The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.14.96

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.14.96

This one is missing from the WWE Network, but an anonymous source who I will keep concealed to protect his privacy sent me a copy so I can review it. Hopefully I won’t botch the review.

“Best of 10 Years”

Hosted by Gorilla Monsoon & Mr. Perfect

This is a “Best of 10 Years of Superstars” show, and we immediately get a montage of “What the World is Watching” openings and then a montage of the show openers over the years as well. Very cool actually.

First up, we take you back to October of 1986, as Roddy Piper destroys the Flower Shop on one leg, the week after Adonis destroyed Piper’s Pit. Although the Paul Orndroff turn was what started me as a fan, this was what sunk the hooks into me for good.

November 1986: Macho Man defends the IC title against Ricky Steamboat and looks to be in trouble, but Danny Davis stops the count, allowing Savage to blindside Steamboat and smash the ringbell into his throat. An absolute master class from Steamboat here, giving Savage nuclear heat on the house show circuit for months afterwards.

Superstars Memory: Rick Martel introduces Arrogance cologne on Brother Love’s show.

February 1987: Andre the Giant is here for one reason and one reason only, to challenge Hulk Hogan to a match for the World title at the Wrestlemania. And then he tears off Hulk’s shirt and maybe that’s why Hulk wears another shirt under his first shirt now. Just in case Andre returns from the dead to smack him around like a bitch again.

February 1987: The Snake Pit moves to Superstars and Honky Tonk Man is the first guest, resulting in Jake stopping Honky from playing his song. So Honky smashes him with what turned out to be a non-gimmicked guitar and fucks up his neck for a long time. Damn that shot looked BRUTAL.

Superstars Memory: Bret Hart refuses to give the Mountie a title match, so Mountie SHOCKS him and uses the tears in his eyes to make the electricity more potent.

Superstars Memory: Mr. Perfect throws himself a perfect pass in football. Hey, I bet those clowns in (insert football city here) could really use Perfect this year! What a bunch of clowns.

April 1988: Rick Rude is hitting on a woman at ringside, but it turns out that she’s the wife of Jake Roberts, so Rude cuts a promo on both of them and calls them all trash. Well, I mean…anyway, Jake hits the ring for a hot brawl to kick off a red hot feud that never really lived up to the potential in the ring.

Next up, UPDATE! WITH VARIOUS PEOPLE! So yeah, we take a look at the variety of hosts who did the Live Event News, with dignitaries like Charlie Minn, Stephanie Wiand, and Craig DeGeorge. And then Handsome Dok Hendrix drops in with a real SLAM JAM about Mind Games. In this case, we hear from Jerry Lawler and Mark Henry.

Superstars Memory: The Islanders kidnap Matilda! Man, pulling ribs on Dynamite Kid is a BAD idea. Just ask the Rougeaus.

Superstars Memory: Bret Hart gets a Wrestler of the Year trophy. I don’t even remember that actually.

May 1988: The Hart Foundation fires Jimmy Hart so they can go off on their own, and honestly it kind of backfired on them because the Rougeaus got the better of that feud.

Next up, we take a look at Howard Finkel introducing a variety of weirdos, all jammed together in a bizarre word salad of crazy gimmicks. EARTHQUAKE TYPHOON MONSOON!

Superstars Memory: The Rockers make their debut so I guess we can have something to put Shawn over here.

Superstars Memory: Randy Savage proposes to Elizabeth because they wanted to draw a house.

Next up, we take a look at notable stuff to occur on Brother Love, like Earthquake smashing Hogan’s ribs.

Superstars Memory: Ultimate Warrior is forced to puke up black ooze due to being cursed by Papa Shango. Maybe he had Long Curse and that’s what eventually killed him?

Superstars Memory: Brother Love steps aside as Undertaker’s manager and gives the contract to Paul Bearer. Boy was THAT a stupid business move for him in retrospect.

April 1991: Ultimate Warrior shows up on the Funeral Parlor, and Undertaker attacks him and locks him in a coffin. Savage cheering for Undertaker because he’s still bitter about Wrestlemania VII is pretty great continuity.

September 1991: Ric Flair harasses Roddy Piper at the commentary desk, so they get into a hot brawl and Piper takes a swing at him with a chair and hits Vince McMahon by mistake. This was pretty big because Vince didn’t get involved in physical stuff before this, mostly just existing as the voice behind the show.

Next up, a montage of Vince and his different show openings and broadcast partners over the 10 years of the show. And then Dok drops in again and throws out “I would be remiss in not mentioning” and “Notwithstanding” for fun. ALSO we get a gigantic Easter egg here, as this show proves to be the stealth debut for someone else. Because we get a quick clip of Mark Henry working out in the training gym, and his sparring opponent is young Dwayne Johnson, a few months in advance of his own debut.

Superstars Memory: Goldust has a Razor Ramon “tattoo” on his boob.

Superstars Memory: The Godwinns finally get their revenge on Sunny and dump the slop bucket on her.

July 1994: Bob Backlund gets a title shot Bret Hart but blows it, and ends up snapping and creating an awesome heel character for himself. Of course, “washed up” old Bob Backlund was much younger here than many top stars for both promotions today, which is kind of crazy.

January 1995: Shawn Michaels razzes a cardboard cutout of Diesel on the Heartbreak Hotel. Man swing and a miss here. And that’s what they end the show with!

So next time, the show moves to the USA Network and as usual with Vince, is apparently interesting for a few weeks and then limps to its death. So we’ll pick up there next week.

As for this one, I really enjoyed it, and they hit most of the big things from the history of the show and didn’t succumb to the temptation of making it all about the most recent history. I would actually recommend tracking it down and giving it a watch, it’s a fitting end for the syndicated show.