WWE SmackDown! Rewind: 10.21.99 – “The Match of the Ages”

Previously on SmackDown: Triple H tricks Stone Cold with a retirement rouse, the Hardys pull the Terri Invitational Tournament to 2-2, Mideon asks the Godfather for farm animals, and Big Boss Man pins Big Show to win Al Snow’s Hardcore Title.

Here’s a look at what happened last Sunday at No Mercy and Monday on Raw, ending with the announcement that Triple H will defend the WWF Title at Survivor Series against The Rock and Stone Cold.

Fireworks explode towards the Ovaltron as we have lots of signs in Louisville, Kentucky. We’re at historic Freedom Hall and taped on UPN.

Mankind is out first tonight, carrying his Rock ‘n Sock jacket and without his usual mask. He never learned to use a computer, so he hopes people enjoy his book “Have a Nice Day” (released today). He’s here to tell the Louisville crowd (cheap pop) that his book is the best thing he’s done in his life, completely without a ghostwriter. James Patterson could never. When Rock threw out his book, he might have well taken a dump on Mick Foley himself. He’s decided he wants what The Rock has and Vince McMahon is the only man who can give it to him. He’s taking his “big fat ass,” sitting it down in the ring and not moving until Vince comes out and gives him what The Rock has.

“No Chance” brings out WWF Chairman Vince McMahon. Mankind shows his jacket to Vince, telling him he knew he looked like a horse’s ass because he knew it was fun and he wanted to provide fun on Vince’s show. He thinks people forgot that he’s the man who was won the WWF Title, wrestled with his tooth stuck up his nose and with his ear ripped off. “Maybe I can’t raise my stupid eyebrow and maybe I don’t have 329 catchphrases, but I’m here to say I am every bit as good as if not better than an ungrateful little son of a bitch like The Rock.” He wants a title shot and he’s willing to beat Rock tonight for it. Vince doesn’t think tonight is the time or place. Louisville disagrees. Mankind suggests maybe Rock is having a case of non-testicular fortitude.

That brings out The Rock. Rock mocks Mankind and tells him that he has The People’s Testicles. Rock is down for a match tonight so “The Rock is going to whoop your fat ass.” Mankind tells Rock that he means every word he says about him in his book. As Mankind leaves, The Rock calls for the music to be cut. Rock questions why he is the only #1 contender competing tonight and Vince says that’s on Rock for accepting the challenge. He’s right there. “No one has challenged Stone Cold Steve Austin.” Cue Val Venis. He challenges Stone Cold and here is Stone Cold Steve Austin to respond in his “Stone Cold’s Gym” tee. Stone Cold slugs Val. “That means, you stupid son of a bitch, oh hell yeah I accept your little challenge.” And with that, our 18 minute opening segment concludes.

Lilian Garcia catches WWF Champion Triple H for his reaction. He’s interrupted by Al Snow. HHH says he’s not wrestling tonight, and Al suggests Triple H take the same medication he’s on.

After break, HHH visits Vince. Vince questions if HHH thinks he can’t beat Al Snow.

Test vs British Bulldog

This is mentioned as a “revenge match” after these two got into it on Raw. Bulldog waves out the Mean Street Posse and the cards are stacked. Test grabs a mic and knew Bulldog couldn’t do things by himself so he has some help as well.

Test, Edge & Christian vs British Bulldog & Mean Street Posse (Joey Abs, Pete Gas & Rodney)

Edge dropkicks Joey Abs from the top as Cole talks about “the greatest ladder match in WWF history” that happened at No Mercy between E&C and the Hardys. The Posse attack Christian and Rodney tags in, missing a moonsault. Test is tagged in and things continue to go poorly for Rodney. Edge and Christian suplex him, Test elbows and pins.

Test pins Rodney, Test, Edge & Christian defeat British Bulldog & Mean Street Posse. There wasn’t much to this – the normal for SmackDown – but it continues the story of Monday and gives Edge and Christian some more on-screen momentum while they’re hot.

The Big Show is here and he’s not happy. Here’s a look back at Monday as Big Boss Man sends a fake officer to tell Big Show that his father had passed away, GTV revealing that the officer and Boss Man laughed over the joke.

Lilian is with Big Show and his amazing dragon-covered button-down shirt. His father was watching Raw. The fear of what is inside of him is raging and he’s unleashing it on the Boss Man tonight.

Meanwhile, Kevin Kelly is with Al Snow. Al promises to pull out every stop he has in his WWF Title match tonight. That brings us Triple H to beat down Snow backstage.

WWF Title: WWF Champion Triple H vs Al Snow

With her Intercontinental Title win at No Mercy, we aren’t seeing Chyna enter with HHH. Snow attacks from behind and works over HHH in the corner. Snow runs into a neckbreaker as we see Stone Cold watching backstage. HHH tosses Snow to the outside and The Rock has also found a tiny monitor to watch this on. HHH fights Snow back into the ring and feels the Snow headbutts (about fifteen of them). Snow falls right into HHH’s crotch with a headbutt as the headbutts made him dizzy as well. Snow bridges HHH into a two count. HHH gets the face buster and Snow superplexes him but takes a while to cover so only gets a two. Snow calls for the Snow Plow and HHH counters into a Pedigree.

Triple H pins Al Snow to retain the WWF Title. This was nothing special but wasn’t a bad little four-minute match.

The Rock vs Mankind

The winner gets the #1 contender’s match at Survivor Series. But first, some words. Finally, The Rock has come back to Louisville. Rock is going to serve Mankind a piece of pie. There are many types – Shephard’s, apple, pumpkin, and poontang pie – but he has a special type that is better than all four of those. The People’s Pie will be covered with three scoops of vanilla ice cream, turned sideways and anally inserted into Mankind’s ass. As one does.

Val Venis is here to bother us again, joining Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler at ringside. As Rock and Mankind brawl in the ring, Val takes a look at a copy of Mick’s book and reads us an excerpt. Rock clotheslines Mankind into the crowd and Mankind clotheslines him back into the ringside area. Mankind suplexes Rock on the metal ramp as Austin watches on a monitor. Mankind drops the elbow from the apron to Rock’s ribs. Rock beats the count at nine and hits a swinging neckbreaker for a two. Mankind teases his own People’s Elbow but offers kicks to the ribs instead. Rock DDTs Mankind for two, Mankind does the same for his own nearfall. Mankind hooks Mr. Socko, Rock counters with a low blow. They brawl outside and Val clobbers Mankind with the book, the ref calling for the bell. Rock hits Rock Bottom, HHH runs in and Pedigrees Rock. The fans chant for “Austin” but do not get him.

Mankind and The Rock fight to a no-contest. Not on par with their bigger matches but a good few minutes of brawling.

Earlier today, Mae Young is doing jumping jacks. WWF Women’s Champion Fabulous Moolah is stretching as well. Oh no.

And now, the WWF Boot of the Week brought to you by Lugz. Moolah and Mae brawl backstage on Raw.

WWF Women’s Title: WWF Women’s Champion Fabulous Moolah vs Mae Young

God help me. Moolah won the title from Ivory at No Mercy. King makes all his jokes about old people as Mae tosses Moolah across the ring and gives us some crotch chops. Moolah chops Mae down and tosses her to the outside. They run slowly around the ring and Moolah clotheslines Mae over the announce table. Mae pulls Moolah back into the ring and reaches into the referee’s shift for unknown reasons, getting her hand stuck in his shirt. They wrestle with Jimmy Korderas attached and Moolah crotch chops Young. Jimmy has been freed. Ivory appears to thankfully put an end to this, attacking Moolah. Mae tries to stock it and is knocked down too. Tori appears to spear and take down Ivory, Jacqueline follows to attack Tori and Luna follows as everybody is brawling.

Fabulous Moolah defeats Mae Young by disqualification to retain the WWF Women’s Title. This? This was terrible.

Mark Henry’s fifth sex therapy session. Mark tells his therapist that maybe this isn’t for him. We zoom out and see The Godfather. Godfather tells Henry there is nothing wrong with him and says he has all kinds of hoes for him.

Big Show is warming up.

WWF World Tag Team Titles: WWF World Tag Team Champions Hardcore & Crash Holly vs The Hardys (Matt and Jeff Hardy, with Terri Runnels)

Tonight, SmackDown is brought to you by Road Rash 64, Milk, and WWF The Music Vol. 4, available November 2 at Sam Goody and Musicland. The Hardys won Terri’s services in the ladder match Sunday, the Hollys won the belts on Raw. Crash starts with Jeff as we talk some more about the ladder match being the greatest ever. Jeff slides outside and baits Crash into a running slide. Hardcore is tossed outside as well and Matt leaps on them with a double clothesline before Jeff flips onto them all. Matt tags in and legdrops for a near fall. Hardcore tags in and clotheslines Matt. Crash taunts Jeff, distracting the ref so the Hollys can double team Matt. Jeff double dropkicks the Hollys and sets Crash up for a Matt legdrop for two. Jeff hits a Senton on Hardcore but Crash breaks up the count. Hardcore dropkicks Jeff and that’s all it takes for him to get a pin.

Hardcore Holly pins Jeff Hardy, The Hollys defeat The Hardys to retain the WWF World Tag Team Titles. A good match and another good showcase for the Hardys. They really were a breath of fresh air.

Post-match, the New Age Outlaws attack the Hollys.

Big Show tosses a chair and destroys a locker room.

WWF Hardcore Champion Big Boss Man vs Big Show

Non-title. Boss Man enters through the crowd with the phony cop from Raw. Boss Man and the cop laugh over the events of Monday again, making fun of Show crying about his father. Show runs to the ring and they try to double team him. The phony officer is chokeslammed several times as Boss Man runs through the crowd.

Big Show and Big Boss Man fight to a no-contest. Just angle advancement. At least Boss Man won’t do anything worse to Big Show!

Road Dogg meets up with Stone Cold. “There goes the neighborhood,” says Dogg.

The Godfather vs Viscera (with Mideon)

“This is what it’s all about, folks,” cheerfully notes Michael Cole, as Godfather dances with five women. “Sexual Chocolate” hits and Mark Henry jogs out, all smiles. We’ve changed things a bit.

The Godfather & Mark Henry vs Viscera & Mideon

Godfather and Mideon start it out. Henry is tagged in and misses a butt drop. Meanwhile, Lawler is talking about one of the women out with Godfather. “That’s when you put a bag over your head in the case the one over her head breaks.” The camera pans to the women. “Oh, there she is right there. YIKES.” Terrible. Godfather clotheslines both men and Viscera misses a splash, hitting Mideon instead. Godfather nails the Ho Train on Mideon and tags in Henry who splashes Mideon for the pin. Lawler requests for the camera man to shoot the women “from the neck down” and that Mark picked the ugliest one of the bunch to dance with (she’s cute).

Mark Henry pins Mideon, Godfather & Henry defeat Viscera & Mideon. Terrible match, terrible commentary.

Mankind is having his ankle checked backstage. Rock is pacing. Triple H is pacing. And they say people leave the shows early.

This is the 1-800-COLLECT Smack of the Night! Stone Cold smacks Val Venis earlier tonight.

Stone Cold Steve Austin vs Val Venis

And off we go. Things start slowly as we try to figure out who will join Rock as challengers to Triple H at Survivor Series. They fight to the outside and Val suplexes Stone Cold to the protective mat. They fight into the ring and friends, this match is slow and boring. Austin hooks a sleeper and Val reverses into his own, Austin backing Venis into the corner to break it. Austin hits the Thesz Press and drops the elbow for a two count. Val hits a flying axhandle for a near fall and Stone Cold tosses Venis back to the outside. Val is tossed across the announce table and Austin hammers him before he wraps a camera wire around his neck. As the referee pulls Austin away, Val grabs a chair and takes it to Austin’s knee and Earl Hebner misses it as always. Val tries for a figure four, Austin fights out. Austin nails a Stone Cole Stunner and that’s all he needs.

Steve Austin pins Val Venis. A slow starter but it ended up being pretty good, though I don’t think the result was ever in doubt.

Triple H is out immediately after for the attack and Pedigrees Austin. Rock follows and Rock Bottoms HHH. Austin is up pretty quickly and stares at Rock across the arena as the credits roll.

A slog of an episode to get through this week. There are cool things happening – Edge & Christian and the Hardys – and there are attempts at getting new names into the main event scene, even if that new name is Val Venis. While there are good things happening, there’s also whatever the hell is happening in the women’s division and the continual existence of Mideon matches. We’re in a rough patch for most of the product and that does not get better on the path to Survivor Series.