The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.14.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.14.91

Originally written 12.08.25

Is Christmas shopping more expensive this year or has my family just gotten really bougie? Maybe it’s just me.

Taped from New Haven, CT on 11.13.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Mr. Perfect, the new permanent team until Perfect’s face turn a year later.

The Bushwhackers v. Barry Hardy & Brian Donahue

In a historic first, like Hulk Hogan joining the nWo in 1996, the Whackers pull Jamison out of the audience and put him in their corner, kicking off a run at the top of the sport as a result and creating a moment where wrestling was divided into “before” and “after”. BJ and AJ if you will. The Whackers double-team Hardy and Butch drops fists on him while Jamison eats a sandwich at ringside, pure charisma and raw sex appeal combined into one package. Battering ram and gutbuster finish at 2:33.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Have you heard the good news about the Royal Rumble? The winner gets the WWF title, and Macho Man has been given his golden ticket to the show. So we take you back to This Tuesday in Texas, where Jake Roberts loses a battle to Savage but wins the war by DDTing him a bunch of times and then slapping Elizabeth around for good measure. Jake making her watch while he delivered another DDT to Savage and then punching her out was just nuclear bombshell heel heat.

Jake Roberts v. Ross Greenberg

Greenberg actually gets some gutshots but gets too fired up and misses a dropkick in his excitement. “What a rookie!” notes Jake before putting the boots to him and tossing him over the top with an epic flip bump to the floor. He looked like he was going off a diving board there. Back in, short arm clothesline and DDT finish at 2:45.

Virgil v. Von Kruss

Virgil gets a back suplex and clotheslines Kruss to the floor and then follows with a dive. Back in the ring, Kruss puts his head down and Virgil hits him with a neckbreaker and legsweep. Meanwhile we get an inset promo from Repo Man, who promises to repossess Virgil’s entire career. That seems extreme. Virgil finishes with the Million Dollar Dream at 2:45. Perfect: “Can’t he come up with his own hold?” I actually agree. It makes him look like even more of a loser.

The Natural Disasters v. Bill Pierce & Kevin Drake

Quake beats on Pierce in the corner and hits a belly to belly into an elbowdrop on him, and then the Disasters belly-bump the goober and Typhoon hits him with a suplex. Typhoon with a clothesline and he chokes away in the corner, and they squash the guy in the corner and finish him with the Quake butt splash into Typhoon’s big fat splash at 4:13.

Bret Hart joins us, as Classy Freddie Blassie presents him with an award for being the Wrestler of the Year. And that’s..uh…the whole segment. No one smashes the trophy or runs in or anything.

El Matador v. Chris Duffy

Duffy throws some punches but Tito goes up with a double axehandle and goes to work on the arm. Duffy charges and Tito sends him to the floor and back in for EL PASA DEL MORTE to finish at 2:14. Why didn’t Tito Santana ever team up with Ted Dibiase as Bull Market? Just asking questions.

Meanwhile, Col Mustafa and General Adnan are playing one of the crappy WWF games on NES.

Meanwhile, we hear from Texas Tornado, Warlord, Virgil, IRS, British Bulldog, Berzerker, Ric Flair and Undertaker.

The Beverly Brothers v. Jim Arnone & Sonny Blaze

The Genius terrorizes poor Jamison while the Bevs toss Arnone around the ring and finish him with the Shaker Heights Spike at 2:00. Jamison is very upset about this. So the Beverlies have had enough of listening to his heckling and go to shut his big mouth, but the Bushwhackers intervene and bail their loud mouthed friend out.

This week in 1991 commercials: ANACIN! Is that still even a thing? I mean I guess Jon Moxley needs something to thin his blood before every match but other than that I haven’t heard about anything but Aspirin for decades.

NEXT WEEK: The Rockers! Bret Hart! Hacksaw & Slaughter! The Undertaker! Ric Flair!

Two episodes left in 1991 and then we go all the way back to the beginning of the year again!