Jerry Lawler vs. Nick Bockwinkel (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This week, I have a great showcase of how good Jerry Lawler was in his prime, as he faces AWA Champion Nick Bockwinkel in a match for the belt, in his native Memphis! Then I found a great All Japan TV show episode, featuring Toshiaki Kawada & Shinichi Nakano vs. Tsuyoshi Kikuchi & Samson Fuyuki, Terry Gordy vs. DAVEY BOY SMITH, and another one of those amazing AJPW Six-Mans featuring the Aces fighting, as Jumbo Tsuruta, Masanobu Fuchi & The Great Kabuki take on Mitsuharu Misawa, Akira Taue & Kenta Kobashi! The week after Misawa finally removes the Tiger Mask look and goes under his real name once more! And finally, more World of Sport with “Cyanide” Sid Cooper doing his heel antics on former S.A.S. soldier and newcomer Jack Regan! And finally, this week’s PWI 500 Guy match sees Landon Riley upload the worst showcase for himself possible as he takes on XERO in Glasgow’s independent scene!

AWA WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT TITLE:
NICK BOCKWINKEL vs. JERRY “THE KING” LAWLER:
(Memphis Coliseum, Jan. 1st 1984)
* This is a very rare bit of footage of Jerry Lawler in his prime challenging for the AWA World Title- Memphis played nicer with them than they did the NWA, who seemed to look down on Memphis as a very “gaga” promotion, I’m told. I’ve seen sooooooooooo little of Prime Lawler, remembering him only as a short, kinda portly middle-aged man looking like a weenie in the WWF (while drawing tremendous heat). Time to see what he could REALLY do! This is I believe before Bockwinkel’s amazing “If you couldn’t PUNCH… what WOULD you do?” taunt that both disses Jerry Lawler’s style of wrestling while doing a fantastic job putting him over (“he’s got a hell of a right hand” “I’ll be eating soup for a WEEK!”), but he’s been constantly putting down Lawler’s lack of scientific wrestling skill compared to his own. Bockwinkel was a rare heel- not a chickenshit or a monster or a braying asshole like Flair or Terry Funk, but this elitist, snobbish asshole- someone who was just SO SURE he was the intellectual and physical superior of everyone around him that he came off like a lecturing jackass about it. Almost professorial in how he’d talk down to people as if he thought they were beneath him (Heenan grabbed “peons” from Bock) and needed things carefully explained by one as smart as he, and coming off like our comparative stupidity genuinely annoys him. And Lawler of course was depicted as kind of a “Regular Man’s Champion” in Memphis from everything I’ve seen- the antithesis of this “sniffing his own farts” giga-douchebag. uh that said he IS here holding a crown, lol.

We’re clipped to Bockwinkel with a rear waistlock, Lawler faking him out by going for the leg but spinning into his own- Nick soon takes him down but gets headscissored and is AGGRIEVED getting up. He deftly takes Lawler down after repositioning, cranking on a hammerlock with a smirk, but positions his head too close to Jerry’s arm and gets headlocked in his attempt to gain leverage. Bockwinkel swings his arm like a baseball bat to the breadbasket to get out of it (no FISTICUFFS like that peasant bar-brawler Lawler), switching up his hammerlock to a top wristlock (Lance Russell explaining that the pain of the move has Jerry paralyzed so he couldn’t get out during the switch). Nick just CRANKS on that arm with a smile, shouting “COME ON, LAWLER! … It’s a simple wrestling hold!” while Jerry writhes in pain. Russell establishes that this is a regular “fetish” of Nick’s- putting down Lawler as a brawler who can’t do scientific wrestling. Russell points out that Jerry CAN do this- “Bockwinkel MAY, in fact, be a superior scientific wrestler, but he doesn’t have any more stamina- more determination than the King does”. Jerry gets the fans excited by standing up, but gets powered back down, and we’re clipped to Lawler hiptossing, but Nick holds on with a smirk, but the next has Jerry loose. We’re clipped to a beaten-down Nick drawing in the ref to buy himself some time (called out by Russell), then he plasters Jerry with some knees to the gut after suckering him in. 25 minutes down (and we’re 5 minutes into this clip).

“COME ON, LAWLER! … It’s a simple wrestling hold!” Check that wide stance on Bockwinkel.

Nick, who just complained about Jerry using the hair, promptly uses it openly and snapmares him, then PROVES HIMSELF A HYPOCRITE by punching him right in the diaphragm. Lawler hits a crossbody and the crowd goes crazy just for that, but Nick shoves him off and he hits the floor. Nick takes his time, smashing Jerry’s face into the table, then the ring apron, but only gets two! Is Lance on the crowd mic, now? His voice is booming. Bockwinkel screams at the ref for the count, then decks Lawler with FISTICUFFS, then pulls the hair and smashes him into the turnbuckle twice, but in an S-Tier Hulk Up spot, Jerry rubs his forehead on the second one, shakes the cobwebs out, then just gives the crowd THAT LOOK to let them know that an ass-kicking is coming, absorbs a couple shots and gets upright to stare a tired Bockwinkel down, then BAM! BAM! BAM! He throws these right hands with laser-like precision, Nick going bow-legged like he’s just destroyed and Lawler uppercuts him onto his ass. Nick flops around like a fish as Lawler collapses before getting back under himself, and we’re cliipped to Nick being flung backwards into the corner repeatedly, his floppy “Champion Heel Hair” making this look ultra-good.

Look at the close-up. Jerry’s fist is DEAD ON right on the hard camera yet apparently doesn’t even touch Nick. And Nick’s sell is perfect- splaying out his legs like he’s KTFO’d temporarily.

Lawler levels Nick with another couple right hands and the champ is in SERIOUS trouble- he and Jerry eyerake each other but Lawler gets shoved into the ref and he’s down! Bockwinkel hits a giant overhand flying elbow to finish, but the ref slowly noticed and it gets TWO! Bockwinkel rolls to the floor off that but Jerry’s out for VENGEANCE and slams him into the table repeatedly. Nick has no way out, but Jerry didn’t pin him far enough from the ropes and the smart champion makes them. Nick gouges the eyes BIG-TIME and throws more right hands, but some a massive flurry of turnbuckle shots and punches to the back of the head just get Lawler incensed and DOWN COMES THE STRAP as he beats the ever-loving shit out of Bockwinkel with the greatest punch combo I’ve ever seen in my life. Just throws rights and lefts like crazy as the fans go absolutely BANANA! Bockwinkel’s selling is amazing as his eyes roll back into his head and it bounces to and fro off of each shot, and Jerry beats his brains out in the corner. But his desire to kick ass is TOO GREAT, as he fires off more and more shots to a dying Nick in the ropes and the ref gets involved, Jerry flinging him off so he can kick further ass- Lawler shoves him down a second time and now Nick’s COUNTER-PUNCH hits him and that’s it- the ref calls a Disqualification for Lawler at (12:12 of 32:35 shown), this match just having too much mayhem in it to continue. But of course Jerry gets the cover and counts it himself so when the ref raises his hand the fans think he’s the Champion, but oh no! Nick was DQ’d! Russell his aghast (“You DISQUALIFIED ‘im!?”) and Lawler is pissed about that and just beats up Nick, leaving him spread-eagled on the mat and walks away with the AWA Belt like “ha-hah”, threatening to punch the ref himself if he tries anything.

A FANTASTIC showcase of both guys. Nick got to come off like an elitist douchebag, wearing down Lawler with scientific wrestling- the kind he says Lawler can’t do… except when he’s pressed, the desperate champion resorts to these same fisticuffs, eye-gouging and more. All that sniffling about punches and he’s smashing Jerry into the TABLE? What an absolute hypocrite! And then Lawler proves his mastery of the Hulking Up spot (I believe Hogan just copied this, in fact), first doing a slow one to build anticipation, and later using the match’s peak as the ultimate blow-off, just EXPLODING out of the croner and pulling down the strap and beating Nick’s face in. And with that complete frenzy of offense we got our ending- Nick had to leave with the belt but the fans had to know that this was Jerry’s Belt to win and he was just unlucky- that blasted Bockwinkel slinked away!

Rating: ****1/4 (the match is tragically clipped, but it gets all the hot points and the entire story so god knows what the rest was- the edited version at least is PHENOMENAL- perfect action, Nick being an asshole scientific type and a blasted hypocrite, then a frenzied finale)

ALL JAPAN PRO WRESTLING (May 26th 1990)
* Almost all these matches would be Joined in Progress, but I think we get the full main event.

TOSHIAKI KAWADA & SHINICHI NAKANO vs. TSUYOSHI KIKUCHI & SAMSON FUYUKI:
* I’m familiar with “Footloose”, Kawada’s team, but they’re split up here and paired with guys I don’t think I’ve ever even heard of… and then I check and Footloose was with FUYUKI, not Kikuchi, which shows you how memorable that guy was to me. Nakano’s one of those “bounced from place to place” guys, calling NJPW, AJPW & SWS his home in succession before bouncing around even more- he’s a 10-year vet here. Fuyuki is the Kodo Fuyuki I’ve seen in SWS & FMW stuff, actually. Everyone here is kinda undersized, especially for AJPW. Kawada’s in his ’80s bright blue tights (hee), Nakano’s in black trunks looking like a NJPW Young Lion, Kikuchi’s in his white “Rising Sun” logo tights, and Fuyuki’s in lilac trunks. Very manly.

Kikuchi starts with a dropkick to Kawada, chinlocking him and throwing kicks while he’s bent over, which only serves to provoke Kawada, who goes absolutely berserk with kicks that look like they’re absolutely KILLING Kikuchi, including soccer-punting him in the head while the referee is desperately trying to keep him back- shit like that made Kawada the “bad boy” of the company for sure. Kawada keeps on like “No, no- he’s not dead enough” and punting him in the forehead until his bloodlust is finally sated and Nakano’s in. Clipped to a Kawada head-kick sending Kikuchi to the floor- Nakano chairshots him, but Kikuchi counters a piledriver to bring in Fuyuki (they’re being really obvious with spot-calling here) for a spinkick (like Akira Hokuto would use) and a flying teabag gets two. Kawada’s dumped but just abuses Kikuchi anyways, and Fuyuki lariats him for two. Kawada escapes and Nakano takes a double suplex- Kikuchi climbs but Kawada just sweep-kicks him off the top for a huge bump, lol- this guy is such a bitch. Speaking of, he floats over Nakano only to eat a powerslam for two, then Fuyuki has to save him from a Northern Lights suplex so he scores a floatover suplex for two. Kikuchi Bridging German! Kikuchi runs the ropes but Kawada just “Bret Harts” him from the apron and he’s inside-cradled, but counters for two, then Nakano whispers a spot and hits a good hooking lariat, provoking everyone to run in- Kawada beats Fuyuki’s ass so Nakano can hit the Northern Lights Suplex on Kikuchi for the pin at (7:24 shown). Fans seem appreciative of Kikuchi for the ass-kicking he just took.

A fun, spirited tag match, clearly meant to feature Kikuchi getting his ass handed to him, as Kawada wouldn’t let him get SHIT- even after bumping to the floor he just whups him, then he boots him off the top and more. Nakano comes off like Ring Fuller- a dude using just the Communal Puro Offense, but not bad. Kawada came off like a brutal shitpiece asshole, which is great.

Rating: **1/2 (good TV filler match)

TERRY GORDY vs. DAVEY BOY SMITH:
* HELL YESSSSSSSSSSSSS Baba rules! Only in AJPW can you get Davey Boy between WWF runs as a midcard guy. Gordy’s getting the near-Main Event push so I don’t think this one is in doubt, but this is a total “Wait, that happened?” match- a dude associated with Southern feds & Japan fighting one of the iconic 1990s WWF upper-midcarders.

We’re JIP with Gordy refusing to let Davey Boy execute proper legholds, then he boots free & lariats him brutally for two. Vertical suplex & some SNUG kneedrops work Smith over and a delayed piledriver gets two. Smith backdrops out of another but gets dumped as Gordy just ignores him, and some necksnaps on the ropes kill more time until Davey suckers him on the last one, hitting his own and a missile dropkick gets two (holy shit he’s lucky Monsoon wasn’t commentating that cover. He’s basically got his nuts over Gordy’s face and is holding down only his wrists). Floatover suplex gets two but he sets up a superplex, only to get shoved off and Gordy does the most HILARIOUS “aw fuck it” ever as he sets up this big move off the second rope and then just… hops off and skips over for a cover. Like “oh wait this is just a midcard match never mind lmao”. He can’t get a powerbomb to follow-up and Smith crucifixes him for two, then hits a SOLID crossbody for the same, but Gordy just gut-kicks him for the Powerbomb, getting two. He hits another big corner lariat, but backs away and Smith meets him with one this time, getting two. A follow-up corner whip has Smith charge into a boot, however, and Gordy lariats & Powerbombs him for the pin at (7:18). Midcardy goodness, as they play up Davey Boy’s power and durability, but also Gordy’s persistence, as his simple yet effective stuff wore Smith down and got the pin after two Powerbombs. A very methodical one from Gordy, but he could do either that or crazy brawling really well, and Davey was a solid other hand in there, and used his comparative speed and technique well.

Rating: **1/4 (pretty simple but effective)

MITSUHARU MISAWA, AKIRA TAUE & KENTA KOBASHI vs. JUMBO TSURUTA, THE GREAT KABUKI & MASANOBU FUCHI:
* Another big six-man with a modification of the Misawa/Jumbo teams design! This was back before Taue betrayed his proper teammates (mostly contemporaries) to go to the DARK SIDE because he wanted the clout the veterans had. Kabuki brings his US gimmick to Japan and has been around AJPW for years, too. Fuchi meanwhile is the most horrible man in the world.. Kobashi is a veritable baby at this point. Importantly, the week before this match Tiger Mask II had been in a tag match with Kawada and got his partner to untie his mask, revealing MITSUHARU MISAWA, who immediately got a huge pop as this established a new beginning for him- Misawa promptly won that match and is now leading a trio against the Ace. Which is a pointed aspect of the booking that was lost on no fan. They hadn’t quite morphed into “The Kids Who Won’t Get Off Jumbo’s Lawn” yet, I think.

Fuchi starts with big Taue, and promptly goes ass over teakettle twice on shoulderblocks and gets slammed & dropkicked, then held for Kobashi’s missile kick (clever Fuchi notices he’s about to bump into his own corner and rolls back so he can be covered). He manages to trip Kenta up and tags out, but Jumbo eats some chops and a dropkick! But you know that’s just the set-up to poke the bear- Jumbo promptly levels him with a jumping knee and clobbers both Misawa & Taue off the apron, then does his taunt! All that slowdown right before the big explosion is why he’s the best. This ends up getting Misawa all hot at him, and Jumbo sells the “Misawa!” chants perfectly, looking around in annoyed disbelief, and then IT’S ON! Misawa uses speed to tag Jumbo over and over again with kicks & knees, but again this just provokes him into losing his temper and hitting a crushing Jumbo Lariat for two. Twice now they’ve spammed him and gotten drilled for it. Kabuki tries but Misawa effortlessly leapfrogs him and suckers him into a dropkick, then does his Tiger Feint move as a taunt. Taue drops an elbow on Kabuki but eats a thrust kick and ends up in the enemy corner, where they kick his ass and Fuchi starts throwing tons of punches to his forehead, staring at the kiddie corner to taunt them. Fuck YOU, Fuchi. Taue soon overpowers him and the kids tee off on him, and when Jumbo provokes Misawa from the apron he gets DRILLED with an elbow and collapses on the floor! And they can’t get him up! ah, this is THAT match. Where they have to establish that despite Misawa being puny compared to Jumbo, his elbow is a top-tier death weapon and can knock out ANYBODY. And who better than the biggest and most credible guy in AJPW to sell that?

I feel like either the YouTube translator was malfunctioning or AJPW commentary uses odd idoms, otherwise I dunno how the “lucky pervert” got 4 losses in the match between Hue and Pororo.

Jumbo is out for AGES as Fuchi takes a beating, then Kabuki spams Kobashi with offense and restholds him to buy Jumbo some time, and then he wakes up and CHARGES Misawa for revenge, completely incensed at being embarrassed like that. He starts bludgeoning Misawa on the mat but they roll around and hammer away at one another, everyone else selling perfectly this “oh my god, CALM DOWN!” thing as they desperately try to pull their own partners away and get back to a real strategy. Utter mayhem. Jumbo has to be dragged away, and of course remembers to wince in agony as he touches his head where Misawa clocked him, and this provokes a big “Misawa!” chant. Jumbo’s like “it’s okay- I’m calm… I’m calm just KIDDING MOTHERFUCKER” and charges in for another pullapart! Even poor Taue’s trying to push in to prevent Misawa from launching elbow strikes and he & Fuchi all but team up to push Jumbo away from him and bring things back to normal. Kabuki’s like “uhhhh RESTHOLD!” and they work Fujiwara armbars on Kobashi to finally settle things down. Fuchi works the arm and tries some pins to kill more time, but Kobashi’s outta the corner with his crossbody on Kabuki, but is too young and dumb to tag out so charges into a thrust kick and more armbars. Taue finally saves him, but Jumbo’s in with a big boot for 1. Misawa clobbers him out of another armbar and they’re about to be pulled apart again when Taue flings Jumbo into a running back elbow and Russian legsweep for two, then drops into SUMO STANCE~~ using it to power a lariat for two.

Kobashi tries a backdrop suplex for two, but Jumbo’s so incensed at a rookie getting two on HIM that he jumps to life and knees the shit outta him, then dumps him so that piece of shit Fuchi can drop him knee-first on the guardrail! I HATE this man. Fuchi pounces on the injured knee, booting Kenta down and stomping his leg. Kabuki ends up getting taken down with a side-arcing clothesline, making the desperate tag to Taue, who E.Hondas Kabuki with chops, drops an elbow & dropkicks him, then Misawa throws some of his agile leaping strikes… but suddenly Jumbo’s in stomping Kobashi, who tries to kick from the ground and does a great bit where he gets to his feet and defiantly slugs back before grumpy ol’ Jumbo just stomps him back down, then Fuchi is only too happy to take over on an already-downed opponent. You know what’d be awesome? If Fuchi was DEAD. Taue finally makes the save but angry Jumbo just puts some MUSTARD on 2 bodyslams, provoking Taue into getting into a chopfest with the big guy! And Misawa joins in for a double-dropkick, then a Saito suplex & spinkicks Jumbo right in the brain and Frog Splashes him- Fuchi saves! Kobashi flies in but Jumbo dodges him and TRUCKS him with a Jumbo Lariat… for a last-ditch jerk kickout! Jumbo does the greatest Shocked Kickout Face EVER, not going bug-eyed but confused, like “But… that was Kobashi. Surely that was it”.

Jumbo’s bewildered expression that this big move couldn’t pin the weak link of the other team.

Kabuki comes in to finish him off but gets stuck in a kick & rolling cradle for two, then a crossbody and Taue’s Sumo Lariat gets two! Kabuki with a veteran counter, but Taue leverages him- DDT! Kabuki finally escapes with a quick counter, Fuchi hits a cradle, but foolishly tries a backdrop suplex on the giant kid and eats an atomic drop/backdrop suplex for two. Taue goes for a fireman’s carry but Kabuki throat-thrusts him into a pinning combo for two, and a sweaty angry rookie Kenta wants BLOOD, getting revenge with punches and a slingshot legdrop- sunset flip gets two, but he’s jackknifed for two and Misawa has to save and sets up a back elbow/running shoulder combo- Jumbo’s in to protest but they shitcan him to the floor with dropkicks! Kabuki’s taken out and Kobashi hits a Bridging German- two! Misawa aims for the Tiger Dream to finish but Jumbo’s back- JUMBO LARIAT! Fuchi jackknifes him- two! Fuchi hits an enzuigiri, but Misawa elbows out of a rear waistlock, charges, misses and gets stuck in again, but counters and boom- TIGER SUPLEX! And it’s too sudden for his team to save and that’s the pin at (23:10)! So the week after Misawa rips off the Tiger Mask for the first time, he scores the big deciding pin in a tag match against the promotion’s Ace, AFTER knocking him the fuck out with an elbow and pissing him off, receiving no comeuppance. I dare say this Baba fellow knows how to book!

Absolutely epic match- I love how All Japan matches start so slow that you get lulled into a false sense of security at first, as they’re great at the “you get 20 seconds of awesome and then we settle things back down” until you’re starving for more, but only get a taste of it until they do something INSANELY COOL… then settle things back down and then the last five minutes is this hurricane of insanity with the best timing you’ll ever see- guys just zipping every which way but everything SO precise. It’s not as manically paced as All Japan Women’s multi-person matches (nothing is), but it’s got even more focused booking and exactly the right spots and counters- Fuchi being a giant douchelord all match pays off because he eats the deciding fall, Misawa’s immediately getting pushed because he just knocked out THE ACE, and then we get this beautiful pullapart brawl that derails a huge chunk of the match, with the complete pandemonium sold perfectly by everyone. You’ve got Fuchi trying to pull Jumbo back, Taue trying to block his PARTNER’s elbows because this has gotten out of hand, the referee and the others are running all over trying to restore, order, etc. Then they know to settle things down for a minute or two so that stuff STICKS with you- modern Indie Style dweebs just go from fast to fast to fast so that no move is allowed to BREATHE, and this is why you specifically do a cooldown bit after such an important part of the match. And Jumbo sells all that perfectly- like he’s so unstoppable and SO dominant, but is just KTFO’d for a while, then gets up and is completely infuriated, selling the move as not only painful but EMBARRASSING, which is even better, then makes sure to sell his head for several minutes afterwards to further stick that in people’s minds.

Rating: ****1/4 (what is the baseline for anything with Jumbo/Misawa in it? Like ***3/4?)

ONE FALL CONTEST (6 3-minute rounds):
“CYANIDE” SID COOPER vs. “S.A.S.” JACK REGAN:
(World of Sport)
* More Sid Cooper! Jack Regan is apparently a former member of Britain’s elite SAS soldiers, and has an impossible age to guess- he’s got snow-white hair but has the face of a 30-40-ish guy. He has no Cagematch profile, which is never a good sign. “Rotten to the core, Cyanide Sid Cooper” apparently hails from his loft in Soho. He’s in a one-strap dark blue singlet while Regan’s in red trunks. This is to only one fall.

ROUND ONE: Regan immediately gets a schoolboy but Sid’s in the ropes. Sid tries his own but can’t hold Regan down. It’s immediately clear they’re MUCH slower than the Johnny Saints of the world, as Sid’s sleeper is easily countered to a hammerlock, Regan again rolling him into the ropes. Sid counters a full nelson to his own, but Regan does one of those “suggestive WoS spots” but releasing the grip, then bending over on all fours so Cyanide is on top of him, then scoots out to embarrass the heel in a pratfall. Cooper immediately goes for the DISINGENUOUS HANDSHAKE~~ but Regan carefully does it and there are no shenanigans. Sid does a headlock takeover, lasting ages (he and the ref argue back and forth) until the bell rings (3:00).

ROUND TWO: Sid gets snapmared, then monkey-flipped, but gets his own snapmare and insists the ref get down to count- “DON’T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” admonishes the ref to a pop. You can tell Regan’s green cuz most of the heat spots are going to the referee, haha. Regan suckers Cooper by holding his hand behind the back- Sid goes for it and gets taken down and nearly pinned by the old “feet under the shoulders and spin him onto his back” move. Sid, being outwrestled, naturally just kicks Regan square in the gut, then hits an overhand cross while he’s down, infuriating the ref (“Let him up!”). Sid just clobbers him as soon as he’s up and pounces with a kick at the count of “5”. The “I’m watching you” gesture that’s still used today is given by the ref, they exchange straightjacket holds, and Cooper escapes trying one of those crafty WoS counters but ends up with Regan’s forearm on his crotch and yells at the ref over it. Regan fails a hold and Cooper won’t let him up, snapmaring him across the ring, but is finally left howling as he’s launched across the ring twice in a row, but is finally given a Public Warning for booting Regan while he’s down and shoving him to the floor (3:00).

You know the heel is effective when small children run to the babyface’s defense. You only see stuff like this in UK wrestling, lol.

ROUND THREE: Sid forearms Regan in the gut then hoists him onto the top rope and throws HEADBUTTS to the ribs, the ref giving him the second and final Public Warning for it! But Regan’s just done from that, Cooper picking his spots and blasting him with two forearms and a club to the back for long counts, then just tosses him! The ref refuses to count that as a down as children run about on the floor while poor Regan is selling and oh my god the one kid is LENDING A HAND, haha. I think the other kids just followed him trying to rein him back in and are just embarrassed. Regan gets back in with his help but just gets whipped into the corner, and Cyanide hits him with a bodyslam for the pin (9:43), winning the match.

This was a funny one- you could tell it was 100 times more basic than the theatrical Johnny Saint matches and other high-level super-speed mat-wrestling exhibitions- Cooper was probably well into his 40s and Regan was likely green so they kept it to mostly the basic mat-wrestling holds and clubbing blows to the back, Cooper carrying the day with his antics and the REFEREE stepping in for the babyface because someone had to get some shine and it sure wasn’t poor Regan. Entertaining for what it was, but it came off like a preliminary match.

Rating: ** (good because of Cyanide’s shenanigans, and Regan was never a hindrance while not exactly being a strength all match long- just a broomstick)

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: XERO:
#500 appearance: N/A (… I think I just saw the name and decided to look him up)

-Xero is some random nobody from the Scottish indie scene, having wrestled there since 2017. He’s a short, scrawny guy doing a “Spooky Heel” gimmick, calling himself “The InHuman Xero” and looking all spoopy with his gaunt face and BAD skullet with long, stringy blond hair.

THIS WEEK’S PWI 500 GUY: LANDON RILEY:
#500 appearance: N/A (#431 in 2025- oh good one of these two was actually in it so this is still on-theme)

-Riley is a super-tall, lanky guy who looks like if a white Ricky Starks was even reedier and wimpier-looking, doing Faux Ospreay shit. Like, sometimes copying the exact moves like doing Oz Cutters (that slingshot backwards dive into an ace crusher) and standing SSPs and stuff. He debuted in 2022 and has been doing the Scotland wrestling scene ever since. He appeared in the 2025 PWI 500 (his 35 bucks must have made it overseas!).

XERO vs. THE UNMISSABLE LANDON RILEY:
(Glasgow Pro Wrestling Association, June 30th 2025)
* Here’s a recent one! Both guys are typical bone-thin indie bois, Riley being very lanky but tall-looking in pink trunks. Xero’s in white & black tights doing a herky-jerky “insane heel” gimmick.

They trade headlocks before Riley escapes with a forward flip (lol Xero scrambling to catch his arm again) and punches him (pretty slick with slapping his thigh on impact- I had to slow it down). Riley runs into an elbow but pulls the ropes down and Xero shitcans to the floor despite the timing being off. Riley baseball slides him into the guardrail, misses a corner move, but gets his foot up then gets a forward roll dropkick. Riley writes him off with that devastating offense, but misses a superkick (lmao he STILL SLAPPED HIS THIGH even though he missed- is that the only way he knows how to do that?) and Xero does some terrible slaps and gouges the eyes. Riley way oversells an overhand blow and a Russian legsweep gets two. Xero misses a springboard nothingburger and eats a bunch of forearms and a Standing Shooting Star Press for two. Xero dodges a Phoenix Splash and hits a sling blade into an Air Raid Crash over his knee for two. He declares it’s OVER, but Riley fakely avoids a thing and superkicks him, then blows an Oz Cutter as he’s on the WRONG SIDE, but they sell it anyways and he misses 90% of a Moonsault and that’s the pin at (5:09).

Very shitty stuff (wait, this is Glasgow- it’s SHITE stuff, I think), but kept short at least- the main issue here was they were telegraphing EVERYTHING, so every single move was clearly being set up 2 seconds ahead of time, revealing the open cooperation between them. Oh also that they started botching things and even more openly cooperating as the match went on. Like whatever Xero was trying to end the match ended up with him very clearly helping Riley do a forward roll, then they botch an Oz Cutter, selling it anyways because it sets up the finish. This came off more like a filmed training match than a real match- too bad it was in front of people. The best part was Riley slapping his thigh for a missed superkick, haha. Like that’s an execution-worthy offense right there. What sadist chose to humiliate him by posting this onli-oh my god, this was ON LANDON RILEY’S YOUTUBE CHANNEL! He uploaded this match himself! I… if I wrestled a match like this I’d have deleted all the recordings and threatened everyone in the audience to never speak of it again! Why on Earth would he show that botched OzCutter to others ON PURPOSE?

Rating: DUD (just a mess of telegraphed Ospreay Copycat stuff)