The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.05.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 11.05.94

Originally written 12.04.25

Yes I’m aware of the Omni show on the Vault. It’s on my list for tomorrow.

Taped from Burlington, VT, on 10.18.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

LAST MONDAY: Lex Luger was on the verge of beating Bob Backlund and all he had to do was hit him with the steel plated forearm for a clean win, but Tatanka runs in for the DQ!

Billy “Smoking” Gunn v. Tatanka

Vince and Jerry run down the upcoming matches while standing in the aisle for the ring entrances, which is certainly a new and different approach that makes it feel less canned than usual. Even though it was of course taped weeks earlier. Still I’ll take what I can get with these shows. Billy works the arm, but Tatanka hits him with chops until Billy takes him down with a side headlock in a weird spot. It looked like Tatanka caught him on a bodypress attempt and was trying to reverse it into a uranage, but Billy wouldn’t go down for it and did a headlock instead. Anyway Gunn charges and misses, hitting the floor and allowing Tatanka to beat him down with chops. Back in, Tatanka drops an elbow for two. He whips Billy into the corner and clotheslines him for ONE TWO HE GOT HIM NO HE DIDN’T. Tatanka with the chinlock. Billy fights out of that and Tatanka puts him down with a kneelift and hits him with a gut wrench for two. Vince declares it a SEE SAW MATCHUP BACK AND FORTH, his version of a seven star Tokyo Dome main event classic, but I can’t agree. Bill comes back with FISTICUFFS and a back elbow for ONE TWO HE GOT HIM NO HE DIDN’T, NO HE DIDN’T. Vince is really invested in this *1/2 match. Billy goes up to finish, but Bam Bam Bigelow runs in and trips him up, and he falls down and thus allows Tatanka to get the grueling victory at 6:28. Yes Tatanka is such a main event star that he needed help from Bam Bam to beat BILLY GUNN in a singles match. *1/2

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH TODD!

Bret Hart defends the WWF title in a submission match! With British Bulldog and Owen Hart in the corners, where the first one to throw in the towel loses.

This week in 1994 commercials: Star Trek Generations! Holy cow what a disappointment that movie turned out to be. Still I was super hyped at the time.

Duke Droese v. Barry Hardy

So is Iyo Sky a big Droese fan and that’s why she keeps bringing that stupid trash can to Wargames matches? Because if so, someone needs to have a talk with her. Duke clotheslines Barry out of the ring and back in for a hiptoss out of the corner. And Duke finishes with his shitty sideslam at 2:03. I wonder if police checked his computer’s trash can for evidence? But then MR. BOB BACKLUND runs in and PROCURES THE CHICKEN WING on poor Barry Hardy, so Duke decides to save him, and then Bob happily PROCURES THE CHICKEN WING on Duke Droese in his place. Chaos! Gotta love it.

In the event center, Charlie Minn (is he STILL around?) informs us that ticket prices will be reduced for Fan Appreciation night on 11.26.94. Huh. I wonder if they have something really big planned for that show and they want a full house? Also, spoiler, they only drew 7300 even with cheap tickets. These days TKO charges $8000 for a floor seat and calls that Fan Appreciation. ALSO, the main event is a rematch between Bret Hart and Mr. Bob Backlund with Randy Savage as special referee, although of course none of that happened.

Diesel v. Tim McNeany

Apparently Diesel & Shawn Michaels had “one of the all time great tag team matches” with Razor & Kid on the Action Zone this past week, according to Vince. I’ll have to watch that one someday, I guess. Sounds like it might be good. Diesel with the big boot and TOOT TOOT, he finishes with the Poochiebomb at 1:35. I should be nicer to Big Kev, he’s legit one of the few good guys left in the wrestling world. I mean, I won’t be nicer, but I should be.

Meanwhile, Chuck Norris beats people up in a bar, and he’s gonna be a guest referee at Survivor Series.

Doink the Clown v. Phil Apollo

Doink does the spot where he puts Apollo in a full nelson and then Phil walks the ropes to break, so Doink drops him on his neck. Apollo bails to the floor and the midget squad all gangs up on him, and Doink works the arm in the ring. And the Whoopie Cushion finishes at 2:00. I’m very amused by guys who continue to work the indies with knockoff Doink gear as “Famous TV Wrestling Clown”.

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT #2! WITH TODD AGAIN!

We officially add the clowns v. Royal Family match to the show here, in case you were looking for a reason to order it.

IRS presents more tax tips for the deceased! Poor John Dough had another posthumous audit after Irwin discovered a misfiled business expense last week, so to cover any further malfeasance, he’s repossessing the gravestone.

IRS v. Aaron Ferguson

Irwin drops an elbow on Aaron and tosses him for some verbal abuse from Dibiase, and back in for a butterfly suplex and Write Off clothesline to finish at 1:13.

And we finish with comments from the Smoking Gunns, who face Tatanka and Bam Bam Bigelow next week in our main event.

Didn’t mind this one, actually. It had more of a “live” energy thanks to the different formatting and felt very influenced by the presentation of RAW at that time.