The SmarK Rant for Lucha Underground – S01E30
WHEN WE LAST LEFT OFF:
https://blogofdoom.com/index.php/category/wrestling/lucha-underground/
“Submit to the Master”
Taped from the Temple
Your hosts are Matt Striker & Vampiro
So, uh, is anyone else reminded of someone by Dario Cueto, the crazed billionaire who loves putting violence on his TV show?
Meanwhile, Chavo Guerrero warns Dario that Black Lotus is coming to kill his brother, and she’s working for someone who has a mole inside Dario’s organization. But don’t worry, Chavo is only truly loyal to the highest bidder, so Dario starts pulling out stacks of cash so they can make a deal.
Jack Evans v. Argenis
BUT WAIT! Dario points out that no one really cares about Argenis, and Jack Evans is a loser, so he’s gonna make it interesting. So whoever wins the match gets one of Dario’s Aztec medallions, which will bring some kind of undefined power to the holder. I bet that’s how HHH got his job back. Evans beats Argenis down and hits him with kicks on the ropes, but he tries a rana and Argenis powerbombs him. Jack leapfrogs him and Argenis kicks him right in the “lower reverse back muscle” on the way down, but Jack shakes it off and puts him down with kicks. Jack with a standing moonsault for two. Jack goes up and gets tripped up by Argenis, but Jack flips him into an armbar and Argenis makes the ropes. Jack with a handspring elbow, but Argenis catches him on a second try and suplexes him into a dropkick out to the floor. Argenis follows with a dive, but Jack flips off the apron and gets a rana. But then he tries it again and Argenis catches him and powerbombs him into the railing. “Tetanus for everybody!” notes Striker in a funny line. Back in the ring, that gets two. Argenis with a powerbomb to fold him up for two. But then Jack gets a backslide and flips himself over to cradle with a bridge, and that gets the pin at 6:10. That was an amazing finish from Evans, although the match was pretty sloppy. **1/2
Meanwhile, Brian Cage and Willie Mack argue over who will join Big Ryck’s team for a Trios title match tonight. And that quickly turns into Cage destroying the locker room to win the fight, thus earning his spot.
Meanwhile, Chavo shares his new plan with Black Lotus, who quickly beats the crap out of him in response. But luckily Chavo has backup and a baseball bat, and is able to subdue her. Women, am I right?
Trios title: Ivelisse, Angelico & Son of Havoc v. Big Ryck, Delavar Daivari & Brian Cage
Angelico hits Cage with kicks to start and takes him down with a backbreaker. Over to Havoc, who hits Daivari with a flying headscissors and handspring elbow in the corner and a standing moonsault for two. Angelico tags himself in and fights off Cage for a bit, but Ryck hits him with a cheapshot and Cage slams him. Ryck drops elbows for two while Ivelisse throws a snit and goes to watch in the front row because they won’t tag her in. I know, she’s only got a broken leg! Geez! Daivari charges and runs into a boot while Ivelisse continues bitching at her team from ringside. Must have been a stretch for her to play an annoying character that everyone hates. Cage and Ryck do the LAX delayed suplex on Angelico and Cage powerbombs him for two. Cage with the discus lariat, but Angelico counters with a high knee, only for Ryck to take out Havoc and prevent the tag. Ivelisse switches her verbal abuse to Daivari now, but Texano runs out to save her from any comeuppance and Havoc finishes Daivari with the shooting star press at 7:50. Ivelisse was unspeakably annoying for the entire match and it never really took off. **1/4
Meanwhile, Chavo delivers Black Lotus to Dario Cueto, who has a special spot ready for her…right across from his brother.
Submission match: Pentagon Jr. v. Sexy Star
So Sexy upset Penta last time they lucha’d, and apparently Penta had a talk with his Master that didn’t go well for him and now he’s going to break her. Penta immediately kicks her down and then gives her a boob chop on the ropes before dropkicking her into the corner. He goes for the arm and she flips out of it and goes to a guillotine attempt. Striker notes that Sexy Star is an “idol for young girls”, which is probably a stance that he’d like to walk back these days. Sexy manages to put Penta on the floor and follows with a somersault dive before choking him out on the apron. Back in, she tries a submission on him, but Penta puts her in piledriver position and then bends her entire body like a bow and arrow. Sexy reverses out and goes for an armbar, but she can’t get any leverage. And Penta just superkicks her and takes her down with a kneebar. Sexy manages to get him to the floor and hits him with a dive, and back in for a half crab. But then Superfly returns from getting his arm broken and breaks up the hold, turning on Sexy with a powerbomb, and Penta finishes her off with the Penta driver and a surfboard at 9:30. He goes to break her arm, but Vampiro can’t take this abuse from Penta and runs into the ring to break it up, and then decides not to provoke a fight with Penta after all. Penta carried her to something pretty good, but the man-on-woman stuff on this show is just very uncomfortable to watch most of the time. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Vampiro is having a mental breakdown in the bathroom and headbutts the mirror a few times, because there’s something dark, and we’re reminded in voiceover that he used to take drugs to keep it under control and hasn’t done so in a while. Good thing Dario is so rich because his locker room is taking a BEATING on this show.
Just kind of a building-block episode as we move towards the season finale. Honestly though I’d rather do this than Superstars right now anyway.