The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.24.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.24.94

Originally written 09.23.25

Taped from Green Bay, WI on 08.30.94

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler

LAST WEEK ON RAW: Mr. Bob Backlund presents his open challenge to prove that no one can escape the chicken wing!

The British Bulldog v. Reno Riggins

Bulldog overpowers Reno and hits him with a backdrop, and gets a rollup for two. Bulldog with a snapmare and a butterfly suplex for two, and he finishes with the running powerslam at 3:22. God his long hair phase was SO BAD. Once he turned heel and cut it off it improved his look 1000%.

Meanwhile, Todd runs down the upcoming tour stop in Madison Square Garden, which features an undercard that’s among the worst I’ve seen them put out.

Diesel & Shawn Michaels v. Rod Bell & Kevin Kruger

This is actually taped only a couple of days after Shawn & Diesel won the tag titles from the Headshrinkers. Shawn seems particularly jazzed to be tag champ with his big buddy, running around and tormenting Kruger to start before bringing in Diesel for a sideslam on Bell. Shawn comes in with an elbowdrop on Bell and offers a yawn before letting Diesel back in to choke him out on the ropes. Shawn with the superkick on Bell and Diesel hits him with the Poochiebomb and Shawn pins him at 3:15. This was very predictive of what the nWo would eventually look like as far as attitude and presentation.

Two weeks ago: Jerry Lawler pops the balloons of Doink’s Dink, and then the next week on RAW, Doink tricks Lawler into kicking a trash can loaded with 50 pounds of weights. And then Lawler loses to the garbageman by countout to really heat up the feud!

Doink the Clown v. Sonny Rodgers

Vince notes that Doink’s pranks are all in good fun, and not MEAN like Jerry bursting balloons. Man, Vince must have hated Mr. Perfect’s ribs then. Actually he did, never mind. So Doink lets the jobbers try his pogo stick, and of course he’s unable to successfully bounce on the stick and takes a hilarious bump on his ass. Doink controls with an armbar, but the jobber sends Doink into his Dink and the little guy goes flying off the apron. I think his Dink might be fractured. Lawler helpfully heads down to ringside to check on him, but stops to destroy a tricycle that was dangerously left at ringside. THAT’S NOT FUNNY declares Vince, suddenly the arbiter of what’s comedy and what’s not. Doink finishes with the whoopie cushion, complete with fart sound, at 3:07. Gotta say, the weird treatment of Dink as some kind of child with no free will of his own, when Tiger Jackson was clearly a grown ass man is kind of creepy.

Meanwhile, King Kong Bundy is apparently 80 feet tall now and on his way back to the WWF.

Tatanka v. Gary Jackson

The kid they find to be guest ring announcer is the WORST. Get the hook. Apparently he’s Reggie White’s son. Clear nepotism in action. Tatanka puts Jackson down with chops and hits him with a gut wrench before tossing him to the floor. Lawler: “The cheque Dibiase wrote to Tatanka was so big that his bank bounced.” That’s a pretty good line actually. Back in the ring, Jackson gets a rollup for two and a sunset flip for two, but Tatanka chops him down again and hits him with the flying chop before finishing with the WIG WAM BOMB at 2:05. Heel Tatanka looked and wrestled exactly the same, with the same music and workrate. It’s no wonder he was a complete failure in the role right out of the gate.

Meanwhile, on Monday Night RAW, Mr. Bob Backlund denies being a has been and accuses the FANS of being weak and suffering from dyslexia. Apparently 50% of the people in America are illiterate as well. Oh, we found that one to be all too true, sadly. Vince steers him back to the subject of the Cross Face Chicken Wing, and Bob promises that if anyone can escape the chickenwing, he’ll retire from the WWF. So he demonstrates on WWF Magazine editor Lou Gianfriddo, who in reality was basically a one man show on the magazine according to Vince Russo. Although Keith Greenberg also wrote for the magazine for a long time in the 90s so I don’t know how accurate that is. Anyway, Bob promises to actually retire if Lou can escape, because “I’m not like the President of the United States. I don’t lie or cheat!” Yeah, what kind of President would blatantly lie and cheat like that? Stupid Bill Clinton. Bet he’s on the Epstein List too, whatever that is. But we procure the chicken wing on young Lou, and Bob snaps again and has to be pried off by security and agents because he enjoys it too much. Very sadly, Lou passed away at the age of 55 just a couple of years ago. RIP.

Adam Bomb v. Barry Horowitz

Bomb with a chinlock, but Barry makes a quick comeback, only to fall victim to the Atom Smasher at 2:15. The Meltdown was a better name for that one anyway.

Yokozuna v. Gary Scott

Yoko with a giant backdrop and he chokes Gary on the ropes while we hear again about the DOUBLE WIDE DOUBLE DEEP casket, but Yoko blocks a running Scott with a Rock Bottom to finish at 2:00. But then Yoko goes to leave and gets GONGED, thus triggering his crippling and irrational fear of caskets. Yeah, what a stupid thing to be afraid of. Also Vince makes a reference to Sanford & Son for all the kids watching in 1994.

NEXT WEEK: Lex Luger…talks. IRS! Mabel! Jim Neidhart! Razor Ramon! And finally the debut of Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz! Well that sounds like a real barnburner, although I didn’t know Abe actually did work matches on TV, so I’m at least halfway intrigued by that.