This is going to be the last Worldwide review for a little while, as this is where Scott is up to with his Saturday Night reviews, so I’m going to sync up with that whenever he posts the next one.
Intro: Tony and Jesse promote the Pillman/Valentine main event and Jesse’s annoyed he’s got to interview with Nikita Koloff this week. What does he know about capitalism, anyway?! Nikita used to train at Jesse’s gym as a teenager with the likes of Rick Rude, so he was getting away with knocking him for effect.
Cactus Jack vs. Mitch Bell
Bell just died recently and wrestled as Marvelous Mitch Ryder. Mitch evades Cacti and hits a dropkick to annoy him. He takes him down and pounds on him and kicks away, then punches him right out of midair. Cactus clothesline to the outside as girls squeal as he comes close. Bell goes for a sunset flip out of the corner but gets dropped and hit with the double-arm DDT. RIP Mitch.
The Steiner Brothers vs. Sgt. Buddy Lee Parker and Rob Bassum
Parker we know, Bassum is a fat guy with a mullet, looks a bit like Maxx Payne. Scott is just complete speed and power at this point. Rick just hoists up big Bassum with a German suplex. Parker’s involvement in this match reminds me of a hilarious shoot interview with Dave Taylor where he was asked if he could do an impression of Sarge. He said he couldn’t and didn’t know why he was being asked to, but he said if he did all it would consist of would be “FUCKING DO SOME SQUATS! SQUAT!”, because that’s about all Parker ever said. And as I type that, he gets hit with the Frankensteiner for the win.
WCW Magazine (w/Eric Bischoff): Beach Blast is this weekend with a replay straight after! Scotty Flamingo, who looks like he’s been attacked with straighteners, talks about taking Pillman’s belt. Plus more Beach Blast promotion. With the top two singles titles not being on the line and the TV title not being defended either I would imagine this show was a buyrate bomb.
Johnny B Badd vs. John Black
Jesse spins a line about Johnny’s feather boas and how they’re not as good as the ones he grows on his own boa trees. Badd was in an odd position of trying really hard but not being especially good at this point, much like DDP, which might be why they managed to get together and put some really good matches together on the same page with planning. Left hook finishes for the pin.
WCW Magazine: Footage of Steamboat and Rude fighting during War Games. Rude’s just done 5,427 sit-ups – he would’ve done more but the counter got tired, so he’s ready for their match (“I am Iron Man”). Ricky says he’s going to get his final revenge.
Big Josh vs. Tracy Smothers
Madusa comes out early in this month to scout. There had been a hint in the WCW Magazine that the Dangerous Alliance wanted to add a light heavyweight to their ranks, but Tracy was a real loser at this time, so I’d be shocked if they were interested in him. More interesting would be a reformed Big Josh, repackaged as a yuppie. Tracy uses some flying moves to wear Josh down. Josh catches him coming off the top and boots him down before hitting the Northern Exposure. Not sure if I’d have much on my pad if I as Madusa.
Interview: Jesse talks to Nikita. Jesse tries to subtly knock him, but Nikita has a good answer for anything that Jesse asks, so he draws back. Jesse brings up an envelope that Nikita received from the DA back at WrestleWar, which Nikita admits was a fantastic offer, and asks Paul E to come out so he can give him an answer. Madusa comes out instead. Nikita then verbally cuts Madusa to pieces and tells her that he wants nothing to do with the DA and he wants Rick Rude’s US title to set up his next feud.
Flyin’ Brian vs. Greg “The Hammer” Valentine
Speed against power here. Brian controls early and takes the legs, but Greg gets the advantage and tries constantly for the figure four. Paul E comes out to scout during this match. Valentine would be a good addition, but Pill would be a better addition as he was just about to drop the belt and turn heels. He misses a missile dropkick off the top and gets caught in the figure four. However, Greg uses the ropes to maintain the move and eventually gets caught and disqualified. Not sure who that was supposed to get over. Ron Simmons comes out to help, so Valentine rolls out, but Dustin Rhodes rolls him back in for some more.
WCW Magazine: Eric runs down the card for Beach Blast. Very low effort.
Next week: Tony and Jesse discuss the issues between Simmons and Valentine as well as Simmons facing the Taylor Made Man next week. Aren’t they supposed to be fighting at Beach Blast?
Conclusion: Very poor effort final hype for Beach Blast.
I’ll be back with more when Scott comes back with more Saturday Night.