The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.01.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 10.01.94

Originally written 09.30.25

With baseball playoffs in full swing, there’s only one reason I’m watching this episode and you all know what it is! Also I’m getting blessedly close to finishing off this awful year so I might as well keep powering through it.

Taped from Green Bay, WI on 08.31.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

Razor Ramon v. Red Tyler

Vince notes that Razor is all natural with no chemicals. Although to be fair he was talking about the hair so it’s not entirely ridiculous. Tyler goes after the arm, so Razor slaps him around in the corner and hits him with a hiptoss, and then goes to the abdominal stretch. Razor wraps him up in something like a Regal Stretch and hits him with a back elbow before choking him out on the ropes and putting the boots to him. Razor made an effective babyface because he was still an asshole, but just one that people liked. And he finishes with the back suplex and Razor’s Edge as “the crowd goes cock-eyed” according to Vince, at 3:40. Vince, also hip to the lingo of the youths, quips “Hey, Raze!” as Ramon walks by the imaginary announce position. As the kids do.

Meanwhile, we take a look at the feud between the Dudes with Attitudes and Headshrinkers, which I never got the sense was an actual feud, and we hear from the new champs.

ABE KNUCKLEBALL SCHWARTZ v. Ron Cumberledge

Yes, it’s the historic one and only Superstars appearance of the greatest gimmick of all time, as he slides under Cumberledge and he’s SAFE. He slides to the floor as well and slams Ron on the floor, and back in the ring he runs through the signs and then uses the BASEBALL SLIDE on Cumberledge as Vince debates whether he’s a pitcher or a catcher. Lawler is sure he’s a pitcher. Abe puts the boots to him back in the ring and follows with a snap suplex, but then he argues the call with the ref, kicks some dirt on him, and hits Cumberledge with the KNUCKLEBALL PUNCH before calling his shot and finishing with a superplex at 3:04. OK, we were robbed of a feud between Abe and the Goon in 1996 because it absolutely could have and should have happened. As the saying goes, Steve Lombardi got handed this nonsense and he absolutely understood the assignment and did the best he could do with it.

Also I just want to say that I’m still bitter about the Expos getting robbed of the playoff appearance in 1994 and I probably won’t ever get over it.

Meanwhile, speaking of bitter, we take a look back at the career of Mr. Bob Backlund, and his crushing failure against Bret Hart that triggered his crazy streak. And we get a promo from Bob in Japan, who warns that the WWF is having a “delitarious effect” on the people of that country and they need to stay strong and avoid the bad influence of America.

Mabel v. George Anderson

Mabel, who does his own rapping this week, squishes him in the corner and goes to a chinlock. Vince notes that in the New York area, they’re doing a charity memorial show for Joey Marella, which is the first time I can recall them addressing his death on TV in any kind of significant manner. Mabel with a leg lariat to finish at 2:00.

NEXT WEEK: King Kong Bundy stops destroying New York City and debuts!

You know, watching the stupid Skittles commercials here makes me appreciate the current nuanced humor of skibidi toilet and Ballerina Cappacina that I have to hear about over and over today.

Jim Neidhart v. Ike Andrews

Anvil tosses Andrews for some abuse from Owen, and back in for some forearms while Vince explains the ancient history of the Hart Foundation and their two tag team title reigns years ago. OK, grandpa, back to the home with you. Anvil with a slam and he finishes with the camel clutch at 1:30. I know they wanted a counterpoint to the Sharpshooter but that was a lame submission finisher for him. I would have gone with the ATOMIC NOOGIE like Slaughter used. More fitting for Anvil.

Meanwhile, Undertaker does a promo from the perspective of a casket, which is apparenly how Yokozuna will see him next time they meet.

The Bushwhackers v. Tom Stone & Rock Warner

OMG they actually put together a jobber team of Stone and Rock? That’s awesome. Also this one has their guest kid ring announcer of the week, which is the perfect spot for it. Butch slugs away on Stone in the corner and runs him into Rock and they do the marching wackiness around the ring. Luke comes in and puts Warner down with a back elbow as Vince is decidedly just ignoring the Stone and Rock Connection thing and I’m horribly disappointed. Buch with a double chop to put Warner down and they finish with the battering ram at 2:28.

IRS v. Gary Jackson

Jackson gets a bit of offense, but Irwin tosses him and back in for the abdominal stretch before going to work on the leg. And he finishes with the Write Off at 1:52.

And we finish this week with Vince going into the crowd and interviewing Lex Luger out there, where the POORS can touch him. Gross. Lex of course would never sell out the WWF for a billionaire’s money. Never ever ever.

Ever.

NEXT WEEK: Bam Bam Bigelow faces Duke the Dumpster Droese in BATTLE ALLITERATION 1994!