Minus-Star Match Reviews: Team 3D vs. LAX – Electrified Steel Cage Match – TNA Lockdown 2007

We already covered one of the infamous TNA matches this show birthed and now it’s time to revisit the other. But whereas the first one was an unmitigated trainwreck that nearly ruined the careers of the two men involved, this one is remembered in a funnier light…despite being just as bad a concept if not worse.

The Story

Team 3D were looking to add more gold to their collection by chasing the NWA World Tag Titles which, at the time, were held by LAX. 3D’s prior two attempts at the titles failed due to outside shenanigans. First at Final Resolution, Brother Runt (a.k.a. Spike Dudley) got drunk, dressed up as Santa Claus, and messed up the finish. Two months later at Destination X, Alex Shelley interfered in the No-DQ Ghetto Brawl which allowed LAX to retain once again. Determined to finally get their win, Team 3D and LAX were booked to face off one last time in a cage match at Lockdown.

But since Lockdown was one of those ridiculous gimmick PPVs in which all matches were cage matches, there was a need to make this one special. And ultimately the company decided that the best way to keep other people out and both teams in was to electrify the cage. Because clearly no-one remembered the Chamber of Horrors match from WCW Halloween Havoc 1991 and how the idea of electrocution fails every time it’s attempted.

So while there was a good storyline leading into this match, the stipulation put a damper on it as well. Had this been a normal cage match then at least there would be something to look forward to given the feud between these two teams. But since TNA had to get all “creative” then this turned into one of those “let’s watch to see how badly they mess this up” situations, which effectively took away from the actual story and the match it spawned.

The Match

This took place on April 15, 2007.

This is for LAX’s NWA World Tag Team Championships. Once intros are done Jeremy Borash demands that they “electrify the steel cage”, which leads to the hilarious visual of a metal pipe being connected to the cage and some lights flickering along with some sci-fi humming noises playing through the arena loudspeakers. The bell rings and we start with some brawling and a corner sandwich spot by Team 3D. Hernandez takes a big corner bump and then Ray lands a huge German suplex on Homicide. 3D land a double suplex onto the cage door and…nothing happens. Don West tries to cover by implying that the door is the only part of the cage not electrified, which makes me question what kind of nonsense they teach in Chicago schools.

3D land a Manhattan drop/big boot combo on Homicide and then we get some more slow brawling. Ray counters a DDT with a scoop slam and 3D got for the WASSUP diving head-butt nut-shot spot. Hernandez cuts Devon off and slams him to the mat, instead of, you know, pushing him three inches backwards which would’ve “electrified” him. Homicide almost gets Ray’s hand on the cage but Ray bites back. Oh, and apparently Hernandez has a chain in his hands, because why not.

Ray gets a sudden counter and gets Homicide to touch the cage with his hand, which Homicide sells like he’s suffered a minor burn. Pretty sure that’s not what 10,000 volts of electricity would do to you. The action slows back to a crawl but at least the crowd’s simply ambivalent but hasn’t demanded for Russo’s head…at least not yet. Devon gets busted open as Homicide lands a weak enzuigiri to Ray. LAX follow with an atomic drop/diving knee combo and a double back body drop on Ray. Devon resists getting pushed into the door so LAX hit him with a kick/wheelbarrow facebuster combo. LAX climb opposite corners for another double-team and Hernandez touches the cage top but nothing happens and then 3D crotch both of them. Then 3D hit nearly-simultaneous superplexes and we get a brief pause in the action.

Devon hits a jumping clothesline as Ray DDTs Hernandez. Devon follows with a falling head-butt and a swinging powerslam for a two-count as Konnan is brought to ringside in a wheelchair. Homicide hits…something, we don’t see what…on Ray for a two-count of his own as the guy who brought Konnan down to ringside attacks one of the ringside refs and steals his gloves. This person gives the gloves to Konnan when suddenly Hector Guerrero leaves the Spanish broadcast table to attack. The crowd does not give a SHIT about any of this. Hector opens the cage door and teases giving Ray a chair but Ray has a better idea: “HECTOR, FORGET IT, GIMME THE FUCKING TABLE!” Hector happily obliges and the crowd finally pops for something. Hernandez stops Team 3D for a moment and cusses out Hector, only for Hector to smash the cage door in his head. 3D follow with an inverted 3D finisher but it only gets a two-count.

Homicide gets a second wind with a dropkick to Ray’s knee and an armtrap swinging neckbreaker to Devon for a near-fall. He charges again but Ray catches him with a Bubba Bomb for a near-fall of his own. Hernandez hits a Samoan drop for another near-fall and hits a slam/elbow drop combo with Homicide for yet another one. Homicide accidentally dropkicks Hernandez and Ray lands a delayed falling powerbomb that also gets two. Clothesline by Hernandez. Two-count. Then Hernandez gets Devon up for his Border Toss crucifix powerbomb…and launches him into the cage wall. The lights flicker, an electronic buzzing sound is heard, and Devon flops around like a fish. There’s your electrification everyone. The crowd turns on this match HARD. Ray hits a second-rope elbow drop and THERE’s the “Fire Russo” chant.

Homicide fights Ray and goes for a springboard crossbody but Ray counters into a fallaway slam which Homicide no-sells. Homicide tries another surprise attack out of a corner but Ray catches him and 3D hit a Doomsday Device. So much for the after-effects of alleged electrocution. One, two, Homicide kicks out.

Hernandez hits spinebusters on both of 3D and sets Devon on the table. Then he grabs the magic gloves to grant +75% TO LIGHTNING RESISTANCE to go with his magic boots. IT’S TNA: THE RPG! There’s some minor light flickers to suggest that the electric current is flowing but Hernandez no-sells, stands up on top of the cage, flies through the air…and hits the table and nothing else. Looks like those gloves halved his intelligence as well.

Homicide hits a diving hurricanrana on Ray and gets into a criss-cross with Devon until Devon launches him into the cage wall. Another electrocution spot. Homicide flops down and 3D go for their usual 3D finisher but it’s botched so they bounce him off the ropes and land a successful second one for the pin and the win.

Winners and NEW NWA world Tag Team Champions after 15:38: Team 3D (Brother Devon & Brother Ray)

Review

Hahahahahahahahahahaha…inhales…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

OK, now that we have that out of our systems, it’s safe to say that this ended up being nothing more than unintentional comedy. I can’t really call this a bad match per se since none of the wrestlers involved did anything truly horrible. All four guys worked as well as they possibly could with the dreadful material they were given. Devon bladed like Ric Flair but that was lost in all the other wackiness. Hernandez took a crazy dive off the top rope and miraculously didn’t suffer a serious injury. Both Homicide and Ray worked well enough and seemed to have some solid moments of decent action. And for about the first ten minutes the match was more underwhelming than outright terrible. It had slow points and some questionable creativity but at least everyone involved was teasing something big here and there. So for a while it was at least a normal if not disappointing match between four guys that had OK chemistry between them.

Then the ultimate payoff finally came: the electrocution, which was displayed in the form of the lamest, laziest grade 2-level “special effect” one could think of. It was akin to a toddler turning a light switch on and off to simulate lightning. It was the moment the match took an incredibly dour turn, and the moment the term “Russo-riffic” started gaining traction among pockets of the internet fandom. Everything went downhill from there. Any attempts at keeping this as a compelling and competitive match were overshadowed by the ridiculous execution of a bad idea. The fact that the loudest reaction for this match was for someone who wasn’t even on-screen at the time (and, depending on whom you ask, may or may not have actually been the one behind this gimmick) tells you all you need to know about what audiences thought of this.

Final Rating: *

This is not something you can watch sober. It’s firmly in “so bad it’s (somewhat) good” territory but you still need something potent to actually sit through all fifteen minutes of this and be mildly entertained. But let’s not kid ourselves: unless you’re watching this with the Botchamania effects added in or just want to see what kind of claptrap came out of TNA’s creative braintrust then there’s nothing to see here. The only reason to watch this is to see just how overbooked and nonsensical the concept was, both on paper and in practice. If there was ever something that defined the expression ‘LOLTNA’, it’s this.

Thanks for reading.