WWF Shotgun Saturday Night Review – 01.18.97

Last week on Shotgun Saturday Night, the WWF invaded the All-Star Cafe in New York City! The Sisters of Love were arrested and booked for solicitation, but good news, the Headbangers were available and worked Doug Furnas and Phil LaFon in their place (and the match was in progress as we went off the air). Marc Mero did the job for “Diesel”, lost his cool with Sable, and got into it with Rocky Maivia, who later in the show went over “Razor Ramon.” Faarooq got the clean win over Savio Vega, Sunny unleashed her premium content on us with Fondle Me Elmo (DON’T ASK), and Nikolai Volkoff was found living inside a cardboard box.

Note: This episode was recently published on WWE Vault’s YouTube Channel, but I’m watching the original TV recording of the show for personal preference.

We are LIVE from Denim & Diamonds in San Antonio, TX (the Royal Rumble is at the Alamodome the following evening) with Vince McMahon, Jim Ross, Todd Pettengill and Sunny calling the action and/or hanging around having a good time. Tonight, we’ve got Goldust vs. Stone Cold! Rocky vs. Hunter! Double J vs. Faarooq! All that and MORE, tonight on Shotgun Saturday Night!

Non-Title Match: Hunter Hearst Helmsley (IC Champion) vs. Rocky Maivia:
Well, we know not to expect any action outside the ring, as the fans are literally pressed up against the ring. In pre-match comments, Hunter considers this a tune-up, promises to successfully defend tomorrow against Goldust, and have a good night with Marlena. OH MY, J.R.! We recap the drama between Maivia and Marc Mero from last week’s episode. It seems like they’re planting the seeds for a Mero heel turn, but then an untimely injury delayed it for about 6-months.

Maivia controls the early minutes, planting Helmsley with slams and the arm drags into the arm bar spots. Hunter with an escape via knees to the midsection, but he misses an elbow drop, allowing Maivia to continue working the arm. J.R. has the nerve to say Goldust is rapidly becoming one of the most popular Superstars in the WWF. Insert Sure, Jan GIF here. Helmsley with an inverted atomic drop to take over, but suddenly JAKE ROBERTS shows up, throwing his snake in the ring as we take an ad break.

We return, with Jake sitting in on commentary and Helmsley in control with a chin-lock. Helmsley pumps the brakes on Maivia’s comeback and drops a pair of knees for a two-count. Helmsley gets near-falls off the running high knee and the face-buster, while Maivia sneaks in a cross body press. Rocky gets fired up again as MARLENA (with Rene Goulet acting as her chaperone through the audience) makes her presence known. A dropkick sends Hunter over the top rope, and it looks like they have clearance on one side of the ring for some brawling, so I stand corrected. Hunter is quickly distracted by Marlena, which brings GOLDUST out, so Hunter runs and takes the ultra-lame count-out at 9:22 (shown). Well, we knew they weren’t jobbing the undefeated rookie or the Intercontinental Champion, but maybe book a DQ, at least. Fine action all things considered.

Sunny enjoys some line… dancing.

The Honkyonk Man is running an illegal gambling table, taking advantage of poor Histeria and Mini Mankind at a game of Blackjack. Vince McMahon needs to point out that Honky is cheating, just in case we didn’t notice.

Mascarita Sagrada Jr. & Venum vs. Histeria & Mini Mankind:
Wait a minute… Honkytonk Man took advantage of the HEEL mini wrestlers?! How low can you get?! Todd gets on the apron to get comments from Mankind, asking his strategy and after Mankind replies in Spanish, Todd says, “I think something about a salad.” HAR FUCKING HAR. Sagrada casually shakes hands with fans reaching in during this comedy spot. Jim Ross hypes a mini’s match for tomorrow’s Free For All as Venum and Histeria start. Vince attempts humor and is somehow worse than Todd. They do some good lucha things and even get the Cactus statue from inside the venue involved. Sagrada sends Mankind to the floor and comes off the top with a flying body press.

Steve Austin joins commentary and is in full disgruntled mode. All four of these guys are going full speed and the crowd is enjoying the show. We’re getting Venum/Histeria and Sagrada/Mankind, which makes sense due to the size difference (Sagrada and Mankind are more micro luchadores while Histeria and Venum are on the lower end of 5-feet. Venum misses a corkscrew splash and Histeria finishes with a Liger-Bomb at 6:00. I didn’t do much play-by-play, but if you enjoy lucha-style work, this was a heck of an attraction and over-delivered on my expectations.

Todd Pettengill is in the ring and introduces the crowd to Texas Legend TERRY FUNK. Everyone is surprised, even though they knew he would be in the Royal Rumble tomorrow night. Steve Austin says he owns the state and doesn’t have much respect for Funk. He wants to start the Rumble TONIGHT. He says no one in WCW wants to Rumble and calls them a bunch of snake-sucking scumbags, then calls Vince McMahon an egg-sucking bastard. Funk continues rambling, telling Todd that his mother is a whore and calls everyone assholes. Austin has decided he’s had enough of the Terry Funk Show and hops the guardrail. Funk greets Austin with a slap across the face and the FIGHT IS ON. Well, Terry Funk is giving people that edgy content Shotgun was teasing to be, but I don’t think it won them any favor with syndicators.

Dok Hendrix is standing by to hype the WWF’s return to Madison Square Garden on Saturday Afternoon, January 25th. Sycho Sid defends the WWF Championship against The Undertaker! Shawn Michaels battles Mankind! Bret Hart takes on The Man They Call Vader! Also on the card, Goldust goes one-on-one with Steve Austin, Ahmed and Savio go against Faarooq and Crush, and there will be four more matches! CARD SUBJECT TO CHANGE.

“Double J” Jesse Jammes vs. Faarooq (w/ The Nation of Domination):
With the Royal Rumble in town that weekend, Faarooq has the full entourage for this show. He’s also got a big match scheduled when he finally meets Ahmed Johnson one-on-one. Double J… well, he’s happy to be employed, and his microphone doesn’t work for most of the pre-match karaoke of “With My Baby Tonight.”

The show is rapidly running out of time and we still have another scheduled match on the books. Jammes takes a shot at D’Lo Brown for excessive taunting, but that allows Faarooq to get the jump on him. Double J avoids a charge in the corner and throws a pretty crummy dropkick. This is such a loser gimmick, it’s impossible to take Jammes seriously. Faarooq catches Jammes in mid-air with a spine-buster and the Dominator finishes at 2:25. Well DAMN, that’s how you take care of business.

Mascarita Sagrada Jr. is shooting pool while Hunter Hearst Helmsley is hanging back with several ladies.

Goldust (w/ Marlena) vs. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin:
I think smart money says that Helmsley interferes, but I’ve been wrong all night. We rush through entrances via commercial break. Lockup to the corner and there will be no clean break as Austin stomps a mud-hole in Goldust to get the crowd fired up. Goldust turns things around, hitting Austin with an elbow and diving clothesline. A blatant low-blow in full view of referee Jack Doan gives control back to Stone Cold, but his efforts at grabbing a headlock works against him as we go to another ad break.

We hype next week’s location, Webster Hall, before returning to the ring. Goldust runs wild with right hands and the drop-down uppercut, and here’s TERRY FUNK to attack Austin for the Disqualification at 3:10. Suddenly, we get geeks like the Godwinns and Headbangers (among others) to brawl in the ring. Meanwhile, Helmsley whacks at Goldust with a pool cue while Austin and Funk brawl into the crowd as we slap the copyright on the screen and fade out. Not worth rating, it was a few spots, an ad break, and a schmoz finish.

Final Thoughts: Probably the most normal of the episodes we’ve seen of Shotgun, with far less emphasis on ridiculous, though it wasn’t completely absent from the show (looking at the silly crap with Honkytonk Man and Todd Pettengill). If you’re looking for quality wrestling, you’ll be pleasantly surprised by a solid mini’s match courtesy of AAA talent, and Terry Funk’s rambling nonsense is good for a laugh. The wrestling from the WWF crew isn’t BAD, but several matches have no time to do anything with, and Rocky/Hunter is fine if unspectacular with a weak finish.