Minus-Star Match Reviews: Christy Hemme vs. Big Fat Oily Guy – TNA Against All Odds 2007

As of this writing TNA/IMPACT Wrestling has been in business for over 22 years. That’s a long time for any wrestling promotion, especially one that once tried to compete with WWE head-to-head (and failed miserably). But why did TNA fail and fall back into obscurity? Why did a company that once boasted a roster including Kurt Angle, Sting, Hulk Hogan, Eric Bischoff, AJ Styles, Samoa Joe, and a slew of other wrestling experts, fail to not only compete but maintain any sort of upward growth?

There are many reasons for this but most of them have one common thread: Vince Russo.

In his apparent quest to become the more controversial and despised of the two famous wrestling Vinces, Russo took his particular brand of creativity to TNA. Though he wasn’t the head of creative during his time his fingerprints could be found on many of TNA’s less savory angles and storylines. Even if he didn’t have full creative control over them, fans learned to recognize certain patterns and ideas and attribute them to him.

Such was the case here as TNA put together something so nonsensical and disinteresting that even Vince McMahon with his particular brand of “humor” would’ve probably thrown it out before it ever saw the light of day.

The Story

Hemme wanted to be taken seriously as a competitor but Kip James kept cutting her off and demeaning her at every turn. And yet because she screamed and shrieked her demands this somehow made her the heel in this angle. Russo, everybody. So Jim Cornette, the on-screen authority figure, felt that she was giving him and others in TNA a headache and decided to give her a match at Against All Odds. But she her opponent would remain a mystery until the show itself.

The Match

This took place on February 11, 2007. It was rated MINUS THREE STARS by the Wrestling Observer’s Dave Meltzer.

This is a Tuxedo match, with the goal being to disrobe your opponent completely. Hemme comes out first in a loose-fitting tux. Then out comes her opponent: “From Stanford, CT, the Big Fat Oily Guy”. Subtlety was never TNA’s forte.

Hemme slaps BFOG, jumps on his back, and manages to remove his coat. She kicks him into a corner as we see the classic TNA dichotomy on display: a “We Are Wrestling” sign and a “Fuck You/Fire Russo” chant among some of the fans. Hemme misses a corner splash which allows BFOG to remove her coat. Hemme clotheslines BFOG and removes his shirt which leads to a torrent of boos because, after all, who wants to see a fat guy’s shirt removed? She tries a corner press but BFOG drops her so she tries again. She tries a monkey flip but BFOG blocks and manages to remove her pants. Undeterred Hemme fights on but BFOG lands the worst front slam I’ve ever seen. BFOG misses a running splash and Hemme tries a sunset flip, only for BFOG to drop to his knees in an…interesting…position. BFOG gloats for a minute so Hemme lands a low blow that the referee doesn’t see. This allows her to pull off his pants (and, sadly, reveal a thong) which leads to the bell being rung.

Winner after 2:29: Christy Hemme

Post-match, Kip James comes back out and mocks Hemme some more. He teases doing a striptease of his own but fakes her out and pulls off her shirt. Hemme no-sells being in her bra and panties and leaves the ring while James…celebrates?

Review

As Sterling Archer once said, yes, the mind can indeed vomit.

This was utter trash, the kind that makes the worst of Vince McMahon’s toilet humor look like Shakespeare in the Park by comparison. For the audience it was a lose-lose situation: Hemme was presented as a heel in this angle but they cheered when she was disrobed since she was the only one in this match worth looking at. But her story made her into the underdog that you wanted to root for. And yet the only way for her to win was for her to disrobe the BFOG, which is something no one wanted. So really the only outcome that was viable in any way was for Hemme to lose, which would make people…happy, I guess?

Ultimately this whole thing served no purpose whatsoever, especially since the supposed target market for this match – dudes who want to see ladies in their underwear – already got that earlier in the show when the opener between Team 3D and LAX featured scantily-clad women in cages. My guess is that this particular story and angle – it doesn’t qualify to be called a match – was meant to satisfy a very niche audience, that being those that get off on humiliating and degrading others with some of the most tired clichés imaginable. You can’t even argue that this match catered to horny teenage boys since, newsflash, internet porn was already a thing at this point in time and there was much better out there than this.

Final Rating: -*****

This wasn’t good, funny, or enjoyable in any way. It was short in length but even for that narrow window of time it felt like time stood still as TNA put on a dreadful piece of nonsense that masqueraded as entertainment. This didn’t make the audience want to see more of anyone involved in this storyline; even though James was presented as the good guy for standing up to “the shrill chick who won’t stop bitching” he didn’t do all that much to make himself come across as all that likeable.

Pro-wrestling discourse is full of conspiracy theories and one of the most enduring of these is the idea that Vince Russo was sent to WCW in order to sabotage it and undercut its success. Well considering how TNA’s downward turn coincided with Russo’s return as a creative writer in late 2006, maybe that conspiracy theory should be tweaked to replace the letters “WCW” with “TNA”.

Thanks for reading.