in 2016 to go back to the indies for three years, then returned in 2020, leaving again in 2024. He’s semi-decorated but doesn’t appear to have been a big star. As you might imagine, his gimmick is that he’s crazy (and has poor spelling), wearing facepaint and making odd noises and stuff. You can tell I haven’t watched TNA in eons because I had no idea this guy existed.

MONSTER’S BALL MATCH:
X-DIVISION TITLE:
CRAZZY STEVE vs. TREY MIGUEL:
(TNA IMPACT, Feb. 23rd 2023)
* It was this or the Rhyno match, and I’ve never seen Miguel so it’s the chance to learn about a new guy! Miguel is the current X-Division Champion, a tatted-up Latino guy with a good physique. He’s…. OHHHHHHHHHH this is the guy from the “Rascalz” stable who couldn’t get into AEW owing to some bad tweets he twatted about homosexuality in 2020. Just think: if he hadn’t been so dumb he could be on TV jobbing to every single person in AEW by now instead of “running diamond cutter off the apron” guy! He’s doing a solid job looking unnerved by the craaaaaaaaaazzy wrestler facing him. The Monster’s Ball matches were invented during Abyss’s run in the company… are are just a fancy term for “No DQ, No Count-Out”, except it’s expected that weapons surround the ring.

Steve quickly takes Miguel to the floor and pescados him, but sets up four chairs and ends up drop-toeholded onto some, hiding under the ring apron to blade. Miguel misses a chairshot into the post (Steve openly calling spots) and is back bodydropped onto the 4 chairs, but manages a dropkick to buy himself time and is now back on offense. He throws in weapons, but takes too long and gets a staple gun to the penis, flopping around on the sell. Steve puts a garbage can over him and cannonballs into it, doing a craaaaaazy laugh as they go to commercial after only 4 minutes. Back with Miguel stopping a fork shot and neckbreaking Steve- he tries to use the fork himself but can’t, ending up stomping him instead and finding some thumbtacks to spread around. Miguel baby-runs across them but gets hit and set up for Belladonna’s Kiss (spinning ddt off the 2nd rope) but escapes, doing a superkick after a spinning fireman’s thing doesn’t work. He takes time to remove from tacks from his hands after (he pushed off the ground for leverage), but ends up in the Black Hole Slam (spinning bossman slam) of Abyss on the tacks! But he pulls Miguel up at “2” for more punishment, crushing him with two trash can shots to the back, but Miguel comes back with a kick combo and stomps him belly-first onto the tacks for two. Miguel takes forever to set up a table in the corner and both tease going into it and double-clothesline each other on the tacks.

Miguel gestures with a giant railroad spike, but Steve responds with JANICE, the giant board filled with nails once used by Abyss- he misses his shot and gets stabbed in the gut, but catches Miguel with a DVD through the table, getting two after a delay. Steve takes forever setting up a chair in the corner so Miguel manages to stuff his head upside-down against the ropes and superkicks then 619s it, but he misses a flying move and hurts himself rolling through tacks, then runs into a Canadian Destroyer from Steve on the tacks, but Steve is craaaaaaaaazzzzy so starts doing snow angels in the tacks and laughs. Then he pushes Janice into Miguel’s forehead and gestures to the fans at a giant board wrapped in whirls of barbed wire on the floor. But he drags Miguel to the apron and gets punched in the nuts, letting Miguel hit a CrossRhodes (called rolling the dice or something- I forgot it goes back to late WCW guys haha) through it, hurting both guys (especially since the CR OBVIOUSLY has the user doing a back bump). But Miguel is able to roll Steve into the ring and gets three (15:56), beating Steve at his own type of match.

Match was… pretty much as advertised- a lot of goofy weapon shots and move set-ups and guys taking bumps and bleeding (but not as much as you’d think for a match that could have been a gorefest, what with using tacks in a half-dozen spots and a board full of nails). Steve gets a “visual pinfall” early but wants more punishment, and repeatedly wastes time because he’s craaaaaaaaazzzzzy, paying for it as Miguel has enough time to recover from the DVD and kick out of other moves rather than just have it be a 2.9-fest. In this case, Steve loses because he’s so weird and is more focused on causing pain than winning. It was somewhat MOVEZ-y, especially as it was just “Spot-rest-spot” the whole way through, vs. the “never sell anything” style, and at least most of the kickouts were reasonable. Miguel seemed fine, but just a warm body in a match clearly built around its spots. Steve is okay for a 40-year old, even if he’s spotted on camera calling spots repeatedly (is he too blind to know the cameras can see that, lol)?

Rating: **1/4 (nothing fancy but comes as advertised and has some semi-unique spots without brutally overdoing it)