“Macho Man” Randy Savage & Adrian Adonis vs. Tito Santana & Bruno Sammartino in a Steel Cage (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a sequel to last week’s big matches, which I saved until now because I totally didn’t realize the WWE Vault had uploaded it too to build anticipation because I’m an advertising genius! It’s Macho Man Randy Savage & Adorable Adrian Adonis vs. Tito Santana and BRUNO SAMMARTINO, in a Steel Cage in Madison Square Garden! The babyfaces finally have those dastardly heels where they want them!

Next up, it’s a “WTF?” classic as Jumbo Tsuruta, top star of All Japan Pro Wrestling, faces Nikolai Volkoff in 1983! Then it’s Jerry “The King” Lawler versus TAGAR, Lord of the Volcano, as a masked heel immune to Jerry’s legendary punches arrives in 1991 USWA to punish him! Then Scott Norton faces Jim “The Anvil” Neidhart in 1998 WCW! And finally, our PWI 500 guys of the week are Ashley Hudson as “Ozzie Rulz” in one of those fly-by-night short-lived companies against Majik- a scrawny white guy! Then Majik faces Chris Wyld in a UK indie!

STEEL CAGE MATCH:
“MACHO MAN” RANDY SAVAGE & ADORABLE ADRIAN ADONIS (w/ Miss Elizabeth & Jimmy Hart) vs. TITO SANTANA & BRUNO SAMMARTINO:
(WWF at MSG, July 12th 1986)
* And the culmination of the match we covered last week- the heels won via count-out after eating a massive beating for like 10 straight minutes and then scoring a last-minute comeback. Because of that grievous injustice, we’re doing the most brutal match in the company- Steel Cage! No count-outs, and no sissy NWA things like “pinfalls” or “submissions”- ESCAPE RULES! You have to beat your opponent to death and then leave of your own accord. Given Savage’s favorite move was to hide behind Elizabeth and taunt his opponent, this is gonna be a rough night for him. Both guys have to leave to win.

Savage tries to scoot out as the babyfaces are heading down, but has nowhere to go- brilliantly, they wait for Bruno to put his head down as he enters the ring and Savage immediately tosses his IC belt down and divebombs the old man and they maul the babyfaces, haha. Poor Bruno is lying face down as Adonis stomps on him then theatrically tosses his lavender scarf up and over the cage walls, but Santana manages to come back against Savage and help out, only for Savage to grab his belt again and charge at the old man! Bruno boots him in the gut to stop it, then goes into the corner and prevents Savage from bashing him into the turnbuckles, mounting one of his trademark comebacks immediately. Savage gets beaten and finally gets his robe off, revealing he & Tito are in similar colored gear, and he makes a short attempt at getting out the side door. Adonis throws overhand elbows into Tito, but SAILS into the cage on one side and immediately takes a Superman dive to the door to try and escape the “Latin Temper” of Santana. Savage axehandles Tito down and drops the knee on him, but goes way to the top and Bruno speeds (!) across the ring to stop him. When both babyfaces try to pull him in, Adonis uses the opportunity to take another flying dive for the door, putting over the psychology and ramping up the match’s breakneck pace. Poor Tito tries to climb out but Adrian punches him right in the asshole, leaving him collapsing in pain. Lord Alfred says it was a tailbone shot, and puts over the shock to the spine that would be. Adonis slugs Bruno to stop him from choking Savage, leading to an “EVERYONE’s in pain!” from an amused Monsoon as they sell to put over the ferocity of the match, then Adonis flies into the corner AGAIN in a theatrical dive, getting stopped by Tito.

Adonis literally tearing off the top of the stairs as Bruno pulls him back into the ring for more beats.

Macho flies upside-down into the corner and with perfect timing, old man Bruno starts putting the boots to him, leaving him flailing around. The fans are loving this, but then Adonis goes all the way to the very top of the cage, Bruno with his hands on his hips like “Where do you think you’re going?” and brings him down nuts-first onto the top rope in a huge bump that THE CAMERA TOTALLY MISSES because Savage was going out the door (“Adrian’s wish finally came true- he became a Soprano!”). Tito has him by the foot, so Savage hits an axehandle off the second rope, but Bruno camel clutches him and Adonis axehandles HIM. Macho lawn-darts Santana into the cage and hits the Flying Axehandle as he blades. Man, Tito looks wiped, and he’s very obviously communicating, so the camera goes off as he takes another leap into the cage and Adonis paints the side with his blood. Bruno beats on Savage and then UNLOADS on Adonis with boxing-like strikes, then flings him into the corner of the cage. Savage goes up once more but now it’s the Santana reversal! Punch to the gut in mid-air! Adonis is so fearful of Bruno that he tears the top panel of the steps off trying to get out the door as Bruno drags him back in, then Savage goes upside-down into the cage, then face-first into the post as he blades mid-run and goes into the other side via Santana! oh and now he’s just doing a maze escape puzzle on his forehead in the days before they bothered to hide that very much. Savage nearly fades out, but bursts up and punches Tito in the balls to stop his climb, but Adonis takes a HUGE dive off the top of the cage and misses Sammartino! Santana & Savage brawl atop the cage as Adonis tries and fails to help, and there’s the ending- Savage loses the brawl and flies off ONTO Adrian, and both heels are down- Tito climbs over and Bruno scoots out the cage door (9:29)!

Another wild, wild WWF-style cage brawl, which like most of them involves cheap shots, dirty-fighting, blood, and desperate escape attempts that don’t work until the bad guys is well and truly DONE. Savage & Adonis bumped like absolute nuts in there, putting over the babyface onslaught any way they could- Savage is one thing, but Adonis is FAT and was flinging himself into the cage over and over again. Savage blades himself big and takes a ton of bumps, too, coming right off the cage into Adonis. Oddly enough, Santana was the weakest force in the match- I’m used to being very impressed by his performances but here he was just “Ring Filler”, often looking blown-up as he open-mouthed huffs and puffs during brawls. Bruno had more timing, more vicious offense, and honest to god looked like he had way better CARDIO of all things, scooting around the ring all match long. The camera work was a bit sub-par, though- things like missing the biggest Adonis bump (crotching himself from the top of the cage), catching Santana gabbing, then zooming in on Savage writing all over his face with a blade. The finish was good, but a bit like… “sudden”, as usually the babyfaces triumphantly leave dead heels lying in the ring, but here Bruno’s like “okay they’re down! Go go go!” and does this funny “open the door!” motion as he escapes.

Rating: ***3/4 (great brawl and lots of huge bumps by the heels)

NWA UNITED NATIONAL HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
JUMBO TSURUTA vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF:
(All Japan, May 20th 1983)
* JUMBO vs. VOLKOFF!! What a weird fine. I’ve never seen Volkoff outside of his “plain WWF evil foreigner” zone, and him being set up in ALL JAPAN of all places is an eye-opener. Though most foreign guys did a tour or two through there at some point. It’s always funny seeing Jumbo with BIG western guys, cuz I’m used to thinking of him as a huge guy since he’s wrestling shorties in all my stuff (Misawa/Kobashi/Kawada) and he’s bigger than dudes like Flair or Martel, but then one of these big boys shows up like Darsow or Volkoff and you realize he’s actually a bit smaller than they are.

Volkoff and baby Kawada sharing a ring, if only briefly. What a world.

Volkoff starts with clubbing blows to start, then quickly whips Jumbo off the ropes for a knee, then amazes me by swooping in with a rear waistlock into a BRIDGE, nearly pinning Jumbo. I don’t think I’ve ever seen that move ever outside of amateur wrestling. Jumbo counters the waistlock to the armbar, but gets hauled up over Nikolai and they fight to their feet- Nikolai shoots him off and barely moves back from a shoulderblock, smirking with amusement. Jumbo tries again and sells it perfectly, bouncing back like six feet and kind of doing this “Okay, this isn’t working- what else?” and repositions to a full nelson, which ALSO sells Volkoff’s power as he grimaces and pulls his arms down. This establishes the stakes- an opponent big Jumbo can’t overpower. And Jumbo “pluses” even THAT move, holding his fingers and checking them for damage to put over how hard that was. Volkoff then hauls him into a ONE-ARMED CHOKE LIFT, which looks crazy even though Jumbo’s weight is clearly against his chest, and Jumbo has to make a rope-break to avoid the Saito suplex from that deathgrip. Jumbo resorts to throwing strikes, but Nikolai’s again his equal, and the big guy eventually powers out of an abdominal stretch. A front facelock hits, and he powers out of a Boston crab for two, then dumps Jumbo and beats his ass in the floor, smashing him into everything he can out there, but clever Jumbo smashes him into the post, powers up in the ring (“WOHHH!”) and knocks him down with the Jumping Knee for two. Volkoff launches him on the kickout, then beats him up and backbreakers him for two, then holds Jumbo at chest-level so he can do the Olympic lift into an overhead press slam (!), hitting another backbreaker for two. Jumbo has to make the ropes, and when he tries a Thesz Press, he’s caught- another try gets two. Jumbo immediately fires off a pinpoint Jumping Knee, then goes right into a low-angle Backdrop Suplex, holding Nikolai down for 3.1 (7:09), Nikolai bridging out too late. Commentary openly disses the finish (“I think the height, or rather more the speed, of the backdrop was lacking”) but a pin’s a pin.

Smart, smart match by Jumbo. Volkoff is nobody’s bargain in-ring even by this point, but he IS big and can demonstrate that power, so Jumbo establishes the stakes over and over by failing to even BUDGE the guy. It soon becomes clear that Volkoff can power out of power moves, submissions AND strikes, so the only thing that will win is Jumbo’s speed and perseverance. And his strikes can still stun the guy, which ended up being how he won. The match wasn’t that long and was more “Jumbo eats a bunch of stuff and finally wins” and didn’t have the best finish, but you could see all the little things that made Jumbo one of the best to ever do it.

Rating: **1/2 (felt like a solid “filler” Jumbo match- trying to work out how to handle a stronger, physically tough opponent until he finally gets his opening)

JERRY “THE KING” LAWLER vs. TAGAR, LORD OF THE VOLCANO:
(USWA, June 29th 1991)
* AMAZING! 1991 Memphis sees Lawler do another “slap a goofy gimmick on a jobber” thing for a short run, as some guy with a black text name on Cagematch comes in as TAGAR (all caps, like TAKA Michinoku, KAORU or WALTER), proclaiming himself to be “Lord of the Volcano”, making a scary, gravely voice as he declares he wants to “find new gladiators” after breaking the bodies and spilling the blood of others foolish enough to take him on. And his outfit is comprised of a garbage back for a shirt and a Doctor Doom-esque metal mask. A YouTube comment says this is “allegedly journeyman jobber Jim Corbitt”.

Jerry complains to the ref about the “metal” mask, which is passed off by commentary as not heelish whining but “perfectly legitimate”, and the stakes are made clear immediately by the thick gloves of TAGAR causing a painful punch, and when Lawler fires back he immediately sells his own fist. Between the “posing with his arms out at random” and how he sells the lockup & snapmare, I can immediately tell that TAGAR only has minimal training. They do a double-knucklelock, but when TAGAR throws a kick to the gut, Lawler spams them and smashes him into the turnbuckle… but no! It’s no-sold because of that damn mask! Lawler gets his foot caught but uses the Owen-style enzuigiri as hitting the BACK of TAGAR’s head is proving effectively (Psychology~~!). TAGAR goes to the eyes and pounds at the neck, but Lawler fires back with body shots and pulling a literal “hey look at that” to distract the ref from a kick to the nuts. The Lord of the Volcano barely sells that, but charges into the corner and Lawler schoolboys him for the pin at (4:05). Some vicious heel! He fell victim to “The Ken Patera”! Chubby heel Eric Embry attacks, but sails over the top rope off a punch missing, and we’re out.

Was this match a girl over fifteen? Because Jerry Lawler seemed completely disinterested in it. He attempted some psychology with that illegal mask but mostly dealt with him in half-assed manner.

Rating: * (pretty bad “just punching” match with a particularly bad working in Tagar)

SCOTT NORTON (w/ Vincent) vs. JIM “THE ANVIL” NEIDHART:
(WCW Thunder, Aug. 26th 1998)
* Classic WCW: Mix it up with two squat powerhouse midcarders who don’t get any angles of their own! TV filler time! This couldn’t POSSIBLY be good, as Neidhart was uncarryably bad by 1998 and Norton would never sell anything. Even the chyron guy is half-assing this one, with “Jim Niedhart”.

Heenan puts over the similar bodies and dispositions of the men (though Norton is not just muscular but LEAN, whereas Neidhart has a huge gut), then points out that Norton “can’t be hurt anymore- it seems like he’s oblivious to pain”. Haha is he openly saying that Norton has stopped selling? It’s a slow start as Norton does an eye-poke, clubbing blow and then his running shoulderblock to drop Neidhart. Neidhart hits the floor and throttles Vincent, but Norton comes off the apron with an axehandle, then leisurely beats Jim down as Heenan points out how “You notice something, Mike- he doesn’t RUSH anything. He just methodically takes his time and systematically takes ya apart, piece by piece”, but acknowldeges that he’s tough. Neidhart eats more of a beating, then gets his foot up in the corner and flies off with a clothesline form the 2nd rope and Norton COMPLETELY shrugs it off, then ignores Neidhart pulling the straps down and slugging away, avalanches him in the corner, and finishes with his new Powerbomb at (3:17). Just complete destruction- Norton was particularly “fuck it- not getting a push so might as well sell nothing” because he was a Japan guy and floundering in WCW’s endless midcard- at least commentary emphasizing it makes it clear it’s a gimmick more than pure unprofessionalism. No, all these easy wins he was picking up never led anywhere. He beats jobbers the entire year and is fed to Goldberg in January, then Rey Mysterio in March.

Rating: 3/4* (pretty well a complete squash- Neidhart sold okay but Norton completely ignoring all his offense like he’s a jobber made for something none of the fans got into, either)

GOLDUST (w/ Marlena) vs. ALEX “THE PUG” PORTEAU:
(WWF, March 10th 1996)
* THE PUG makes a triumphant appearance in the WWF, as this was when he joined the “pretend stars”- a guy who defeated jobbers but was still mostly a jobber to the true stars. But first he just does some standard jobs, as he’s being fed to Goldust in his first singles match. The Pug’s now in blue jobber trunks and Goldust is the current IC Champ.

Goldust quickly plays mind games with the Molestation Go-Behind and fondles himself, then brushes Porteau’s head to mess with him some more, but the Pug gets an armdrag. Goldust USES THE ASS to come back, then a corner whip & slam, but gyrates over the Pug, the Master of the Rollup, and gets pulled into sunset flip position for two. The Pug with a forearm & dropkick as he’s getting WAY more offense than I expected, but Goldust catches him with his head down and immediately hits Shattered Dreams (elevated inverted ddt) for the pin at (2:13). haha, they used the SAVAGE TEMPLATE? For a squash? Actually Porteau got way more offense than a jobber would, as they must still be acting like this is a “real contest”, but Goldust still hit his finisher with almost no build-up on him. Porteau would do only a couple of TV jobs before defeating Barry Horowitz after a 3-month gap, then pick up a couple other wins before he went back to being squashed.

Rating: 1/2* (inoffensive semi-competitive match, but only 2 minutes long)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: ASHLEY HUDSON (aka Ozzie Rulz):
Appearances: #281 in 1996

-Hudson is a strange one to me- a mid-sized (billed at 6’1″ 224 lbs.) guy from Australia who lives in the Nashville area and typically worked in Southern promotions, sometimes as a jobber in WCW and lasted all the way to do some jobs in NWA TNA! Looks like his career went from 1995-2003, with only a handful of matches per year according to Cagematch. Typically he jobbed out in WCW in the mid-90s, did okay in NWA affiliates in the South (typically with Kory Williams as his partner), returned to WCW in its dying days, then showed up in Transcontinental Championship Wrestling in 2000 (one of MANY attempts to make a promotion in WCW’s wake), and in NWA TNA, where it seems like his career petered out. Despite doing a bunch of jobs there, his final match is a win over Jorge Estrada.

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: MAJIK (aka Arcade):
Appearances: #478 in 2001, #351 in 2003)

-Majik is a do-nothing indie guy from the UK who wrestled from 2000-2019, typically a few times a year unless someone just isn’t bothering to record his stuff to Cagematch. He looks incredibly unathletic and harmless- more like a skinny junkie than a pro wrestler. Like even the Young Bucks or Nick Wayne look better than THIS.

OZZIE RULZ vs. MAJIK:
(Transatlantic Wrestling Challenge, Feb. 26th 2000)
* Before the match, Majik states that he’s been casting a spell- he’s turned Ozzie into an overhyped, overconfident Australian MUPPET! A truly horrendous insult, but at least Rulz actually responds to the jabs physically, as if he’s taken back. Rulz is a fairly muscular guy in a green singlet. Majik is… sickly-looking and has some black facepaint over one eye. Rulz is Ashley Hudson, a largely do-nothing guy who mostly fought in American NWA affiliates. This is from a UK NWA one, in fact.

They engage in the most basic wrestling imaginable- each guy hits an armdrag, hiptoss & bodyslam in succession. Majik follows by taking way too long to do a hurricanrana, but he gets whipped to the corner and tries another, getting powerbombed. Rulz does the WWE Walk & Stomp and a side slam, Majik scores some forearms and a weak rolling shoulderblock in the corner, and Rulz just ignores it to slug him down. He then catches Majik’s crossbody with ease and world’s strongest slams him, and finishes with a Slingshot Legdrop at (3:47). TURRIBLE squash- Majik wrestles mostly like he’s trying to remember what move comes next. Just holding is head down with a furrowed brow. Not wrestling for an audience or anything. He didn’t look nearly speedy or athletic enough to make up for his size.

MAJIK vs. CHRIS WYLD:
(LDN Wrestling, A New Horizon, Oct. 23rd 2005)
* Said to be “somewhere in Leicester” according to the uploader, this features two skinny indie boys against one another. Thought Wyld ends up looking roided and in great shape… because his opponent is so skinny and frail by comparison. Put him next to a full adult and he’s probably smol. Wyld has those “Shiny Baggy Indie Pants” that were once all the rage (who started that? The Hardys?) and I realize have vanished. His are black & red, while Majik is in a full-body singlet (thank god) with his ghostly pale arms exposed. Wyld is another UK indie lifer from Mainstonek, Kent, who went from 2003-2019 or so and doesn’t appear to have made any impact.

They do classic indie “going long” bits like dramatic lockups into shove-offs and stalling, both guys sorta acting like heels but Wyld I guess moreso. Some clunky “flash pins” by Majik see Wyld scurrying, but he lures Majik into a beating in-ring and does a prolonged, methodical brawl, throwing a lot of back elbows. Fallaway slam gets two. A People’s Elbow-ish elbowdrop & inverted DDT set up a jujigatame attempt that goes nowhere, then he runs into the corner and Majik does an overhead suplex for a double-down. Wyld actually does the “sell the THIRD clothesline” thing, which is hilarious because he’s otherwise so bad, but the spot also looks pretty awful because just looks like he’s not selling instead of like… trying to show him up “in character” if you know what I mean. Suplex and resthold set up Wyld’s jaw-jacker, then an awful floatover suplex/legdrop gets two. hahah they’re blown up and Wyld isn’t athletic enough for a float over. Wyld hits a perfect plex into a Muta Lock (having to shuffle over to do the move after the leg twist part), but Majik ends up on top (lol Wyld just releases for no reason and openly rolls over) and… isn’t good enough to do a real surfboard/romero special and so we get the shitty version. Majik stands there like a goober missing shots and Wyld whacks him, then does a copy of the same overhead suplex as before (but with a headlock). Do these guys have the same trainer or something? Building himself up before doing a “backwards roll” pin is hilarious- that looks like if I did it. Majik manages a fisherman’s buster (lol how many leg-hook moves do they know?) and they do the “dazed slug it out” spot, Wyld winning and they do-si-do into a Michinoku Driver for two. Wyld goes up for a Kent Jam for two, but Majik counters the Razor’s Edge, but his running fireman’s carry is countered and Wyld grabs the ropes to help pin him at (15:06).

haha, dreadful. Bad indie wrestling is kind of fun to watch once the wheels fall off- the first 9 minutes is dreary and skippable but once they get tired they start openly cooperating and fucking up moves so I can now PUNCH DOWN with negative criticism wooooo! Wyld can almost kinda work, in that he has some “snap” to his offense and seems to know the various tricks like “argue with the ref to hide that your shin is choking the guy” and “sell the THIRD clothesline so it looks more impressive” but doesn’t know how to do them WELL so you see this glimmer of potential, but like he’s got the mind for it but not the body or experience. Then you have all the leg-hook moves, like they both trained the same way and their offense relies on leg-hook overhead suplexes and fisherman’s suplexes and busters. The entire back 3/4 of the match is Wyld having to carry Majik’s corpse to everything, as the guy appears too tired or beat up to do ANYTHING, even put any effort in. Majik doesn’t just look like he has AIDS, he wrestles like it, too!

Rating: DUD (Wyld seems almost okay, but can only do so much)