The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 08.27.94

The SmarK Rant for WCW Saturday Night – 08.27.94

So this was presented as a live streamed episode by the WWE Vault YouTube channel, and I’m doing my part to make sure it gets some more engagement and views so they’ll keep doing this kind of thing. However, as a suggestion to them in the future, PUT THE DAMN DATE FOR THE SHOW in the description so I don’t have to do detective work to figure out the airdate. Thanks heaps.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNjIClDfm4o&ab_channel=WWEVault

This is the episode after Clash of Champions 28, by the way, the show that featured Hulk Hogan injured by a mysterious dude wielding a pipe. The WWE Network episodes end well before this, so this is new to me! Well aside from the fact that I would have watched it on TBS at the time.

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Bobby Heenan

US champion Ricky Steamboat v. Tom Burton

Somewhat notable here for Blacktop Bully sitting at ringside on WCWSN for the first time, heckling Steamboat and telling him “go back to Hawaii.” Yeah, damn foreigners make me sick, too. Burton takes Ricky down with a headlock, but Steamboat reverses him and works the arm. Burton slams him, but comes off the top for the dreaded Flying Nothing that lands on Steamboat’s foot, allowing Ricky to make a comeback and finish him off with the flying bodypress at 2:45. Hilariously, Burton took a slam and was laying there waiting to get splashed, and the ref literally had to go tell him to stand up so that Steamboat could bodypress him. Like who doesn’t know that Steamboat’s finish is a flying bodypress?!? Also I presume that this was taped well before the Clash match where Steamboat won the US title from Steve Austin, because that match essentially ended his career and he wouldn’t be doing any bodypresses here, flying or otherwise, after that.

Meanwhile, CALL MEAN GENE ON THE HOTLINE! RIGHT NOW! HE KNOWS WHERE YOU LIVE! JUST $1.39 A MINUTE TO FIND OUT WHICH FAMILY MEMBER HE’S GONNA KILL IF YOU DON’T CALL RIGHT NOW!

Bunkhouse Buck & Terry Funk v. Joey Maggs & Todd Morton

Buck and Funk do some clownish bumping for the jobbers and WHAT THE HELL is going on with Morton? He looks like Ricky Morton and Bobby Eaton had a baby in 1982, who was then artificially aged up in some sort of wrestling-themed science cloning lab, and then that baby was trained by Eaton and given his gear and haircut and sent into the world to do jobs on TV. The heels double-team Morton and he takes bumps just like Papa Bobby, especially the backdrops. Over to Jumpin’ Joey, who takes a big boot from Buck, and it’s over to Funk for a piledriver. And then Buck just slugs him down for the pin at 3:35. I’m intrigued by Todd Morton, but not enough to actively seek out more of his material or anything. In fact I’ve pretty much already forgotten about him by the time you’re reading this.

Meanwhile, at the Clash, Dusty Rhodes is busy beating up Robert Parker’s men, but Big Dust is unable to faze Meng and instead smashes a balsa wood chair on his head, showing that, yes, he ran out of ideas in 1987. Granted, it was a hell of an angle with Big Bubba Rogers, but they spent a lot of money and time repairing that balsa wood chair and then Dusty just went and smashed it all over again years later. Seems like kind of a waste of a good furniture restoration. It’s like my dad used to say when I would accidentally stub my toe on the table: “Be more careful, because bones heal for free, but furniture is expensive to repair.” Come to think of it, there’s probably a reason why I live two provinces away from him now.

WCW World TV title: Lord Steven Regal v. Johnny B. Badd

A fan at ringside has a nicely-lettered sign that notes “Johnny B. Badd gonna kick your booty with the tooti fruiti”, which absolutely sounds like something that a real fan would say in real life. Regal was coming off his bizarre match with Antonio Inoki at the Clash, which was recently posted to Twitter by one of the robotic engagement accounts on there and resulted in a bunch of Gen Z kids in shock that the match ever happened on TV. Famous WCW mascot Wildcat Willie is at ringside for this one just in case he’s needed for anything. They trade wristlocks and it’s a FULL ARMDRAG AND TWIST from Badd, resulting Regal retreating to the ropes to break. Badd with another wristlock and Regal pulls the hair and then denies all wrongdoing with a disgusted look on his face. Regal goes after the arm and Badd slugs out of it, resulting in some great facials from Regal. Regal with a backslide, which Badd reverses into a small package for two and sends Regal to the floor. Back in the ring, Regal takes him down and drops an elbow for two, before tying him up with an arm submission on the mat. Badd powers out of that, so Regal demonstrates his pugilism in the corner, really showing off his fisticuffsmanship. Regal with a facelock as he tries to stall the match until the time limit, and a knee to the gut gets two. Regal with a cobra clutch, but Badd comes back and backdrops him to set up a kneelift for two. Suplex gets two and it’s a 10:00 draw at 9:35. Well they only shaved 30 seconds off the time, that’s pretty good by WCW standards. Match was kind of a standard Regal TV title draw. **1/2

Afterwards, Badd knocks out poor Sir William, which results in a fired up Regal decrying justice in the country, and demands a rematch with Badd at Fall Brawl. Also football players should be strung up somewhere. His words.

Stunning Steve Austin v. Chris Michaels

Goddamn, it’s another illegitimate child of Ricky Morton and Bobby Eaton as the jobber tonight. Those two are worse than Dave Grohl. Michaels tries a headlock and Austin puts him down with a suplex and works on the leg. And the standing figure-four finishes at 2:30.

Sting v. John Faulkner

Sting with the headlock to start and then quickly hits the Stinger splash and finishes with the Scorpion Deathlock at 1:34.

Cactus Jack joins Gene, despite the conspicuous absence of tag team partner Kevin Sullivan. Jack explains that he put up Kevin’s shit for months because he owed Kevin a debt for helping him early in his career, but now they’re splitting up with no hard feelings, and he’s gonna go on and taste championship gold as a singles wrestler. Yeah that ought to put some butts in seats. Evad Sullivan stops by and he’s worried about Jack’s safety if Kevin beats him up, so Jack slaps him around and DDTs Evad on the stage. Yeah that’s a shame.

Meanwhile, the Rhodeseseseseses drive their pickup to Nastyville, USA, looking for partners at WarGames. So Dusty finds the toughest bar with the meanest and baddest patrons, which is called “The Scrap Bar”, and ensures the stinging barbs of heartless drunks within. “Hey man, WHERE’D YOU PARK YOUR HORSE?” one of them quips. That must have hurt worse than any bottle to the head. So the Nasty Boys call him ROY ROGERS as everyone is just so hurtful in Nastyville. So then the whole bar stops brawling and coming up with mean nicknames for new customers and they all listen to Dusty’s promo because they might not respect him or like him, but they respect him! So the Nasties beat up another patron to show how nasty they are, but then the bar goes quiet again because Dusty is talking and everyone wants to hear him, and the Nasty Boys agree to be his partners at Fall Brawl! My gosh, I feel so motivated now.

Harlem Heat v. Buddy Wayne & Barry Houston

Another notable one, as Tony announces that they want to go by “Booker T” and “Stevie Ray” from now on, and that’s the end of Kane and Kole just like that. Booker beats on Houston to start, but he comes back with dropkicks and it’s over to Buddy. Booker puts him down with a sidekick and Stevie comes in and puts the boots to Wayne. They neck him on the top rope and Booker comes in with a legdrop and flying forearm. Stevie with a running powerslam, and Booker finishes with a double team powerbomb/elbowdrop at 4:00 in a finisher called “The Heat Bomb” that didn’t stick around. However, what did stick around with the gimmick with Stevie Ray on the phone with a mysterious advisor, which actually did lead to a payoff later on and was pretty great.

Meanwhile, Gene chats with Harlem Heat, who are not sharing the identity of the person on the phone, who is going to lead them straight to the top. Which is actually just happened. Pretty good promo from the Heat here, too, as they complain about not getting respect since they’re been here and getting ready to start taking it.

Meanwhile, at the Clash, Hulk Hogan tries to do an interview with Mean Gene, but a mysterious assailant gives him the Tonya Harding treatment before disappearing again. “Oh my knee, Jesus!” declares Hogan, showing the acting skills that would lead to multiple made for TV movies that Turner was contractually obligated to produce. The assailant was intended to be Curt Hennig, was portrayed by Arn Anderson, and ended up being revealed as Brutus Beefcake when all was said and done. So, you know, classic WCW. Anyway, everyone tells Hulk to concede his title to Ric Flair tonight, but THAT DOESN’T WORK FOR HIM, BROTHER, and he comes out to defend anyway.

Meanwhile, Nick Bockwinkel announces that Flair is SUSPENDED for his heinous actions. INDEFINITELY. That’s worse than temporarily! But not quite as long as permanently.

Big Van Vader v. Chris Nelson

Vader smacks the guy in the corner and dares him to fight back, so the jobber takes him up on it and Vader just smacks him down. Notably the jobber looks like a tiny knockoff of Vader, with his own Vader-colored gear that looks like he bought out of Danhausen’s trunk, and Vader is so offended that he lays a beating on the guy, powerbombs him, and then has the referee just make the count without even covering him. Hey, I thought only Kevin Nash could do that! That’s gimmick infringement and if Vader wasn’t already dead I bet Kevin would sue him. He’s lucky that way.

FALL BRAWL CONTROL CENTER! WITH MEAN GENE!

You know who won’t be at Fall Brawl? RIC FLAIR. Because he’s suspended. INDEFINITELY. So order the show now! Also Steve Austin will challenge Ricky Steamboat in a rematch for the US title in a match that will totally happen as advertised.

WCW World tag team title: Pretty Wonderful v. The Nasty Boys

Tony hypes up a future interactive segment with fans, unlike SOME OTHER WRESTLING ORGANIZATIONS who claim to be interactive but then don’t even answer their phones. That feels like a lot of inside baseball packed into one exchange. The Nasties chase the champs to the floor and we get some stalling as they regroup. Back in the ring, Roma declares that the Nasties aren’t so smart, but then gets double-teamed, showing that it is HE who is not so smart. This match has layers like an onion. Orndorff comes in and that allows Roma to hit a cheap knee from the apron to take over, as they throw Sags over the top behind the ref’s back. They work on Sags in the corner while Tony wants to stress that Hulk Hogan is totally fine, with no serious damage to the knee of any kind. Never let it be said that WCW didn’t know how to sell a heavy heat angle. Roma slowly works on Sags with forearms, but Sags slams him and then misses an elbow, allowing Roma to get two. I’m not a car guy, aside from watching all the Fast & Furious movies, so I’m curious: Is there a gear lower than first? Because they’re hitting it here. And then they brawl too much and the ref calls for the DQ and a bunch of people run in for a brawl as Parker’s stable lays out the Nasties.

And we wrap it up with Mean Gene interviewing the Stud Stable, as Parker and his team all want a piece of the Nasty Boys and the Rhodeseseseses. Bunkhouse Buck clarifies that they’re all bad and Dusty and his team are all a bunch of sissy boys, and we’re out for the week.

Fun show, would review again! And if the Vault doesn’t put more episodes up, I know a guy.