The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.15.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.15.96

Went to see Drop tonight and I’m TIRED so let’s burn off another one of these so I can go to bed. I’ll add It’s Time as well this morning for fun as well.

Taped from Springfield, MA on 11.19.96, although they’re doing the lame live cut-ins from the PPV because IT’S TIME.

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette & Sunny

Faarooq v. Freddie Joe Floyd

PG-13 is still working on the cadence of their rap introduction but they’d get there soon enough. Freddie takes Faarooq down with armdrags and works the arm, but Faarooq slugs him down and hits a pretty spicy spinebuster for two. Snap suplex follows for two. Freddie gets a pair of cradles for two, but Faarooq clotheslines him back down again as we take a break. IS RANDY SAVAGE RETURNING TO THE WWF? Asks the Hotline commercial. Spoiler: Fuck no. Back with Faarooq beating on Floyd some more, but he misses a blind charge and Freddie cradles for two. Faarooq beats him down again and tosses him, but Freddie comes in with a sunset flip for two while JR buries the New York Jets. Well at least some references are timeless. Freddie with a pair of pump kicks for two, but Faarooq headbutts him and finishes with the Dominator at 7:30. If they had ended it with the spinebuster this would have been a hot squash win, but it dragged on way too long.

Meanwhile, we get a holiday carol about the WWF.

Meanwhile, at the arena, Shawn does a promo complaining about how Bret Hart was sitting in Calgary passing judgement on him while he was WWF champion for 8 months. Well that’ll really drive buys for that Sid Vicious title defense later tonight!

KARATE FIGHTERS TOURNAMENT FINAL!

Todd gives us highlights of the tournament thus far as we learn that this is merely a PREVIEW of the finals. What a bait and switch.

The Stalker v. Steve Austin

Windham has now dropped all pretense of caring about his character and just has a WWF t-shirt and normal wrestling gear. And JR also just dispenses with the niceties and calls him Barry Windham and the son of Blackjack Mulligan and all that. Austin beats on him in the corner, but Windham backdrops him and slugs away in the corner. Austin goes low and chokes him out on the ropes while the announcers keep putting over the Austin-Bulldog feud that never went anywhere. Windham takes Steve down with a hammerlock, but Austin goes to a chinlock as Barry Windham is somehow dragging peak Steve Austin to a boring and shitty match. That takes real talent. Barry tries to suplex Austin from behind, but Steve drops him with the Stone Cold Stunner and pins him at 3:40. Blessedly short.

Meanwhile, in Florida, Bret Hart does his promo about his title match against Sid, thankfully keeping the topic to the PPV instead of beefing about Shawn Michaels. But then Shawn interrupts and continues his heel turn, calling Bret the most arrogant guy in WWF history, even more than him!

Vader v. Tim McNeeny

Vader drops him with a german suplex, as Tim lands on his head. Vader with a Vaderbomb and powerbomb to finish at 2:20. Dull squash for Vader, who was basically adrift at sea for the rest of his run.

Meanwhile, on RAW, Mankind faces Undertaker and Executioner runs in.

Crush v. Savio Vega

JR lets us know that if we miss the PPV tonight, we’re gonna be sorry! Lot of people were sorry, then. Crush beats on Savio in the corner and dodges a dropkick to take over before beating Savio down. Crush with a neck vice while JR goes into bitching mode again and complains about having to carry the commentary load for Vince McMahon while desperately shilling the shitty PPV card and talking about how we’re gonna “see something special” tonight. Spoiler: We did not. Crush with a slam as the announcers are yelling like it’s an nWo battle with Sting while these two guys stand around posing for the audience. Crush chokes him out in the corner, but Savio dropkicks him into the corner. Savio makes the comeback and misses a blind charge, and Crush gets two from that. And we take a break. Back with Crush slowly working him over as JR claims that the PPV is absolutely sold out and no more tickets are available, and that feels like a lie. Technically it was true but there was still about 1500 comps out for the show. And amazingly we get a DOUBLE COUNTOUT finish here at 9:46 to finish off this awful taping cycle.

And we finish with Sid doing the go-home promo for It’s Time, which is certainly a choice. And Bret Hart attacks him and sets up another brawl with Shawn Michaels to end the show.

NEXT WEEK: We head to Florida for another set of tapings, which are hopefully more interesting than these ones were.