WWF All American Wrestling – March 30th, 1986

The go home show for WrestleMania 2 this week, with a very interesting collection of opponents.

Hosted by Mean Gene Okerlund. Can’t ignore the awesome lasers logo as well. THE RECOGNISED SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT!

King Kong Bundy vs. Ivan McDonald

I’ve only seen a bit of Ivan, but he’s an apparently Scottish (probably Canadian, given Norm Kimber is the ring announcer here) guy who’s jacked. Strangely, ahead of the biggest match of his career, Bundy looks a bit soft in this match. McDonald is downed with two clotheslines and seemingly out on a kneedrop, but Bundy picks him up. Ivan is about as awkward as future jobber/bodybuilder Mark Thomas, so maybe that’s why he wasn’t booked as much despite his look. Avalanche and splash finish for Bundy with the five.

A Moment with Gene has Okerlund pretending to interview all the celebrities at WrestleMania 2 in quick procession on the phone (of course, we can’t hear them) before bringing in a female intern to grope while Lord Alfred Hayes guffaws in the background. What a pair of heroes.

A couple of adverts see Vince running down the WrestleMania card as quickly as possible (“STEAMBOAT! HERNANDEZ! WELLES! SNAKE! TITO! DOG! FUNK BROTHERS!”) and Alfred going through the celebrities (Lee Majors must’ve been a no-show, but at least we got “the eerie and explosive rock star Ozzy Osbourne!”). I’m pretty sure the latter has been picked apart elsewhere given that I remember the phrase “elusive burger man Herb”. G. Gordon Liddy sends in a message like he’s trying to threaten you through the screen (“I judged a fight in a prison yard, how tough can these guys be?”).

Tito Santana and Junk Yard Dog vs. Joe Mirto and John K-9

Pretty sure JYD has been confirmed for a Dark Side of the Ring episode, following police station bomber K-9/Bruiser Bedlam. The faces work over Mirto first while a policeman walks right in front of the camera shot at ringside. Mirto sounds like Pete Doherty grinding away. K-9 comes in for a messed up headlock/headscissors sequence with JYD while Vince and Bruno totally miss any dogfight or dog on dog references. Tito comes in and gets a back body drop that John barely goes up for and finishes with a figure four attempt at first that K-9 has no idea how to get his legs into position for, so he gets a Mexican roll instead. Terrible match with K-9 wrestling like it was his first match and Tito looked pissed off about that.

Gene talks to William Perry ahead of the big battle royal with wrestlers against football players. He’s gonna get out there and RASSLE! The Refrigerator was pretty awesome in the match, with no less than Bret Hart praising him.

The WWF is On Tour, which gives a longer rundown of the WrestleMania card courtesy of the Fink.

Gene throws to some prerecorded responses to questions asked by Alfred. Are you afraid of anyone landing on you? Are you afraid of falling to the floor? It’s pretty dry stuff, although Russ Francis is a pretty eloquent guy and the late Bill Fralic heels it up, saying it’s the other nineteen that are going to, not him, and he’s going to go on holiday with the winnings.

Terry and Hoss Funk vs. Yvon Laverdure and Joe Marcus

To Canada again, given the jobber and Norm’s pronunciation of Jimmy Hart’s nickname as “the Moof of the Soof”. Terry’s in a strange black look which doesn’t really work for him. He bumps off a Laverdure armdrag and tags in Hoss. Elbow and forearm uppercut takes Yvon outside, where Terry gives him an atomic drop and, worse, calls him a pig. Back in, Hoss has to muscle up the diminutive Laverdure up with a butterfly suplex because either he doesn’t know or he’s not going. Texas Cloverleaf finishes before Marcus even made it in. Gorilla: “How do you counter that hold? Don’t get in it.”

Gene talks to Roddy Piper in the arena with Ace in the background. Apparently Mr T is struggling training because he can’t learn how to tie his boots. Roddy workshops his line about T wearing a kilt and the rebuttal that he’s not going to shave his head or paint himself black, as Gene feigns dropping the mic. Half black, maybe. The reason for assaulting the Haiti Kid was to check how far he’d have to punch down to T. Piper even at half speed is generally awesome.

Back in the studio with Gene and his honey, who’s a foot taller than him, talk about the football players joining the battle royal while Kevin “Bucky Beaver” Dunn makes a cameo goosing Gene in the background.

Piper’s Pit, on location, sees Roddy training in front of Lou Duva to his cut of “For Everybody”. Not quite up to the standard of “I’m Your Man”. No talking, just Leon Spinks making a cameo and Piper doing some press interviews.

Back to G. Gordon Liddy, who barely blinks. Still looks like he’ll murder you and your family while you sleep.

Hulk Hogan vs. Moondog Spot

Long intro version of Real American seeing as it’s in the first few months of usage. Non-title, seeing as Bundy has a shot in eight days. Spot goes to the eyes first, but misses a clothesline, gets clotheslined and elbowdropped, but then gets a cheap shot in before Hulk can finish it early. Shots to the still-injured ribs, but Hulk starts no-selling, gets the corner clothesline and his weird suplex and drops the leg for the win as Linda, unnamed, waves an American flag at ringside. Early formula Hogan is weird.

Gene runs down the card from the arena, then speaks to the overly intense Corporal Kirchner (“You said, Volkoff, that you’d die for your country – then I’ll bring a BODY BAG!”), the Magnificent Muraco, JYD and Tito (with glasses like British DJ Mike Read).

Cab Calloway sends his message in. Man, what is the world coming to?!

Gene signs off with assistance from Kevin, doing the old “I had five gals banging on my door at six in the morning… finally I let them out…” dad joke.

The red, the white and the blue: Worst bit was John K-9 showing that as a wrestler he makes a great murderer. Best bit was the absolute dedication they had back in those days to making sure you knew exactly what you was going to get at the big events. Weirdest bit was ending with a riff on Gene’s being a sleaze, but that’s Gene for you!