Peacockery Pick: Total Divas Season One, Episode Four – “The Fat Twin”

Welcome to the fourth episode of Total Divas. It’s my birthday today! What a gift. The gift of Eva Marie doing things.

Episode four, titled “The Fat Twin,” originally aired August 18, 2013 on E! You can watch along on Peacock, WWE Network or Hulu.

We are in an undisclosed city and Nikki and Natalya are out shopping. Nikki notices a lingerie store and Natalya offers to help her find something sexy for John. Nikki asks why she doesn’t get something sexy for TJ. After explaining who TJ is, Nattie says they’ve been together for over a decade and ever since his knee injury, their sex life has gone down the drain. Nikki calls them an old couple. Nikki says Nattie needs some passionate lovemaking. Nattie tries on a little black sexy number and acts shy, as if we haven’t seen her social media before. Maybe that was Bob, her social media manager. Nikki tells her, as inspiration to Timeless Toni Storm, that she needs to have her breasts out.

Intro video!

Kansas City. It’s Raw time again and Ariana tells Trinity her hair looks great. Nikki walks in wearing what we’ll call a very showy top, which immediately gets everyone’s attention. Nikki says they’re worth every penny and questions Brie why she hasn’t gotten implants. Brie says no thanks. Ariane talks about the issues she’s had with a smaller chest and jokingly stuffs her top. Trinity pulls the stuffing out, tells her to stop that and that “your boobs look great.” In a talking head segment, Trinity says that they fit her body.

To an elevator where the foursome are on the way to an autograph signing and still talking about Nikki’s chest. Nikki: “gotta sell those tickets someway.” Ariane explains that WWE makes merchandise, and that the more fans you have, the more money you make and that sex sells, baby. That’s certainly how Zack Ryder was topping those merchandise charts.

We watch moments from the signing as the camera crew keep focusing on Nikki adjusting her chest. Ariane asks Trinity if she’s noticed “all the guys looking at Nikki’s boobies.” Trinity sighs and tells her that if Ariane pulled hers out, they’d be looking too. Nikki tells Ariane that they’re the one thing she hasn’t that she doesn’t, and Ariane says that once she does they’ll be looking too. Lawd. Ariane notes in her talking head that she will be “the bomb dot com” when she gets implants. Trinity, being the best person on the show and in life, tells Ariane that all the little girls that meet her think she is perfect. Ariane says she just wants to see how it’s going to look, she’s making an appointment and Trinity is coming with her.

Bryan Danielson, Brie’s Boyfriend / WWE Superstar is in the hotel with Brie, asking what she wants to eat. He does not have an eyepatch nor is he issuing fines for social media posts. They discuss food plans as Brie says SummerSlam is coming up and that she should be juicing as she looks at her stomach in the mirror. Brie explains that SummerSlam is one of their biggest shows and like a mini-WrestleMania, so they have to look their best.

Brie says maybe if she does a cleanse she’ll lose three pounds. Bryan tells her that she is always worried about three pounds, which she says is a lot and like losing that “last water.” He says do what she wants, but he thinks she looks great. And he’s right, of course she does, but I get it. Especially when you’re in a spot like hers, the desire to have the perfect body is always something you’re chasing even if you actually have it.

We’re off to Tampa and Nattie has returned home to find TJ. We meet TJ, Nattie’s Fiancé / WWE Superstar on the couch. They go back to being ten, and she says he had a crush on her when they were wrestling. She says he seems preoccupied, and he says he’s just trying to watch the pay-per-view. Nattie: “Like you don’t see enough all day long?” TJ, who might be one of us, says there is never enough.

Nattie tells us about TJ’s injury and how all his attention since has gone to recovery and rehab which, you know, is fair. She says that she feels like a caretaker and that it has taken a toll on them. She tells us that they used to have a very romantic relationship and she misses it. She comes back out of the bedroom in her new black lingerie, which doesn’t seem to phase him. She wonders if she has to dress up like Daniel Bryan for him to notice her, which I feel like would work. She says this makes him feel like she’s not pretty and she sighs as she lays in her sexy lingerie with her head in his lap as they watch John Cena.

We are in, I assume, Kansas City as JoJo and Eva Marie meet Nikki for breakfast in a fancy restaurant. In her talking head segment, Nikki says she still needs to keep an eye on Eva Marie because she feels like competition. We are again talking about Nikki’s boobs. I, too, am surprised it has taken fifteen minutes for me to be tired of talking about them but here we are. Eva says she’s obsessed with Instagram and that her followers went up when she showed off her “bad boys.” Nikki says her posts get double the likes when she shows off, while Eva says she’s looking at comments on Bella pictures about Brie. She hands the phone to Nikki while we look at a message that says, “Brie is SOOO the fat twin.” See, originally I’d think they made that for TV drama but I see the nonsense sent to some of my girls on Twitter every day. Guys are dumb behind usernames. The girls tear up a bit and talk about why women in entertainment get eating disorders.

After a commercial we’ve moved to San Diego, where the Bellas and Bryan are having dinner. Nikki wants a lava cake and Bryan laughs and calls her “an every day desserter” because she always has dessert. Brie tells us that she always eats healthy while Nikki eats whatever she wants. Brie explains to us that WWE hired them because they were identical twins, but since coming back to WWE Nikki has gotten “her own set of twins.” Brie says they have a photo shoot coming up and that they have to look identical. Brie, I don’t know if you’ve seen Nikki’s chest that we’ve talked about for this entire episode. Brie asks Nikki if she can do a cleanse with her for 21 days with no dessert or alcohol and Bryan says there’s no way. They make a deal and we’re off to Los Angeles.

Trinity and Jon, Trinity’s Fiance / WWE Superstar meet up with Ariane. Jon immediately sighs upon Ariane and really if the show was just his reactions it would be so much better. Ariane is bringing her dog to the consultant while Trinity is bringing Jon for a male opinion with the intentions of talking Ariane out of implants. Jon squeezes into the backseat and holds the dog. “Come here little Taco Bell dog. He’s not going to pee on me is he?”

Trinity and Ariane head back to the consultant while Jon happily waits in the waiting room. Linda Manus, Breast Augmentation Consultant discusses her implants and answers questions for the girls. Trinity asks if she gets the implants on Friday, can she take a bodyslam Monday. Girl, no. And then Linda just pulls down her top to show her implants because why not! She offers Ariane a feel, which she obliges, and she says they feel soft. Linda says she’ll flash them again if they need it, and Trinity says she bets “that guy out there” would like it. Linda says with her approval and Trinity says you know what, let’s go find him.

Trinity goes to the waiting room and brings Jon on in. Linda explains to Jon that she was telling the girls they feel soft and real and then just yanks her top down again. Jon covers his eyes and spins around while Trinity tells him it’s okay. He says it’s not because he knows what’s going to happen when they go home and she says no, this is the time it is allowed. Down comes the top again and she offers one to each, with Trinity grabbing one and Jon grabbing the other. Jon leaves to the waiting room, drinking water and sweating. Yeet.

In comes Dr. Dean A. Manus, Plastic Surgeon. He discusses the various sizes of implants as Linda has a bowl of them as if the girls are trick or treating. They discuss the difference between silicone and gel, recommending the silicone for Ariane. He gives her a trial pair to wear around to see how she likes them. Wait, they give out trial boobs? I haven’t done my research. Ariane does a dance and accidentally drops them, and Trinity says she isn’t sure she can deal with Ariane acting like this all day. The doc tells Ariane she would need one to two months out of the ring to heal properly, which concerns Trinity because she would probably also not get ring time for two months. She’s not wrong.

Back to San Diego and the Bellas have hit a juice bar. Brie says she has to get Nikki back in shape and as I look at the tablet and wish I could ever be in the shape Nikki is currently in. Nikki says the drink tastes like she’s eating someone’s garden and again, she’s probably not wrong. Brie says they should drink five of them a day and they won’t eat as much. Nikki says we get it, Brie has self control.

We are back to Tampa and Nattie and TJ are eating out. I kinda love TJ’s shirt. Nattie says she wants to plan a wedding and wants to plan a small wedding of 150 people. TJ says that’s not small and she wants the Harts, the WWE family and his friends there. TJ says it’s just like a piece of paper and he’s trying to rehab. Nattie wants it to be a shared memory but TJ could care less. He says they’ll cross that bridge when they get there.

Post-commercial we’re back to San Diego and the Bellas are in the car. They discuss their favorite animals, as we do in cars, and Nikki says hers is the lioness because she is top of the food chain. Nikki says she is dizzy and hungry on day two of the juice cleanse. Brie pulls juices out of her purse so they can keep on juicing.

Trinity and Jon are poolside and Jon says he would enjoy the LA life if it was always like this. Ariane and her trial implants are here and she’s doing a test run. Ariane says she’s looking hot (she is) and Trinity says they look good. Ariane jumps in and loses the implants.

Nikki’s Apartment. They talk about the cleanse and Brie thinks Nikki is up to something. She checks her trash and finds an empty wine bottle and a muffin. Brie says no wonder they call her the “fat one” on Twitter and Nikki says if she wants wine, she’s having it. She says she doesn’t want to be super skinny and she’s so tired of being fat because she clearly isn’t. Brie says she’s unbelievable.

Los Angeles. Ariane’s Apartment. Vincent, Ariane’s Boyfriend is here and tells her to come on and “let me see those puppies of yours.” Ew. I hate him. He asks if he can name them. He gets a feel and likes the bigger size better and names the larger one Janice.

Off to the WWE SummerSlam Photo Shoot and the Bellas have matching bikinis as always. Brie says she looks great and Nikki says she’s been making her feel like crap. I can tell no difference in their stomachs. Nikki says it sucks and Brie should support her. Brie says, “so typical.”

After commercial, Brie comes to the trailer to talk to Nikki. Nikki says she’s exhausted and Brie makes her feel insecure. She says she loves having curves and Brie apologizes and says she is probably taking her own insecurities out on her. Brie says she will buy Nikki whatever she wants to eat after.

Brie tells us she never intended to make Nikki feel bad and that she’s so proud of her. We watch the photo shoot and Brie says it’s okay if they don’t look identical. They’re twins, not clones.

Nattie’s House. TJ says they should go out and says he has a surprise for her. She’s excited and says it’s about time. As they ride, she says she is noticing the neighborhood is getting more sketchy. Where are they? The courthouse. He says they can just get it done right now and she says it’s not what she wants. She says she wants to go home, he doesn’t care or get it. She says she treats him like her friend, calls him pathetic, says she’s not marrying him and storms off.

After break, TJ calls her a bridezilla. She says this would not honor their thirteen years and if this is what she means to him, she doesn’t want to be with him.

Were at Monday Night Raw in Unnamed City. Ariane shows Miss Sandra, WWE Seamstress her tester implants and is having her sew them into her outfit. Trinity says it’ll make them the laughingstock of the WWE. Trinity says she doesn’t need plastic surgery, Miss Sandra says she could use ‘em. “Get the boobs, girl.”

Time passes and Ariane parades into the dressing room with her enhanced top. Nikki says it looks like she’s been shopping in her closet. Nikki tells us she’s doing it because she wants to become fan favorite.

Michael Cole welcomes us to Monday Night Raw as we watching Daniel Bryan wrestle Dean Ambrose. Backstage, Ariane asks Trinity if she’s taken her boob as she notices her “boob is missing.” Ariane is mad and Trinity laughs at her, as Ariane says she can’t go out with one boob. Trinity tells her to put her old padding in and she’ll be fine. Mark Currano comes into the women’s locker room to tell them they’re needed for the next segment, which seems a bit problematic but okay. Ariane says she can’t go out like this and Trinity says they are next, come on. Ariane lays on the floor like Barbie as we go to break.

As Ambrose sneaks out the win on Bryan, we see Ariane stuffing her missing side with paper towels. The Bellas ask her if she’s okay as she walks by. I’m afraid to inform you that Funk is On A Roll and we get our weekly Tyrus dancing entrance as the Funkadactyls enter with him and Sweet T. We do get the bonus of Three Man Band, so it isn’t a total loss.

John Cena, Nikki’s Boyfriend / WWE Superstar walks up to the Bellas watching the match backstage. Brie tells John that they are playing a prank on Ariane and took one of her fake boobs. Nikki says she did it. John tells her that it wasn’t nice and he’s going to let her “sit here and plot to ruin people’s lives” and he’s going to “the good section.”

After an uncomfortable amount of time watching Brodus Clay, we watch the girls walk back and meet the Bellas. Nikki asks if they lost something as she holds the missing boob. After pulling out the tissue, Nikki apologizes and says she is sorry and she was trying to make a joke. Ariane tells us that Nikki wins this round but karma is a bitch.

The girls are all talking backstage and Ariane says she is still scared of going under the knife. She tells us she’s decided right now is not the time because she wants to be a role model. She feels altering her body would send the wrong impression and she wants the fans to embrace her for how she is. Brie tries the boob testers and says it looks weird while Ariane and Nikki tell her it looks good.

Nattie pulls up to the house and finds TJ, a bottle of wine and rose petals everywhere. She says this is the most romantic he’s ever been and she’s blown away. TJ says he can’t read her mind and she says she’s been out of line. She mentions a beach wedding and he perks up. They toast to more romance and he tells her to go try on lingerie.

And then he probably goes and watches WWE Main Event on Ion Television. I don’t know, we are out for the week.