The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.26.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.26.94

Originally written 01.08.26

I kind of hate this era a lot but it seems to get decent engagement and I want to finish off the year before I go back to my happy place of 1991 anyway.

Taped from Bushkill, PA on 11.08.94 and they are damn near in a high school gym by this point.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

BREAKING NEWS: As we get a recap of Bob Backlund’s glory years and return to the WWF, we learn that MR. BOB BACKLUND IS THE NEW WWF CHAMPION! Long may he reign! Or at least may he reign past the MSG show going on at the same time this show was airing, I suppose.

Men On a Mission v. Duane Gill & Barry Hardy

Mo slams Hardy and drops a leg for two as Vince marvels at the very notion of a 45 year old man being WWF champion. Gill comes in and tries to attack Mo, but he takes a spinebuster while we also learn that Bret Hart is OUT OF ACTION and unable to face Backlund in the MSG rematch tonight. I imagine doctors came to Bret with tears in their eyes and wouldn’t clear him for the match. Oh also Vince mentions that the tag team titles are now officially vacant and Diesel is off on his own and the ranked #1 contender to the WWF title. Mabel comes in and we further learn that the MSG match is now Bob Backlund defending the WWF title against Diesel, based on Diesel’s performance at the Survivor Series. LOLWUT? He didn’t even win his match! Big splash finishes at 4:14.

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH TODD!

Todd, never one to oversell an event, calls Survivor Series 94 THE BEST ONE OF ALL TIME. And he’s like “Oh man Diesel destroyed everyone in his match!” Diesel’s team didn’t even win the match! Razor Ramon was the sole survivor! Todd reminds us that Bret Hart lost the WWF title to Bob Backlund, and suffered chicken wing related injuries, so Diesel is now the #1 contender because of reasons and since the tag team titles are now vacated, Diesel will be covering all of Bret’s contractual commitments. Oh, so Bret was scheduled to be working 8 second dark matches with King Kong Bundy for the next three weeks after this and Deisel just took those over? Good to know. But then we hear from the new WWF champion, Mr. Bob Backlund, who has regained ownership of the belt he rightfully held since 1978. And now the amoral people have someone to look up to. And he won’t be mendacious or fallacious with us. And then we hear from Diesel, who sounds kind of bored with the whole thing. Full disclosure, I was 100% on board with the Diesel push back in 1994, but HOLY GOD did they ever ruin it with the very first interview he did on RAW next week.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. British Bulldog

Bigelow hits Bulldog with a clothesline out of the corner as Vince notes Davey may still be “a little foggy upstairs” after some of the activities at the Survivor Series. Yeah he’s a little foggy, alright. He’s FOOKED, you could say. Bulldog works the arm while Lawler notes that dogs are so dumb that he traded in his dogs for something smarter: A rock. Hey now! Actually never mind my dogs are both pretty dumb, never mind. Rocks don’t bark at people walking on the other side of the street. Bulldog escapes a suplex and tries a slam, but Dibiase trips him up and the ref calls for the DQ at 3:11. Match was completely heatless and shitty. ½*. Afterwards, Bigelow confronts Dibiase for his shitty management, but Ted buys him off to smooth things over, which begins the slow burn that paid off at the Rumble. Weird WWF lore deal I just thought of: Bigelow was seemingly in line to get the tag team titles twice in 1994 as a part of the Million Dollar team, but plans were changed both times.

The Event Center reminds us that MSG tonight will see Backlund defending against Diesel. With reduced ticket prices! And presumably hookers and blackjack and anything else we can promise to get the biggest crowd possible. Spoiler: It didn’t work.

KWANG (with “Harry” Wippleman) v. Ben Jordan

Quite the top notch job done by the guest ring announcer, who sounds like he smoked up a doob or two before getting to the ring, as the kids say. Kwang with some deadly martial arts to start, but Jordan rolls him up for two. But Kwang pops up with the big kick to finish at 1:19.

Bob Holly v. Dave D’amaglio

That jobber has a needly complicated name. Vince puts over the Poughkeepsie area as the HOTBED OF PRO WRESTLING with a completely straight tone of voice, trying to sell tickets for the RAW taping on Monday. Dave puts Holly down with a back elbow and quips COME ON SPARKY PLUGG to get some heat, but Bob clotheslines him out of the corner and goes up to finish with a flying elbow at 2:00. This episode is fucking awful.

Meanwhile, we go out on the farm in Bitters Arkansas to meet Henry O. Godwinn, coming soon to the WWF.

The Heavenly Bodies v. Marty Girner & Tyrone Knox

Isn’t it supposed to be Marty Garner? Bodies with the usual double-team stuff as Vince protests that Diesel getting Bret’s rematch is justified because THERE HAS TO BE A TITLE DEFENSE and Jack Tunney had no choice but to book one. Bodies finish Knox with a double flapjack at 2:10.

Aldo Montoya v. Reno Riggins

Aldo debuts and Lawler immediately calls him a jellyfish, killing the gimmick dead in the water before it can even be anything. Riggins works on Aldo’s arm, but Aldo bulldogs him out of the corner for the pin at 1:00.

NEXT WEEK: 1-2-3 Kid! Duke the Dumpster! King Kong Bundy! The Bushwhackers! AND A NEW ERA BEGINS!

And we finish with yet another visit to the graveyard by IRS, who now warns the Undertaker that he’s coming after him and will audit him. I mean, IRS was already doing clean jobs to Undertaker night after night at the house shows by the time this aired, so might as well finally set up the feud I guess.

Well this one was an all-timer in the worst possible way. What a dumpster fire of a show with a dead crowd in a tiny building. Perfect way to launch your new World champion and top guy, baby!