Chestnut vs Kobayashi: Unfinished Beef

I have been writing for this site for a little over a year. In that time, I’ve written many words about women’s wrestling. I have many more to come, with several articles in the pipeline. One is the review that surely the world has been waiting for, a review of the women’s tournament on WWE Speed. However, today I’m writing about a different kind of speed.

When I woke up today, I had no intention of writing about a hot dog eating competition. I knew it was happening as much as I know about other random stuff that Twitter tells me about. I know the competition exists. I remember Glizzy Lizzy from last year because I’m not a monster, she’s Glizzy Lizzy. I knew it had been turned into a Netflix special because Joey Chestnut, King of Hot Dogs, had beef with the Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Competition. Well, maybe he didn’t have beef – he signed a deal with Impossible Foods, creators of vegan hot dogs, and Nathan’s was steamed.

I was even aware that Nikki Garcia, the former Nikki Bella, was hosting this along with Rob Riggle, that one guy that was on the Daily Show who also has hosted some other stuff. I love Nikki, but even that didn’t make me care about this. It’s just a hot dog eating competition on Netflix. Why would I care?

Then, as I do, I was scrolling through Twitter on my lunch break. I was, for the record, not eating a hot dog. However, the news hit me and it changed me. Omos was doing on-camera work at the competition. Omos, the 7’3” WWE superstar that is generally awesome and reviews his extensive cologne collection on TikTok, was a part of this thing. This was a big deal. I was… suddenly interested?

I have plenty of experience with hot dogs in my life.

Wait, no. That doesn’t sound right. It’s fine, I’ll edit that out later.

I have consumed a hot dog or two in my life. I haven’t consumed many in the last few years, as I’ve become more conscious of my health and accepted that – sigh – I should try to eat healthy so I can be alive, which I guess is important. Every now and then, however, the mood will hit. However, it only hits very late at night when I’m on the road and happen to stop at QuikTrip (not a sponsor). I walk in and I see the hot dogs on the rollers. It’s late. McDonald’s and everything else is closed because the world is lame in 2024. It’s a QuikTrip hot dog or nothing. I always get the dog. And it’s always good.

That said, I’ve never watched a hot dog eating competition. Why would I? I can’t find time to watch all the wrestling I’m interested in or even re-binge Buffy the Vampire Slayer at the pace I’d like. I have read a book about hot dogs though. That’s a sentence a normal person would write!

Jamie Loftus has been a joy to follow on social media for years, long before I was tweeting about professional wrestling to 3.6K or so people (or 2.1K people and 1.5K fake Sasha Banks accounts). I first came across her when she was doing a bit where she was eating the book “Infinite Jest” by David Foster Wallace, little bit by little bit. Actually eating. It hooked me. She’s done some great things since, including starring in the Comedy Central series Irrational Fears.

She’s also written about wrestling. See, I tied this back into wrestling. She wrote a very fun series for Paste called “Heel to Face: One Woman’s Attempt to Become a Wrestling Fan.” She spent seven months trying to learn about wrestling before going to WrestleMania 32 and wrote a hilarious blog about it. She struggled to connect with the storylines the writers were giving the Divas (I get it!), she shouted her love for the New Day, made a coloring book, wrote about superstars’ Daddy issues with VInce McMahon, and of course attended WrestleMania. It’s a fascinating read from a time of women getting nothing and the Big Show. I highly recommend it. You can find it all right here.

What does this have to do with hot dogs? In 2023, Jamie released the excellent book “Raw Dog: The Naked Truth About Hot Dogs.” I bought it on day one and it was such a fun read. Besides learning more than I could ever need to know about hot dogs, I handed a Barnes & Noble employee a book titled “Raw Dog.” It’s not the first or the last time a Barnes & Noble employee will question my purchases.

It’s my time to follow in Jamie’s footsteps, if only for an hour. Today, Netflix presented “Chestnut vs Kobayashi: Unfinished Beef.” I missed the live broadcast because I have to WORK for money (even on a day called Labor Day, which is RUDE). I might have missed it live, but I must be living because I’m here. I’m ready. Let’s see what the hot dog men and Omos and Nikki Bella have to offer.

We start with an overview of Las Vegas, a city that has seen such historic wrestling matches as Cody versus Dustin Rhodes, the first women’s Elimination Chamber match and Undertaker vs Giant Gonzalez. The voice of Rob Riggle tells us that tonight, Joey Chestnut and Takeru Kobayashi will renew a historic rivalry – one of the most historic in sports history, Rob tells us. We’re in the Luxor Resort & Casino’s HyperX Arena, an eSports arena. Maybe they should have Ring of Honor here! The production team gives us a WWE-style zoom through the crowd, half of which are wearing “Team Joey” shirts and the other half “Team Kobi.”

A video package introduces Joey Chestnut who tells us that calling Kobayashi his rival doesn’t do things justice. Via captions, Kobayashi says he would be honored if viewers see this like they would Larry Bird vs Magic Johnson. And who wouldn’t? Joey says that Kobayashi couldn’t stand losing to him, as a newsreel shows us Kobayashi taking 2007 off due to – and I quote – an arthritic jaw. Joey tells us that he was lying and playing up his injury. Kobayashi didn’t take kindly to this, but Joey says it got the reaction he wanted. TMZ questions Kobayashi about the possibility of Joey cheating in a competition, which Kobayashi denies. Kobayashi says this is the first time a competition has felt personal, “I want to kick his ass!”

A loud live crowd cheers as Rob Riggle welcomes us, saying this combines his two greatest loves – Vegas and hot dogs. He introduces us to his co-host, WWE Hall of Famer Nikki Garcia. Nikki looks good! A countdown clock appears telling us we have 43:48 left as Nikki tells us we’ll have to see this to believe it. Rob tells us 300 hot dogs are prepared for today’s main event alone – a lot of encased meat! Nikki tells us this isn’t the only competition today as we head to the Luxor Pool. We have two matches on the undercard today! Matt Stonie, competitive eater and 2015 Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Contest, will be facing three Olympic medalists. Meanwhile, 23-time Guiness World Record Holder Leah Shuthever will try to set another world record live. But first, let’s cut to band members of USC playing “All I Do Is Win” by the pool!

Nikki throws us to our broadcast team for this event, Chris Rose and Cari Champion. Unlike WWE, this event gives a woman the broadcast seat! Cari ties in with Mayweather-Pacquio, noting a lot of poetry between this fight and this one as it was the moment to determine the undisputed champion. I think my Tribal Chief’s ears are burning. Chris says that the relationship between our competitors tonight is frosty. Cari narrates a video of the weigh-in, where both men did shake hands.

Chris lets us know that $100,000 is on the line. I could do this for $100,000 I think. The tale of the tape – Kobayashi is six years older, about half a foot shorter and around 70 pounds lighter. Joey’s personal best in ten minutes is 76 hot dogs while Kobayashi has topped out at 64.5. Kobayashi hit that number in 2009, when he finished second in the Nathan’s contest to Joey. Can Kobayashi finish his story?

Cari gives us the exact details of what the men are eating tonight – Ballpark hot dogs in Great Value buns, roughly 280 calories. The camera team takes us to Joey Chestnut sitting in his dressing room, locked in and listening to music. This presentation is so WWE. I just can’t… I love it.

It’s time for a video package about Joey Chestnut’s career. Joey says his nine-year-old self would be amazed that he’s a competitive eating champion. We see footage of Joey being mentioned on SNL, appearing on a show with Jeff Foxworthy, and being mentioned by Shaggy while appearing in an episode of Scooby Doo. You know who else has met Scooby Doo? AJ Lee! One day, I’ll review “Scooby-Doo! WrestleMania Mystery” for this site.

Joey says he was scared at his first competition, but it felt like himself. As a young man (six years younger), Kobayashi is what drew him in. He wanted to beat him. Archival footage shows Chestnut coming in second in 2006, then topping him in 2007 with 66 hot dogs. He won three years in a row, becoming the face of competitive eating and dominating for over fifteen years. Joey says he needs to win this.

Back to the broadcast team, who mention that for Joey, it’s not winning as much as not losing here. We go poolside to Rob and Nikki, who are with Matt Stonie. Matt has 3.6 billion views on YouTube (Nikki: “That is a lot of people watching him eat meat.”) He holds the world record for eating the most bacon in five minutes at 182 slices. Fascinating. Nikki asks Matt how he beat Joey in 2015. Matt says he showed up hungry that day. Fair answer. Nikki tells Matt he’s taking on chicken wings today and with not one but three Olympic athletes, including two that just won medals in Paris.

The crowd chants “USA” in a manner that would make Hacksaw Jim Duggan proud as we welcome our Team USA Olympians. We have Ryan Lochte, 12-time medal-winning swimmer. There is Max Irving, recent water polo medalist. And then there’s Ryan Murphy, creator of Glee. Wait, no. This is the other Ryan Murphy, fresh off a competitive swimming medal. Lochte says he’s been training for this since he was a child, while Max says they’re working on a technique. Rob mentions that they consume 6-8K calories while training and that they have to wait fifteen minutes before getting int the pool.

Nikki gives us the rules, which are simple. The side that eats the most wings in three minutes wins. The teams are ready. Rob counts us down and we are OFF. An on-screen tracker counts the wings as the crowd roars, with the teams tied at four wings a piece after only ten seconds. Matt tosses the bones into a bowl and chugs water. We learn from an on-screen factoid that the average American eats 290 chicken wings a year. Lochte is struggling.

Matt tears the meat off the bones and eats it as the fans chant… something. I don’t know. I don’t speak Eating Competition Attendant yet. We hit the two minutes remaining mark and things are getting out of hand, with Matt at 18 and the Olympians at 12. At 1:30, the score jumped to 28-19 in favor of Matt. Nikki is pretty good at running banter here. Max in particular looks like he hates that he ever did this (or maybe he’s had enough). The fans are chanting “Go eat the wings” apparently. Sure. With a minute left, it’s 37-26. The Olympians are not going to win this.

We learn Stonie wanted to be a dietitian in college as Matt jumps to 44-30 with thirty seconds left. Matt continues ripping chicken off the bone with his hands. The Olympians struggle as we count down and… time. Matt 53, Olympians 36. Riggle tells Matt that he looks terrible. Matt, with a mouthful of chicken, says, “ I feel terrible.” AMERICA! Nikki declares Matt the winner with Rob doing the math that each Olympian ate twelve wings each. Rookie numbers. Nikki sends us back to the broadcast team in the arena.

Fans in hot dog costumes cheer. They take us to a video package on Kobayashi, who first emerged on the scene in 2001 and immediately set a record. He didn’t originally see Chestnut as a rival, though the rivalry took a toll on him. We revisit his jaw injury, complete with a historic video of him only being able to open his jaw to a certain width. Joey won that year and the next two. Then, it all changed.

Kobayashi refused to sign an exclusive deal with Major League Eating in 2010 and was banned. He still stormed the stage at the contest, being taken away in handcuffs. Since being banned from Nathan’s contests, Kobayashi has still been dominant in other competitions. However, winning this is his goal. He tells us that, “I truly believe I will win.”

We see Kobayashi in his dressing room as fans, holding hot dogs, chant for him. Cari tells us, “The storyline is this” and then goes into Kobayashi’s need to redeem herself. Is she my favorite non-Cathy Kelley journalist? I think she is now. The fans cheer and it’s time to go back out to Rob and Nikki.

Rob and Nikki introduce us to Leah Shutkever, who holds 34 records and counting. She tells Nikki the hardest was fastest to drink a liter of gravy. That just hurt my soul. Maybe I couldn’t do this. We have Hannah Ortman, an adjudicator of Guinness World Records on hand as Leah sits at a table of watermelon, today’s nemesis. Hannah explains that Leah is trying to break the record for most watermelon eaten in three minutes, with the minimum necessary being 1750 grams. That’s four pounds, for those of us who use that system.

The clock begins and this is just a mess. Leah is cramming and chewing down watermelon (with no rine), finishing one piece – 400 grams – in seventeen seconds. We learn 1750 grams of watermelon is equal to 19.6 hot dogs. The juice is everywhere, which to be fair happens when I eat watermelon at a normal pace. At the one minute mark, she’s eaten about 2.5 pieces of watermelon. On screen graphic: “Leah has the ability to bite and swallow at the same time.” At 1:30, she finished 1600g of watermelon. At the two minute mark, she’s well in control and on her last piece, already at 2000g. The crowd roars. A giant inflatable Netflix hot dog floats by in the pool. With thirty seconds left, 2400g of watermelon – all of it – is gone.

They still have to let the clock run down according to Guinness. Leah is our new queen of watermelon eating. We’re very official here, with Hannah doing the official measuring and Leah saying she feels very hydrated. Rob calls her the British Boa Constrictor because of the way she ate it down as the poolside men whistle like they’re watching a Sable Evening Gown match.

Leah wipes watermelon juice from her chin as Hannah gives us the news, declaring Leah the record holder. Leah wins a hug from Nikki and an official Guinness plaque. Nikki plugs Leah’s upcoming book as we throw it back to the broadcast team.

Cari mentions how sometimes it’s hard to reconcile how the competitive eaters look versus what they do, such as Leah being fit. This leads us into a video package on how Chestnut and Kobayashi physically prepare for an event such as this. Kobayashi works out in a gym and is pretty stacked, really. He’s got muscles and muscles. Joey shares his practicing techniques, lifting his head to swallow air on the weight bench. Kobayashi drinks three gallons of water before a competition to train his stomach.

Joey tells us he does a move called the Beanie Baby, where he can push down on his stomach to make room for more food. Okay. Kobayashi does inhalation practice with water bottles. “The tongue has to move quickly,” says Kobayashi. Chestnut lifts two gallons of water with his jaw and I hate it.

Our broadcast team welcomes Tim Janus, who has competed against both men, to the table to tell us more about training. Tim tells us Kobayashi has been training for this for six months. Meanwhile, Joey has been doing a practice a week as well as exercises. We have a mere 9:48 left on the countdown timer as Tim gives the competitive edge to Joey but the creative edge to Kobayashi. Tim notes that Kobayashi has to win by more than a few to really set a legacy here as Cari discusses the eras of competitive eaters. And you thought the wrestling eras were something!

Rob Riggle is back on stage. The winner gets $100,000, sure. That’s not all though. They get a one-of-a-kind trophy designed by – get ready – WWE. We see a beautiful gold hot dog trophy. Rob plugs WWE coming to Netflix in January. He welcomes the security for tonight’s gold, WWE Hall of Famer Rey Mysterio and WWE Superstar Omos. A man in a hot dog costume cheers as Rey, with a golden WWE Championship over his shoulder.

Rey says that to win the belt, you have to do something special. Rey is wearing a “Team Joey” shirt, pointed out by Rob and getting a chant going. Rey gives Kobayashi credit, but Chestnut has been dominating for a decade. We turn to big Omos, who immediately gets to show more charisma than he’s gotten to show in his entire WWE run. Wearing a “Team Kobi” shirt, Omos calls Kobi the tsunami of competitive eating and himself the tsunami of WWE. I need them to give Omos a microphone on Raw right now. RIght now.

With three minutes left on the cart, we go to another WWE Hall of Famer as Nikki is at the official hot dog cart. They’re doing last minute prep on over 300 hot dogs as we head back to Chris, Cari and Tim. It’s time to learn the rules of this matchup thanks to some helpful on-screen graphics. Here’s what’s up.

It’s a ten minute contest. The most dogs eaten wins. There is no separating of the dog and bun and no dunking or pouring water on the dogs. There are fouls for breaking the rules as well as regurgitation, with the competitors getting thirty seconds when the time runs out to swallow what is in their mouths. Spilled food are weighed and deducted with a three minute overtime if necessary. A team of officials will be watching, the first strike is a warning, the second deducts one hot dog from your total and the third time takes away a second hot dog.

Cari asks Chris if he ever thought in his storied career that he’d be able to call such an event. Tim notes that Kobayashi lost before when they could dunk their dogs and now they can’t even do that. Tim thinks we’re setting two records today – the most eaten in the first minute and the most in ten minutes.

Rob Riggle has a microphone and does his best ring announcer impression, which isn’t quite on the Samantha / Alicia / Mike level but it’s a good effort. Only one man can be crowned the Netflix Unfinished Beef Hot Dog Champion! Joey Chestnut’s Titantron plays as he enters to The Who’s “Baba O’Riley” and a loud ovation. Kobayashi comes out to “Oke” by Maddy Soma. Joey’s wearing a jersey, Kobi has a tank top and has cut his hair short.

Kobayashi has told the broadcasters that this is his final competition. Rob Riggle has joined the broadcast team. The event team fill the sea of water cups for each competitor. Chris picks Chestnut, Cari goes with Kobi, Tim picks Joey and Riggle goes with Chestnut. Nikki’s in the crowd and chooses Kobi as well.

The athletes step up to their stations. The referee explains to the men in both English and Japanese that it’s time to prepare. The men have thirty seconds to get things set up how they want it as they shuffle their water cups around into the perfect position, with TIm explaining that they want to be able to pick up the first cup without knocking over the others. Joey keeps a mouthful of water to moisten the first.

Andrew Floyd, the referee, explains the rules and asks the competitors if they are ready as the camera shows a woman in the crowd cheering with a sign that says “Gobble That Glizzy.” Ready, set and GO.

The timer begins and the men eat. Twenty seconds in, we’re already at 5-4 Chestnut. The men are just shoving hot dogs in their mouth and then drinking water, Kobayashi especially soaked all down his front. As we end the first minute, Chestnut and Kobayashi have both set their personal minute records, Chestnut at 14 dogs and Kobi at 11.

They’re shoveling in the dogs. Water is splashing everywhere. The crowd roars. Rob Riggle is excited. At 8:30, it’s Chestnut 20, Kobayashi 17. I can’t even imagine eating 17 hot dogs in one try, but I’m also thinking about how they are clearly not enjoying the taste here. There are only so many ways to describe men shoving wieners in their mouth, and I’m running out with eight minutes to go. At 8:00, it’s Chestnut at 25 and Kobi at 22. A woman in the audience has her hands to her face in the prayer position. Me too, lady.

Chestnut passes his best two minute mark as we dive into the third minute. Kobayashi is down by a few. Neither man appears to be slowing down. It turns out the woman in the audience is Maggie, Kobi’s wife who Nikki is with in the crowd. At 7:00, it’s Joey 36 and Kobayashi 32.

Kobayashi’s entire shirt is soaked in water as he continues downing dog after dog, trying to catch Chestnut’s fury. Chestnut’s lead begins to grow but he also looks like a man who has eaten 41 hot dogs at the 6:17 mark, which is not the look of health. Joey has set his fastest four-minute pace as the clock hits 6:00, consuming his 43rd dog while Kobayashi trails at 38.

The men have eaten a combined 20,000 calories combined as we roll on, TIm looking amazed and Cari looking like she doesn’t know what she’s watching. At 5:30, it’s 47-41 Chestnut as the broadcasters mention the difference between hot dogs and chicken wings, notably the amount of bread for hot dogs. “It’s slam and jam up there,” says Rob. It’s 51-44 at the official halfway mark.

Still shoveling dogs. Joey is five dogs ahead of the World Record pace at the 4:30 mark. Both competitors are working with their eyes closed as Tim explains it helps block out distractions. Chestnut has a nine dog lead as we hit 4:00, 59-50. These two men have eaten 109 hot dogs in six minutes.

Joey looks like he’s about to die as he keeps shoving hot dogs in. Nikki is with Joey’s family and friends, including his father. The announcers discuss the competitors’ looks of disgust. 3:00 on the clock, 66-55 Joey. The comeback is not looking likely.

We’re discussing the meat being soft and Rob’s shopping habits. Joey is six dogs ahead of his record pace, climbing past 70. Kobayashi looks done. 2:00, 72-60. No penalties or warnings in this contest.

We plug the NFL on Netflix on Christmas as we get down to 1:30, with Joey at 75. He hits 76, equaling his record. As we cross the final minute mark, he’s at 77 with Kobi behind at 63. How far can Joey go, wonder the announcers.

Kobi hits 75 at the 0:39 mark, passing his personal record as Joey just looks like he doesn’t ever want to eat anything ever again. I don’t think I ever want to eat again after watching his face during this. Fifteen seconds to go and Joey’s got this. The crowd counts down the final ten seconds. Chestnut 83, Kobayashi 67 as we give the men thirty seconds to swallow what’s in their mouth. No dogs get added to the totals after that thirty seconds. Kobayashi gets a warning for whatever reason, not that it really matters at this point.

Officials check the bottom of the mens’ shoes to make sure they didn’t step on hot dogs to conceal them. This is serious. Rob and Nikki join the men on stage as they do final checks to make sure they don’t need to deduct hot dog numbers and Kobayashi’s wife cries in the crowd. We’re measuring the scraps to make sure they don’t equal an entire hot dog. Both men look exhausted. Kobayashi has been deducted one dog after the weigh-in.

Rob announces Joey Chestnut, with 83 hot dogs, as the winner and Netflix Unfinished Beef Champion and new World Record holder. Nikki awards him the WWE-created hot dog trophy. Rey Mysterio comes back to present Joey with the WWE championship belt, celebrating with him. Joey talks about the meat sweats and says he couldn’t do this without Kobayashi driving him. Kobi tells Nikki through his translator that he did everything he could.

As time winds down, Rob asks for any final thoughts. Joey says he was worried about the rules but learned to eat them without dunking. Nikki surveys the crowd for one last round of applause and friends, we are out.

Well, that was certainly some interesting viewing. I’m not going to lie, I enjoyed it. It was very WWE, which is not a bad thing in 2024. It was paced well, the video packages were interesting, I learned things I didn’t know before this (literally everything), and the crowd was hot. Now I’m not saying I’m seeking out hot dog competitions in the future, but if they are presented like this, I might not tune out. It was also cool to see Rey and Omos, especially Omos getting to show some personality. And you know who wouldn’t appear on such a great special? Dominik Mysterio. Rey was always the good Mysterio. I apologize for all the things I said about you while under the influence of Rhea Ripley.