The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.01.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 12.01.96

If you’re miserable reading these just remember that I reviewed the entire last two months of the show in a two day period. We’ll get to 1986 soon, fear not.

Taped from Springfield, MA on 11.19.96

Your hosts are Jim Ross & Jim Cornette

The British Bulldog, Owen Hart & Crush v. Savio Vega, Marc Mero & Jake Roberts

Mero and Owen trade takedowns to start, but Razor and Diesel wander down to watch in advance of their thrilling tag team title challenge coming up at the PPV. Mero puts Owen down with a kneelift and Savio comes in and he also works the arm. Over to the Bulldog, but he misses a charge and Jake waddles in and stumbles around, but takes too long going for the DDT and Crush runs him into the corner. Crush puts the boots to him and Owen & Bulldog double-team him, but Jake slugs back and Mero gets a hot tag and runs wild. Crush quickly cuts him off, but Mero rolls up Owen for two. Owen with the enzuigiri for two and we take a break. Back with Crush trying a press slam, but Mero gets a headscissor takedown and it’s hot tag Savio. It’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA and Crush hits Savio with the Heart Punch, allowing Owen to get the pin at 10:24. JR calls this “stealing one” despite the match ending with a clean pin via legal move.

Meanwhile, on RAW, British Bulldog saves Bret Hart from an attack by Steve Austin, which puts his partnership with Owen Hart in an awkward position.

The Executioner v. Bert Centino

Geez, they actually recycled Steve Austin’s original terrible theme for Gordy. JR apparently doesn’t know anything about the Executioner. Yeah OK. Executioner gets a suplex while the announcers discuss the Asiatic Spike like it’s 1972 or something. Come to think of it we’ve got Heart Punches in the previous match too, so maybe it is. Executioner with a backdrop driver and a one footed dropkick. So in between moves Gordy is doing some kind of weird spasms like he’s having a temper tantrum and I don’t get what he’s putting down here. Corner clothesline and he puts Centino down with a lariat and finishes with the ASIATIC SPIKE at 3:34. Terrible debut for a character going nowhere fast.

Rocky Maivia joins us for an interview, but Jim Cornette quickly interrupts and puts over Rocky as a future champion in the WWF, but the only thing he’s lacking is business sense and the ability to sign big money contracts and deal with promoters. Oh I’d say he learned that aspect pretty well later on. Of course, Rocky has a saying from the islands and turns him down.

Leif Cassidy v. Scott Taylor

Leif is now a solo after Survivor Series, fully into his scowling heel phase now, and takes Taylor down with a leg sweep and a clothesline. Leif with a sidekick, but Taylor gets a crossbody for two, so Leif puts him down with a clothesline and puts the boots to him. Leif with a gutbuster and he puts Taylor into a neck crank on the mat. Cassidy with a Sky High and he goes up with a moonsault and finishes with a release german suplex at 4:00. Shocking to actually see Al Snow WINNING on TV! I mean it wouldn’t last, obviously.

Hunter Hearst Helmsley v. Goldust

Goldust quickly runs away and we take a break, returning with Goldust getting a slam. The announcers are wondering if the crowd will bother cheering for either one, although the intention was to turn Goldust babyface right away, of course. I guess the feud with the Stalker is dead and buried, then. Goldust slugs away and backdrops him, but Hunter takes him to the corner for chops. Hunter goes up and Goldust brings him down and makes the comeback, slugging away in the corner, but they fight to the floor and trade shots to the stairs. They keep pulling the other guy out for more brawling and stopping the count, but Hunter steals the cigar from Marlena and rubs it in Goldust’s face to beat the count at 5:10. I don’t specifically know if that was supposed to be leading to anything, but it sure didn’t.

Yeah this show is kinda dying before our eyes, innit?