The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event XXXVIII

The SmarK Rant for Saturday Night’s Main Event #38 – 01.25.25

I was gonna do both shows tonight but my child wanted to go see the Wolfman, so it’s SNME before bed and then Collision tomorrow night. Wolfman was pretty good body horror, actually.

Live (in English and Spanish, apparently) from San Antonio, TX.

The mashup of the two SNME themes is still pretty cool and effective.

Your hosts are Joe Tessitore, Jesse Ventura, Michael Cole & Pat McAfee

WWE Women’s World title: Rhea Ripley v. Nia Jax

Thankfully someone finally woke up and shut off the Spanish feed during Nia’s entrance. Perhaps the Spanish announce table got raided. Honestly nothing would surprise me at this point. Rhea quickly hits a DDT to counter a slam and sends her to the floor for a cannonball off the apron. Back in, Nia hits her with a headbutt and they fight to the top, where Nia brings her down with a Samoan drop for two. And we take a break. Back with a slugfest and Rhea tries a rana, but Nia blocks it, so Rhea turns it into an unlikely Code Red for two. Nia comes back with a Samoan drop and goes to the middle rope with a legdrop for two. Nia goes up again and Rhea brings her down with a powerbomb, but can’t get the submission locked in. She charges and Nia does the Joe uranage out of the corner and goes up again, but Rhea sends her to the floor and hits her with a bodypress as they’re working a REALLY fast pace here. Back in the ring, Riptide is reversed by Nia for two and she goes up yet again with the butt splash, but Rhea recovers and counters a second one into an electric chair for the double down. But again there’s no downtime and Rhea comes back with the Riptide to finish at 9:11. This was very fun and fast-paced and probably one of the better Nia Jax matches…ever? ****. I find it very weird that they COULD work this kind of pace all the time and they just…don’t.

Meanwhile, Madusa and Mark Henry are hanging out in the audience.

Intercontinental title: Bron Breakker v. Sheamus

Sheamus pounds away in the corner as Michael informs us that he likes to call Bron “The Unpredictable Badass”, which would make him the first. Bron hits him with a shoulderblock to send him out of the ring, but he charges and gets slammed into the railing. Interestingly, Jesse is on commentary and notes that Honky Tonk Man is the longest reigning Intercontinental champion, so I guess he wasn’t briefed on current developments. Back in the ring, Sheamus goes for the forearms, but Bron necks him on the top rope and then spears him on the floor as we take a break. Back with Bron hitting a gutbuster to work the ribs, and that gets two. Sheamus gets all riled up and hits a knee strike for two and successfully hits the forearms this time, followed by a Razor’s Edge back into the ring, for two. Bron with a press slam into a powerslam for two. They head to the top and Bron brings him down with the rana to setup another spear, but he walks into the Brogue Kick and that only gets two. Sheamus sets up for another one while Jesse does conspiracy theories about the ref, but Sheamus’s ribs are too hurt and Bron spears him for the pin to retain at 11:00. To clarify for Jesse, the ref didn’t actually count three on the Brogue Kick spot, he only counted two. Hell of a hard hitting match regardless. ***1/2

Meanwhile, Ted Dibiase and Dory Funk Jr. hang out at ringside, along with Hacksaw Duggan, who still looks the same as he did in the 2000 Nitros, to be honest.

Royal Rumble contract signing: Shawn Michaels, who is apparently the master of the ladder match, joins us to moderate the signing. I don’t like the chances of that table making it out of the show alive. Along with the Winged Eagle title, Kevin brings a “Cody Sucks Eggs” t-shirt with him. Huge if true. Especially considering how expensive eggs have apparently gotten in the past week thanks to bird flu. Luckily, Shawn gets them to sign with ruthless efficiency, but first KO wants to talk about how Cody left him to go elsewhere, until Cody finally snaps and tells him to just shut up and sign. Kevin rants again about how everything Cody has is coming to him, and Shawn quips “Dude, you just sound jealous”, so then Kevin goes off on HIM and finally signs the contract. So the belts are symbolically hung above the ring here, hopefully to be transported to Indianapolis in time for the show. So KO of course takes a cheapshot on Shawn and tries to powerbomb him, but Cody saves and then Shawn superkicks Kevin out of the ring. Man now I really hope Kevin unifies those titles and proudly holds the Winged Eagle like a real champion. This felt like a bigtime angle, even though the main storyline has been kind of treading water since the last SNME.

Braun Strowman v. Jacob Fatu

Fatu slugs away to start, but runs into a back elbow. Fatu comes back with a dive and we take a break. Back with Braun putting him down with a big boot and he goes the Choo Choo spot outside and sends Fatu flying into the railing via the announce table. And then it’s a THIRD Choo Choo Train, but Jacob slams him on the table and back in for the hip attacks that clearly miss by a foot each time. Like they keep zooming in during the “impact” and you can clearly see that he’s not even making contact in the corner. And so the ref calls for the bell because Jacob is kicking too much ass at 8:39. An OK mean guy match with a dumb finish. *1/2. And then afterwards security tries to stop him, but you can only hope to contain him and he moonsaults Braun and gets himself over as a big badass with the crowd. Well if they wanted to turn him babyface, mission accomplished.

And then we get a LOOOOOOOT of commercials before…

World Heavyweight title: Gunther v. Jey Uso

Nice touch with the Mr. Kennedy house mics for the ring introductions. Still not a fan of the HFR though. Gunther beats on him with chops in the corner and we take a break. Back with Jey slugging away on him, but Gunther clotheslines him for two. Gunther with some slams and Jey slugs back again so everyone can go “Yeet”, but Gunther cuts him off with a trip to the corner and then goes to work on the arm. Jey comes back with a Samoan drop, but he charges and runs into Gunther’s dropkick and powerbomb for two. And Gunther chokes him out as we take another break. Back with another slugfest and Jey hits the enzuigiri for two. Hip attack gets two. Jey goes up and Gunther cuts him off with a superplex attempt, but Jey powerbombs him for two. Jey with a rana and a spear for two for the big near-fall tease, but he goes to the top and only gets two from the flying splash. But then Gunther hits him with a pair of powerbombs and pins him to retain at 16:14 and we are OUTTA TIME. Now this was back to the standard WWE match formula, with the slow start and big near-falls to finish, leading to one guy kicking out of the other guy’s finish and then just doing his own finisher for the win. Watching the first two matches and then this one was like night and day as far as the styles went. Another excellent match in a totally different way. ****

A great show tonight, much improved over the constant commercials and kinda empty wrestling content of the first one, and a very easy and breezy watch overall. Definitely recommend checking this one out.