A little Christmas present on Christmas Day, the post-Christmas episode of World Championship Wrestling from 31 years ago.
Last Week on WCW… Stunning Steve Austin and Beautiful Bobby put the boots to Ricky Steamboat! “They don’t want him to make it to the Christmas night event at the Omni!”, stutters out JR. Barry Windham makes the save, or tries to, as we cut to the intro…
Here’s Jim Ross at Center Stage in Atlanta, with promises of a shocking encounter between Sting and Ravishing Rick Rude. And other shit, like the York Foundation and P.N. News.
Dustin Rhodes and Ricky Steamboat vs. Chris Sullivan and John Peterson
BW is out with them. Sullivan was a good, all-purpose jobber, face or heel, and Peterson was pretty reliable too. Dustin handles both the jobbers on his own and runs them into one another. The piped in crowd noise is far more enthusiastic than the regulars sitting with their arms folded in the crowd are. Steamboat comes in and lets Peterson get a few shots in before tagging Dustin back in. He gets a lariat on Sullivan, then lifts him up for a crossbody/Hart Attack combo, which was a decent finisher for a perfectly fine match.
Back from the break, Jim has Paul E Dangerously out in his best bow tie and tuxedo. Paul recaps his mission to become the ruler of WCW by eliminating Sting (should’ve signed up Hulk Hogan if he wanted to do that). “You might as well go up North and sign a contract where things aren’t as physically demanding!” He brings out his eliminator, Rick Rude, as well as the rest of the Dangerous Alliance. All bar Rude are in suits, with even Madusa in shirt and tie. Next on the list to get rid of: “the son of a drunken plumber, Dustin Rhodes”. Then Ron Simmons, “with a rap sheet from the neighbourhood THIS long!”. Add Barry Windham and Ricky Steamboat to the list too. Rude threatens Steamboat about coming close to slapping Madusa, which he eventually would do reflexively and end up with his face being rearranged. Paul goes into the last rites for WCW, while Jim rolls his eyes and looks around for someone to give him a break in a funny moment.
THE WCW TOP TEN, AS COMPILED BY THE WCW BOARD OF DIRECTORS AND PROMOTERS FOR THE WEEKEND OF SATURDAY 28TH DECEMBER, 1991!
10. Van Vader
9. Larry Zbyszko
8. Dustin Rhodes
7. Cactus Jack
6. Ricky Steamboat
5. Scott Steiner
4. Stunning Steve
3. Rick Steiner
2. Sting
- Ravishing Rick Rude
Cactus Jack vs. Ian Weston
Jack has the funeral dirge music at this point, which I’m glad they kinda returned to when he became Mankind. His attire here is… questionable. Leopard skin and a top that looks like he borrowed from his wife. Weston was a good-looking guy and looked like an athlete. Sadly, it looks like he’s struggled with homelessness in recent years. Jack drops a leg on him and gets the double-arm DDT for the win out of nowhere.
WCW Magazine
Eric Bischoff hosts, and this weekend it’s Starrcade ’91. Scott recently re-reviewed this and it’s not a great card at all, owing to the Lethal Lottery concept and Battlebowl. In other news, Jushin Liger has beaten Brian Pillman on Christmas Night to become the light-heavyweight champion, second of four, plus the Dangerous Alliance recently mugged rookie sensation Marcus Alexander Bagwell before Sting broke it up. What if Sting had to team up with Rick Rude at Starrcade? Or Ricky Steamboat teamed with Bobby Eaton or Steve Austin? That takes us back to the footage from the beginning of the show, with the weird positioning of Eaton and Austin as a pair when Bobby was teamed with Arn to go for the tag belts.
Terrence Taylor vs. Rick Ryder
Here’s the victim of advanced taping, as Ross talks about Taylor splitting off from the York Foundation, but Terry is still managed by Alexandra York (Marlena) at this point. Short clothesline early on, followed by a kneedrop. Jawbreaker, as again the crowd sweetening makes it sound far more exciting than it is, while Ross disinterestedly talks about anything else that comes to mind. Gutwrench powerbomb sets up the finish, with Alexandra calling for a neckbreaker, but Taylor using the Fivearm as always instead.
Post-match, Ross chats with Taylor and York, with York talking down any miscommunication and fumbling her way through a line before falling into a “We don’t pay you to THINK!” faux pas, with Taylor calmly saying it’s time for them to go their separate ways. Big pop, although it wouldn’t lead to anything, as Taylor would stay a solo heel as the Taylor Made Man until Greg Valentine came in to have a US tag title reign with him.
P.N. News vs. Mr. Hughes
To steal a line from Axl Rotten on News, “His fat had fat!”. About the only time he got over with the rap was ironically in ECW, playing up his old gimmick before he did a job to Spike Dudley. Hughes, tries a sneak attack, but runs in right in front of News. That takes them outside, where News falls into the barricade and injures his eye, so Hughes sticks his thumb in it to take him out. This might not be far off the end of the line for News in WCW before Rick Rude beat him up behind the scenes. It’s also the most impressive Hughes looked. No contest, as the match never really got started.
Beautiful Bobby vs. Joey Maggs
Again, weirdness as Bobby was tagged up with Arn, but is doing a singles match here. Again, the words of Axl Rotten referred to here, as Maggs went with the name “Jumping” Joey Maggs, but not much to the name when you’re a short meatball who can only do dropkicks as a high spot. Pretty boring start, as Bobby works the arm for a few minutes in a fairly static pose, so Paul gets the heat instead from the normally stoic crowd. I start pondering the dead wrestlers list on the show so far, as these two and Rick Rude are the only appearances so far of guys that are gone, other than Vader in the top ten list. JR starts talking to himself about the rationale for pairing Eaton and Anderson, in a conversation that would only interest himself. Bobby just keeps on going to that arm. Paul takes a break to make a call to Rick Rude backstage, which makes me wonder whether he insisted on all of his guys having mobiles too or whether he just strategically placed them next to phones for contact, in a thought that probably only interests me. Enziugiri from Maggs to Eaton, so Bobby fires back with a butterfly suplex, his backbreaker, neckbreaker and slam to set up the Alabama Jam. Boring match, with a good final thirty seconds.
Larry Zbyszko vs. Scott Sandlin
Sandlin is a guy who’s probably 22, but has a haircut and moustache that makes him look like he’s 44. The match becomes a literal backdrop to Paul E jousting with JR on commentary. Madusa has switched from the k.d. lang attire to some black and gold foil deal, getting a high kick in on Sandlin on the outside. Back in, there’s a funny moment where Larry works an armbar and rants and yells as normal with the camera pulling back, before Madusa pops into shot and just manically goes “Where’s Barry Windham?! AAAAAHHHHH!”. Shoulderbreaker sets up the sugarhold of all things for the submission, with a brainbuster after the bell just for “fun”. That’s actually the better move of the two and would be his finisher soon after. Entertaining squash.
Back from break, jobbers and referees try to cart Sandlin out, so Larry knocks him off the gurney and adds to the beating, which Jim is pretty effective in getting over to show how dangerous, pardon the pun, the Dangerous Alliance are.
Interview with Ron Simmons, back from injury, to talk about his involvement in Starrcade, then a rebuttal to Paul E from earlier. “Yeah, I’m from the hood, most of the people in Atlanta are!” Don’t step to Ron, I guess.
Johnny B. Badd vs. Chuck Coates
Johnny spouts an “I believe that children are the future” message while walking around ringside, then lifts his leg for people to put “dollars” in his garter belts. Coates rakes the eyes, but walks into a boot on a charge. Sunset flip off the top quickly finishes. Coates tries to carry it on, so Johnny gives him the left hook and plants the Kiss That Don’t Miss sticker on his cheek while JR presents the bizarre idea of Johnny challenging Jushin Liger for the belt.
The Young Pistols vs. Don Michaels and Butch Malone
Weird period here for Steve and Tracy, as they’d turned heel to beat the Patriots for the US tag team titles. Todd Champion and Firebreaker Chip actually sit out in the audience to jeer them ineffectually. JR throws to a promo with the champs that doesn’t show up, so he just sits quietly through it. For some reason, the Patriots are barred from wrestling on TBS for two months. Steve finishes off red boots jobber with a missile dropkick. Tracy wants to get his shots in as well, so so eventually Chumpion tries to make a run in and gets cut off. Chip just about gets over the barrier and gets dropped face-first on the apron. I think history has confirmed that the Patriots were jokes that were just about done, but did it need to be confirmed so abruptly.
Finally, Jim plays some “shocking” footage he’s been pimping all episode. Not exactly shocking to start, as it’s a boring Bagwell squash to start. He finishes with the fisherman suplex, then it goes to a post-match interview where Paul E offers him a shot at Steve Austin’s TV title. Bagwell declines because he’s a brainless himbo at the moment, so Paul presents him with a leg cast and reminds him it’s an offer he can’t refuse, then does the Biff Tannen head knocking routine on his forehead when he hears Sting is training him. Bagwell smacks him, which leads to the DA mugging him before Sting runs them off. Rick Rude runs in for the rescue for his team, giving Sting a Rude Awakening on the podium before cuffing him to the railing and attacks his leg with the cast, with most of it breaking off on the railing. Shocking(!). Back with Jim, he hopes he’ll be at Starrcade. Spoiler: he was.
Melting It Down: Pretty plain episode, could’ve done with some tinsel around the edge of the screen and some set decoration or some cut-ins of babyfaces wishing everyone happy holidays. So, in lieu of that, happy holidays!