WCW Worldwide: February 2, 1997

LIVE on 3-MONTH DELAY from the Disney MGM studios, it’s WCW Worldwide!
What kind of sizzling hot action can we expect this week? Alex Wright, Kaoru,
and Konan amongst others! For god sakes don’t you change that channel to …
whatever the hell else airs on Sunday afternoons after football season!

TONY SCHIAVONE and “SOBER” BOBBY HEENAN who does not
appear to be having an easy time standing up are your hosts. Heenan starts
hyping tonight’s main event between Mysterio and Malenko for the 5000th
time, by talking about Malenko’s 1000 holds and counters, then trying to figure
out whether Mysterio has more or fewer, but he winds up confusing himself (and
Tony), so Schiavone just moves it along by saying “it’s quite a rivalry!”

Poor Butch really missed his chance to make some real money in this
business by failing to call Vince Russo in a year and propose a feud with Val
Venis over which of them was truly “Long”. Butch, if you’re reading, I hope you
can’t sleep at night. Bobby asks why Butch had his spleen sewn on to the back
of his head, in reference to his quality single braided mullet. Wright hits a
pair of headscissors takeovers, and gets booed for some reason. In this
controlled environment, da hell is that? Butch pounds on the German
“sensation”, and hits a backdrop suplex for 2. A sitting surfboard goes
nowhere, so he uses the worst version of the Pedigree I’ve ever seen for 2. A
vicious clothesline keeps Wright down, but Wright fights back with a couple of
kicks and hits a running European uppercut to knock down the big man. Long
botches a hiptoss sell, but Wright doesn’t slow down, hitting a spinning heel
kick and missile dropkick for the win at 5:58.
Butch was a fantastic combination of God Awful and Perversely Entertaining, so
I think we need more of him. 1/2*

Heenan shushes Tony during the intros, calling Kato’s theme a “catchy
tune” (she’s using the Generic music usually associated with Kaz Hayashi or
Jushin Liger). Tony asks him why he feels that way, and Bobby scoffs asking
Tony “you don’t recognize KISS?” Tony argues that it’s not KISS, because he
hasn’t learned that you can’t argue with the man. Also, in some old storyline
progression, Tony says that Sonny is still pursuing the investigation against
Bobby Heenan for the fraudulent attempt to sell him Nitro – which as it turns
out Bobby didn’t own. Heenan calls it a misunderstanding, that he was simply
trying to help act as a broker between Onoo and the people in charge; but Tony
flat out says he saw Bobby with a 6 figured cheque and Bobby changes the
subject at warp speed, focusing on trying to figure out what “GAEA” means on
Kato’s sports bra. Both ladies take turns biting each other, which would be the
plot for the sequel to 50 Shades of Grey had it happened in 2014. Kaoru throws
Kato by the hair, and the fans rightly boo everything. Kaoru hits a snap suplex
for 2. In a creative move, Kaoru locks Kato in a front facelock, and reaches
around her own back with the other arm to pull at the hair. The referee sees
it, so Kaoru hits a jumping Face Sitter. Kato isn’t ready for that kind of
exploration, and hits a bulldog to get rid of her. A backdrop sends Kaoru to
the floor, but before Kato can follow up, Sonny pulls her to the floor and stomps
at her. Man on woman violence! At Disney? In front of the KIDS? It’s amazing
WCW wasn’t immediately evicted! Marc Curtis DQ’s the heels immediately at 4:55. *

LEE MARSHALL starts talking
about great second generation wrestlers, and I anticipate the arrival of some
new star, but no, it’s just stupid DEAN
MALENKO. Malenko says he hopes to accomplish half of what his father
accomplished. Whoa, Dean, relax, we don’t need controversial comments like
those on this show.

Holy shit – we haven’t seen THAT belt in months. Of course, Konan was
officially stripped of the title in October, but that’s not stopping him from
wandering around with it now and screaming “ARIBA MEJICO!” He’s basically the
fat, slow moving uncle of Speedy Gonzalez. Jerry shows
off his “lightning feet”, specifically waving them around in the air while
trapped in an Indian deathlock. Tony speculates that Flynn will be a player
once he develops some in ring skills, for which he has time because he’s a
“young man”, a spry 38 at this point. Konan tosses Flynn with an overhead belly
to belly, and finishes with the cradle DDT to retain his phony title at 3:36. DUD

“LORD” STEVEN REGAL proudly shows
off his TV Title to LEE MARSHALL –
and … is he smiling? Enjoying himself? Of course he is – he knows he’s the most
important man in WCW since he’s the highest ranking champion still under the
WCW banner. He has no interest in making movies like Roddy Piper, because he’s
a wrestler, and the best wrestler in the world. When it comes to talking, “I
can make Piper sound like he’s been sedated”. Oh, he’s feeling good, so
Marshall tries to cut him down by pointing out a lot of hungry wrestlers still
want his title. Regal blows him off by reminding him he’s already gone all over
the globe once before, where he offered title shots to the planet, and nobody
dethroned him. “If there was a ring in someone’s back garden, I’d wrestle there
… and I did exactly that.” Why wasn’t that televised? Marshall concedes that
Regal’s great, and Regal iterates one more time he’s the greatest specimen in
WCW today. ALL HAIL LORD REGAL!!!!!

Tony calls Heenan “Dream”, and Bobby gets pissed because he’s wearing a
nice pair of shoes and not loafers covered in meadow muffins. Tony: “I’m sorry,
I didn’t mean to insult Dusty like that.” These two are all kinds of salty
tonight. Tony notes that Mysterio may need knee surgery in the near future,
which sadly would be an omen for things to come.

WCW takes its final timeout before the main event kicks off, and we
return to find them circling each other. Rey sweeps out the legs, but both guys
bounce back up immediately. Malenko tries a wheelbarrow, but Rey flips mid move
and hits an armdrag, following with a springboard moonsault for 2! Rey tries
for the headscissors, but Malenko grabs his ankles and hits a HARD double leg
slam. Mysterio somehow fights off the pain right away and catches Dean in a
small package for 2! A rana is blocked with a gutbuster, and the fans ADORE
Rey, so the boos shower down on the champ. A standing vertical suplex gets 2.
Malenko hooks on a headscissors to cut off Rey’s air circulation and slow the
little guy down. Rey squirms loose, so Malenko hits him with a backdrop suplex
and squeezes him with a headlock. A powerbomb gets 2, and Malenko looks a little
frustrated. A pumphandle slam is twisted mid-move, and Mysterio gets 2. Dean
goes back to trying to get Rey to tap out, but it’ll be a cold day in hell
before that happens. A hot shot is delivered with such force that Rey bounces
right off the ropes and flies to the outside of the ring. He slowly crawls back
in before the 10-count, and finds the wind to charge. Malenko launches him over
his head, but Mysterio lands on the top rope, flying backwards immediately with
a springboard senton for 2! Rey tries a suplex, but Malenko blocks it with his
weight, so Rey drops down in a bridge for 2! Mysterio hits a forward roll, and
NEARLY gets the pin, with Malenko only kicking out at the last hair. Rey goes
to finish with a super moonsault, but Malenko rolls away and the bellyflop is
enough for Malenko to score the pin at 8:24.
Tony called this one of their best matches ever, and while I wouldn’t go that
far, it was a quality Worldwide main event. ***

Tony hypes the impending return of Jushin Liger to the Cruiserweight
division. Heenan says no champion will ever hold the title in that division for
an entire year, because they wrestle too frequently against strong competition.
Armed with one of the smartest statements to ever come out of Heenan’s mouth,
Tony wraps things up, and we outtie.