WWF SmackDown Rewind: 10.28.99 – “DX is Trapped”

Previously on SmackDown: Austin, Rock and Triple H are after each other. Fabulous Moolah defends her new WWF Women’s Title to the dismay of Ivory. Mark Henry gives up on sex therapy and joins up with the Godfather. Big Boss Man slips away from the Big Show.

Fireworks! The Ovaltron! Tonight, SmackDown comes to you taped in front of an audience full of signs at the Springfield Civic Center in Springfield, Mass.

Are you ready? D-Generation X (WWF Champion Triple H, Road Dogg, Mr. Ass and X-Pac) start us off. They reunited on Raw Monday night minus Chyna who is having her own adventures. This swoops three fan favorites to the heel side assuming this sticks. HHH reminds the fans that they are D-Generation X, they do what they want when they want and they make the rules. The WWF is on notice because DX is back and will leave no stone unturned or rock unpulverized. HHH says that if Rock or Steve Austin do make it to Survivor Series, they’ll face the CEO of DX, The Game. They’re here to run this show and, well, two of them do now. X-Pac takes the mic and says they can always get bigger and he thinks we’ll see a new member tonight. Mr. Ass wants to kick Stone Cold’s ass tonight. Road Dogg has a challenge of his own for Rock. HHH calls out Mr. McMahon.

WWF Chairman Vince McMahon comes out to “No Chance” and some polite cheers. HHH tells Vince that they pulled his punk card and they’re putting him on notice. Triple H: “Vince, your services here in the World Wrestling Federation are no longer needed.” I wonder if that echoed through his head for a few decades. Vince refutes with “I’ve got two words for ya, suck it.” HHH has three words of his own, “We’re taking over.”

A camera is in the parking lot. They’ll let us know if Austin or Rock make it to their job.

Edge and Christian are walking and we’ll see them next.

And now, JVC Kaboom Box presents the JVC Kaboom of the week! Shane McMahon climbs a cage on raw and leaps onto the Mean Street Posse.

Test and Stephanie McMahon are walking hand-in-hand and find Pat Patterson and Gerald Brisco, full of hugs.

Edge & Christian vs Too Cool (“Too Sexy” Brian Christopher and Scott “2 Hot” Taylor)

WWF World Tag Team Champions Hardcore & Crash Holly join us at ringside for commentary. We haven’t fully changed Christopher and Taylor’s names yet but we’re getting there. All four men start off before we break down to Edge and Christopher. Taylor tags in and Edge takes them both down. Hardcore calls Edge a long-haired broom handle. Taylor does the Worm to Christian and tags in Chrsitopher. Too Cool work over Christian before Christian DDTs his way out. Taylor and Edge get the tags and Edge hits a big spear for a two. As the referee is trying to get Christian out of the ring, Crash hits Edge over the head with the scale and Taylor gets the pin. The Hollys join in the fight and the foursome pummel Edge and Christian.

Scott Taylor pins Edge, Too Cool defeats Edge & Christian. This was actually pretty cool. It’s cool to see the beginnings of the Too Cool era and the crowd picking up on them. I enjoyed this.

The camera is panning the parking lot. Stone Cold and The Rock are still late for their job.

Earlier today: Jim Ross catches up with Big Show, who is holding the remains of his father’s watch which Big Boss Man destroyed on Raw. Show says he’s going to leave or he will do something he will regret for the rest of his life.

A sweaty Mark Henry, clad only in a towel, opens the dressing room door and several women leave. He calls for round two and two other women enter, Jerry Lawler calling them “two of the skankiest hoes I’ve ever seen.”

Chris Jericho vs Stevie Richards

Tonight, SmackDown! Is brought to you by Duncan’s “hardcore line of new yo-yo’s,” Twix, and WWF The Music Volume 4 at Target. Jericho tells us Stevie challenged him to a match. Stevie teamed with him on Raw and caused them to lose, so Chris is mad. Stevie is in Chyna cosplay this week. Jericho attacks outside of the ring and slings Richards, thong and all, into the steel steps. As Jericho works over Richards, WWF Intercontinental Champion Chyna and Miss Kitty walk down the ramp laughing. Jericho covers Richards, Chyna sneaks in a belt shot and Richards rolls up Jericho for the pin. Richards hugs Chyna, she slugs him off. Lawler questions if it is the wrong time of the month for Chyna.

Stevie Richards pins Chris Jericho. This was mostly not good.

The Rock has arrived, thirty minutes late, for work. Road Dogg meets him in the parking lot and attacks. The rest of DX join in and toss Rock into the trunk of his limo, Dogg taking the wheel and speeding off.

After a break, Kevin Kelly is with the rest of DX. HHH again says DX is taking over. Ass says he’s about to do worse to Austin.

WWF European Title: WWF European Champion D’Lo Brown vs British Bulldog (with Mean Street Posse)

Bulldog attacks as Brown taunts. Brown tosses Bulldog to the outside and leaps onto him. Bulldog is thrown into the steps. D’Lo tries for a suplex, Bulldog reverses it. Bulldog bounces the steel stairs off D’Lo’s head and tosses him back in the ring. The title is tossed in and Bulldog hits D’Lo, still only able to get a two count. Bulldog hooks the headlock D’Lo hits his legdrop for a two and leaps up to knock Pete Gas off the apron. D’Lo sets up the running powerbomb and nails it, calling for the Lo Down. As Rodney distracts the ref, Gas knocks D’Lo down and Bulldog suplexes him off the top for the pin.

British Bulldog pins D’Lo Brown to become new WWF European Champion. This was adequate but nothing special, an unfortunate generalization of most of Bulldog’s final WWF run.

X-Pac and Kane are talking backstage. X-Pac tells Kane they are still bros and DX is just a side mission for him.

And now the WWF Boot of the Week, brought to you by Lugz. DX attacks Austin and Rock on Raw.

Road Dogg asks a security guard if he’s seen Stone Cold. The guard wonders what happened to the Rock.

Kane & X-Pac vs The Dudley Boyz (D-Von & Bubba Ray Dudley)

X-Pac and Kane still have their team introduction. Cole theorizes that perhaps Kane is the new member of DX. Kane works over D-Von to start. Kane leaps onto the steel stairs and onto Bubba Ray which is impressive for him. The Dudleys double team Kane outside and Bubba tosses Kane in. There’s a lot of nothing happening here really. X-Pac gives a few spinning kicks before tagging Kane in and low-blowing him, hitting an X-Factor. Bubba covers and the Dudleys win. DX attacks Kane after the match. Kane takes a pedigree. X-Pac grabs a mic and says he’s done carrying Kane’s big ass and there won’t be a new DX member tonight.

Bubba Ray Dudley pins Kane, The Dudleys defeat Kane & X-Pac. Boring match but at least they didn’t drag the Kane/X-Pac team on for too long.

The Hardy Boys (Matt & Jeff Hardy with Terri Runnels) vs Viscera & Mark Henry (with Mark Henry’s four women)

Nokia presents the 1999 Survivor Series! Henry is walking slowly because ha ha, he had a lot of sex. We’re told these women were provided by Viscera and are not Godfather-quality. Matt and Viscera start off. Lawler focuses on mocking the women while Henry tags in. Terri hops on the apron to distract Mark, the Hardys attack, Jeff hits the Swanton and that’ll do it.

Matt Hardy pins Mark Henry, The Hardys defeat Henry & Viscera. This was not good.

The women come in to check on Henry; Viscera shoos them out of the ring and attacks Henry. Truly exciting television.

The security guard from earlier interrupts DX to tell them Steve Austin has arrived.

WWF Hardcore Champion Big Boss Man (with Prince Albert) vs Al Snow

Albert joined Boss Man on Monday, shifting after the Droz injury. Non-title. Lawler has hard rumors that Stone Cold is on the roof. Boss Man and Snow brawl a bit. A lot. It’s a very basic match. Albert feigns throwing the nightstick to the Boss Man to distract the ref, giving Boss Man a chance to smack Snow with the Hardcore Title and get the pin.

Big Boss Man pins Al Snow. Also not good. This show started so well.

Al Snow grabs a mic and feels like maybe the two of them can meet him in the parking lot for a Hardcore Title shot. Sure. Why not.

We go back and find Road Dogg with his leg trapped in a bear trap. Stone Cold Steve Austin walks up. “Looks like it hurts.” He pours beer on him and leaves him. One could question how Road Dogg did not see a big ass bear trap, but that’s on him. And hell, he can’t see what to do with the women’s division so it isn’t shocking he can’t see something.

Back from break, EMTs and DX are trying to pry the bear trap off Road Dogg’s leg.

Big Boss Man and Albert and in the parking lot looking for Snow. They get in a car and get ready to jump Snow when a forklift (at forklift speed) charges the side of the car. I’m not sure Big Show is forklift certified. Big Show traps the men in the car with the forks and climes up to stomp the car and break some windows. Show climbs a ledge and finds a dumpster, shoving it on top of the car.

Mankind is walking and singing “he’s got the whole world in his hands.”

We hear a scream and see Mr. Ass hanging from a trap. Stone Cold slings some beer at him. Really dangerous arena here.

And now the Rescue of the Week, brought to you by the U.S. Coast Guard! Val Venis hits Mankind with a chair.

Mankind vs Val Venis

Why did I have to start with the year that has the Val Venis main event push? Val has a mic and says Mankind wants respect. Val tells the crowd that Mankind’s book has made the New York Times bestseller list – which was wild back in the day – and that he is the single fastest up-and-coming athlete in the history of the WWF. This is said, of course, at the time of The Rock being on the roster. Mankind gets the attack as the bell rings and Cole learns that an ambulance crew is using the Jaws of Life to pry Boss Man and Albert out of the car. Well, that’s good then. Another vehicular murder fails on SmackDown. Venis tosses Mankind shoulder-first into the steel steps and then a ring post repeatedly. Lawler attempts to discuss watching pornography with Cole as Val works the shoulder in the ring.

After an extended session of shoulder work, Mankind finally punches out. Cole has learned that Boss Man and Albert are on the way to a local medical center, so those Jaws of Life work quickly. Mankind DDTs Venis and fumbles for Socko, unable to find it. Venus tries for the Money Shot and misses. Al Snow runs out and hands Socko to Mankind, who loads up and shoves it into Val’s mouth. Venis fades into a pin.

Mankind pins Val Venis. I appreciate the story of Val working Mankind’s shoulder, but this was a bit long for what it was. A big meh.

DX is in the locker room, Ass icing his knee and Dogg his leg. It’s fine, he was only in a gigantic bear trap. X-Pac gets a phone call and it’s Austin. Austin quotes Casey Kasem’s “keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars” as ceiling tiles fall on X-Pac. Well, that’s a much lighter problem than a bear claw.

DX gets an intro and heads out to the ring, three of them limping. HHH says he’s done playing games and that HE is The Game. They’ve taken care of The Rock and Kane, but Austin is next. He calls for Austin to come to the ring and stand face-to-face with them, giving him to the count of ten. He counts to ten and the glass breaks and Stone Cold Steve Austin joins us in front of the Ovaltron. Stone Cold says he doesn’t care about DX being back. He set a bear trap to catch a bear but caught a jackass. He asks for a hell yeah to go open a can of whoop ass on DX and Triple H invites it. As Austin slowly heads to the ring, a huge net falls from the sky over DX. He pounds away at the members as they scramble. DX escapes and the fire pyro explodes, Kane running out for the save. The Rock’s music hits and he is back too, Rock Bottoming X-Pac and Mr. Ass while Austin Stunners HHH and then X-Pac and we head to credits.

Watching the Attitude Era is always a trip because SO MUCH CHANGES in one week. Hey, this time last week D-Generation X were doing different things. This week, they’re reunited, they’re all bad guys now and Stone Cold is trapping them. This episode was paced well for me but filled with things that just weren’t good. Weekly TV in 1999 wasn’t known for having quality matches and this was certainly another example of that.

Next week: we have new tag champions plus a big eight-man elimination match on the road to the Survivor Series.