The SmarK Rant for WWF in MSG – 12.30.85

The SmarK Rant for WWF in MSG – 12.30.85

One last MSG show to finish off 1985 for good!

Taped from New York, New York, drawing a sellout of 20225 based on the main event.

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Lord Alfred Hayes

Ron Shaw v. SD Jones

Alfred notes that he just saw Shaw scoring a “major upset a few weeks ago”, which would be a reference to a certain bearhug, I’m assuming. Ron hides in the ropes to escape the lockup, so SD takes him down with a headscissors. Shaw catches him with his head down and the crowd is ANGRY at that, so you can tell they’re good and worked up tonight. Shaw works a chinlock, but SD slams out of it and then misses a headbutt, allowing Shaw to go back to that chinlock again. SD breaks out and Shaw cuts him off AGAIN and goes back to the chinlock. Thankfully he puts his feet on the ropes for leverage so there’s at least something going on. SD fights out and makes a comeback, but Shaw cuts him off yet again and chokes him out on the ropes this time. Back elbow gets two, but SD tosses Shaw onto the referee on the kickout and makes another comeback. This time it’s SD who goes to the chinlock, and Gorilla notes that it’s “kind of a resthold”. You don’t say? SD hits him with a knee to the gut for two and goes back to his chinlock, but Shaw powers out and puts him down with a knee to take over again. And say it with me, back to the chinlock from Ron Shaw. SD takes him down and goes to a toehold as this match continues going absolutely nowhere, and Shaw retreats to the corner to escape. SD slugs him into the ropes and Shaw is tied up, so SD literally sits on the middle ropes to rest while the ref frees him. SD with a headbutt for two and he goes to the chinlock again. Is Jones completely blown up or something? He’s done nothing for the entire match. Why is a babyface holding a heel down in a chinlock? Shaw gets an elbowdrop and even Gorilla is talking about Jones is clearly out of gas. SD comes back again with a backdrop for two and he’s moving slow and sloppy. And finally he pins Shaw with a small package at 13:25 to end it. This was TERRIBLE and Jones looked like he could barely move for the whole match. ½*

Jim Neidhart v. B. Brian Blair

Captain Lou is managing Blair for some reason tonight. Blair gets a crossbody for two and Anvil bails to think it over on the floor. Back in, Neidhart pulls down the straps to show he means business and demands a test of strength. Blair slugs out of that and drops an elbow on him for two. Anvil grabs a headlock, but Blair dropkicks him and Anvil bails to the floor to escape that. Back in the ring, Blair works the arm and that goes on for a while, but Anvil takes him to the ropes and beats on him to escape. Anvil chokes him out a few times and slugs on him in the corner as this drags on, and then Anvil goes to a bearhug to slow it down some more. Blair fights out and gets a suplex to make the comeback, but Anvil rakes his eyes to cut him off and goes to a chinlock. Blair fights up, so Anvil tosses him to the floor for a nice bump from Brian, and Anvil adds a slam out there to wake up the crowd a little bit. Anvil brings him to the apron and beats on him with forearms as the deliberate pace continues after the brief highspot, and Anvil keeps cutting him off and keeping him on the floor as they stall this out. But then Blair goes under the ring and sneaks in again to make the comeback with a clothesline. Blair to the top with a flying elbow and jackknife cradle for two, but time expires at 19:30. They booked THESE GUYS to do a 20:00 draw? *

Hercules Hernandez v. Jose Luis Rivera

Early in the run for Hercules of course. Herc blocks a hiptoss and works the arm to start, but he misses a blind charge and Rivera dropkicks him into the corner. But then Herc bounces out with a kneelift to put him down again. Herc works him over and slugs him down, and then takes him to the floor and beats on him out there before suplexing him back into the ring. Herc with an atomic drop and he drops a fist for two and picks him up, allowing Rivera to make a comeback. Hercules quickly cuts that off and follows with a press slam. And finally the backbreaker finishes at 8:50. Just an extended and very dull squash win for Hercules. *

Adorable Adrian Adonis v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

So this is the MSG debut for Adonis and his new gimmick, and to say it gets some heat would be an understatement. Adrian still has the old black trunks and boots, however. Poffo takes him down with armdrags while Gorilla talks about Adonis “came out of the closet” recently. Hayes notes that Poffo “is not much more than a teenager”. He was actually 31 there. Poffo keeps working the arm while Gorilla makes fat jokes about Adonis. “Only in 10 years will that extra weight slow him down,” Gorilla notes, “If he survives that long.” Well I’ve got some bad news, Gorilla. Adrian misses a blind charge and Poffo cradles out of the corner for two, and then Adonis charges again and hits the post. Poffo with a moonsault for two and a springboard senton, but Adonis dodges that one. Adrian puts the boots to him to take over and tosses him over the top rope, and back in for some forearm shots to the mouth. Poffo backdrops out of a piledriver attempt and gets a backslide for two. Small package gets two. Poffo slugs away in the corner and sends Adrian into the corner for a Flair Flip as Adonis is just bumping all over the place for him. But then Poffo misses a charge and Adonis bulldogs him and pins him at 9:02. Adonis was great here. ***

WWF World title: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage

This place comes absolutely unglued for the Macho Man finally getting his shot at the WWF title, with every single ticket in the building sold on the promise of him ending Hulkamania for good. The cheering for Macho is so loud and sustained that it carries over into Hogan’s entrance, leaving the untrained ear thinking that people were actually cheering for Hulk. This is of course nonsense and impossible hogwash. I am of course smart enough to be able to make the distinction. Savage does some posing to establish alpha dominance to start, but Hulk does it just to be an egomaniac showboat. Hulk uses an illegal shoulderblock and Macho heads to the floor to explain the rule infraction to the timekeeper, while the crowd boos Hulk for being too much of a chicken to follow him out there for a fight. In fact they all chant “HOGAN SUCKS!” but the sound mix a bit dodgy so you can only hear the first part. Back in the ring, Macho takes him down for a kneedrop, but Hulk uses IILLEGAL PUNCHES and then hits a clothesline on Savage while he’s in the corner, which is also illegal. HE WAS OUT OF BOUNDS! DISQUALIFY THIS MAN AND GIVE THE TITLE TO THE MACHO MAN! Savage has to retreat to the floor to escape all the rulebreaking and he has no choice but to put Elizabeth between him and Hulk to save himself from this violent maniac. Back in the ring, Macho goes up and Hulk catches him and sends him to the floor again because he knows that he can’t beat Macho in the ring LIKE A MAN. And in fact he waits until Savage turns his back on the floor and attacks him from behind like the yellow coward he is. Back in, Macho thankfully gets a double axehandle for two and tosses Hogan to the floor, giving him a taste of his own medicine before dropping the axehandle to the floor as the crowd boos Hulk for acting like he’s hurt to garner fake sympathy. Back in the ring, Savage gets two thanks to a slow count from a paid off referee. Hulk makes the comeback, clearly on cocaine or some kind of illegal stimulant drug, like those caffeine pills that truckers use, and hits Savage with the big boot to put him on the floor again like a gutless coward. And then he picks up Elizabeth and tosses her across the floor! YOU MONSTER! Back in the ring, Savage catches him with the flying elbow, but it only gets two. So Hogan clotheslines the ref to make sure that he can’t make the count for Macho Man. The belt is laying in the ring, so Macho graciously returns it to Hogan on the floor by jumping off the top rope and handing it to him facefirst. And the ref counts Hogan at 9:50, saving Hulk’s title. Savage rightfully straps the belt around his waist because clearly Hulk doesn’t deserve it anymore, but sore loser Hogan attacks Randy on the way back to the dressing room and steals the belt from the rightful champion. The crowd thankfully gives Randy the ovation warranted by his performance, which Hogan takes credit for by standing in the ring and posing while they cheer for Macho Man. ***1/2

Big John Studd v. Tony Atlas

They do an extended lockup battle to start and Atlas hits him with a headbutt to send Studd to the floor after a delayed sell. Back in for a test of strength and Studd hiptoses out of that and goes to work on the arm. Atlas with a sunset flip for two and a crossbody for two, but Studd goes back to the arm again. Tony uses the POWER OF POSING to escape that armbar and he tries for the slam, but Studd grabs the ropes to block. So he hits an atomic drop and Studd bails to the floor. Back in, Studd grabs a bearhug, but Tony reverses to his own, so Studd rakes the eyes to get out. Studd back to the bearhug, but Tony fights out with a headbutt and makes the comeback. Atlas with a big splash for two. He goes for a slam, but Studd grabs the ropes and then drops an elbow on him after a missed bodypress, for the pin at 15:30. Kind of a slow and plodding match. *1/2

The Haiti Kid v. Butch Cassidy

Butch is pretty tall for a little person, about the size of Marko Stunt. He hides in the ropes but the Kid takes him down with armdrags and goes to work on the arm. Haiti with dropkicks and Cassidy backs off, so Haiti rolls him up for two and plays “got your nose” for two. So they do the bit with the ref catching Haiti on the kickout and throwing him back on top again. They do a test of strength and Haiti stomps on his feet to win that one and drops an elbow for two. Haiti slugs away and headbutts him for two. More headbutts and a dropkick get two. Cassidy with a snap suplex for two. Another suplex gets two. Shoulderbreaker and they criss-cross, but Haiti catches him with an airplane spin and rolls him up for the pin at 10:33. A perfectly cromulent match. **3/4

Bret Hart v. Jim Brunzell

It’s the other half of our Harts-Bees singles battle, and Brunzell has quite the beard going. Brunzell with a hiptoss and Bret retreats to the corner and then takes him down with a headlock. Brunzell reverses to an armbar and hangs onto that for a long while, but Bret finally breaks free with a knee to the gut and goes to work. Bret stomps him down as the crowd is bored of the match already, and Bret goes to the chinlock. Brunzell fights out of that and Bret misses a bodypress and clotheslines himself in the ropes, and Brunzell makes a comeback. Atomic drop gets two. Jim with the dropkick but Bret is in the ropes. They clothesline each other and Bret gets the best of that one and drops legs on him, setting up a backbreaker for two. Brunzell rolls him up for two and a backslide gets the pin at 13:55. Another snoozer in a series tonight. *1/2

WWF tag team title: The Dream Team v. Hillbilly Jim & Uncle Elmer

Elmer chokes Hammer in the corner to start, but Greg hits him with an elbow out of the corner to put him down and Brutus comes in and puts the boots to him. Hammer drops an elbow for two off that. Brutus slugs away on him, but Jim gets the hot tag and cleans house to set up the bearhug on Brutus. Valentine breaks that up and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA, but Jim goes after Johnny V and the Dream Team double-teams Elmer for the pin at 4:10. Just a quick main event to get out before curfew. *. Also this was apparently featured on a 45 minute Coliseum Video called “WWF Greatest Matches” and I 100% remember the cover for it from when I was a kid, but I can’t find it anywhere or even a match list.

Anyway, that’s all of 1985 done! Not much to recommend here unless you’re into seeing the Macho Man robbed of his rightful World title.