The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.22.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.22.94

Originally written 10.19.25

Blue Jays were busy forcing Game 7 tonight, so WrestleDream gotta wait again. This Is the next best thing, really. Also I need the least stressful and interesting thing possible to lower my blood pressure after tonight’s game.

Taped from Poughkeepsie, NY, on 09.27.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler. I will be pretending that Charlie Minn doesn’t exist.

Mr. Bob Backlund v. Bob “Spark Plug” Holly

Bob offers handshakes of sportsmanship, but Bitter Bob Holly of course doesn’t trust him and tries to take him down instead. But then Bob reverses to a single leg and teaches him a lesson. Mr. Backlund shoots in and takes him down again, but Holly disrespectfully trips him up, so Backlund gets a pair of slams and Holly takes him down and works the arm. Vince wants to know what “quagmired in a sea of hypocrisy” means, which is exactly what someone who is himself quagmire would ask. Backlund breaks up the armbar with a knee to the gut as we take a break and learn about “Squanto A Warrior’s Tale” among other things. Back with Backlund working a chinlock, but Holly escapes and Backlund takes him over with a gut wrench for two. But then Holly reverses a second attempt and gets his own to make a comeback. Monkey flip and dropkick gets two. Powerslam gets two. But then Bob PROCURES THE CHICKENWING out of nowhere at 8:41 for the submission. Sidenote: The whole thing about Backlund claiming he would retire if anyone could counter the chickenwing was never actually paid off or followed up in any meaningful way. A very decent match! **3/4

1-2-3 Kid v. Chris Canyon

Oh ho! Canyon overpowers the Kid and offers some posing, but Kid puts him down with a spinkick and then a leg lariat. Canyon misses a charge and Kid goes up with a missile dropkick for the pin at 2:15. Well I was hoping for more razzle dazzle here but still neat to see.

King Kong Bundy v. John Chrystal

Bundy beats on him in the corner and puts him down with a shouderblock, and then drops a forearm for two. Avalanche and big fat elbow finish with the five count at 1:35.

Coming this week: The ACTION ZONE debuts with Owen Hart’s last ever shot at Bret Hart’s WWF title!

The British Bulldog v. Duane Gill

Gill slugs away on the ropes, but Bulldog pounds him down and then hits him with a back suplex and press slam with some reps. That’s the kind of freakish strength stuff that Davey should have done more of. Bulldog with a delayed suplex and powerslam to finish at 2:28.

Meanwhile, a reminder that the WWF season never goes on strike, because they don’t have a union and Vince can do whatever he wants with their lives and pay them whatever he wants, and then cry about unfair competition if the other guys dare to also pay wrestlers a living wage.

Tatanka v. Aaron Ferguson

Tatanka hits Ferguson with a clothesline out of the corner, but the jobber gets a sunset flip for two to counter a backdrop. So Tatanka slams him and goes up with a flying chop before finishing with the newly named End of the Trail at 2:00. After a week of Tatanka getting repackaged with a nice suit, it’s right back to the exact same gear and matches he was having before the heel turn.

The Heartbreak Hotel with special guests Doink, Dink and Wink. Shawn Michaels has to recap this stupid storyline while the midgets run around the set like children, and Doink introduces the newest one, PINK. Shawn rolling his eyes is all of us right now. I guess this was supposed to be terrifying for Jerry Lawler.

Meanwhile, IRS joins us at a funeral home, where he accuses a dead body of arranging his own death to avoid paying taxes. “In my line of work, that’s known as a red flag situation”.

The Smoking Gunns v. Tony Devito & Kerry Davis

Billy works on the arm of Davis while Vince and Jerry discuss ancient westerns and debate the name of Dale Evans’ horse. NEW GENERATION! Gunns with a double legsweep on Davis and it’s over to Devito, as Billy hits him with a Dominator and then they finish with the body vice/flying DDT combo at 2:00.

Next week: Jeff Jarrett! The Headshrinkers! Jim Neidhart! Razor Ramon! Yeah that’s definitely gonna be an “end of the TV taping cycle” episode, I can feel it.

Holly-Backlund was pretty decent this week and Chris Canyon showed up, so that’s not the worst thing I’ve watched all week.