The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.07.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.07.91

Originally written 11.30.25

Four episodes left and then we’ll go back to do the missing 08.31 episode before starting from January again.

Taped from New Haven, CT

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Mr. Perfect & Rowdy Roddy Piper

BREAKING NEWS: Hulk Hogan is the WWF champion for the fourth time! But there was some controversy and corrupt old drunk Tunney will be commenting on it later in the show.

The Legion of Doom v. The Executioners

The mysterious masked men get tossed around the ring and sent to the floor, and Hawk slingshots Gill back into the ring and hits him with a shoulderblock. Over to Animal for a back elbow and powerslam and elbow and a nice belly to belly. Perfect: “Yeah but they wear makeup.” Piper: “He’s got a point.” Over to Hardy and Hawk hits him with a gut wrench while Piper and Perfect squabble. Piper: “I don’t think the LOD should wrestle your style, because they want to win.” SPICY! Doomsday Device finishes at 3:14. Gill and Hardy were tremendous mannequins for the LOD to throw around the ring, as usual.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Apparently some stuff went down Last Tuesday in Texas, including Jack Tunney. So we hear from corrupt old barfly Jack Tunney, who declares that Hulk Hogan is stripped of the WWF title for GRIEVOUS CHEATING and it is awarded to Abeyance until such time as the Royal Rumble can settle the vacancy. Also Hogan and Undertaker will draw between 20 and 30. Mean Gene is OUTRAGED.

The Mountie v. Al Phillips

Piper plays the role of the idiot fan here, restating that the WWF TITLE IS ON THE LINE IN THE ROYAL RUMBLE for those in the cheap seats. But hey, say what you will, but they got that stipulation OVER and obviously we all still talk about the match today. Mountie rams him into the turnbuckles a few times, tosses him for a cameo from Jameson, and then back in to finish with his chokeslam deal at 1:30. And then Mountie handcuffs him and gives him the shock stick after declaring that he’s been judged and sentenced already. Probably not a great look to have the black guy getting that treatment.

Meanwhile, I’ve been skipping the live event segments, but I want to throw out a mention of Jake Roberts quoting “No More Tears” for his tag match against Randy Savage in Long Island.

Meanwhile, at the Survivor Series Showdown, Repo Man nails Virgil with the Million Dollar belt and Dibiase regains it as a result.

Ted Dibiase v. Ross Greenberg

Dibiase takes Greenberg down while we get an inset from Dibiase, who is moving onto Tito Santana as his next feud. And in a roundabout way that would lead to the creation of Money Inc. Dibiase tosses Greenberg while Piper wonders if this wrestler he knows can enter the Royal Rumble and put his name in the hat for the WWF title. Million Dollar Dream finishes at 2:30 before we can learn who the mystery wrestler might be.

The New Foundation v. Kato & Peter Weeks

So with his singles career floundering, Jim Neidhart has gone out and found Bret Hart’s younger brother Owen to be his tag team partner. Owen hits Kato with a leg lariat, but he misses a charge and Kato beats on him with chops. Owen comes back with armdrags and dropkicks Kato into a slam from Anvil. Over to Weeks and Owen slingshots Anvil into him with a shoulderblock while Piper keeps teasing this mystery entrant in the Rumble, who is apparently a bit of a hothead. Anvil slams Weeks and they finish with a Rocket Launcher at 3:47. Not like an S-Tier debut for Owen but it did the job.

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT! WITH MEAN GENE!

Of course Hulk Hogan whines about getting stripped of his title.

Greg Valentine v. Barry Horowitz

With the New Foundation debuting we now have TWO themes back to back, featuring hammer strikes as a part of the music. I hope someone got fired for THAT blunder! Hammer grabs a headlock while Piper and Perfect continue their war of words and we get an inset promo of Hammer playing with a Game Boy for some reason. And then Jack Tunney calls into the show to talk with Roddy Piper while Horowitz misses a dropkick, and Tunney offers Piper the very first spot in the Royal Rumble. Piper of course is honored to sign up, while Hammer drops an elbow to finish at 2:49. This was a very, very wacky segment.

The Nasty Boys v. Paul Perez & Mario Mancini

I should note some guy in the front row has a “Full Moon Fever” t-shirt. Do you know how incredibly difficult it is to find Tom Petty merch these days? I had to order a custom one from 80sTees.com for my wife and that shit is EXPENSIVE. I hope that guy appreciates that shirt. Nasties double-team Mario and give him the Pit Stop, and then it’s over to Perez as they toss him over the top rope and Piper has had enough of Perfect and quits the show. Sags with a pumphandle slam and the Shitty Elbow finishes at 4:22. And that of course is it for Roddy Piper on commentary, as the show featured Vince and Perfect as a 2 man team for a long time after this.

Next week: The Bushwackers! Virgil! Jake Roberts! Bret Hart! More on the Royal Rumble!