Mike Reviews Screensport Satellite Wrestling 01.03.86

Happy Friday Everyone!

I’ve got a bit of an obscure one for your today with Screensport Satellite Wrestling, which was a wrestling show promoted by All Star Wrestling that aired on the Screensport channel. Screensport was a satellite sports network from the UK and Europe that existed from 1984 up to 1993 when it merged with Eurosport. Like Eurosport; Screensport used Professional Wrestling as nice cheap show to fill up time, and a few of the shows have found their way to YouTube

We’ve got, amongst others, both Johnny Saint and Rollerball Rocco on this episode of Satellite Wrestling, so hopefully we’ll have some good matches.

You can view the full card for this episode by clicking below;

Screensport Satellite Wrestling #5 Card

Satellite Wrestling is airing on Screensport from the Victoria Hall in Hanley, Stoke-on-Trent

Calling the action are Vince Miller and Max Beesley

Vince Miller opens the show letting us know that a referee has been suspended for 30 days following the events of the previous Screensport episode, as they seem to actually be doing storylines here and not just having matches. We get clips from a contract signing, where John Wilkie and Keith Myatt got into a fracas ahead of a match they’ll have later on in this episode

Max Beesley interviews John Wilkie about what happened in the contract signing, leading to Wilkie cutting a promo in an hilariously thick Stoke accent about how he’s going to win later. That promo actually wasn’t too bad, although it was a bit shouty at points

Legendary Lonnie (a bloke who looks like he should be a Fleetwood Mac roadie) appears to be Keith Myatt’s manager and tees up Myatt to respond to Wilkie’s comments. Myatt cuts a much more measured promo about how Wilkie tore up his shirt in the contract signing, which has annoyed Myatt because it was a gift from his girlfriend! Lonnie then goes on a weird tangent about how they make toilets in Stoke and how they’ll flush Wilkie later on tonight on Screensport. Lonnie was wretched there but Myatt was fine

Match One
Kung Fu Vs Johnny Palance

Kung Fu, shockingly, does a martial arts gimmick and actually wrestled in Stampede Wrestling between 1981-82 as well as working for the two main British promotions of the 1980’s in Joint Promotions and All Star Wrestling. Palance also did some shots for Stampede in 1981 but his Cage Match profile is pretty sparse. Palance appears to be working Heel based on how he tries chewing out the crowd and hitting Kung Fu whilst Kung Fu is down. Kung Fu catches Palance’s thumb in his feet at one stage, seeing as he wrestles barefoot, which is a pretty silly spot but the crowd seems to like it. This looks to be under Mountevan’s rules as the referee counts when a wrestler is down, meaning you can win by knock out like you could in boxing but we haven’t got rounds for this one.

Kung Fu is pretty light on his feet, and there’s almost an early 1990’s Rob Van Dam vibe to him actually back from when RVD was known as Robbie V. Palance apparently resides in Rhyl according to the commentators, which probably explains why he’s so surly. The general story of the match is that Kung Fu is generally too quick on his feet for Palance and keeps baffling him with his martial arts/high flying hybrid style whilst Palance stooges around and is just generally a whiny Heel about everything. There’s nothing ground breaking going on but it’s “perfectly cromulent” as Scott Keith would say. Palance gets a snide closed fist punch to the gut at one stage, which is disallowed under Mountevans Rules as you must strike with an open hand.

Kung Fu sells it really well and it makes me kind of sad that everyone just punches now, because making it illegal allows it to be a really good cheap heat spot in a match. Palance keeps going to cheap shots, earning himself a couple of public warning’s, which works like the three strikes rule in Baseball for any American readers, where if you get three public warnings from the referee then you get DQ’ed. There’s actually a brawling outside the ring segment in this one, because the ring is right up next to a stage area, which isn’t something you see a lot on these older British shows. Kung Fu manages to survive that though and uses the age old Kung Fu technique of…a backslide, which nets him the three count.

WINNER: KUNG FU
RATING: **1/2

Thoughts: This was decent opener, with Palance playing the snide cowardly Heel well whilst Kung Fu was good at doing all the quicker paced babyface spots to confound him and pop the crowd. A solid start to the show from a wrestling perspective

Max Beesley tries to interview Hugo Van Wallenstein, a German bloke in a mask who isn’t that talkative aside from one brief rant

Vince says that if we complete the Screensport Satellite Quiz then we can win a Starrcade 1984 shirt, and some of the questions are NWA specific. I had no idea that JCP/NWA had enough of a UK television presence in 1986 for a quiz like that to be a viable venture, so that’s actually quite cool to learn

Match Two
Dave Taylor Vs Hugo Van Wallenstein

Taylor worked all over the world; including stints in both WCW and WWE. I can’t find much about Wallenstein and he doesn’t even have a Cage Match profile. Taylor looks very polished here, even in 1986, and you can see why American promotions eventually gave him a chance in the 1990’s and 2000’s. Wallenstein works pretty well and this one is fought at a pretty quick clip. A lady in the crowd tries clocking Wallenstein at one stage, which amuses the commentary team. Wallenstein alternates between being very aggressive and then begging off, like a good Heel does of course. Taylor looks good on offence and sells well when he’s on the defensive. Wallenstein heads up top whilst Taylor is down and delivers a knee off the top, which is illegal under Mountevans rules and earns him a public warning.

Bill Watts was probably nodding in agreement somewhere. Wallenstein targets the throat of Taylor following that and seemingly gets the pin, but the referee seemingly disallows the pin and restarts the match as apparently Wallenstein pulled Taylor up during a 10 count before making the pin, which means the pin wasn’t legal. The commentary team doesn’t seem to realise that at first though. Nice to know they were briefed in advance. Taylor makes a comeback on Wallenstein following that, with him trying to remove Wallenstein’s mask, which is apparently not allowed as we seemingly have transported the venue from Hanley to Mexico City for a bit. The time runs out before Taylor can take the mask off though.

TIME LIMIT DRAW
RATING: **

Thoughts: This started out okay but the false three count was a bit confusing and the match kind of ran out steam towards the end. Normally with a time limit finish you want the last 45-60 seconds to be frantic and exciting action with one, or both, of the wrestlers looking to take the victory all the way down to the wire. However, they mixed in Taylor going for the mask with the two just kind of standing around, so the momentum never really picked up like it needed to. Taylor looked excellent here for the most part though, and he had good size by British standards as well, so it’s easy to see why there was attention for him from abroad and why he was pushed so strongly on the UK scene

The fight starts up again following the bout whilst Vince Miller tries to interview Taylor, leading to Taylor sending Wallenstein packing with some uppercuts, as you do. Taylor says he’ll fight Wallenstein again and states that he wants to remove the mask next time. I like how there is actually an attempt at doing angles and storylines here, it’s markedly different from what ITV was doing at the time which was mostly “here’s some matches. See you next week”

Max Beesley is interviewing Jim Breaks backstage. Breaks says that he only lost to Johnny Saint the last time they met because the referees and promoters are out to get him. Breaks predicts that he will tonight. This was a rather understated promo from Breaks but it did the job well enough. You could tell by his demeanour that he was a cocky Heel, so the point of the interview was achieved

Chic Cullen sends in a video from Calgary and cuts a very wooden promo on Rollerball Rocco about how Cullen is going to defeat Rollerball when he gets back from a stint in Stampede

Match Three
Two Out Of Three Falls
John Wilkie Vs Keith Myatt w/ Lonnie

Wilkie is from Stoke and apparently wrestled on the final ITV wrestling show on the opposite side of the ring from Big Daddy. Myatt is from Newcastle-under-Lyme (not the Newcastle that Pac is from) and he was pretty prolific on the British scene in the 2000’s and 2010’s. I’m pretty certain I saw him on a show at one stage, with him generally being more of a brawler in his veteran years. This is apparently for the Midland Area Middleweight Championship, which I believe entitles you to free oatcakes at your local café should you hold it, although you have to pay extra if you want bacon on your oatcake, so I hear. Myatt gets the first fall pretty quickly with a series of bodyslam’s to go 1-0 up

John Wilkie 0-1 Keith Myatt
Bodyslam from Myatt followed by a three count

Wilkie goes after Myatt’s back following that, with Myatt selling it reasonably enough. Wilkie looks to be the Heel in this one as he keeps hitting Myatt whilst he’s down and also throws in some sly closed fist punches when the referee isn’t looking, which eventually earns Wilkie the first public warning of the contest. Wilkie even starts pulling hair at one stage, as this is starting to feel like a Fabulous Moolah match from the 1970’s. There’s not a lot of actual wrestling going on, but it’s acceptable Heel beatdown work from Wilkie and Myatt is selling it all well. Wilkie keeps screwing himself over though by attacking Myatt whilst Myatt is down when it looks like Wilkie is sure to win by knock out. Wilkie eventually gets a clothesline and pins Myatt to equalise

John Wilkie 1-1 Keith Myatt
Clothesline from Wilkie follow by a three count

Myatt fights back following the second fall, but Wilkie soon puts a stop to that and flings Myatt out of the ring for a count out tease, with fans trying to help Myatt up so that he can get back in, which is a level of investment you probably wouldn’t see today unless you were in Mexico maybe. Wilkie keeps choking Myatt, getting him his second public warning and meaning that Wilkie is one more serious infraction away from getting DQ’ed. That doesn’t stop Wilkie from taking the fight out to the floor, but Myatt actually gets the better of that and flings Wilkie back into the ring from the stage in a very impressive bump. However, Wilkie catches Myatt with a low blow back inside the ring whilst the referee isn’t looking and that leads to a cradle from Wilkie for the three count.

John Wilkie 2-1 Keith Myatt
Unseen low blow followed by a pin for the three count

WINNER BY A SCORE OF 2-1: JOHN WILKIE
RATING: **3/4

Thoughts: This was quite heavy with the cheap heat punching, stomping and choking from Wilkie, but both men sold well and there was some good intensity to the bout overall. That spot where Myatt threw Wilkie back into the ring from the stage was very impressive and quite high impact for British Wrestling in the 1980’s. You can tell the Screensport crew were happy to lean into doing heavier stuff than ITV would allow

Vince Miller interviews John Wilkie following that, and surprisingly Miller plays along when Wilkie says that he won the third fall cleanly, when he clearly cheated. I guess Miller is the Heel announcer then? Rollerball Rocco interrupts the interview to say that he wants a match with Wilkie, and Wilkie seems down for that. That would appear to be a Heel Vs Heel match, which could actually draw quite well in the UK dating back to the famous Mick McManus Vs Jackie Pollo feud in the 1950’s

We get an advert for Roller Derby on Screensport, showing what sort of audience this channel was catering to

Next up we get to see clips of Wahoo McDaniel defending the NWA United States Title against Magnum TA in a cage from America, although the graphic incorrectly says that it’s for the NWA World Title. It’s still cool to see this on a British Wrestling television show from 1986 though. I know the WWF was on ITV in the 1980’s but I had no idea the NWA/JCP had a television presence like this. Magnum ends up pinning Wahoo with the Belly to Belly in order to win the belt

The announcers let us know that we don’t have rounds on Satellite Wrestling, because it’s all about action here apparently

We get clips of The Russians taking on The Rock ‘N’ Roll Express, as this stuff continues to surprise me. It’s nice to know you could watch Ricky Morton getting brutalised by three angry Soviet’s on a satellite TV channel in the UK back in 1986. It warms the cockles of my heart somewhat

John Quinn says that he’s going on tour in India, but he will be returning after that

Frank Casey, the banned referee, is interviewed by Max Beesley. He says he shouldn’t be banned but they never go into any detail as to WHY he was banned, which would be useful information

Rollerball Rocco is back from Japan and has a bandana given to him by Antonio Inoki. Tonight the Jamaica Kid will be no trouble for him. This was the best promo we’ve had all show thus far

Johnny Saint and Jim Breaks cut some reasonable to-camera promos ahead of the next match. They seemed a lot more comfortable than some of the other wrestlers. Breaks says that he’s going to win tonight and then go on tour in Tunisia. I like how they make a big point of letting you know that the wrestlers on the show work all over the world as it makes them seem like in-demand international stars

Match Four
Two Out Of Three Falls
“Cry-baby” Jim Breaks Vs Johnny Saint

Breaks was one of the biggest enduring stars of the television era of British Wrestling, known for his arm based submission moves and his whiny Heel persona. Sadly the later years of Breaks’ life did not end well, with the Wrestle Me video above going into the details if you are interested to learn more. Johnny Saint is one of the very best in-ring technician’s of his age and he even had a bit of a career renaissance in the 2000’s and 2010’s thanks to the likes of Colt Cabana and Mike Quakenbush being such fans of his work and bringing him over to the USA for shows so that a whole new generation of fans could see his silky technical skills in person. There’s some fantastic grappling in this one, with both of these two being highly skilled technicians who know their way around a wristlock. Breaks adds some flavour to it all with his Heel persona as well, so you’ve got the wrestling AND the character work going on in this one. Saint countering a Snapmare by flipping out onto his feet is awesome and someone like Will Ospreay needs to pinch that. Saint manages to catch Breaks with a pin counter and that’s enough for the first fall.

Jim Breaks 0-1 Johnny Saint
Pinning counter hold by Saint for a three count

Breaks cheap shots Saint straight after the fall is counted, which causes fans to quite literally get out of their seats to yell at Breaks. Breaks is fantastic as he alternates between yelling in a cocky fashion and whinging because Saint is getting the better of him. Any fledgling Heels would do well to watch a Breaks match and take some notes because he’s so very good at making you dislike him. Saint is a good gutsy babyface too, as he keeps pulling himself back up to his feet and trying to find a way back in whilst Breaks’ tactics get increasingly dirtier and more desperate. Saint makes the occasional attempt to fight back, with Breaks always doing something underhanded in order to regain control. Saint’s selling is on point here and the crowd reacts big whenever Saint gets a flurry as Breaks is doing such an effective job of riling them up. Saint gets a public warning from an Atomic Drop at one stage, which causes the crowd to demand that Saint deck the referee! However, in a funny spot, the referee then withdraws the public warning when Breaks bitches to him about it. That was actually pretty great, I’ve never seen anything like that before. Breaks eventually catches Saint in the Breaks Special though, which is a very cool lifting arm submission, and that’s enough to tie it up.

Jim Breaks 1-1 Johnny Saint
Breaks Special by Breaks for the submission

Saint just dodges Breaks at the start of the next round, with Breaks getting visibly annoyed by it in a funny moment that the crowd enjoys. Breaks and Saint fight over a stranglehold for nearly a couple of minutes until Saint manages to finally wriggle out. The fact they’re fighting for everything makes it feel like a genuine struggle and athletic contest. Breaks eventually decides, with time running out, that he’ll take the draw, but then he tries to cheap shot Saint and ends up getting pinned with a School Boy for three. Yes, the villain faced consequences for his actions, THAT’S WHAT’S SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN!!!

Jim Breaks 1-2 Johnny Saint
School Boy by Saint for the three count

WINNER BY A SCORE OF 2-1: JOHNNY SAINT
RATING: ****

Thoughts: This was excellent! There was fantastic technical wrestling from both men, Breaks was a tremendous whiny Heel and Saint was a brilliant gutsy babyface who sold well and then outfoxed the villain with his superior grappling abilities when Breaks tried to take a shortcut. Just fantastic Professional Wrestling really and well worth a watch if you’re not familiar with either wrestler and want to see what the fuss is all about

Max Beesley interviews referee Billy Finlay, who says it’s been a challenge tonight but nothing he can’t handle. Finlay also referees in Germany, as even the referees are well-travelled international stars on Satellite Wrestling!

Match Five
Two Out of Three Falls
Mark “Rollerball” Rocco Vs Jamaica Kid

Rollerball wrestled in Japan as the original Black Tiger and was one of the best in-ring performers of his era on the British Scene, with him working an intense quick paced style that wowed fans of the era. Kid is from Barbados and worked for Joint, All Star and Reslo, who were essentially the three main promotions on the British Scene in the late 1980’s and early 1990’s. Kid throws some nice headbutts to start, with Rocco taking good bumps for them. Rollerball’s matches would often feature a fair bit of striking as he liked to hit and move at 100mph sometimes. Rollerball busts out a jumping forward senton splash to a downed Kid at one stage, which may as well have been a move out of the far-flung future during this timeframe. Rollerball shows that he’s happy to play Heel here, as he removes a turnbuckle pad and flings Kid into the unprotected buckle, only for Kid to get mad and basically no sell it, with Rollerball quite literally running away at that point. Rollerball going from terrifying violent madman to momentary coward happened from time to time when he was working Heel and it added another layer to his character that made it all the richer. They start fighting outside of the ring at one stage, as this has apparently turned into an ECW show all of a sudden. Kid gets Rocco with a Jack-knife cradle back inside the ring and that’s enough for three to go 1-0 up.

Rollerball Rocco 0-1 Jamaica Kid
Jack-knife Cradle from Kid for the three count

Rollerball unleashes with a series of big moves at the start of the second fall, including a Piledriver at one stage, although Rollerball would rather stomp away on Kid than get the knock out, so the referee gives Rocco a public warning instead. Kid tries firing back with a dropkick, but Rollerball dodges it takes Kid out with a Tombstone version of a Piledriver, and that one is enough for the Knock Out win for Rollerball.

WINNER BY KNOCK OUT: ROLLERBALL ROCCO
RATING: ***

Thoughts: Good stuff here, as they kept the pace frantic and had a pretty wild brawl in the typical Rollerball Rocco vein. This did an effective job of making Rocco look like a dangerous madman whilst also making Jamaica Kid look like a genuine contender because he got a fall on Rocco and it took an MDK move in order to keep him down for the 10 count. A strong Main Event to Satellite Wrestling

Rocco threatens the commentary team following the match and then attacks Lonnie for good measure, yelling that he’s a violent man. After that Main Event; I believe him!

In Conclusion:

This was actually quite fun, as they mixed in character work, interviews and a more grungy brawling based product with the more traditional British Wrestling and it made the show feel different from the product ITV was producing, which was a lot more basic and family friendly by comparison. Satellite Wrestling had a definite edge, almost as if it were ECW in 1995 whilst ITV’s show was more like the the WWF at that time. Getting to see some footage from America was very cool as well

There were issues with the show, namely the production values and some pretty awful commentary, but that kind of give the show a bit of an odd charm to it. It was VERY British in the sort of slapdash way our television can look sometimes and I found myself enjoying it even though it had its issues. I would certainly watch it again at any rate. They probably needed to go into more detail with some of the ongoing storylines though, as sometimes it felt like they were assuming we knew the backstory to certain matches/angles, and that can be confusing to a first time viewer

Still though; there was enough that I liked here that I’ll recommend the show