The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.29.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.29.94

Originally written 11.20.25

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY on 09.27.94. End of the taping cycle here so buckle up for some shitty fourth week action, kids.

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

LAST WEEK on the Action Zone: Bret Hart grants Mr. Bob Backlund his rematch for the WWF title, at Survivor Series!

Adam Bomb v. Mike Bell

Bomb gets a snap suplex while Vince and Jerry discuss the hilarious scenario of Adam Bomb as a trick-or-treater. See he’s HUGE and SCARY. Hahahahahahah! Bell manages to get some shots in the corner, but Bomb no-sells it and slugs him down again before hitting him with a backdrop. And he finishes with a DDT at 2:21. I guess because they wanted the powerbomb for Big Kev moving forward.

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH TODD PETTINGILL!

In our cowboy-themed main event, Bret Hart defends the WWF title against Mr. Bob Backlund, who demands a submission match. Plus we’ve got the Million Dollar Team v. Guts & Glory! The Teamsters v. The Bad Guys! Undertaker v. Yokozuna in a casket match with CHUCK NORRIS as the special referee! Which is hilarious because this actually predated the whole Norris meme by many years.

Jeff Jarrett v. Rich Myers

Myers as the secret illegitimate child of George The Animal Steele was one of the weirdest rumors that stuck around for a long time. Vince notes that he can’t find “Ain’t I Great” anywhere in stores. Hasn’t he ever heard of streaming? Jarrett puts the boots to Myers and cuts off a comeback attempt with a clothesline before hitting him with a dropkick. Vince notes that JJ will fend off trick-or-treaters by setting up speakers outside his house and pumping out his song. OK that wasn’t bad. Myers gets another comeback, but Jeff takes out the knee and finishes with the figure-four at 2:35.

Meanwhile, IRS visits the grave of “John Dough”, and reveals that the dead man claimed a birthday dinner for his daughter as a business expense before he died, so he repossesses the flowers on his grave to pay off the debt to the government. I mean, that IS a pretty sketchy business claim. IRS had a point there.

Razor Ramon v. Gary Scott

Razor beats on him with chops in the corner and tosses him around, then catches him on a bodypress attempt and hits him with a fallaway slam. Vince notes that all the guys on Razor’s team are former champions, and I was about to protest, but I literally always forget about Kid & Jannetty getting their cup of coffee with the tag team titles in 1994. Razor with the backdrop suplex off the top and the Razor’s Edge finishes at 2:21. Also Vince announces that Shawn Michaels & Diesel will defend the tag team title against Razor & Kid on the Action Zone this week. Sounds like it might be a good match.

The Headshrinkers v. Bob Starr & Barry Horowitz

Holy crap, the guest ring announcer fan is GOOD. Sounds like Bill Dunn. His name was Matthew Orsino and I don’t know if he went on to do anything in the business but even Vince was impressed. So this is the debut of Fatu & Sionne as the Headshrinkers as they pretend that Samu is still around but just happens to be doing other stuff. Horowitz hits Fatu with an inverted DDT and Fatu pops up and no-sells it. So Barry gets him with another DDT and Fatu no-sells THAT in a funny spot, and then Fatu lays him out with a superkick. And it’s over to Bob Starr, who gets laid out by Sionne and beat up in the corner, and Fatu finishes with the flying splash at 2:30.

NEXT WEEK: Billy Gunn v. Tatanka! Look this show is hard enough to get motivated to watch as it is without making it more painful.

Jim Neidhart v. Mike Khoury

I find it mildly fascinating that Owen Hart and Jim Neidhart formed three different versions of the Hart Foundation together with none of them ever really being connected to each other – the New Foundation in 1992, this run in 1994, and then the Hart Foundation in 1997. Neidhart with the usual slams and forearms and then he finishes with the camel clutch at 1:30. And then Owen snaps the glasses on the jobber because he’s an incredibly effective dickhead. It’s really stunning as a fan of Owen’s since his literal first match in the business how amazingly great as a heel he quickly became.

Meanwhile, the Million Dollar Team does a special interview with Vince McMahon at a house show. I’m sure the Heavenly Bodies have the Luger team quaking in their boots. Dr. Tom wins 1994’s award for “Most Likely To Be the Guy Pinned With a Clothesline”.

Mabel v. Nick Barberri

Mabel does his own rapping here and HE’S REALLY GOOD! He raps on the beat and you can actually understand what he’s saying, unlike Oscar! Should have just had him doing it all along. Mabel hits Barberri with the leg lariat and squashes him with a legdrop to finish at 1:20. As a wrestler he makes a great rapper.

This week in 1994 commercials: MAXIMUM CARNAGE for SNES! Earthworm Jim for Genesis! Oh we eating good. I had one of my first jobs doing a two week emergency labor gig for CN Rail during summer break around this time, and I used the (very under the table) cash payday to buy my very own Sega Genesis, and you know that Earthworm Jim was one of the games I got shortly after. Just don’t tell IRS about the questionable tax dodge there.

Still hating this show but soon we get to Diesel-Mania which is at least something DIFFERENT in a sense.