The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.08.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.08.96

The death march to the end of 1996 Superstars continues! Part of me really just wants to post all these and burn them off so I can move onto other things, but also I’m glad that I did the whole run of Nov-Dec in one shot last month because I really need the break for my mental health right now. Thanks to everyone checking in with me, it really helps to know that I what I do is appreciated. 2025 has been messing with my brain, man.

Taped from Springfield, MA, on 11.19.96

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette

Rocky Maivia v. TL Hopper

Hopper was “trained” by Cornette in order to beat Rocky in under five minutes after Rocky snubbed him last week. Rocky uses his array of armdrags and a dropkick to put Hopper on the floor. Back in, Hopper gets a couple of shots, but Rocky unleashes another dropkick and sends him out again. Cornette offers his advice, but Rocky rams their heads together before I can write a joke about it. Back in, Hopper sends Rocky out this time as JR tries to get “The Rock” over as a nickname for him. Like that’ll stick. Back in, Hopper chokes him out and Cornette adds a racket shot. JR notes that Cornette should be a politician because he’s versed in lying. But can he use Signal for his official communications? Granted this is being written WAAAAAAAAAY in advance so I don’t know if that joke will even make sense by the time this goes live. Rocky comes back, however, and finishes with the shoulderbreaker at 5:58.

Meanwhile, we learn about how great it is to be touring the Middle East. Maybe they’ll even do a PPV from there someday!

Savio Vega v. Bert Centino

Savio beats on him with chops in the corner and follows with a hiptoss before going to an armbar as we learn that Savio will be facing Crush NEXT WEEK, as they work really hard to deliver main events for the fans. Bert actually comes back with a rana in the corner, but Savio superkicks him down and dances in celebration. Savio with a sideslam and spinkick, and then he finishes with a pump kick at 2:29. He should have used that one more often, actually.

Meanwhile, Bart Gunn gets promo time before his IC title shot. Just accept it.

KARATE FIGHTERS HOLIDAY TOURNAMENT!

This was scheduled to be Sid v. Mr. Perfect, but Sid is a no-show and Mr. Perfect is too chicken to show up, as they actually go with the story that Perfect was scared to continue on with the Karate Fighters tournament and decided to leave the promotion. So Jerry Lawler faces Todd instead and advances to the finals against Sable next week. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my life even recapping that.

“Diesel” and “Razor Ramon” v. Brian Walsh & Tony Roy

Walsh gets thrown around by Razor and Diesel comes in with a press slam and big boot. His hair is actually growing in nicely. Diesel with a sideslam while we get an inset promo from Bulldog & Owen. And Razor hits Roy with a Razor’s Edge before Diesel finishes him with the powerbomb at 3:14. He didn’t do a proper hairflip before the move, though, which reduces the power of it tenfold.

Meanwhile, in England, Sid tries to powerbomb the Bulldog and it turns into a fight with Steve Austin and Bret Hart, ending with Bret Hart taking a chokeslam.

Ahmed Johnson and his 2×4 join us for an interview with Kevin Kelly. Because when you see Ahmed Johnson from now on, you get board! Apparently, Faarooq is going down, although history would certainly disagree with that direction. So the newly formed Nation of Domination interrupts, with PG-13 doing the rap entrance and it’s immediately so much fresher than whatever Faarooq was doing for the first few months of his WWF career.

The Headbangers v. Doug Furnas & Phil Lafon

Cornette trying to sound hip and cool has real “How do you do, fellow kids?” energy. Furnas & Lafon with a double backdrop on Thrasher, who bails to the floor while JR takes shots at how SOME OTHER PROMOTIONS are a “part of an amusement park attraction”. Given what they were drawing at that point I wouldn’t be taking shots if I was them. Over to Mosh and Lafon takes him down and works the arm. The Bangers choke Furnas out on the ropes and Mosh gets two from that and drops an elbow for two. Mosh suplexes Thrasher onto Furnas for two, but Furnas comes back with a german suplex to finish at 5:34. Not good, as the Bangers were still working out their shit. *

Intercontinental title: Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Bart Gunn

Hunter slugs him down in the corner while JR complains about those other guys being “in their mid-40s and bald” and standing around the ring walking and talking about how they’re gonna beat someone else with no action. Again, not the fight to be picking, guys. Hunter slugs away in the corner as Billy joins us to observe, and a neckbreaker gets two. Hunter drops the knee for two as we are moving at a sluggish pace to say the least. Bart had a pretty decent singles run in 1996 but this is not part of it. Bart misses a corner splash and Hunter goes up, but Bart slams him off and hits the fameasser. Powerslam out of the corner gets two. Crowd doesn’t care in the least. Bart with a sideslam to set up the bulldog, but Hunter throws him off and goes for the Pedigree. Bart backdrops out of that and hits his devastating bulldog, but Billy runs in for the DQ at 7:51. We get a beatdown from Hunter and Billy Gunn, as if you can ever imagine THOSE guys working together, but Marc Mero makes the save. Match was OK but the finish was terrible. *1/2

Good lord we still another week of this taping to endure? Well join us next time for Savio Vega v. Crush!