The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.21.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.21.91

Originally written 12.20.25

Taped from New Haven, CT on 11.14.21

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, in the Christmas spirit! Perfect tells all the kids watching that he’s gonna reveal the true identity of Santa Claus…Ric Flair. Surprised Mean Gene never tried that tactic on the WCW Hotline.

“Fans, I’ve got information that could ROCK the wrestling world… and the holiday season.”

“Sources tell me a legendary red-and-white icon, long associated with another organization, may be UNHAPPY and considering a jump. We’re talking contract issues, overworked helpers, and a sleigh that hasn’t been pushed in years.”

“Is Santa Claus about to DEFECT? And when you hear how he really operates, kids, you might want to leave the room.”

“I can’t say more on free TV. Call the WCW Hotline right now! $1.99 per minute! And I’ll tell you the TRUTH about Santa Claus that no one wants out.”

“Fans… once you hear it, Christmas will never be the same.”

Ric Flair v. Dale Wolfe

We continue video distorting the Las Vegas Big Gold, as Vince notes that the only way to see the belt in all its glory is to buy tickets to live WWF events near you! Because you can’t video distort real life apparently. I’m sure Microsoft is working on a way to do it as we speak, though. Flair chops Wolfe in the corner and drops an elbow on him AND NOW WE GO TO SCHOOL with the figure-four at 1:45.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE SURVIVOR SERIES VHS TAPE!

Mean Gene is looking forward to the Royal Rumble, which by the way is for the WWF World title this year! Jake Roberts notes that the chances of Randy Savage getting his hands on him are like safe sex…it just doesn’t happen. Also, Gene has heard rumors, UNCONFIRMED MIND YOU, that Sid Justice might be back for the match.

The Rockers v. Paul Perez & Bob Wisseman

It’s Christmas time and they’ve literally got a guy named “Wisseman” doing a job here? Bit too on the nose. Shawn asks Marty to stay on the apron here and then beats Wisseman down in the corner. Which reminds me, did you know that in the original story of the nativity, there were actually four wisemen? While the three most famous ones brought gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, the fourth one brought a gift of nickel. However, his gift was rejected and they gave his nickel back. And so he never made it as a wiseman. I’m often reminded of that story this time of year. Shawn punches Wisseman to the floor and quips that he could do it all night. Back in the ring, he brings Perez in and beats him down with elbows and then hits him with the superkick, twice, and pins him at 2:31, all by himself! And then he waits until Marty exits the ring and celebrates by himself. Marty better stay away from barber shops. Just a feeling I’ve got.

Last week: Bret Hart receives a trophy for being the Wrestler of the Year, presented by Classy Freddie Blassie, and it goes nowhere.

Bret Hart v. Bob Bradley

Bret hits Bradley with an atomic drop and clothesline while we get an inset promo from the Mountie, who was “shocked” by Bret getting that award. Bret finishes with the Sharpshooter at 2:10, as Perfect is having PTSD.

IRS v. Phil Apollo

Irwin quickly hits the Write Off clothesline and then hits him with a butterfly suplex and drops elbows on him before going to the abdominal stretch. And the samoan drop finishes at 1:48, which Vince also calls the Write Off. I liked the lariat better as a finisher.

The Bushwhackers join Mean Gene for a special interview, as Jamison complains about the Beverly Brothers wrecking his best suit and breaking the boil on his ass. So now they seek revenge against the Beverlies at the Royal Rumble. Yeah that match was a boil on the ass of the PPV.

The Undertaker v. Al Phillips

Taker quickly hits the flying clothesline and chokes him out on the ropes before hitting a backdrop suplex. Ropewalk follows and the tombstone finishes at 3:00. That was a sick looking piledriver. Dude nearly folded in half on the way down.

Sgt. Slaughter & Hacksaw Duggan v. Chris Duffy & Peter Weeks

Today in nerd culture: There’s now a series of GI Joe / Transformers crossover toys, including a Kup that transforms into Slaughter’s tank and comes with a Sarge figure. If was 12 years old I’d be BEGGING my parents for that at Christmas time. Now I’m a grownup and can just buy it, but when would I have to properly play with it? The babyfaces double-team Duffy with a back elbow and Sarge brings in Weeks and pounds on him with clubbing forearms, and then the jobbers get rammed together. Back to Duffy for a double backdrop and Duggan finishes with the three point stance at 3:14.

NEXT WEEK: Rick Martel! Big Bossman! Repo Man! Roddy Piper on the Funeral Parlor! And the Rockers challenge the LOD for the tag team titles! Join us as we wrap up 1991 Superstars!