The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 02.08.25

The SmarK Rant for AEW Collision – 02.08.25

All I needed to see was that poster for Bandido and Bryan Keith and I was SOLD.

In today’s oddity, the USA Network info screen on my DVR reads as follows for the show’s stars: “Samoa Joe, Chris Jericho, Jake Hager, Schuyler Andrews”. That doesn’t even make internal logical sense!

Live from Houston, TX

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Nigel McGuinness, who have their opening spiel interrupted by Moxley and Marina tossing a helpless security guard around.

Jon Moxley joins us and he’s getting pretty sick of COPE. Join the club, I hate that name. So Mox wants to reinforce that he’s not giving any title shots and that actually draws some big heel heat from the crowd. But Moxley does accept his challenge for the fight in Australia, where he might finish breaking COPE’s neck.

Undisputed Kingdom v. Daniel Garcia & 2.0 v. Shane Taylor & The Infantry

Hey, it would be cool if they had some kind of title for all these Trios teams, which could then be defended in Trios matches on TV or PPV. Oh, wait, you mean there’s TWO of them? And neither one has even been defended in 2025? That’s very interesting information, rhetorical person I’m pretending to speak to. Strong tries to slug it out with Taylor and gets put down, so the Kingdom double-teams Shane in the corner before getting clobbered. The Infantry bring Kyle to the corner and Captain Shawn Dean gets two off a corner splash. Over to Daddy Magic, as 2.0 hits Dean with a double team elbow and then Matt goes to do some commentary in between tags. Garcia fights off both Infantry by himself and slugs away on them in the corner. Shane Taylor breaks it up and Garcia gets triple-teamed on the apron, complete with a legdrop from Taylor on THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING as we take a break. Back with Garcia hitting the side suplex on Taylor, but STP takes out 2.0 and prevents Garcia from making the tag. But then he does make it and all hell breaks loose with everyone doing the big moves until Carlie Bravo rolls up Adam Cole for two. We get a big brawl and the Kingdom triple-teams Menard with a Demolition elbow, but Garcia hits Kyle with a side suplex. Infantry double-teams Garcia next with a double curb stomp, but Parker saves, so Sahen hits him with a package piledriver and that’s nuts. Kingdom teams up to get Taylor out of the ring. That leaves Adam Cole and Bravo, and the BOOM finishes at 13:10. This was total insanity and an awesome opener, non-stop action for the entire time. ****. Afterwards, the actual Trios champions attack Adam, actually wearing the belts and everything. Claudio: “I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the ass whooping we just gave you.” HAHAHAHA. But the Kingdom chases them off, and Cole challenges the Death Riders to actually DEFEND THEIR TITLES FOR ONCE next week on Dynamite.

Meanwhile, FTR is no longer taking any back seats and they need the AEW tag team titles again. Yeah well good luck beating the Hurt Business.

Meanwhile, Max Caster (the Best Wrestler Alive) just wanted to do his interview and Hangman very rudely acted more like a Hang-Person, not a Hang-MAN, and so they’ll face off on Dynamite so Max can get some satisfaction.

Bandido v. Bryan Keith

Keith gets an impressive babyface pop here in Texas, although of course all people named Keith are inevitably going to be cheered and/or worshipped. Bryan conrols to start and quickly take a break. Back with Bandido hitting a corkscrew dive and the press slam for two. Bandido charges and Bryan hits him with a clothesline, and they head to the top rope for a superplex exploder from the Bad Apple. Bryan is FIRED UP and he hits Bandido with chops and an enzuigiri battle for the double down. But then they take corners for a DUEL a collide again off a double charge and the crowd is eating all this up. Another showdown and Bandido hits Keith with a GTS and the 21 Plex to finish at 9:38. MORE OF THIS! ***1/2

Meanwhile, Powerhouse Hobbs lets Big Bill know that he’s in Texas all week and he’s looking for a fight.

Rush, Dralistico & Beast Mortos v. Brick Savage, Ares Alexander & Jay Alexander

Mortos smashes through the jobbers right away and Dralistico comes in with a springboard stunner that looks like it knocked Alexander loopy. And Rush hits him with the cannonball and pins him at 1:30. They continue with the beatdown on Jay Alexander, but Komander makes the save. So LFI beats him down and tries for the mask, but Hologram makes his return via SCIENCE and upgraded firmware. And he dives onto the goddamn head of Rush and damn near kills him. But hey it looked AWESOME.

Meanwhile, Megan Bayne snubs Thunder Rosa but can’t make her less excited.

HALFTIME HARLEY! Harley and Muppet Mercedes are here to do a concert for us, starting with “The Money Train”, but sadly the non-Muppet version of Mercedes interrupts the show already. So Harley sings her promo about Mercedes is acting like a cu…nning woman and she’s afraid to FEEL THE WRATH. So Mercedes tells her to get lost, but Harley really wants that title shot in Australia and so she pokes the bear one more time and Mone smacks her, so Harley freaks out and hits her with the microphone, and Mercedes finally gives her the title shot so she can embarrass Harley in her home country. Man they are making a really strong case to finally beat Mercedes next week but it’s probably way too soon for Harley.

Meanwhile, Okada sits down (late) with Buddy Matthews and Buddy gets into his head, BITCH.

Dustin Rhodes v. Izzy James

Dustin quickly finishes the geek with the Crossroads and Final Reckoning and that’s that. And Dustin does his promo on MJF for Wednesday’s Dynamite, where Max will be dragged to hell by someone who’s already been there.

Meanwhile, the Death Riders complain that no one has had the bollocks to stand up to them before now, and they welcome the challenge of the Undisputed Kingdom.

Thunder Rosa v. Penelope Ford

Rosa is accompanied by some kind of terrifying man-bear-pig hybrid, who should probably be euthanized in the back for the safety of humankind. Ford gets a chop in the corner off the lockup, but Rosa takes her down with armdrags and hits a sliding lariat for two. But then Ford takes her to the apron and hits a double knees on the apron, THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING, as we take a break. Back with Ford getting a gutbuster for two, but Rosa makes the comeback with clotheslines to put her down. Northern Lights suplex gets two. Penelope works her over in the corner to set up the handspring elbow and licks some paint off her face to make it weird, but the moonsault misses and Rosa gets a pair of dropkicks for two. So they slug it out with forearms and Ford bridges into a cutter for two. Rosa with a backstabber and a package powerbomb to finish at 11:00. That felt a little long but Ford got lots of offense for a change at least. **3/4. This brings out Megan Bayne for a confrontation, but Penelope attacks Rosa and then Bayne hits Rosa with an F5. Bayne continues to look like a star.

Meanwhile, at Defy, Ricochet continues to steal Swerve’s robe and avoids another fight with him.

Meanwhile, Ricochet gets into a confrontation with someone who makes burgers. I’m assuming this is a local Texas thing. Ricochet does NOT care for the burger and beats up the poor guy making them.

Mariah May v. Shay Carmichael

Mariah has convinced the jobber to dress up like Toni Storm as this feud gets kinda weird, and she finishes with Mayday at 0:30. And then she dresses the girl like Timeless Toni and applies angry lipstick before beating her up some more as it gets weirder but still pretty hot. This brings out LUTHER to serve up a shoe on a literal silver platter, at which point the real Toni has switched off with the jobber and attacks Mariah, chasing her into the crowd. They need to distill whatever is going on with show into an essential oil and bring it with them to every show because this was GREAT.

Meanwhile, the Murder Machines beat up some dudes backstage for fun and use peer pressure to make Mark Davis join in.

Mark Briscoe v. Kyle Fletcher

Fletcher has a new evil Aussie Open theme and it’s a big improvement. They keep adding more star making elements to him. Kyle stomps on Briscoe in the corner and beats on him with chops, but they take it to the floor and Briscoe kicks his ass out there and sets up a table. Crowd: “We want tables!” Nigel: “Maybe it’s tadpoles?” Tony: “No it’s table. You can tell by the screen.” Briscoe tosses him and dives, but Fletcher catches him and runs him into the post like a lawn dart, busting Briscoe open, and he follows with an apron powerbomb as we take a break. Back with them slugging it out and they both rev up and collide on a clothesline for a double down. IT’S A COLLISION! THEY SAID THE NAME! Mark comes back with kung fu and hits Kyle with a corner clothesline and exploder out of the corner for two. Fletcher escapes the Jay Driller and backdrops him to the floor, and then back in for a double arm DDT/powerbomb combo for two. Fletcher with a running kick in the corner, but Briscoe rolls him into a fisherman’s buster and goes up, only for Kyle to kick him down. Mark tries the Cutthroat Driver, but Fletcher goes low and hits the brainbuster for two. Fletcher throws suplexes and Briscoe pops up, but a third one puts him down this time. But then he fights up and retreats to the apron to recover, and then tricks Kyle into standing in front of the table and puts him through it with a froggy bow. Fletcher jumping up in front of the table kind of ruined the illusion but it was still awesome. Back in, Froggy Bow gets two. They fight to the top and Mark wants a top rope Driller, but Fletcher escapes and kicks him repeatedly to set up the top rope brainbuster, and by god that finishes at 14:23. THIS MATCH RULED. ****1/4.

BEST SHOW OF THE YEAR SO FAR. I hope they kidnap this Houston crowd and bring them all to Australia because if they can maintain this energy next week they’ll hit it out of the park, or whatever the proper cricket stadium metaphor would be. This is the episode you need to go out of your way to watch.

THIS RULED.

WRESTLING RULES.

Thank you and good night!