The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.15.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.15.86

Originally written 05.23.26

Taped from Binghamton, NY on 10.28.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

The Islanders v. Barry O & The Gladiator

Haku hits Barry with a dropkick while Vince sings the praises of Captain Lou and promises that he will make his last appearance as a manager tonight, guaranteed. Well that turned out to be a lie, but he did stay away for a long time. Also funny that Haku and Barry O turned out to be harbingers of a lot of future World champions. Of course most of them belonged to Barry’s nephew but still. Over to the Gladiator and the Islanders double-team him, and Tama finishes with the flying splash at 2:10. The Islanders really were kinda lame as babyfaces and the heel turn helped them a ton.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Gene details the RUGGEDLY HANDSOME Rougeau Brothers, who do lots of manly and handsome outdoor activities in their native Canada, as all Canadians do. Like for instance, waterskiing.

Meanwhile, we get a replay of Honky Tonk Man demanding respect from the fans amidst his confusion about why everyone hates him so much. So if you want to vote for Honky, send a vote to Stamford, PO Box 1334, 06904. Damn, more mail in voting? It was probably rigged then.

The Natural Butch Reed v. Mario Mancini

THANK CHRIST the dye job and hairstyle is now under control compared to his debut squashes, where it looked like he had a Chia pet on his head that had been dipped in a bucket of peroxide. Reed beats Mancini down and puts the boots to him, and follows with a neckbreaker for two. Vince and Bruno laugh over “I think he’s a NATURAL CHEAT!” like they actually made a worthwhile joke, and a disgusted Jesse calls them out on that shit. AI probably wrote that one. Reed goes up and finishes with the flying clothesline at 1:50, which was indeed a pretty badass looking finish. Reed was a solid midcard hand for the time period that you could stick into many different situations.

Meanwhile, George Steele goes to a Burger World drive thru and the conversation goes about as well as you’d expect, since George can only say “Eat”. So the driver just orders one of the entire menu board.

Magnificent O’Muraco & Cowboy Bob McOrton v. Jerry Allen & Don Driggers

See because they’re wearing KILTS, so they’re Scottish! Man this Piper feud is dying on the vine and it’s no wonder Vince had to beg Adonis to come back and save it. Muraco whips Allen into the corner and powerslams him, and Orton comes in and adds a slam of his own. Over to Driggers while the announcers discuss the weird dual manager situation, although the heels would soon settle on Fuji. They double-team the jobbers and finish with a tombstone on one guy and superplex on another at 2:20. And you know why they won? REFEREE DANNY DAVIS! According to Vince at least.

Meanwhile, Jake Roberts shows off his snake collection on TNT.

The CAN AM CONNECTION v. Steve Lombardi & Moondog Spot

HOLY SHIT YES! Lemme tell ya, when they put these two together, all the wrestling nerds in school went crazy because we finally had our own Rock N Roll Express in the WWF. Martel takes Lombardi down with a rana and slug away, and it’s over to Spot. Zenk dropkicks him but gets hit with a kneelift, and Spot comes off the middle rope with a forearm. Lombardi runs him into the corner, but Martel does the gag where he stands in the corner to cushion the bump, and the Can-Ams double-team Lombardi again and hit him with a double dropkick. Martel whips Lombardi into a Zenk powerslam, and then Tom slingshots Martel in with a splash to end it at 2:25. These guys were MONEY right from the jump and Zenk is still a giant idiot for walking away from this.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Hulk Hogan. Hulk doesn’t have much to say, although for some reason we have Jack Tunney and a bunch of officials all standing there, and Hulk basically says that he trusts Piper now and they affirm things are cool between them. Weird.

Meanwhile, in Australia, some guy wants us to tie his kangaroo down. That’s a no. Those things will KICK you.

The Hart Foundation v. Sivi Afi & Johnny Mann

Speaking of great tag teams, the Harts were rapidly gaining momentum at this point despite doing a bunch of jobs on house shows. Bret trades hammerlocks with Afi and Afi gets a rollup for two, but Bret puts him down with a clothesline, and then Anvil comes in and beats him down. They trap Afi in the corner for some of their usual heel shenanigans. Mann actually gets a hot tag and cleans house, but Bret trips him up from the floor and the Hart Attack finishes at 3:10. Harts were getting good, legit heel heat by this point. Bret in particular was really showing a sneering personality.

Meanwhile the Honky Tonk Man pleads for more votes, despite the fans being disgusting and dirty. He’s ready to kiss some more babies if he needs to, but the babies need to be cleaned up before he kisses them, and also people should use soap before they touch him. Sounds reasonable.

Meanwhile, Lou Albano promises that this is his last match as a manager and he’ll be moving onto fundraising for MS instead.

The Machines v. Big John Studd & King Kong Bundy

Super tries a slam on Studd and falls back, but he gets a bodypress for two and it’s over to Bundy. Big and Bundy trade shoulderblocks and Bundy goes down. So Studd comes in and Big Machine easily slams him for two, earning 2.4 million yen. But then Super Machine comes in off a missed charge from Studd and gets a bodypress for two. The ref is distracted by Big Machine, and Studd comes off the top with a clubbing forearm on Super Machine, and Bundy pins him at 2:40 to end Albano’s career on a bummer finish. Luckily over on Challenge, the Bulldogs were carrying Albano to a win in his last match, so he at least got one retirement match that didn’t suck for him. Of course as soon as he left, the Bulldogs completely self-destructed, so maybe he should have stayed for them?

Next week: Junkyard Dog! The Honky Tonk Man and the Vote of Confidence! Paul Orndorff! Hillbilly Jim & Tito Santana & Pedro Morales v. Johnny V & The Dream Team!

Plus probably something else but I’m drawing a blank on what other match I’m forgetting. Nothing rings a bell for me at the moment.