The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.08.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.08.86

Originally written 05.17.26

Taped from Binghamton, NY on 10.28.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

Another minor change this week as they’re now hanging the “Superstars of Wrestling” and “WWF” banners from the rafters, which sadly caused them legal troubles on both fronts later on. Which is why you don’t see them putting these shows on their streaming services and DVDs very often. Also this is the first show where the arena is FULLY lit up for TV like they did for Saturday Night’s Main Event, finally bringing it up to the visual presentation we all remember.

The Killer Bees v. Iron Sheik & Nikolai Volkoff

Blair takes the Sheik down but Sheik hiptosses him. Sheik misses a senton, and the Bees double-team him with an elbow for two and go to work on the arm. Over to Volkoff, who beats Blair down and puts the boots to him, and Sheik comes in with the gut wrench to set up the Camel Clutch, thus humbling Blair and breaking his back. However, Brunzell breaks it up before the humbling can finish, and the Bees don their masks and switch off behind the ref’s back, allowing one of them to get a dropkick for two. Not sure which one. Masks, you see. The ref sends the other Bee out of the ring, allowing Slick to come in and hit the first Bee with the cane, but then the Bees switch off again and roll up Sheik for the pin at 4:30. Fun opener that really got the mask gag over. **

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

We take a look at Superstar Billy Graham, who is apparently back after “taking a few years off wrestling”. That’s one way to brush off the previous 5 years or so, I guess. And we get another one of his desert promos, even though he was very much out of commission at this point and wouldn’t come back for nearly a year.

Koko B. Ware v. Moondog Rex

Rex beats on him with forearms, but Koko dropkicks him and takes him down with a flying headscissors. Rex takes him to the corner, but Koko slugs out as Vince notes Koko “can hold his own in the fisticuffs department” in a very Vince way. And the missile dropkick finishes at 1:50, as Vince complains that Danny Davis gave him with a slow count. Vince was really reaching for something to bitch about there. Also the replay shows that Davis gave a totally normal count.

Meanwhile, Jack Tunney forces Danny Davis to apologize for his officiating. But then Danny notes that he doesn’t mean it.

Meanwhile, Bobby Heenan and Slick meet up at the bank, where Bobby takes out a gigantic pile of cash in exchange for the contract of Hercules! And then Slick pulls out a comically huge paper bag and loads it all up. Tremendous.

Hercules v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

So it’s an immediate glow up for Herc, with short hair and beard, and he doesn’t have the dumb gladiator gear anymore. Poffo, as usual, talks shit about the heel in his poem and immediately gets his ass kicked and stomped down. Herc with a slam and he drops elbows for two and picks him up before tossing him over the top. Poffo skins the cat back in and gets a rollup for two, and then hits a springboard senton for two in quite the highspot for 1986. But then Herc clotheslines him down again and tosses him. Back in, the backbreaker finishes at 2:45.

Meanwhile, we take a trip down under and catch a quick glimpse of Outback Jack. If only that was the only glance we got.

The British Bulldogs v. Dave Wagner & Rick Renslow

The jobbers try to double-team Davey and it goes badly for them, and the Bulldogs take over on Renslow as Davey gets the running powerslam and then they do the Dynamite headbutt off Davey’s shoulders to finish at 1.57.

Piper’s Pit with special guest King Harley Race. Piper points out that Race crowned himself King, but Race notes that he’s the King because no man can beat him. Piper asks him to take off the crown so he can present the King with a gift, and then hangs a toilet seat around his neck so he can have a throne to sit on.

Meanwhile, Mike Rotundo tells Jesse Ventura that Danny Spivey will be back from injury soon, guaranteed! I think actually Rotundo himself would be gone by the time Spivey got back.

Meanwhile, we get a musical tribute to the bad boys of the WWF, courtesy “Bad Boys” by Gloria Estefan.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura chats with Honky Tonk Man, and Honky is sick of shaking greasy hands and kissing ugly babies, and the WWF fans still won’t cheer him! So he demands a VOTE OF CONFIDENCE from the fans, and Jesse tells people to write in and tell Honky exactly how they feel about him. I’m sure that’s fine for him.

Meanwhile, Captain Lou Albano assures us that he’ll be here to support the Machines next week, which is of course setting up his retirement. He doesn’t even show up with the Bulldogs anymore so I’m not surprised.

Sika v. John Nardow

Sika chokes out Nardow on the ropes while Vince already busts on the refereeing job of Danny Davis, who has been perfectly unbiased thus far. Sika clotheslines him and finishes with the samoan drop at 1:07. Not sure what Vince has to bitch about there.

NEXT WEEK: The Machines v. King Kong Bundy & Big John Studd in Lou Albano’s retirement as manager! Magnificent Muraco & Cowboy Bob Orton! The Hart Foundation!