The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.22.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.22.96

(I’m out of town for a couple of days here on Easter weekend, although I’ll be back in time for Wrestlemania. So let’s burn off one more episode of Superstars!).

Taped from Tampa, FL on 12.16.96. I don’t get the rationale here, because they taped this show and RAW at the tapings, and then did another Superstars taping the next night in Daytona Beach.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette

Owen Hart & British Bulldog v. Savio Vega & Double J

Thankfully this is non-title. Savio goes for Owen’s arm to start and the babyfaces work on that. Jammes with a corner clothesline and Savio comes in with a leg lariat on Owen in the corner as this poor crowd is already dead. Owen takes Savio down with a headlock and the champs double-team Savio in the corner while we get an inset promo from Steve Austin. Man they were really hot and heavy for that Bulldog feud that never got a payoff. Back to Jammes and he takes an Owenzuigiri for two and plays face in peril. Owen with a neckbreaker as we take a break. Back with Bulldog holding a delayed suplex, so delayed they should call it the reveal that the Roadie was the real singer. But Jesse cradles Owen for two. Owen puts him down again with a backbreaker and works the back before going to a rear chinlock, but Double J fights out and makes the comeback before a collision leads to a double down. Hot tag Savio and he runs wild on Bulldog with BACKDROPS FOR ALL. Sidekick on Bulldog gets two. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Owen hits Savio with the enzuigiri behind the ref’s back, and the Bulldog powerslams him for the pin at 9:14. Bulldog and Owen continue to be booked really weakly in a dead tag division before the Hart Foundation revived them a few months later.

Meanwhile on RAW, Billy Gunn takes a stungun and goes out on a stretcher, paralyzed from the waist down and confined to a wheelchair in a possible career ending injury. Oh that’s a shame. Anyway…

Steve Austin v. Jason Ahrndt

Austin finishes with the stunner at 2:02 in a nothing squash. Afterwards, Austin cuts a promo on the jobber about he’s pathetic and tells him to go find a tag team partner so that Austin can beat the both of them next week. Also everyone in the back is the biggest piece of trash Austin has ever seen, and so are the fans, and especially Bret Hart.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Jerry Lawler calls Goldust a homophobic slur, and that turns Goldust “babyface” even though it didn’t stick with the fans and quite a lot of them agreed with Lawler’s interpretation.

Shawn Michaels joins us for an interview with Kevin Kelly, and he’s had enough of talking about Bret Hart, and then goes back to talking about Bret Hart again and then puts over all the freedom of speech they have in the WWF even if the fans like someone else besides him. Yeah, Shawn Michaels, famously thick-skinned and stable in 1996.

Pierroth v. Matt Hardy

This feels like one of those fever dream matchups. Pierroth hits Matt with elbows in the corner and adds a uranage for two. Pierroth with a dropkick and a sunset flip for two. Matt fights back with chops and JR rages against the unfair stereotyping of all Mexicans as high flyers. Yeah a lot of them are also stereotyped as being good wrestlers, which is also clearly unfair and prejudicial to guys like Pierroth here. And then Matt misses a quebrada and Pierroth dumps him and follows with a pescado to live up to that stereotype. Back in with a powerbomb for the pin at 3:42 while JR bitches about Vic Venom predicting that Bret Hart is gonna win the Royal Rumble. They don’t even know who all the guys are yet! Well hopefully no one freaks out and changes the booking now.

Undertaker v. “Diesel”

I believe Ramon was exported to Mexico on the next available flight. (This was written more than a month ago because yes, otherwise I would have gone with “El Salvador” as the punchline) We get an inset promo from the debuting Honky Tonk Man backstage. Interesting I guess that we’ve seen matches with Undertaker v. Unabomb in SMW, and then Undertaker v. Isaac Yankem, and now Undertaker v. Fake Diesel. Wonder if Undertaker will face this guy with another gimmick later on? Honestly I think we’ve seen enough of the match by this point in 1996 and should probably retire it. Taker slugs away in the corner and follows with a corner splash. To the top for a ropewalk and he follows with a big boot and chokes away in the corner. Diesel with a clothesline as JR calls this a “very deliberate matchup” in a massive understatement. So we take a break and return with the match going nowhere, at which point Vader runs in for the DQ at 5:12 and we are DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME for the week. Well shucks.

Next week: Over to Daytona Beach for a new set of tapings to wrap up 1996 and then I NEVER HAVE TO WATCH IT AGAIN and can do something else with my life, thank god.