The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.20.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.20.86

Originally written 03.29.26

Taped from Providence, RI, on 08.26.86

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

The Dream Team v. The US Express

Well this is quite the match to kick off the show. Valentine and Rotundo renew their rivalry from Mid-Atlantic and take it to the mat, with Rotundo fighting off the figure-four and dropping an elbow on him for two. Hammer catches him with a forearm shot, but it’s over to Spivey and he drops the leg on Valentine for two. But then Greg rakes the eyes and Beefcake comes in with a forearm shot for two. Back to Rotundo and it’s BONZO GONZO as they slug it out with the ref losing control. And Rotundo gets the deadly airplane spin on Beefcake, prompting Johnny V to run in for the DQ at 3:15.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Yes, it’s time to once again meet THE HONKY TONK MAN, as Gene puts over his considerable musical talents, and we get a promo from Honky in the recording studio. Everyone wants to hear him sing! Also kids love guys who talk about themselves in the third person constantly. Gene: “WWF fans are knocked out by the Honky Tonk Man!” Yeah sure go with that.

Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Steve Lombardi & Tony Nardo

So I guess I misinterpreted last week’s “Next week!” segment as Sheik & Volkoff v. Steele & JYD, when in fact it was two unrelated matches announced back to back. I blame Vince’s diction. Lombardi gets slammed in the corner and Dog headbutts him while we get an inset from Macho Man, bringing some class to the joint. HE’S NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR BEING SO GREAT! Over to Nardo, and Dog quickly Thumps him for the pin at 1:22. George didn’t even tag in. Seems a little unfair.

Meanwhile, we take a look back at Roddy Piper stopping by the Flower Shop and being casually racist to Slick.

The Iron Sheik, Nikolai Volkoff & Hercules v. Mario Mancini, Nick Kiniski & Billy Jack Haynes

Damn, Billy Jerk doing TV jobs already? Sheik trades takedowns with Kiniski as Jesse puts over his heritage, but points out that Gene Kiniski was really ugly. Over to Mancini and Herc immediately submits him with the torture rack at 1:22, with Billy Jack never even able to tag in. So that begins the Hercules-Haynes feud.

Meanwhile, in the desert, Superstar Billy Graham hangs out with the tarantulas and raps about all the stuff the kids are into.

Jake Roberts v. Tony Garea

Jake whips Garea into the corner to start, but makes the mistake of pointing to his to indicate intelligence and that allows Garea to hit a flying bodypress for two. Jake bails to think it over, and back in the ring catches him with his head down and DDTs him to finish at 1:44. And Tony doesn’t even have to take the snake, as the ref rolls him out and helps him to safety.

Meanwhile, Hulk Hogan is hanging out in the locker room and talks about the terrible feeling of betrayal at the hands of Mr. Wonderful, because absolutely nothing that happened was his fault whatsoever.

Meanwhile, Adrian Adonis prepares the Flower Shop set for his showdown with Piper next week while Bob Orton looks on and guards his body.

Meanwhile, Roddy Piper also preps by cleaning up flower trash.

The Killer Bees v. Joe Mirto & Jack Kruger

Brunzell takes Mirto down with a flying headscissors and monkey flip, and we get an inset from Jimmy Hart talking about how the Bees are standing in the way of the Funks. This show is setting up the Big Event pretty well, actually. Over to Blair, while Kamala heads down to ringside to watch the match. Back to Mirto and Blair finishes with “the old keester bump”, which Vince calls The Stinger. At one point Brunzell tries a monkey flip on Kruger and he fails to take a somersault bump and falls flat on his face instead. No wonder he switched to refereeing.

Meanwhile, Dick Slater shows us around his ranch and shows us his mule. Well I’m sold.

Magnificent Muraco v. Leaping Lanny Poffo

Poffo goes for a hammerlock and Muraco immediately powers out of that and hits him with a legsweep. Muraco with a Perfect necksnap while Vince again finds reasons to complain about the refereeing job done by Danny Davis. I swear this guy has a vendetta against poor Danny. No wonder he got all bitter. Muraco sends Poffo to the floor and Fuji gets some cheapshots, which is somehow Danny’s fault as well. Back in the ring, Poffo slugs away in the corner and gets a dropkick for two, and the moonsault gets two. Yup, on TV in 1986. But then Muraco powerslams him to block a bodypress. And then Muraco dedicates a tombstone to Jesse Ventura and gets the pin at 3:30.

NEXT WEEK: Tito Santana! The Flower Shop v. Piper’s Pit! King Harley Race! Slick has a surprise! Kamala!

Hopefully the surprise is that they brighten up the arena and switch Update sets so the show is finally where it needs to be. Next week is the start of a new taping cycle and they overhauled Challenge that week, too, so I think Superstars also gets an update.