The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.30.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.30.91

Originally written 11.24.25

Quick poll. We’ve got 5 episodes left in 1991. I can circle back to the beginning of the year once we get to the end of these and start from January 91, or maybe go back to 1989 and pick up from there again?

Also I’m getting some Crockett syndies and, yes, Uncle Herb is also coming soon.

Taped from New Haven, CT on 11.13.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Rowdy Roddy Piper & MR. PERFECT, kicking off a pretty long run for him as the color commentator. Randy Savage has of course finally been reinstated and is free to wrestle again.

BREAKING NEWS: The Undertaker is the new WWF champion!

MORE BREAKING NEWS: Corrupt old Jack Tunney can’t allow Randy Savage to participate in the Survivor Series, but he’ll accept Jake Roberts’ explanation that it was an accident. HOWEVER, all reptiles are now barred from ringside, and Randy Savage is reinstated, and he’ll face Jake Roberts THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS!

EVEN MORE BREAKING NEWS (BOOM, RED SIREN EMOJI, RED SIREN EMOJI): At the Survivor Series, Jack Tunney orders that Undertaker also faces Hulk Hogan in a rematch THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS and he’ll be there at ringside to personally collect bribes!

The Barbarian v. Mark Thomas

Barbie beats Thomas down and puts the furry boots to him, but Thomas slugs back until Barbarian catches him on a bodypress and drops him on the top rope. Perfect wonders if Elizabeth used her “stroke” to convince Jack Tunney to reinstate Savage. Wouldn’t put it past Tunney. Barbarian takes Thomas to the floor and stomps him on the stairs, and then back in for the KICK OF FEAR as the announcers note that Barbarian is challenging Bret Hart in Texas. Well that sure didn’t happen. Flying clothesline finishes at 3:30. I mean they had a million matches in 1990 so it would have been a fine match, but I’m assuming he was injured?

Big Bossman v. Von Krus

Krus tries to punch Bossman and gets booted down and choked out on the ropes for the sliding punch, and back in for a running splash. In a nice touch, Perfect tells us that he’s going to leave and change his clothes for his upcoming appearance with Ric Flair, thus explaining why he was wearing two different suits on the show. Bossman Slam finishes at 1:30.

Meanwhile, Jake the Snake gives us his WORD that he won’t bring a snake to the PPV in Texas, and we all know he’s a man of his word.

Ric Flair v. Glen Ruth

Really, was the minor color difference between Perfect’s two tracksuits worth doing an explanation? I thought he was going to be changing into his business look. So the Real World title is now digitized, to cover up that it’s a different belt. It’s pretty clear even with the distortion. Flair works the arm and takes the guy down for a hammerlock. To the floor for a beating and some chops on the railing, and he beats on Rush out on the apron, and back in for the kneedrop that gets two. He whips Ruth into the corner and the kid nearly bangs his head on the post taking the bump, as Flair is really delivering a thrashing here. Backdrop suplex and now we go to school with the figure-four at 4:55.

This week in 1991 commercials: They made a DOLLMAN movie?!? Unfortunately it’s got nothing to do with the DC hero, but rather it’s apparently about an alien who comes to Earth but he’s only 13 inches tall and still kicks ass regardless. Also it’s got Jackie Earle Haley in it as the bad guy. Apparently it’s on Prime Video here in 2025. Might have to give that one a watch.

LAST WEEK: Noted foreign menaces The Nasty Boys are beating up Jim Duggan and disrespecting the American flag in the process, so Sgt Slaughter makes the save and uses Jimmy Hart as a weapon. Then he kisses the flag and makes peace with Jim Duggan. Duggan is more forgiving than I would be. Also, as we discussed back in 1992 rants, this was supposed to eventually culminate in Slaughter & Duggan challenging for (and presumably winning, I’m guessing) the WWF tag team titles at Wrestlemania 8.

Jim Duggan & Sgt. Slaughter v. Dale Wolfe & Paul Perez

Duggan and Slaughter double-team Wolfe with a double elbow and Duggan runs Dale into the corner to set up the spinning slam. Slaughter with a backbreaker and it’s over to Perez, and Sarge puts the boots to him. I’m assuming Paul isn’t part of either notable Perez family in wrestling (Lou/Al or Miguel). Duggan puts him away with the three point stance at 2:45. And Vince points out Jameson at ringside and the announcers literally go “Who?” Me too, pal.

Meanwhile, Paul Bearer isn’t sure why Jack Tunney ordered a rematch, but they’ll happily disembowel Hogan again. Old school Taker with the belt is WEIRD.

Also we’re 40 minutes into the show and they FINALLY do an actual advertisement for THIS TUESDAY IN TEXAS after this promo, which shows why it was such a flop. I bet a lot of people just thought it was some kind of house show. They really did not make clear that it was a PPV.

This week in 1991 commercials: The 1991 Billboard Music Awards, featuring chart-topping superstars like Mariah Carey, REM, Color Me Badd and MC Hammer! Yup, that’s 1991, all right.

The British Bulldog v. Dave Wilson

Bulldog takes Wilson down and works the arm, dropping knees on it to set up a delayed suplex. So delayed they should call it the Epstein Files. Davey works the arm again and follows with a corner clothesline to set up the powerslam at 2:10. Don’t know why he bothered working the arm for a couple of minutes.

Repo Man v. Phil Apollo

Repo chokes him out on the ropes and hangs him in the Tree of Woe while we get an inset from Ted Dibiase and his newly won Million Dollar title. Repo takes Apollo down and works the leg, finishing with the kneebar at 2:00. Did that thing ever have a name? Like the Crowbar or The Boot?

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan clarifies that Undertaker can’t have his soul because he already sold it to the “big guy upstairs”. Um, I’m not sure that the big guy upstairs generally makes deals for souls like that. I think he’s confused with someone else.

NEXT WEEK: Results from This Tuesday in Texas! Maybe other stuff!