Welcome back to more Dream Matches! This time we’re starting off with a request, as Bret “Hitman” Hart takes on Paul Roma in 1991 WWF! When Bret REALLY started impressive people with how excellent his execution truly was. Then it’s a truly whacky 6-man tag, as the WWF’s lowest-level babyfaces team up against a new team and the bottom-tier heel- it’s Kerry Von Erich, Greg Valentine & “Superfly” Jimmy Snuka against the Beverly Brothers and Pat Tanaka! Then it’s over to WCW, as Harlem Heat take on the Fantastics in a pretty good generational tag team match! And some more obscure goodness, as four of WCW’s British wrestlers face off- it’s Steven Regal & Dave Taylor vs. “Gentleman” Chris Adams & Norman Smiley! Finally, we end with a couple of random Tokyo Magnum WCW contests- with such varied competition as “Hole In One” Barry Darsow and Eddie Guerrero!
BRET “HIT MAN” HART vs. PAUL ROMA (w/ Slick):
(WWF Prime Time, July 1st 1991)
* Bret Hart’s new singles push continues as he faces a very “Jobbing Face” Paul Roma, frowning and wearing the long Power & Glory tights. Sean Mooney declares that Bret Hart would NEVER brag, which is rich considering his primary catchphrase is to declare himself the greatest wrestler there is, was and ever will be.
Both guys use their extremely precise grappling to start, Roma doing leapfrogs but getting bowled over by a ROUGH shoulderblock. Bret works the arm and drops his elbow, then counters a counter with a regular & inverted atomic drop. More shots from Bret and Roma is in deep trouble, but kicks Bret off to the floor off a cross-body- Bret comes in with a sunset flip but gets tagged. Roma pounds away, hits a big charging elbow in the corner, and does his “walk around” repeated backbreaker trio. Roma takes his time and works the back, and an elbow gets two, only for Bret to come back, ironically by Roma doing the “Bret Bump” into the corner- he scores a rollup and the Russian legsweep. Backbreaker gets two, and Bret leapfrogs him in the corner, but goes down holding his leg in agony. Roma’s like “LOL too bad/so sad” but Bret uses the GOLDBRICKING ROUTINE, just rolling him up when he tries to take advantage at (8:14). Oh damn, haha. Crowd loves that and Lord Alfred cheers such a sneaky move.
One of the most impressive matches you’ll see in terms of precision- both guys were incredibly smooth and wrestled so damn tightly, with just the right amount of flourish on even regular punches or elbowdrops. Bret worked the arm to show off his technical stuff (he was a different kind of babyface), dominated to start, then Roma mounted the comeback, and Bret got a mini one of his own and then suckered Roma in. Hey- a win’s a win. Even better because Bret would use that to infuriate Roddy Piper at WrestleMania VIII and later win the World Title from Diesel using that. Hey, the rules say the ref’s hand’s gotta slap three times- it doesn’t say HOW.
Rating: **3/4 (one of the most excellently-executed wrestling matches you’re gonna see- didn’t really hit a huge surge or anything but never got dull)
“THE TEXAS TORNADO” KERRY VON ERICH, GREG “THE HAMMER” VALENTINE & JIMMY “SUPERFLY” SNUKA vs. PAT TANAKA & THE BEVERLY BROTHERS (Beau & Blake, w/ The Genius):
* A totally bizarre 6-man, as some of the lowest-tier “name” guys on the roster team up. The Beverlies are very new at this point, but Tanaka is tumbling down the card, never mind Superfly. The babyface Hammer is a relic at this stage, too. Von Erich’s in lime green trunks at this point, while the other two are in the usual. Tanaka is looking especially small and flabby next to some of these giants.
Beau/Superfly start, Beau eating the reverse knife-edge. Tornado kicks Blake’s ass but goes into the post, then dodges a headbutt out of the corner- Valentine beats on Blake while Monsoon & Hayes do the natural putting over of his stamina (“They should have started him off in this match- you gotta BEAT on him for a while!”). Tanaka eats a huge backdrop but Beau knees Snuka from the apron and the heels work him over. Big butterfly suplex by Beau gets two and a backbreaker does more damage, but Snuka forearms Tanaka and escapes, leading Kerry to hit the strangest series ever – running in and missing a punch, falling on his ass, then bouncing back with a huge punch and spinning onto his ass again, counting that as the Discus Punch for the win (8:46)- wait, that’s it?? Then, to bury Tanaka further, the Beverlies get angry and headbutt him, then land the Shaker Heights Spike.
Really weird little match, as they spend the first half stalling and taking forever between moves, but then rapidly going to the finish, which Kerry of course buggers. Kind of a disappointment, really, in that I was hoping for either a giant mess or a decent contest, and it was instead just kinda boring until the end.
Rating: 3/4* (just not an exciting bout at all)
HARLEM HEAT (Booker T & Stevie Ray, w/ Sister Sherri) vs. THE FANTASTICS (Bobby Fulton & Tommy Rogers):
(WCW Saturday Night, Dec 10th, 1994)
* There are actually a LOT of Heat/Fantastics matches in WCW, which is funny because I don’t recall ever hearing about them being around at this time. The Fantastics are in orange trunks, Bobby with a super ’80s curly blond mullet. The Heat are heels in red, with Sherri talking smack about their current enemies, the Nasty Boys. Both absolutely tower over their tiny opponents.
Booker easily powers Fulton around to start, and Rogers gets caught on a cross-body, but Fulton dropkicks them over and a double-back body drop has Booker selling. Fulton tries to throw strikes and easily gets eaten up, and Stevie pounds away on him, holding a headlock and doing simple shoulderblocks for two solid minutes (Sherri adds a slap) until both Fantastics come in for double-dropkicks. Fun bit as Booker takes over on Rogers and Stevie saves him from a dropkick, but Rogers holds the ropes so Booker splats trying a DDT, but then Stevie just runs him over anyways. Booker takes the ref and tosses Rogers so Stevie hits a pump kick on the floor. Tommy keeps trying to come back but Booker just mauls him, and they set up a DOOMSDAY DEVICE of all things, but Rogers rolls Stevie up for two and sends Booker crashing to the mat. Hot tag to Fulton, who actually does pretty well, despite Stevie just not going up for ANYTHING, and an awful double-monkey flip hits him. They add tandem dropkicks off the second ropes but Sherri leaps up to distract the ref and Booker hits a flying axehandle to break up the pin and that nets Harlem Heat the win at (10:38). Is that even that illegal a tactic?
Tag Wrestling 101 here, with the hot start, heat segment, hot tag, etc., all done perfectly fine. The Fantastics were good with double-teams, but were just eaten alive out here, as the Heat kept cutting off their comebacks and sometimes just coming off as disagreeable, sandbagging the hell out of them (that double monkey flip was BAD- Stevie just lands on them!). It made it seem like the Fantastics were NEVER going to win, but their quick double-teams and flash-pins just maybe could do it. The Heat still cheated to win, allowing them some measure of credibility left.
Rating: **1/2 (classic “fine wrestling match”- not outstanding but despite being 10 minutes long, was never that bad)
STEVEN REGAL & DAVE TAYLOR vs. CHRIS ADAMS & NORMAN SMILEY:
(WCW Saturday Night, Nov. 29th 1997)
* Oh man- it’s an All-Brit match! With Regal still kicking around and Chris Adams in the company, plus Smiley back before he became a comedy wrestler. Regal’s team had beaten up Smiley after a match previously, bringing Adams out to defend him. Regal is doing the weirdest damn walk to the ring like he’s high as… oh wait, he probably was. He’s in his maroon singlet while Taylor’s in red trunks. Adams is in green (or just dirty white) Union Jack trunks and has an awful 1980s robe, while the ripped Smiley is in purple trunks and short booties. He’s a silly-looking fellow so was a natural comedy guy, but he was in serious shape at this point.
The faces jump the heels to start, sending Regal scurrying with hilarious cartoon faces- he continues to make them as Smiley kicks out his grip and flips him over via a bridging wristlock. Smiley keeps hanging onto him, but Regal provokes Adams and that brings Taylor in from that distraction- Smiley eats European uppercuts like crazy as the geniuses in the crowd chant “USA!”- a catapalt into a Euro uppercut floors Norman. He finally avoids a second Taylor headbutt and Adams comes in for a lukewarm tag. Smiley gets PLASTERED into the post by Regal… but Adams just casually hits the Superkick for the win (3:24)! Okay, I wasn’t expecting THAT- like twenty seconds after the hot tag he just easily wins while Regal murdered his partner? The heels double-team Adams and crush him with a double flapjack after the bell, essentially robbing them of the victory credibility immediately, which is just weird booking. They don’t continue the feud much, either (Regal would be dumped from WCW next February for Goldberg-related reasons).
Rating: *1/4 (some fun clobbering but it was almost entirely European uppercuts into a hot tag sequence)
“MR. HOLE-IN-ONE” BARRY DARSOW vs. TOKYO MAGNUM:
(WCW Saturday Night, 1998?)
* Poor Tokyo Magnum is still going through his rookie stuff as a WCW jobber, and he’s gotta do promo time with “Mr. Hole-in-One”, haha. Darsow goes on about the country club and that Japanese people are the best golfers in the world (I was unaware of that stereotype), while Magnum can only go “yes yes” to everything, then insists Tokyo try to putt a ball into the hole. Then he changes his mind and has Tokyo get down on the mat and try to poke it in, pool-style… then of course drops an elbow on him when he does, lol. He nails him with the club and then bends it around the kid’s neck! Darn- we’re robbed of a surefire classic, as there’s no match!
EDDIE GUERRERO vs. TOKYO MAGNUM:
(WCW Nitro, 10/08/1998)
* Rookie Tokyo gets paired up with the “Dancin’ Fools” Alex Wright & Disco Inferno, given his own stripper-dance gimmick, but they shame him before the match for not wrestling at their level (Wright suggests he “commit Hara-Kiri!”). However, they leave him to wrestle Eddie by himself. Both guys are mostly in black, Tokyo in his short trunks.
Eddie nails him with strikes to start, but Tokyo tries a slide-under and hits a spinkick when he gets out. Eddie avoids a charge but goes flying into the other corner and is facecrushered, but reverses a whip and hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Brainbuster into the Frog Splash and we’re done at (1:16). Yeah, uh, that’s not what Disco & Wright wanted.
Rating: 1/4* (just complete destruction in barely over a minute)