MID-Tier Match Reviews: Kota Ibushi vs. A Sex Blow-up Doll

You know how there’s this industry expression about great wrestlers being able to have entertaining matches with a broomstick? Well leave it to Kota Ibushi to interpret that concept in the weirdest way imaginable and show that some ideas are best left to theory and not practice.

The Story

DDT Pro-Wrestling, f.k.a. Dramatic Dream Team, started off as Japan’s version of WWE. They promoted a more entertainment-driven product with big cards featuring a mix of everything from high-flying lucharesu to hardcore matches involving bottle rockets and everything in between. They also took WWE’s slapstick Hardcore Division to its most extreme with gimmicks and ideas that likely wouldn’t ever fly in North America. YOSHIHIKO was one such a gimmick by virtue of being an inflatable sex doll. Yet this doll’s matches aren’t meant to be lewd or lascivious; those sorts of segments are usually saved for characters like Danshoku Dino. According to Kenny Omega, since YOSHIHIKO could take more punishment than any person, its opponents could do whatever they want. This led to levels of brutality that made audiences feel sorry for it, as though it was a real person.

Ibushi, though, had different ideas. He cut his teeth in DDT and made a name for himself as one of the most fearless, reckless madmen pro wrestling had ever seen. If there was some experiment worth trying he was game. He didn’t mind diving off of random objects; having matches in random, unconventional places; or being dropped on his neck. In fact, he wrote about his appreciation for head spikes in a 2015 NJPW book titled Kota Ibushi Strongest Edition, stating,

“I loved the dangerous neck-drop moves in “Four Heavenly Kings Pro Wrestling,” and before long, I found myself focusing on that angle during matches. I was completely obsessed with the angle of falling on the neck. And rather than thinking, “I want to drop someone at that angle,” I thought, “If I can be dropped at that angle and properly take the move, I might be one step closer to being the strongest.” – Kota Ibushi

And so the formula was turned on its head. Rather than have YOSHIHIKO become a literal crash test dummy and get thrown around with techniques unable to be performed on living opponents, this match would see Ibushi test his own body’s limits against, well, basically himself.

The Match

This took place on March 21, 2015, at a show called DDT Saitama Slam Special. A “shadow” carries YOSHIHIKO to the ring and places it in a corner. Ibushi approaches that corner, “locks up” with the doll, and gets a clean break. They trade headlocks with YOSHIHIKO’s lasting quite a bit longer. Ibushi gets a break and switches to a Greco-Roman knuckle lock. YOSHIHIKO wins with an overhead double-wrist suplex. The shadow comes back in to do an Irish whip but Ibushi hits first with a dropkick to the floor followed by a Triangle Moonsault.

YOSHIHIKO resists a chinlock and then “collapses” off another Irish whip. Ibushi applies a high-angle Boston Crab but YOSHIHIKO “gets a ropebreak” so Ibushi applies a Figure-Four Leglock. The doll reverses this on Ibushi and counters a vertical suplex with its own. Then it dives out of the ring as the shadow throws it onto Ibushi like a weapon. Back in the ring YOSHIHIKO lands what looks like a triple-rotation headscissor. Ibushi resists a German Suplex but YOSHIHIKO persists and lands a high-angle Backdrop. In other words, Ibushi spikes himself on his own head. Not done with the craziness, this is followed by a piledriver and a two-count. Ibushi escapes a Dragon Suplex and a kick exchange ensues with both sides going down. Ibushi’s up first and lands a giant swing but the doll reverses a cradle pin for two. Ibushi counters a headscissor with what can only be described as a backwards powerbomb which couldn’t be done on a real person since, well, humans have spines. This leads to a type of camel clutch which the doll reverses with a flipping powerbomb for two.

A silly “strike exchange” follows and this leads to the match’s most infamous spot: the so-called Infinite Destroyer, nine Canadian Destroyers in a row, which get another two-count. YOSHIHIKO follows with a head-spiking Dragon Suplex variant for another near-fall but Ibushi hits back with a clumsy lariat. Ibushi lands a Last Ride Powerbomb and goes to the top rope but the doll, with the shadow’s help, cuts him off. Ibushi counters into a diving Razor’s Edge and follows with a top-rope springboard overhead German for two. A Phoenix Splash is enough for Ibushi to secure the pinfall and retain his title.

Winner and STILL KO-D Openweight Champion after 18:56: Kota Ibushi

You can watch the full match here.

Review

If you’re a purist or someone who takes wrestling seriously then this will give you an aneurysm. It was one of the most ridiculous things ever seen in wrestling. It was so absurd it made Stadium Stampede look like Flair/Steamboat in comparison. I get what they were going for trying to be as innovative as possible, yet this was a bit too dumb. Despite being somewhat visually impressive, Ibushi bumping around and dropping himself on his head for what was likely half-decent pay doesn’t sound like a smart thing to do, even by wrestling standards. But even if you like these absurd and boundary-pushing ideas, Ibushi went about this match all wrong. If the intent was for people to, as Omega described, sympathize with YOSHIHIKO, then the match failed to portray that narrative. It was a rudderless display of wild techniques and Ibushi showcasing his bumping abilities, which emphasized YOSHIHIKO’s uselessness rather than create any dramatic hook. If Ibushi’s goal was to showcase his toughness and flexibility then he could’ve achieved those same ends with any human opponent. Here, his movements came across as scattered and, save for a few admittedly unique ideas, unimpressive. Ibushi copying or emulating the Four Heavenly Kings wasn’t exciting on its own, especially since he largely missed the crux of what made them so good, that being the balance between motion and stillness and not the pure head drops themselves. It also didn’t help that YOSHIHIKO technically had support from the shadow which lessened the broomstick argument and further added to the general sense of “WTF am I watching” that coated the entire match.

Final Rating: *1/2

I watched this match so that you don’t have to if you hadn’t already. Although it was serviceable as something to kill time, it was very much deserving of the criticism it got and has little value beyond seeing Ibushi do a serviceable job of making light entertainment out of something so absurd. Ibushi’s attempt at bringing that broomstick expression to life was admirable yet it was drowned out by the silliness of the situation. As such, your mileage on this match will vary depending on whether you’re willing to put in maximum effort suspending disbelief and accepting the most absurd thing imaginable as Ibushi “wrestled” an inanimate object. While it’s a step up from the even more ridiculous invisible wrestler gimmick found all over various local indy federations, this was still way too silly and is best reserved for when you REALLY want to turn your brain off.

Thanks for reading.