The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.27.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.27.96

Collision was apparently on the USA Network at a weird time on Saturday and my DVR didn’t record it, so it’s Superstars tonight instead.

It’s the week after Buried Alive and the last actual major angle to happen on the show.

Taped from Cincinnati, OH on 10.22.96, drawing 3100.

Your hosts are Jim Ross and Mr. Perfect, who I’m assuming is doing his final taping here.

The Smoking Gunns v. The New Rockers

Al Snow has begun his transition into Evil Leif Cassidy, growing out the moustache now and acting very aggressively. Leif manages to take down both Gunns with armdrags, causing an argument between them while Sunny watches on from backstage. Although she’s done with the Gunns, she might have a spot for Billy as a singles wrestler, apparently. Also if he can smuggle a pack of smokes into the jail so she can bribe the screws. Billy and Bart have another scuffle and Billy walks out on the match, leaving the Rockers to double-team Bart as we take a break. Back with Marty hitting Bart with a clothesline while JR uses the World Series to send a message to “our friends down in Atlanta”, which is that New York always wins. Can anyone run that one through ChatGPT for me and translate the layers of subtlety there? I didn’t quite catch all the subtext. Anyway Bart gets a bullshit rollup on Marty and pins him at 5:00 to bury the Rockers six feet deeper than they were already buried. Wasn’t even really a match, just an extended angle.

KARATE FIGHTERS TOURNAMENT 1996! PREVIEW!

Yes we actually have a pre-show segment to hype up a Karate Fighters tournament. Double hilarious that they had to write Mr. Perfect out of the tournament when he left. He might have screwed them over for WCW but it was the KARATE FIGHTERS tournament that really twisted the knife.

Meanwhile, Bret Hart makes his return to WWF TV and accepts the challenge of Steve Austin, which has Brian Pillman very excited and Steve Austin very annoyed. Bret also makes his first “posing for girly books” crack at Shawn Michaels here, with more to come.

The Godwinns v. Mike Diamond & John Faulkner

Faulkner quickly gets slop dropped and pinned at 1:30. Meanwhile Bulldog & Owen do a promo from backstage promising to defend their tag team titles against the Godwinns at a later date.

WWF Hall of Fame 1996: Pat Patterson! Jimmy Snuka! Vincent J. McMahon!

Brian Pillman brings out Steve Austin to get his thoughts on Bret Hart’s return, and Austin’s got no time for Pillman’s nonsense tonight. “Everyone knows I carried you to a World title and had you in my back pocket”. And then Pillman puts over Bret Hart one time too many, and lays Brian out from behind, smashing Pillman’s cane on his ankle and then adding a new phrase to the wrestling lexicon: PILLMANIZING THE ANKLE. And then Jerry Brisco tries to save and Austin just hurls him out of the ring for a crazy bump to the floor, and finally some babyfaces hit the ring to save Pillman after Austin comes off the top rope with a second Pillmanizing. Perfect has no sympathy for crippled Pillman, basically shrugging it off as a tough business that has no place for losers.

Back from the break and Austin still won’t leave and let the medical professionals do their thing.

Meanwhile, Ahmed Johnson promises payback to Faarooq and then attacks him with a 2×4 on the PPV preshow, resulting in a “suspension” from Gorilla Monsoon. Perfect also rants about being suspended after helping to screw Marc Mero out of the IC title on RAW.

Justin Hawk Bradshaw v. David Haskins

Haskins takes him down with a hammerlock, but Bradshaw puts him down with the big boot and follows with a back suplex and senton before dropping some elbows on him. Bradshaw suplexes him on the top rope and Haskins takes an awkward bump to the apron, but comes back with a small package for two. But then the lariat finishes at 3:00. Bradshaw felt dead in the water at this point but BOY HOWDY did they find a way to bury him further.

Meanwhile,Pillman gets loaded into the ambulance, but Steve Austin blocks the exit with a car and then breaks into the ambulance so he can talk some more shit about Pillman while he’s literally on the stretcher in horrible pain. Back then this was a HEEL move for Austin.

Sid v. Jason Grimm

Another rare appearance for the Grimm Twins, although hilariously this would be an honest to god WCW World title match 4 years later, which somehow ended up as Kevin Nash winning the title on a technicality when Sid pinned the wrong Harris brother. Because WCW. The twins quickly switch and get a two count on Sid as a result, and Jared chokes him out on the ropes before walking into a chokeslam. But then the Grimms switch off again and we take a break. Yes, during a Sid match. Back with the Grimm hitting a powerslam for two while we get an inset promo from Shawn Michaels, who is pretty sure that Survivor Series will end his friendship with Sid. And Sid chokeslams whichever twin and pins him at 3:00. Interesting that you can see a guy wearing an nWo shirt on the hard cam side, because usually they would be careful to give out WWF shirts to people wearing enemy merch like that.

The Austin show-long angle here felt really hot, as you’d expect, but the rest of the show was the same crap circling the drain in 1996.