Otto Wanz vs. Yokozuna (and other Dream Matches!)

Welcome back to more Dream Matches! Today might have the most disparate stuff in a WHILE, as I find a match by Great Kokina (Yokozuna) all the way back in 1988 when he’s green as grass, taking on the even FATTER Otto Wanz in Germany’s CWA promotion! Come see what the veteran can do with the super-limited rookie in a FAT MAN STAND-OFF!

Speaking of obesity, I also wanted to check out the debut of Rikishi Fatu in the WWF, as Fatu comes back with a new push and added bulk, using All The Fat Guy Moves in some impressive squashes, first against Julio Fantastico (the future Julio Dinero) and Crash Holly on back to back Shotgun Saturday Nights! Turns out I did remember right- he was hitting the Banzai Drop AND the Earthquake Vertical Splash in his early stuff! Then a request, as I find a pair of Eddie Guerrero vs. “Gentleman” Chris Adams matches from WCW Saturday Night shows in 1997 and 1999! Finally, it’s more All Japan, as we see Jumbo Tsuruta vs. Toshiaki Kawada in a big showcase of Kawada’s chances in 1991 against the true Ace of the promotion!

CWA TITLE:
OTTO WANZ vs. GREAT KOKINA:
(CWA, Nov. 17th 1988)
* Oh, now this is just crazy- OTTO WANZ vs. Yokozuna (Kokina) in 1988! Otto Wanz is, of course, the guy in charge of CWA, the European territory where people just call it “Otto Wanz’s Territory” without explaining who Otto Wanz is, so I only know him as “the guy who has a territory in Germany” (apparently Austria mostly, haha). CWA also calls this a World Title, which… fair enough? Guys come from all over the place to fight for it in these weird round-based matches. Everyone’s music is hilariously dull and silly, and Wanz looks NOTHING like I imagined- I was predicting a middle-weight unfun German guy with a good amateur-style physique and a plain blue singlet, and instead I get a corpulent fatty in a garish pastel blue and pink striped singlet. This man is FATTER THAN KOKINA! Which makes this my favorite ever type of match… a FAT MAN STAND-OFF!!

Round 1: Oh my god, this is crushing- a Fat Man Stand-Off and they DON’T DO RUNNING NO-SOLD SHOULDERBLOCKS, thus establishing that both men are obese! That’s the entire point of having a Fat Man Stand-Off! This is the worst thing that has ever happened in Germany! Instead Kokina pounds away on Wanz, who fires back and knocks him to the floor, drawing a big reaction. Wanz barely sells anything, not even getting his hands up when Kokina starts a double-choke, then grinds on a headlock and a pithold. Kokina comes back with strikes and a nervehold, ignoring the referee counting Wanz down so he can throw more stuff, including a superkick to the titty as (4:00) elapses.

Round 2: They take turns striking away (Wanz actually gets a European uppercut but mostly works the titties with clubbing blows), but Kokina gets another nervehold. Yup- someone told him how long the match was going to be. Wanz hits all fours, barely looking to be selling, then just… slinks behind Kokina and starts clobbering him. Most of this shit is Baba-tier stuff that looks like it’d barely break an egg, but Wanz hits a BELLY BASH and Kokina spirals to the mat in a spread-eagle! Wanz twists the ankle and uses the world’s worst ever half-crab (he’s on the WRONG SIDE!) and time is up.

Round 3: Kokina drops him with a chop and hits a falling headbutt, we get a “you can’t pin people here” spot (I guess with headbutts? Cuz pins clearly are allowed), and then it’s back to the nervehold. Wanz tumbles to the floor of shots, goes into the turnbuckle, and keeps falling on his ass until it’s another nervehold and we’re clipped to Wanz snapmaring him over and hitting a weak chinlock for a near-fall/resthold. uh, you can pin now? Cuz Wanz gets a pair of two-counts off of that.

Round 4: Kokina uses more choking and headbutts, dropping Wanz to his belly, then rains down boots and chops, biting his face and more. A headbutt and some punches draw some counts on the mat, but Kokina keeps going after him until Wanz just pops up and starts punching back, no-selling a headbutt and hitting a big running clothesline off the momentum. But Kokina dodges an avalanche and works him over as (4:00) elapses.

Round 5: Wanz takes the opportunity of the peak of the match to hit a simple wristlock for a full minute, Kokina headbutting out, but Wanz fires back and FINALLY actually looks at the crowd during a comeback. But Kokina quickly overwhelms him with endless headbutts and punches, being warned by the ref. Wanz won’t give him another snapmare so it’s more wandering & brawling until time expires.

Round 6: Kokina comes out swinging, battering Wanz into the corner until hitting the Three-Point Stance and charging in, Wanz dodging so Kokina takes a rare bump flying over the top rope and hitting the floor with his feet. Wanz drops him with various shots to the boobs, rolls across him, then hits a BODY SLAM of all things for the pin at (1:27). Haha dig the ref pointing triumphantly in the air for the “3”.

Oh my dear god this style, haha- 25+ minutes of two guys hitting each other in the boobs and Kokina only doing headbutts and nerveholds for offense, the rest filled with restholds to conserve cardio. Wanz has spectacularly bad comebacks, being the type who appears to just arbitrarily get up and start slugging away after eating a bunch of shots. Kokina was so great he only really knew how to do simple overhand clubs and that damn nervehold, too. Like there’s only one point in the match where Wanz even does the “are you with me?” sell to the fans. Then, in 1988 they’re doing body slams as finishes (even Hogan only ever used that as a set-up move).

Rating: 1/4* (amusing but horrendous to sit through- I CRANKED fast-forward on all those damn restholds, lol)

RIKISHI FATU vs. JULIO FANTASTICO:
(WWF Shotgun, Nov. 13th 1999)
* It’s the wrestling debut of Rikishi! Back when he still had his last name (“Fatu” I don’t think lasted more than a month or two… and I swear it was written as “Phatu”, per “Phat” being how the cool kids said it at the time. Did I imagine that?). I remember seeing him do basically “all the fat guy offense” when he first showed up (like Earthquake AND Yokozuna finishers) and thinking that was awesome, and I’m curious to see if that’s an accurate memory. He comes out to weird peppy Japanese music instead of the “Too Cool” theme, still bumping and dancing around, but his hair’s down and he’s wearing kind of a single “suspender” up around his neck. It’s so weird because he sort of became the “Stoic Dancing Guy” by Rumble 2000. And look! It’s JULIO FANTASTICO! The future “Julio Dinero” in ECW! He never really got out of the indies, and was one of many guys who kind of got edged out by the “ROH Style” becoming the dominant one. He’s in red tights with black lines on them here.

Fantastico actually takes the lead to start with a variety of strikes (barely avoiding falling after a spinkick), but tries a monkey-flip and lol, good luck buddy. Rikishi drops him with a quick back-elbow, absorbing some more strikes like a wheel kick with little damage, eventually grabbing a superkick and shoving him off so he can hit a clothesline. Julio gets stomped into paste and hit with Yoko offense- an Ass Avalanche into the Banzai Drop- in this case hit more like a quick strike, Rikishi bouncing to his feet on impact. Rikishi does a weird “bend over and pump his fists while making noise” move and superkicks Julio, then fucks around for a bit with a headbutt and stomp, then hits the Rikishi Driver (over the shoulder sit-out tombstone) for the pin at (2:37) choosing to slowly sit down on Julio for a pin- like touching him with his butt as a gross-out move. A very definitive squash, establishing that he’s big and somewhat slow, but easily absorbs weakling offense and just crushes a guy with tons of impact and running moves all the same. Only weird thing was the aimless stomping at the end, like he accidentally did his shit too fast and needed some “filler”, haha. No “arms out” taunt before his finisher, too.

Rating: 1/2* (like a 3/5 on the Squash Scale- a very dynamic, quickly moving murder)

RIKISHI FATU vs. CRASH HOLLY (w/ Hardcore Holly):
(WWF Shotgun, Nov. 20th 1999)
* One week later, Rikishi comes out to face the Hollies, having made a first RAW appearance beating on them. He’s still got the suspender thingie.

Crash immediately hits the apron after Rikishi backdrops him, sliding under and hitting a running attack- he snags Rikishi’s pre-match outfit and has it hanging off him for half his shit, which could have gone REALLY sideways and it’s impressive it doesn’t slow him down one bit. Crash does the “Eddie Bump” and takes a beating, then the Ass Avalanche/Banzai Drop hits him. Hardcore is just annoyed, throwing his cousin in for more abuse as commentary reminds me this is when Big Show won the WWF Title and Austin got hit by a car (interestingly, as the man who hit him wrestlers in the ring right in front of them). Crash gets superkicked and then, YES! Rikishi does in fact hit the Earthquake Vertical Splash! I was right! The Rikishi Driver and sitting pin finishes at (2:06), Crash hilariously having even less offense than Julio Fantastico did the week before. But yeah, I want to watch more Rikishi squashes from this time period and watch him put the puzzle pieces together- dropping what’s not working and adding more of what got him over (dancing; ass jokes)- here, he’s just a stoic big guy.

Rating: 1/2* (Crash is a better bumper than Julio but got even less offense, and there was less screwing around here- 3.5/5 on the Squash Scale)

EDDIE GUERRERO vs. “GENTLEMAN” CHRIS ADAMS:
(WCW Saturday Night, Nov. 8th 1997)
* By request is Eddie/Adams, and there’s actually two of this match on YouTube. This is immediately following Adams, a newcomer to WCW who mostly farted around after WCCW died, screwing over fellow Brits Regal & Taylor the previous week. Eddie is positively SHREDDED here, playing his “sinister, snarling guy” character instead of being a jovial heel. He’s in black tights while Adams is wearing those grey UK flat trunks that always looked “dirty” to me.

They exchange matwork to start, Eddie whining about tights-pulling and acting super-aggrieved every time he’s countered- Adams’s stuff is pretty sloppily applied but Eddie flings himself around for it anyways. Adams focuses on the arm (at one point doing a jujigatame with one leg UNDER Eddie, but that’s fine cuz Eddie’s supposed to counter it easily anyways), then Eddie dropkicks the knee and works the leg. That goes on for a while until Adams hops up into an enzuigiri, Eddie faceplanting. Adams actually gets a falling powerbomb, but then hangs out in the corner to prep his Superkick instead of following up immediately, and that lets Regal to head out and trip him up. Adams turns around and gets whalloped with a dropkick to the back of the head, setting up the brainbuster/Frog Splash combo at (5:50). Good on Eddie for turning in mid-air cuz Adams was perpendicular in the ring, not angled to it normally.

A pretty simple six-minute bout, as that’s a fair bit of time to fill for a Saturday Night-level effort so they actually do limbwork instead of stalling, spending a bunch of time with Eddie getting a simple leglock and Adams chinlocking him from behind. Typical early-match stuff but since it’s 6 minutes that’s almost the ENTIRE match. As it’s the C-show and leading to a screwjob finish anyways, that’s fine, though it’s funny how Eddie has to hit 3 moves in a row to capitalize, which somewhat negates the cheating and makes Adams look weaker. It’s a good showcase of how precise Eddie is, as he flings himself around in tight arcs for some pretty loose armdrags and other stuff.

Rating: ** (inoffensive and fine)

EDDIE GUERRERO vs. “GENTLEMAN” CHRIS ADAMS:
(WCW Saturday Night, Aug. 7th 1999)
* Almost two years later, we get another match! Adams, in blue this time, had long since stopped getting any kind of a D-show push. Eddie’s in the same tights and playing an identical character.

Now it’s Adams who complains about hair-pulling, but at least in his case he’s not lying, lol. Eddie pops him with some strikes in the corner and back-elbows him while Dusty Rhodes puts him over on commentary, but adds that “a middle-aged man”, Adams is from Europe and thus knows “all the holds” as well. Adams beats on Eddie on the floor, hitting a suplex so he can stall in the ring. Adams hits a clothesline and lame flip to boos (is he a heel now, or does he just suck?) and a backdrop suplex gets two. A smiling Adams hits a powerbomb and bitches about the count (ah, so he is a heel) and Koko B. Wares into the ropes, hitting the apron. But Eddie misses his slingshot senton and walks right into the Superkick! But Adams acts like a total asshole, showboating, spitting on Eddie and taking his sweet time climbing to the top, of course eating shit on the landing so Eddie immediately dusts him off with the Frog Splash at (4:47). Haha did they let Adams dominate the entire match in exchange for looking like a moron and getting pinned immediately?

A much different match than last time, this one dominated almost entirely by Adams, who throws in a few arrogant heel mannerisms but mostly looks like a complete idiot because he hits his regular finisher and doesn’t go for a cover, then misses a top rope move (Mike Tenay calls out that he almost never does this, “And we see why!”) and Eddie promptly finishes him off. Eddie only had a couple moves all match long.

Rating: *1/4 (a borderline squash until Eddie wins with one move)

JUMBO TSURUTA vs. TOSHIAKI KAWADA:
(All Japan, 4/6/1991)
* Oh yeah, I knew I had to get to this one at some point. Jumbo/Kawada exchanges are always awesome in those AJPW six-mans I’ve been reviewing. Kawada is puny, but has great “shitass” energy against grumpy ol’ Jumbo, being able to effortlessly provoke him into rages.

Things start off as expected with Kawada doing a dirty-break and kicking Jumbo in the ropes. Jumbo tries the same with an elbow, but Kawada blocks him and whacks him in the face! Hah! Jumbo’s able to take the lead with an armlock (shooting the half into an NWA-style chain-wrestling pin) and then BLASTS him with the Jumbo Knee- Kawada always had the best sell of that, just spiraling his body around Jumbo’s knee on impact. Jumbo takes a breather while the fans chant for Kawada, then of course hits him with another one to taunt them. Jumbo throws on a high-angle half-crab and damn Kawada’s got ugly teeth. Not just the missing front ones, but almost all the back top ones are black. Jumbo continues to work the stomach and then the leg, taking his time and just letting his size & leverage do the work. Kawada tries a half-crab of his own but can’t hold it, but manages a lariat for two. Jumbo escapes a headscissors but gets caught in a sleeper- Jumbo takes 1.5 minutes to escape but they do the NWA “whip off the ropes to escape a headlock but NO he’s still got him locked!” spot. Jumbo finally has to use raw strength to toss him out, then reduces himself to dumping him and beating some ass on the floor. Oh shit- Kneecrusher on a TABLE! Jumbo waits him out and plasters Kawada with a typically stiff Jumbo Lariat for two.

Jumbo piledrives Kawada and then hits a Boston crab to build a “Kawada!” chant, twisting him in other holds. Jumbo hits a running boot and chops him down like a tree for two, but Kawada counters a whip for a corner lariat, then follows with a million different kicks to pepper him until hitting a running elbow, Jumbo in his full “selling strikes” mode, acting dizzied, surprised and pained. But Kawada, as always, flies too close to the sun and goes for another, running into a boot. Then another- LARIAT! Close call and the fans pop for the kickout- then Kawada kicks from the ground and Jumbo collapses into the ropes. He got caught! Jumbo finally recovers and gears up another Jumbo Lariat with his elbow pad… GAMENGIRI KICK! Jumbo bolts upright holding his eye in agony like “AAAAAAGGGGHHHHH!”, then collapses face-first to the mat pounding his feet- masterful selling. Speaking of, Kawada writhes in pain on the ground, selling his shin from the impact as well, like hurting Jumbo is so hard it only comes from sacrifice.

Why Jumbo is one of the GOAT sellers. Tries one too many lariats and BLAMMO!

Kawada cleverly lariats Jumbo to the floor to buy himself more time, then hits a huge running lariat to blast him off the apron! Jumbo finally heads in but Kawada meets him with the repeater kicks when he’s bent over the ropes, keeps it up on the floor, then hits a Backdrop Suplex for two! But can he get the Powerbomb? No! Jumbo is too big and still with it! Kawada resorts to more kicks (Jumbo protecting his face with his hand) until he just PAINTBRUSHES Kawada with a slap, spraying sweat everywhere. Kawada gets clobbered again and the Jumping Knee gets two. Kawada tries to fight the Powerbomb but Jumbo manages to force it on him, getting two. Kawada clobbers him getting up, but just enrages the bear- Jumbro crushes him with another lariat, smashes the shit out of his neck to soften him up for a high-angle Backdrop Suplex, then does his taunt and hits an EMPHATIC second one, holding both arms down at once in a supreme show of dominance for three at (17:14). Not today, kid.

A very slower, matwork-filled “TV match” compared to the full AJPW Main Event Efforts you sometimes see- Kawada certainly was nowhere near the level to really beat Jumbo by this point, but the match did its job of showing Kawada press him with speed, forcing Jumbo to power him down and just grind him out on the mat to put the fight out of him, as well as resorting to fighting dirty on the floor. Not the most exciting kind of stuff, but good smart wrestling from the big veteran. And then with 6-7 minutes to go they ramp up the pace and seriousness- Kawada eats a kneecrusher but manages a bunch of reversals, using speed and his kicks to crush Jumbo when he gets too cocky. Jumbo, maybe the best seller of strikes in wrestling history, is perfect here, acting like he just got caught and can’t handle the pain & frustration, collapsing and pounding his feet against the mat- sheer agony. Kawada meanwhile can’t just do an insta-combat because of all that beating so he needs stuff to help him recover, making him look smart while allowing him to credibly recover enough to try and win. Then he hammers Jumbo again and again until Jumbo reminds everyone what the term “Ace” means, just firing up as a reaction to strikes and completely blasting Kawada. And Kawada finally has little answer- he has some great counters but Jumbo just starts overwhelming him once he gets going, getting moves through perseverance over technique and just brutalizing Kawada until they work, running through all his big moves until he cracks that big backdrop and then emphasizes his dominance to everyone by pumping his fist and hitting ANOTHER, giving Kawada a very direct, powerhouse-style pin (just physically holding both shoulders down) and winning.

Rating: ***3/4 (starts slow and a bit full of weardown holds, gets some fun outside stuff, and just ramps up INCREDIBLY over the course of the final third or so- Jumbo put over Kawada’s strikes and nastiness extremely well, but also showed why he’s the Ace)