Davey Boy Smith was certainly a powerhouse! The British Bulldog lifts Big Van Vader and Mabel! from SquaredCircle
Rope-assisted or not, JESUS CHRIST.
Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This one I have a varied set of tag matches, interspersed with a terrible singles match! We start off with a random TV tag match between the newly-heel Men on a Mission and the Allied Powers (Lex Luger & British Bulldog), largely inessential save for one of the absolute motherfuckingest strength spots I’ve ever seen in wrestling on the part of Davey-Boy.
I also take an interesting look at the mentor figures of two guys we’re a lot more familiar with outside of Mexico, as it’s Rey Mysterio & Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Fuerza & Juventud Guerrera! Yes, our beloved Rey with his uncle, teaming up against a very young Juice and his own dad (who was a POWER wrestler, believe it or not!). Then it’s a request, as the “Million Dollar Corporation” gets a prelude as Ted DiBiase takes on Nikolai Volkoff in 1990 for one of Volkoff’s last matches before he left for a while. And finally, we have the last few minutes of a semi-infamous Hart Foundation vs. Legion of Doom match- an all-time Dream Match that Bret says was ruined by Hawk downing some somas immediately beforehand. It’s mostly interesting as an historical curiosity (and for a pretty great finish, actually).
MEN ON A MISSION (Mabel & Mo) vs. THE ALLIED POWERS (Lex Luger & British Bulldog):
(WWF TV, May 14th 1995)
* A wild match setting up the newly-heel Men on a Mission (pre-King Mabel) against the Allied Powers- a “Superteam” of sorts that just never got that big push. The M.O.M. have shifted their gear to add black to the purple & gold scheme, while Lex & Bulldog are in matching red white & blue gear with their own flags.
Mo immediately bails on fighting Luger so Mabel no-sells a pair of shoulderblocks- he also no-sells a DOUBLE shoulderblock, but the Powers duck under him and drop him with a leaping variant and then double-backdrop Mo across the ring, sending M.O.M. scurrying. Mo gets caught in the delayed vertical suplex, which is pretty impressive given his size, but Mabel comes in and Davey-Boy tries a CRUCIFIX like a complete dumbass, and of course Mabel crushes him with a Samoan drop. The heels work over his back and cheat for a while, and Mabel hits a falling clothesline for two. A fading Bulldog is tossed into the corner and Mabel hits a camel clutch, but in one of the goddamndest feats of strength I’ve ever seen, Davey-Boy fights up from the ground and LIFTS MABEL UP ONTO HIS SHOULDERS, eventually just free-holding him without any assistance from the ropes, and launching him in an electric chair drop!
Mabel is out on his ass, but Mo clotheslines Bulldog to keep him down and we’re back from break with him in peril again, Mo dropping elbows & stuff, and a snap suplex gets two. But Mabel comes in and Bulldog ducks him and a double-clothesline sets up the hot tag! Luger beats the hell out of Mo with clotheslines but Mabel breaks up the pin- Bulldog knocks him to the floor but Mabel drags him out and slams him into the steps while Luger powerslams Mo and hits the Rebel Rack, but Mabel kicks Luger in the back and the ref calls for the bell at (10:12)- the Allied Powers win via DQ. Not a common finish, as pin-breaks are pretty common in tag matches, but the legality is questionable and I’ve heard there was an “unspoken rule” about only one break being allowed per match. After the bell, Mabel reacts to the DQ by clotheslining Luger, who scoots into proper position for the Assisted Splash finisher.
A pretty boring tag match with one HOLY SHIT spot thrown in, as it’s mostly Bulldog lying on the mat in pain while Mo slowly drops elbows on him, or Mabel doing stomps. Mo is surprisingly not much better than Mabel despite weighing more than 150 lbs. less, because he has such limited offense and he’s not even fat enough to make any of it look devastating. His only advantage is it’s easier to hit moves on him, but despite that, Mabel is a better bumper and sets up both Davey-Boy hope spots because of it- knocking HIM down makes a guy look exceptionally impressive. Sadly the hot tag barely leads to much more than a minute, as Luger hits his usual soft offense on everyone and his finishing run is interrupted.
Rating: *3/4 (mostly a lot of plodding nonsense with two good hope spots thrown in)
WWA TAG TEAM TITLES:
REY MYSTERIO & REY MYSTERIO JR. vs. FUERZA & JUVENTUD GUERRERA:
(AAA, Feb. 6th 1995)
* Oh yes, it’s a MENTOR/STUDENT variant of the long-term Rey/Juvie feud, this time with their seniors involved! So Rey Jr. is the nephew of Rey Sr., taking after his identity after some early gimmicks like Kolibri (“Hummingbird”). Juventud’s father Fuerza is a big star, too, meaning “Warrior Strength” vs. Juventud’s “Warrior Youth”. A pretty thickly-built dude, his mask inspired Juvie’s, but was an all-encompassing bisected one (red/blue on top and black under the top- Juvie’s is actually the same here, bisected green/yellow- he would later add horns and expose his hair. The generic 1-2-3 Kid-style singlet is an odd fit on him, and he’s rail-thin. Rey Sr. is a pudgy “Dad Wrestler” complete with curly hair and a porn ‘stache. He’s in diaper-like black & pink trunks, while Rey Jr. is dressed like Jeff Jarrett with those vertical stripes.
PRIMERA CAIDA: Rey Jr. sends Juvie to the floor with a wheelbarrow armdrag, so Fuerza comes into the ring to massage his son’s sore bottom, and this is epic “heel boobery”. The kids go with some chain wrestling stuff, the elders running interference like when Juvie gets cocky or Rey does a rana. Fuerza sends Rey Jr. to the floor by decking him after faking nice, and the elders go- Fuerza does this giant cartoon oversell of a slap to the face and stalls- Rey Sr. embarrasses Juvie with his wits, and Fuerza punches Rey Jr. repeatedly, but ultimately falls to his speed, getting headscissored to the floor and rana’d from the apron! But the Guerreras beat up Rey Sr. and Juvie hits a Ligerbomb on Rey Jr. for two. They hit a huge Powerbomb/Missile Dropkick, but bizarrely don’t even follow up, and Juvie gets crotched and double-superplexed- Fuerza saves but elbows his own kid, and a stereo Folding Powerbomb/Ligerbomb finish the Guerreras at (10:15).
SEGUNDA CAIDA: Fuerza begs for a handshake from Rey Sr., but ends up biting his tummy (like Zangief?) and brawling to take over, stuffing comebacks with a punch & enzuigiri. The kids go again, impressing with a backflip & a tiger feint into Rey’s shoulder-leap-to-spinning rana. Juvie SAILS to the floor on a leapfrog and Rey does the Misawa feint into a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on the floor. Rey Sr. is still selling his eye and can’t make the apron, so Rey Jr. takes on Fuerza, but Juvie springboards in with interference and hits a frog splash, pulling Rey up so Fuerza can throw a spinebuster on a thrashing Rey Sr., and Juvie hits a German & bridging fallaway slam for three on Rey Jr. (4:50) while Fuerza sharpshooters the elder against the ropes.
TERCERA CAIDA: The Mysterios go into post after post as there’s a funny bit where Fuerza nearly dumps Sr. into the stands and a fan pushes him back to the floor- Fuerza’s like “WTF?” at the guy until the laughing fan points out his small daughter was in the way and Fuerza’s like “Oh, I get it- okay”. Fuerza eats a tilt-a-whirl in the ring but gets his boot up in the corner and Germans Rey Sr. for two- man this dude isn’t going up much. Rey Sr. gets a spinebuster and knocks Juvie off the apron, allowing Rey Jr. to dive in and repay the multiple post-shots in the spot of the match. Fuerza goes into the post a bunch and the Guerreras bail and get humiliated with punches & slaps, then Juvie takes the Mulkey Bump into Rey Jr.’s tope con hilo to the floor! Butterfly suplex gets two, but Juvie hits an uranage for the same. They both grab each other’s legs and slap away, then it’s double ball-kicks and the veterans just jump in to pin the kids at (5:18)- wait, how is THAT legal? Fuerza thinks he’s won but realizes he has to fight Rey Sr.- he misses a senton off the 2nd rope but manages a big powerbomb, getting… two? I guess? Then Rey Sr. hits a surfboard, but Fuerza’s shoulders slide back and it’s a double-pin at (25:37) and I guess it’s both counted down?
Lucha is so weird sometimes, haha. There’s comedy bits and “LOL isn’t this heel a boob?” and all the tag-outs and “going to the floor counts as a tag” so the momentum is always halting- watching American or Japanese stuff where the flow is constant or tends to do a “build then lull” format, it’s weird to see “do a minute of cool spots and then two minutes of resting or new guys enter the ring to start over” stuff. The first fall was a lot of that mix and match action where there’s cool stuff like a Japan-style ending. Rey looks screwed but they do a mistake that Monsoon would shred them for (a missile kick/powerbomb and you don’t even COVER?) and pay for it with a double powerbomb. The second fall was mostly heel domination- Rey Jr. gets his cool spots right in the middle to show off, but then Juvie nails a Japan-ish series of bridging suplexes to get him while Rey Sr. sells like the punches or the belly-biting was killing him.
Overall, it was fine, but tough to rate with all the momentum stops. Rey Sr. seemed okay but kinda dumpy and didn’t go up for a lot. Fuerza seems like a perfectly fine lucha heel- begging off, bragging, brawling dishonorably and doing the “shaking arm” sell on landings.
Rating: ***1/4 (I’m so confused)
Nikolai Volkoff always looked like a total dork, and his matches never went above one star, but GOD DAMN look at those leg muscles.
“THE MILLION DOLLAR MAN” TED DIBIASE (w/ Virgil) vs. NIKOLAI VOLKOFF:
(WWF Prime Time, Dec. 17th 1990)
* Yes, this dreadful idea took place soon after post-Glasnost Nikolai has turned to loving the United States- he’s using “Hail to the Chief” here in a run that was seemingly just there to be nice to the guy- he was YEARS past his prime even here and the Bolsheviks (the jobber team in the pecking order) had just split up. Ultimately, this role was just another “JTTS” one meant to trick fans for a few months into thinking we were getting “Feature Matches” when he went out there to job in minutes to whichever heel needed a push.
In this case, DiBiase tries to buy Volkoff off, dropping about a thousand dollars in the smiling Russian’s hand, which he accepts… but then knocks Ted & Virgil’s noggins together and beats up on DiBiase, who bumps like mad for him. DiBiase mounts a comeback with strikes, but puts his head down and gets slammed until he bails- we’re back from break with DiBiase in charge, throwing methodical stomps and a couple of those beautiful fistdrops for two. An atomic drop results in a big leap from Nikolai, but his bump is awful, just slumping back- Ted of course misses his casual back elbow off Bret’s rope to set off the comeback. Ted has to sell some dreadful kicks, but Volkoff attacks Virgil for no reason and gets jumped from behind. He reverses a whip but goes crashing into the post on the charge, and Ted locks on the Million Dollar Dream for the finish at (5:01), winning fairly handily. Ted slaps around Volkoff afterwards, and even has Virgil retrieve the money from his crotch. Well, he does sign the man’s checks. For another month.
Ted does a pretty basic carry-job here, bouncing around for four guys off of some of the most pitiful striking you’ll ever see, trying to get something out of the hopeless Volkoff. Funnily enough Nikolai comes off like an idiot going for Virgil and getting killed doing a blind charge as well, and Ted picks up a handy clean win. The heat machine was pretty ridiculous here- Nikolai was NOT over and nobody was reacting, but you heard these massive cheers and rapidly-switching to boos.
Rating: * (Ted’s good but he’s not a miracle worker)
THE LEGION OF DOOM (Hawk & Animal) vs. THE HART FOUNDATION (Bret Hart & Jim Neidhart):
(WWF WrestleFest 1991)
* A unique one-time-only Dream Match, this one is somewhat infamous because Bret Hart called out Hawk for downing some somas or other things to f*ck himself up for this match, thus ruining an all-time dream match just to amuse himself. Bret found it disrespectful. This was on Coliseum Home Video, but the only version I can find is on WWE’s own website and it’s clipped to 4 minutes.
We start with Neidhart holding a front facelock on Hawk, and then Bret comes in and of course goes heel (his go-to in Face vs. Face matches), booting Animal and luring him into a chase so he can sneak by the ref and hit the Hart Attack (though Hawk is indeed lolling way off to one side like he’s not all there)- that gets two, as Animal is right there to break it up. Bret works over Hawk, but Neidhart whips him right into the Bret Bump as Hawk dodges then clotheslines Neidhart in one move! Animal kicks both their asses and whips Bret into Anvil to dump the latter, then they mimic the assisted-whip clothesline but hit it on Bret. Doomsday Device attempt, but Neidhart crotches Hawk & Bret victory rolls Animal for two. Bret scores the backbreaker into the Harts’ slingshot shoulderblock (Anvil SAILS across the ring), but they do a Rocket Launcher and Animal powerslams Bret in mid-air while Hawk grabs Neidhart, and that’s the three at (3:45 shown)! The LOD wins it! Well the Harts were on the way out as a team so it makes sense, but that’s a huge win for Hawk & Animal.
Rating: **1/2 (we just get the tail end, but it’s a tightly-constructed bout even here, with Hawk as face in peril and Bret sneaking about and working him over, into a couple of great double-teams until the finish, which was also excellent)