The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.27.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.27.86

Originally written 04.04.26

Taped from Baltimore, MD on 09.16.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

King Harley Race v. Mike Kelly

So that Troy Martin kid from the Savage squash is back again, this time with another “two first names” wrestling name. Well maybe if he keeps trying he’ll hit upon a combination of two first names that works for him. Speaking as a two first names guy, I know the pain of people calling you by the wrong one. So after the first taping, they have turned the lights WAY up as I requested, and hopefully they’ll continue to take suggestions from me as we proceed with these. Race takes Kelly down with a gut wrench and beats on him in the corner, really TEACHING him a lesson. He drops a knee on the kid, which has to be like nails on the chalkboard for the young man. Double underhook suplex and he drops a headbutt on him, and then finishes with the cradle suplex at 1:37. I love that move and I don’t why he got lazy and went to the fisherman’s suplex instead.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Good god they’re still in the old Update set. WHEN ARE WE GOING TO GET TO THE FIREWORKS FACTORY? Anyway, we take a look at Ricky Steamboat, fighting a gaggle of ninjas in his spare time, as one does. Maybe he should open a gym where you can fight ninjas for a workout.

Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura chats with Superstar Graham, and Billy bitches that Jesse stole his whole act from him. He’s not wrong.

Superstar Billy Graham v. Bob Bradley

Interestingly, Graham is using “Bad to the Bone” for music, which is fitting because his bones were pretty bad at this point. Also this dude was just in Mid-Atlantic doing karate fighting like a few months before this, it’s not like people couldn’t see him on TV on a regular basis. Also I was a new fan at this point and had no idea why this leathery old guy was supposed to be a big deal. Graham sends Bob to the apron and beats on him with forearms to send him to the floor, and back in for a bearhug to finish at 1:20. Graham looked bad to the bone here. But mostly just bad.

Kamala v. Tony Parks

Kamala throws Parks around and puts him down with chops, while Vince brings up Danny Davis and his terrible refereeing. Kamala chokes Parks out on the ropes and Davis doesn’t even count! He’s like the Wheeler Yuta of referees! Kamala chops Parks down and goes to the top for a flying splash, which finishes at 2:16 while the audience SHRIEKS in terror.

Piper’s Pit v. The Flower Shop!

Both sets are side by side and Piper is crazy over as a babyface, of course. Adrian’s guest is “Acey” Bob Orton, “the super cowboy of 1986”. Bob puts over the colorful decorating of the Flower Shop and takes credit for people being scared of Piper. Piper gets offended by that and notes Orton couldn’t hold his jockstrap on his best day. Orton accuses him of doing all the talking and stealing all the glory while Orton did all the work. Piper accuses Bob of being a sellout (which is hilarious coming from PIPER) and calls Adonis an “old cow” before hijacking the camera and sending it back to the Pit. Piper claims he’s not trying to be a nice guy or run for President, but Adonis makes him sick and he decided to take it upon himself to clean up the sport. “We don’t want you tripping on your pantyhose, just stay over there.” So Piper brings out Magnificent Muraco as HIS guest, and then gives him a backhanded compliment of “doing a great job of imitating me while I was gone.” Muraco gets annoyed but Piper keeps digging the hole deeper and teasing Muraco further. Muraco points out that Piper has been wearing the same outfit for years and he’s fashionable, so Adonis swoops in and makes his pitch for the Flower Shop, which prompts Piper to toss giant pink panties at Adonis. So Muraco is sick of being treated as a sideshow and tells Piper off, and Muraco points out that it’s a free country and they can dress however they want, even if it offends Piper. Piper calls him “fatso” and suddenly all three heels surround Piper, leading to Muraco and Orton teaming up and beating the shit out of Piper to shut his big mouth. And Adonis smashes a chair into his hip, breaking his leg, and then they tear down Piper’s Pit and leave him for dead after painting his face with lipstick, to massive heat. This was an alltime great beating. And Piper was soon to be like…

Lemme tell ya, 12 year old Scott was ALL OVER THIS. Now (cough cough) aged Scott watches and realizes that Piper was being a loud mouthed jerk who should have stopped talking and was kind of a problematic guy to boot, but back then, I was 100% Team Piper. And then just wait until next week!

The Natural Butch Reed v. William Tabb

Hey, it’s Big Bill Tabb! Never seen him doing WWF jobs before. So Reed is Slick’s first acquisition without Freddie Blassie, and Reed’s bleached blond hair is hilariously overdone at this point. Thankfully it got toned down a bit moving forward. Reed slams Tabb and goes up with a flying shoulderblock, and then a gutbuster finishes at 1:00. So this was Slick’s big surprise.

Tito Santana v. Jimmy Jack Funk

So Hoss Funk is gone and now Jimmy Jack is left on his own to continue the fake legacy of the Funks on his own. Tito takes him down with a monkey flip and slugs away on him, and then hits him with an atomic drop and dropkicks him to the floor. Back in the ring, Jimmy runs Tito into the corner and chokes him out, and then drops him on the top rope and gets a powerslam. To the middle rope with a flying fist for two. Neckbreaker gets two. He tries it again and Tito reverses to a suplex this time and makes the comeback. He slugs Funk into the corner and finishes with the figure-four at 3:50. Welcome to JTTS territory, Jimmy, population YOU.

Meanwhile, doctors are trying to check on Roddy Piper with help from the Islanders, but he’s crazy and nearly foaming at the mouth.

NEXT WEEK: Paul Orndorff! The Honky Tonk Man debuts! Randy Savage! Roddy Piper update!

Oh man this one was an all-timer with one of the heaviest heat angles they had ever done.