Pro Wrestling NOAH: Wrestle Magic May 4th 2024 Part 2

So I’m back to finish this big show and I will be very excited to explore this ancient history with you as I am wont to do. And previously on NOAH if you missed it, here’s the first part review here.

Kazushi Sakuraba & Ulka Sasaki vs. Hikaru Sato & Shuhei Taniguchi – GHC Martial Arts Rules

Background: So Sakuraba is a very respected MMA legend who is a very respected pro wrestling goofball and him teaming with Ulka is great cause Ulka does a LOT of Sakuraba mannerisms and moves and is sold as a guy who can tap you out at ANY time. Saku is an old pale man with MMA shorts and bleached hair and Ulka has cornrows for some unknowable reason but he’s busting out the MMA tights too. Their opponents are forever veteran good-hand Hikaru Sato who does have MMA cred and is a pale guy with a bad haircut and a bad built with blue tights and Shuhei is an ex-amateur guy with a lumbering build and just the look of a guy who wants to play with the rabbits George. GHC Martial Rules have no pinfalls but you win vis KO or count down with 10.

The Match: Ulka and Hikaru start with probing strikes. Commentary putting over Ulka being a southpaw while Sato is orthodox as they dance around. Sato flubs the single-leg and Ulka almost gets a kneebar before they both stand up, go into the ropes and in comes Saku and Shuhei. Taniguchi easily wins the power battle and Sakuraba goes on his back into guard and almost gets a clutch armbar while commentary puts all these guys over like crazy. Back up and Saku takes Shu into the ropes to set up a break while commentary talks about Sakuraba like he’s George Washington, Bruce Lee, and also the pope. Flash kneebar from Sakuraba on Shuhei as the big guy gets nervy but just does a headlock takeover but Saku worms out and almost gets the knee and we all scramble and it’s Ulka and Shuhei now. The MMA prodigy gets some strikes but the bigger vet just takes him down and punts Ulka to milk the count. Ulka stands up and gets a sick knee out of a takedown attempt and almost gets the ten count but Shu stumbles over and in comes Hikaru. Sato gets a judo throw but Ulka squeezes into the killer armbar and almost gets the tap and both guys roll around trading holds before resetting. After a bit we get Sakuraba back in against Sato and Saku looks good before Tani goes into the ring and clobbers the Gracie Hunter. We get more abuse and Shuhei gets warned with a yellow card of all things. Tani gets rolled into the corner and Ulka tags in to do some strike combos on him before Tani just tosses him down and gets the punt. Shuhei continues to bellow and blow smoke but Ulka gets a flash knee on a single-leg attempt and that’s a KO.

**¼

It was interesting but Shuhei, despite his amateur cred was a weird fit for the match and there’s always a limit on how interesting Sato can be, they are putting Ulka over strong and I like that they’re selling him as this outta nowhere killer at least.

Giulia, Mai Sakurai, MIRAI & Utami Hayashishita vs. Great Sakuya, Miyuki Takase, Nagisa Nozaki & Takumi Iroha

Background: So this is the official first Marigold match if I get my timetable right. We have team Marigold with Giulia, Mai, MIRAI, and Utami as the Stardom refugees who are all teaming together against the outsiders. MIRAI has her blue and white dragon outfit, Utami is in black, gold, and Red, Mai has her glittery rich girl outfit, and Giulia has her white and green getup with her big red feathery coat and I realize that since we have gone back in time, this is all their Stardom gear basically. Sakuya comes out with a full bodysuit and facepaint as she is the Great Mutoh’s granddaughter afterall, Miyuki has the red and gold lace deal, Nagisa has her 90s raver animal print deal, and Takumi in the flying Elvis getup.

The Match: Giulia starts by firing up the crowd with a promo and then everybody gets into the ring as commentary puts over the accolades of all these wrestlers. We get a big brawl to start and then it isolates onto a smaller brawl of Giulia and Nagisa (AKA Dollarama Giulia). Standstill and in comes Miyuki to face Utami and the Red Queen throws around the Phoenix of Osaka with power but Takase gets a dropkick and they standstill. Sakuya and MIRAI in next and Sakuya does her freaky stuff and MIRAI does her crisp brawler stuff. MIRAI with a hard shoulderblock but Sakuya does some flips to evade more offense and then both flip each other off, I mean they both flip off to show up each other and then we get Takumi and Mai and oh boy Sakurai is outmatched here. Sakurai does some posing and pays for it hard but Mai comes back with a stunner but she slaps Iroha and gets demolished for that before slipping in an abdominal stretch and we get the camera pose as all of Team Marigold puts their opponents in a submission hold at once. Paradise Lock on Takumi as Team Marigold quadruple dropkick her. Iroha takes down each of them in turn with strikes though and we get Takase against Mai and it does not go well for Sakurai and she’s Her Ladyship in peril as the outsiders all kick the bejesus out of the poor lady. Mai finally gets a kick on Sakuya and tags in MIRAI who takes down the opposing squad with a flurry of slick offense but Sakuya fakes out MIRAI with the mist and gets some strikes and dancing and that brings in Takase to ramp up the speed until MIRAI gets a slam outta nowhere to bring in Utami with more power and a gorgeous lifting side slam. Takase fires back with a lariat and brings in Takumi to attempt a swanton on Utami but the Red Queen rolls away. Iroha with a slick double as she gets the reverse rolling prawn clutch on Utami as she Germans an interfering Giulia, but Utami then gets her own massive German and I really would love to see these two work 1v1. Takumi gets the kick flurry but Utami counters the buzzsaw with a powerbomb. Both tag out and we get Nagisa and Giulia doing the mirror match that Giulia wins, but when the Italian goes up Sakuya cuts her off and we get Giulia getting superplexed and Takase flying in with a leg drop! Running 3 from Iroha! Lionsault from Sakuya! Running kick from Nagisa, but it gets broken up by Utami. Marigold then runs in and Nagisa eats the double-arm superplex from Giulia! A sandwich lariat from Mai and MIRAI! Air Raid Crash from Utami! And a Falcon Arrow from Giulia…and it gets broken up. Running kick from Nagisa and the short-arm boot sets up Nagisa’s running low kick and Utami breaks it up. I think you can wrap this one up soon. It all breaks down as everybody trades moves on everybody else and we reset to Sakuya and Nagisa on Giulia but the fiery Italian fires back and throws Nagisa in the path of Sakuya’s mist and gets the Northern Lights Bomb for 3.

**½

This was…a lot. But this was a showcase for the women and it did that admirably with some interesting setup for future matches down the line. It was hard worked and mostly good but with a match like this you can only be so good.

Hajime Ohara & Naomichi Marufuji vs. Jake Lee & Tajiri

Background: Okay I’ll be honest i have no real idea why this match is happening but I think that Tajiri and Jake have history in All Japan. Also Tajiri is looking OLD with his hair totally gray. Beyond that Marufuji and Ohara don’t have much history I can’t say. Well, let’s get to it.

The Match: Tajiri and Marufuji start and posture and Tajiri powders. And then Marufuji powders, then they dodge each others strikes and in comes Ohara. Lockup and we get Hajime taking Tajiri down and busting out the whacky submissions but Tajiri makes the corner and Jake comes in to take Ohara to the ropes and give the clean break. Tajiri back in and he slaps Ohara and I’m not skipping moves, this match is this…deliberate. Maru in and he slaps Taijiri. Maru in with the kick flurry but Tajiri dodges in and gets his own kick and in comes Jake with a knee and the backdrop driver. They mess up a chokeslam reversal and slug it out. Naomichi gets his strike flurry and Jake shuts him down with GIant Killing and they both tag out. Tajiri gets control but takes too long setting up the Face Break Shot as he can’t get the hand gesture right and Ohara comes back with a backbreaker and then the arm-catch crab. Tajiri gets some shenanigans with the ref, gets the mist on Ohara and the buzzsaw kick but it only gets 2…and the second gets the pin.

**½

Just sort of a match but fun and short and they played the hits.

Daga (c) vs. Alejandro – GHC Junior Heavyweight Championship

Background: Daga is our sleazy champion, a dirty cheating jerk who will break your back and kick you in the testicles, he’s Mexican. Alejandro is Japanese, but is masked and does a lot of lucha stuff. He’s very small and very flippy and he pinned Daga on Monday Magic to set this up. Daga is in white and comes out with a ski mask while Alejandro is in blue and gold.

The Match: Alejandro goes fast and tosses Daga around with lucha stuff and they do the standoff and Daga looks shook a bit. They continue to go fast but Daga has enough and just kicks Alej in the gut and drops an elbow but Alejandro gets the double-rotation headscissors and takes it outside. Alejandro gets a great somersault plancha that Daga almost bases too well for as he catches the smaller wrestler easily on it before falling back. More quick work from Alejandro as Daga is on his back foot. Daga finally gets going with a scoop powerslam onto the ring apron and goes in to work the back, but gets greedy and rips at the mask which the ref stops and gives Alejandro the space to run the ropes and get a slingshot splash onto the Mexican. Daga gets the Gory Special but Alejandro keeps up the pace with a flying headscissors and then a tilt-a-whirl small package. More evasions from both of them but Daga gets a step-up enzuigiri and the back suplex backbreaker to set up a half-crab. Alej makes the ropes but Daga loads up the Diablo Wings and the Japanese wrestler slips out, a few flash pin attempts from the smaller wrestler almost catch the champ and the tiny man gets a Destroyer and a Code Red to almost get the belt. Alejandro goes up and hits a corkscrew moonsault for 2.99! Daga spits in Alejandro’s eye though and gets a twisting lariat into an inverted facelock backbreaker combo, Alejandro slaps Daga defiantly and we get an Argentine backbreaker into a double-knee backbreaker and then Diablo Wings for 3.

***

Daga is great fun as a cheating scumbag who can also break your spine, and Alejandro actually looked really good with a guy as skilled as Daga basing for him throughout the match. Alejandro is still only so good though, but he played the overmatched but quick underdog fine here.

Post-match some mysterious masked figure comes out to help Alejandro to the back.

GLG (Anthony Greene & Jack Morris) (c) vs. TenKoji (Hiroyoshi Tenzan & Satoshi Kojima) – GHC Tag Team Championships

Background: So GLG have run around asking for competition from outside of NOAH to wrestle, and the payoff seems to be that TenKoji are coming in. Greene is an American wrestler that cosplays Shawn Michaels and Jack Morris is a jacked up Scot. TenKoji/Cozy/Whatever are a legendary if pretty threadbare tag-team.

The Match: Greene just immediately bounces off of Tenzan as he’s clearly jacked to be wrestling these guys and the American continues to pinball around for Hiroyoshi. Satoshi in and Greene continues to just bounce for these guys as the vets go through the hits. Jack comes in eventually to face off Kojima and they both try to amp up the crowd. Lockup and they do the stuff and Morris wins the shoulderblock but gets ‘armdragged’ and he spills outside as Kojima bounces his pecs. This is sad. Jack gets a high elbow though and GLG work over Kojima who just kinda lays there. Jack lets everybody he hates Kojima know he hates bread and hasn’t had carbs in 10 years. Kojima gets a ‘clothesline’ though and gets a frozen tag from Tenzan who takes out everybody with chops. This remains sad. Tenzan gets the Vice on Greene but Morris breaks it up. Kojima gets the chops in the corner on Morris though and loads up the diving elbow. DDT by Kojima and everything he does has zero pop to it. GLG do a double-team with Greene’s crossbody on Kojima setting up Morris’s frog splash but that only gets 2 as Tenzan breaks it up. TenKoji get the 3-D and a brainbuster as they’re somehow dominating. Jack loads up the tiger driver but Kojima gets the cutter to block it and he loads up the lariat but Jack’s Good Looking Knee blocks it and the tiger driver…doesn’t finish. The shooting star does though.

*

TenKoji are beyond washed and GLG are only so good. At least Greene was pinballing like mad for them but that was dreadful.

El Hijo del Dr. Wagner Jr. (c) vs. Kaito Kiyomiya – GHC Heavyweight Championship

Background: Hijo is out noble Mexican champion, having held the national title for a while and recently winning the top belt from Kenoh after a very over midcard run over the last couple years. Kaito is the guy who probably should be the ace of NOAH but they keep getting cold-feet, but after a year farting around in other promotions as the NOAH guy he’s gotten a lot of good will. This is face versus face. Kaito is in silver and white with blonde hair. EHDDWJ is in an awesome outfit, with a golden mask and a big feathery robe as commentary puts him over as the Aztec Warrior.

The Match: Hard lockup to start, then a lucha sequence as both guys trade some high-flying stuff and fast pin attempts but Hijo eventually slows it down with a headlock but Kaito comes back with the big elbow drop and starts to work over the Mexican’s knee. Hijo gets back on his feet and starts some strikes to get a bit of heat in the match and then a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker onto the bad knee. Hijo with more of his wacky stuff with the fakeout strikes into the eye poke in the corner and then some big monkey flips and the issues of EHDDWJ as a top-guy are shining through clearly. They fight on the apron as the Mexican’s knee is fine now. Hijo tries to monkey flip Kaito from the apron but the Japanese dude backdrops Hijo over the turnbuckle in a spot that sounds better than it looked. Both guys milk the count a bit and Kaito rolls Wagner back in…who was playing possum and gets a monster tope which crunches Kaito against the ring apron. Okay that was nice. Wagner with the Japanese reverse clutch pin (I need to learn that name) for 2 and Wagner remembers to check on his knee after all of that. Kaito’s pale chest is showing the marks from the Mexican’s chops well in a nice visual as the Supernova is flopping around marvelously here. And it’s time for our native star to make a comeback as Kaito gets a jumping lariat and some forearms and then a dropkick that knocks Hijo out of the ring in a way nastier bump than it sounds, and Kaito follows it up with a somersault plancha over the turnbuckle that commentary calls the Ultra Tiger Drop. Back in and Kaito gets a missile dropkick and the boy is FIRED UP! But Wagner fires up with the mask no-sell and gets a backdrop suplex! EHDDWJ loads up the electric chair powerbomb but Kaito slips out and gets the dragon screw and oh yeah the Mexican’s knee is hurt. More of Kaito on the knee and he goes up again and he missile dropkicks the knee and gets the figure-four. Wagner looks like a guy suffering moderate indigestion as Kaito screams with intensity. Ropebreak by Hijo and he stretches the leg a bit. And apparently he’s fine as Wagner superkicks Kaito and then gets the Electric Chair Bomb for 2 and then a Splash Mountain. And now Wagner is selling the leg. Hijo loads up a super Splash Mountain but Kaito counters with a loose frankensteiner in a mostly cool spot. Kaito gets a Tiger Suplex for 2, and when Kiyomiya goes for a second Wagner gets a cazadora, a dragon screw, and then a shining wizard to set up the Michinoku Driver…for 2. EHDDWJ loads up the moonsault but misses and he’s selling both knees now. Kaito gets the standing Shining Wizard to the back of the head, to a standing Wagner, and then to a kneeling Wagner…for 2. Okay now. Kaito fires up again but runs into a monster lariat from Wagner who loads up a powerbomb lift into a fireman’s carry driver but that’s only 2.999. The crowd is banana for all of this and Wagner sets up the Best Moonsault Ever and Kaito pops up and powerbombs the Mexican. Wagner blocks the Shining Wizard though and gets some weak slaps but Kaito gets the dropkick, and then the springboard reverse Shining Wizard out of the corner. Shining Wizard to the back of the head, and then the Bicycle Shining Wizard and that’s 3.

***½

I…vacillated pretty wildly about this as both guys worked really hard to make this work but Wagner just isn’t really believable as a top heavyweight and Kaito really needs a vicious jerk heel to hit that peak level as he’s a better underdog than overdog. Still, a lot of energy, they worked hard, had some good stuff, but I don’t know about Kaito absolutely destroying the Shining Wizard as a real finishing move. Plus EHDDWJ’s selling of the leg was…uh…bad. I dunno, it reminds me a lot of the Kento/Anzai match that I reviewed recently. A good match that wasn’t great and I think some of it was the structure of two babyfaces babyfacing at each other and also the limitations of one of the performers. This sounds harsh cause I did like this match but I just liked it. But I think a lot of people would like it more than me.

Post-match Mutoh belts Kaito and they do the Mutoh pose together. Well that’s cute. Kaito then promises to take NOAH back to the top and he’s gonna do it for you people, with his WRESTLE MAGIC probably. Kaito is not a great promo but he’s really cute so we can forgive him.

Pretty decent show if not a spectacular one but I’m glad the crowd was hyped for it and putting the belt on Kaito is the right call despite it all.