(Almost) 5-Star Match Reviews: Kane vs. Shane McMahon – WWE Unforgiven 2003

Kane and Shane McMahon are two wrestling personalities with…interesting…reputations. When he was fully active in wrestling Kane was considered something of a model employee. He always did whatever was asked of him and never complained or politicked. Even as his character was dragged through the mud and subject to some of the worst angles and stories ever conceived, Kane trudged along and did his best to make chicken salad out of chickenshit. Sadly Kane had to work with worse material more often as he got older, especially since his last non-Rumble appearance was in an awful tag match in Saudi Arabia.

As for Shane, he isn’t seen in as fond a light as he used to be. Over the past seven years or so the once humble and down-to-earth Shane seems to have succumbed to the family illness and fallen into egomania. Ever since returning in 2016 he has bought into this false notion that he’s a huge draw that’s worthy of being built around. He tried building a Royal Rumble match around himself which angered so many people that Shane was “let go” by WWE which, at the time, was still run by his father. The last time anyone saw Shane on WWE programming was at WrestleMania 39 when he tore his quad twenty seconds into an impromptu match with Snoop Dogg.

Both of these guys are prime examples of wrestlers getting worse with age, either due to being stuck working with bad material or sticking around way longer than necessary. As such, when their names come up most fans prefer to revisit their earlier work, which brings us to this match. Though it’s far from a technical marvel there’s still something intriguing in seeing Shane the (mostly) untrained wrestler try and survive WWE’s version of a supernatural slasher film monster. But how does it hold up with more than twenty years’ worth of hindsight?

The Story

Kane was on a warpath in 2003 and scared people almost as much as he did during his debut run in 1997-1998. After unmasking two months earlier following a title vs. mask wager match with Triple H, Kane became more unstable and unpredictable than ever before, as if that were somehow possible. He immediately turned on his then-partner Rob Van Dam, he chokeslammed then-GM Eric Bischoff off the entrance stage, he set Jim Ross on fire, and he beat up a semi-retired Steve Austin after Austin made it crystal clear that people didn’t care what he looked like. In simpler terms, Kane was still the monster he was when he wore the mask and both his fans and his peers saw him this way. Hell, the biggest wrestling star of the past forty years told Kane to his face how much he enjoyed watching him throw carcasses around. And yet Kane was still an unchained monster that did whatever he wanted, regardless of whether or not he had a reason.

It was clear that getting involved in Kane’s business was a bad idea, even if one had the best intentions, as both Steve Austin and Jim Ross learned the hard way. But it seems like Linda McMahon didn’t get the memo. She tried to get involved in a match between Kane and RVD and paid the price for it by getting Tombstoned on the stage. Enter Shane who, naturally, wanted revenge for someone hurting his mother. At one point Kane tried to throw him into a burning dumpster (insert joke about that metaphor here) but Shane blocked and superkicked Kane into the dumpster fire instead. But instead of hurting Kane it only made him stronger as he returned soon after and electrocuted Shane’s testicles by hooking jumper cables to them. Shane survived this torture somehow and vowed to face Kane in a Last Man Standing match to avenge his poor mother. But could he slay the beast, or would Kane continue cleaving through RAW’s roster?

The Match

This took place on September 21, 2003. It was rated ***1/4 out of five by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer.

Kane comes out first but Shane attacks him from behind with a chair. Shane peppers Kane with chair-shots as the bell rings and gets a count of four before Kane sits up. Kane goes to block another chair-shot to the head so Shane goes low and attacks his knee. Shane smashes Kane’s knee around a ringpost but Kane kicks him away. Shane clips the knee and smashes Kane’s head into some ringsteps for a six-count. Shane lands some pathetic jabs but Kane pie-faces him over the barricade. Shane hits back and goes for a springboard but Kane catches him in a midair powerslam for a five-count.

Kane hits Shane with the steel steps for an eight-count and then hits a big chokeslam in the ring. Referee Charles Robinson gets to seven when Shane uses him as an aid to get himself up. This, naturally, leads to a ref bump spot and Robinson goes down. Kane teases a Tombstone but then decides against it and instead brings the steps into the ring. He tries a Tombstone onto the steps but Shane escapes and lands a bulldog onto them.

After some laborious and needlessly complicated setup, Shane lands his coast-to-coast dropkick to send the steps into Kane’s face. Both men are down as the crowd chant “one more time” at Shane as Kane has been down for way more than ten by this point. Kane knocks the steps over onto Shane and NOW the ref makes it in. both men get up and Kane shitcans Shane to ringside. They fight up the entrance ramp and then Kane misses a clothesline and hurts his arm on the barricade. Shane gets a few body shots in but Kane smashes him into part of the stage wall several times but Shane keeps getting up around six.

Kane sends Shane face-first into part of the announce table (setup near the stage) which Kane proceeds to dismantle and then drop onto Shane a good five feet below. Kane goes down to check but finds Shane has moved. Then Shane attacks him from behind with a piece of black metal and then drives one of the expensive cameras into Kane’s face, cracking the lens in the process.

Kane gets up at nine so Shane chokes him with some electric cables. Kane tries a chokeslam but Shane hits a low blow followed by a DDT onto the announce table. Shane hits Kane with a portable monitor and then decides to climb a piece of the entrance stage. Shane dives off this elevated platform…and misses. Both men are still down. The ref starts counting. Kane gets up at eight. Shane is still down. There’s the ten-count. Kane wins.

Winner after 19:42: Kane

Review

That was one of the most underwhelming and creatively baffling LMS matches ever. Kane entered this match presented as a monster but once the bell rang it was Shane who came across as supernatural instead. The action made Kane look far weaker and more vulnerable than it should’ve; midway through there was a visual twenty-count with Kane unmoving in a corner. Another ref could’ve ran down (hell, he could’ve casually strolled down) from backstage and counted Kane out, that’s how long Kane was out following Shane’s coast-to-coast. But once they moved on from that spot the match just fell into this weird holding pattern of simple action followed by long setup for a small handful of big spots, all of which led to a finish that tried to protect both men at the same but helped neither.

The match was built around Shane getting revenge on Kane but at some point it shifted towards the “Shane must dive” trope. The focused story gave way to senseless showing off, at which point the match went off the rails. Shane spent so much time setting up that big dive, only to miss spectacularly and lose as a result. But Kane, the big bad monster that was still going to terrorize the RAW roster going forward, eked out a narrow victory instead of winning emphatically. Yes they reached the same conclusion but the journey to that destination left Kane less threatening than how he entered. He spent as much time on defense as Shane did which didn’t fit with Kane’s position as this top monster that needed an army to be felled. Whenever Kane teased a big, scary spot, it didn’t have that same fear or shock factor as his angles on RAW. Once the referee went down this match just fell into this ho-hum pacing that lacked urgency and made it drag.

Once it was over and the momentary pop of Shane’s fall/dive dissipated, fans were left with a flat ending to an otherwise uninspiring weapons match that didn’t do all that much for either guy. The match stalled Kane’s upward momentum instead of helping it continue while Shane just did more craziness that fit better on something like Jackass than on a wrestling program.

Final Rating: **1/2

This was a passable albeit disappointing match that didn’t live up to the hype. The pre-match angles had more shock value and memorability to them than anything seen here. Shane falling off of things was done before. Kane had taken more severe beatings in the past and had much more of a monster aura in matches from earlier in his career. The coast-to-coast got a fine pop but Shane did a better one on his dad at WrestleMania X-Seven. All the new and creative stuff they tried in this match fell flat and didn’t really have all that much impact. So what we’re left with is a slow match with only two or three high points that don’t justify going almost twenty minutes and certainly don’t justify spending twenty-minutes for a re-watch.

There are better matches out there featuring either of these two men and the stipulation itself. If you’re determined to watch any LMS match then John Cena vs. Umaga from the 2007 Royal Rumble is arguably the best one you’ll ever see. Shane the stuntman with balls of steel had his best match against Kurt Angle at King of the Ring 2001. As for Kane, his best matches are multi-man ones like the first MITB match or the six-man tag that saw The Shield debut. But if you’re really hungry for nostalgia involving either of these men, then it’s better to watch highlight videos or promos than their actual match together.

Thanks for reading.