The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.13.86

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.13.86

Originally written 03.22.26

Taped from Providence, RI

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura & Bruno Sammartino

They’re still doing the lowered lights and shooting a lot of stuff like Championship Wrestling. I think they fully commit to the new format in the second set of tapings, if I’m remembering correctly.

Mr. Wonderful Paul Orndroff v. Sivi Afi

HOW DARE HE asks Vince, very offended at Orndorff using Hulk’s music! I mean, really it’s double the royalties for Rick Derringer, so he’s kind of a hero from that perspective. We get an inset from Wonderful, where he laughs about people thinking he should feel sorry for Hogan. Me too! Afi tries the lockup and Orndorff puts him down with a cheapshot, but can’t run him into the turnbuckle. Afi tries a blind charge and misses, but he dodges a dropkick from Paul and makes a comeback, getting a little bit of offense at least. To the top for a flying bodypress that misses, and Orndorff gives him the Hogan-killer clothesline and finishes with the piledriver at 2:32.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Still in the old Update set here. Gene talks about the arrival of Harley Race, and we get footage of his coronation from the final episode of Championship Wrestling.

Sika the Wild Samoan v. Don Driggers

So Afa is now retired, and Sika is solo for the rest of his career. Sika attacks and cranks on a neck vice while biting his forehead, and then puts him down with a clothesline and yanks on his face while we get an inset from King Curtis, doing his usual unhinged promo. Unsurprisingly, he also wants a title shot at Hulk Hogan. Samoan drop finishes at 2:40. Very interesting and smart how they’re just lining up the murderer’s row of heels for Hogan to slay, with Kamala and Sika and Race and Orndorff all established as big threats in just the first two weeks of this new format.

The Moondogs v. The Islanders

So this is the official Superstars debut of the Islanders, still called King Tonga & Tonga Kid at this point before changing names shortly after. I’m assuming because they didn’t want multiple “Kings” in the promotion but I have no solid confirmation of that. King Tonga overpowers Rex and Kid comes in and leapfrogs Spot to control him. We get an inset from Hulk Hogan’s best friend, the HONKY TONK MAN, who swears revenge on Paul Orndorff while Jesse calls him a “1950s greaseball” to make sure we know he’s supposed to be a babyface. Back to Rex, but the Islanders double-team him, and King Tonga superkicks him into the flying splash from Tonga Kid at 2:34 to finish. So you can add them to the growing list of awesome tag teams in the promotion at that point.

Randy Savage v. Troy Martin

The little doofus jobber looks like he should go be a teacher or something. I believe this is young Troy’s first or second match in the business, in fact, as he was training in Pittsburgh with Dominic DeNucci at this point. Classic red and yellow for the Macho Man in his Superstars debut. Macho takes him down and hits him with a back elbow, but Troy gets a small package for two. Macho tosses him and hits him with the double axehandle and tosses the kid into the front row, where he looks like he belongs. Just buy a ticket and get out of wrestling, kid. Meanwhile we get an inset from Pedro Morales, who wants a shot at the Macho Man. Yeah well I want to win the lottery but maybe stick within your lane, Pedro. Back in the ring, Macho drops another axehandle on him and finishes him off with the big elbow at 2:40. Martin probably went to the gorilla position afterwards and complained that Dick Savage wouldn’t give him more offense.

Piper’s Pit with special guest Ken Resnick, as the flowers and wigs are gone. What’s left is ALL MAN. But before we can hear from Killer Ken, Adrian Adonis and Cowboy Bob storm the set and Piper calls him “Punky Brewster” for your 1986 reference of the week. Adonis claims that he’s 1995 and Piper is stale. I’ve got bad news for Adrian about what he’s doing in 1995. So Adonis challenges Piper to a debate in two weeks from now, Piper’s Pit v. The Flower Shop! Piper wants to do it right now and sits down in the chair, but then waits for Adonis to sit down and he pulls the chair away in a funny payoff.

The Machines v. Rick Hunter, Al Navarro & JJ Jackson

Super Machine chops Jackson down to start and Big Machine comes in and hits a back elbow that looks suspiciously like someone from Texas would throw. Do they play a lot of blackjack in Japan, I wonder? Does he golf and take a lot of mulligans? Over to Giant Machine, who smashes Jackson down and pins him at 1:34. And Albano does an inset promo and wonders CAN THERE BE MORE? Well that would just be silly.

The British Bulldogs v. Jack Foley & Les Thornton

Man if you asked me to name the only future three-time WWF champion from this show, the guy standing in the ring to Fink’s left would not be who I would guess. Davey trades wristlocks with Thornton and they trade some nice mat wrestling and a pair of cradle reversals for two. Vince already declares it a SEE SAW BATTLE, his highest rating. Over to this Foley kid, and Dynamite hits him with a vicious snap suplex and a butterfly suplex to follow. Backbreaker and he drops a headbutt on him, and Davey Boy powerslams him and then picks him up for a delayed suplex, which gets two. Jack actually gets some punches on Davey and tries a back elbow, but Davey completely no-sells it, not even flinching, and then Dynamite just destroys him with a lariat. Davey puts him on the top rope and Dynamite brings him down with a backdrop suplex from the top to finish at 3:45. OK so I’ve never really watched this one before and it was EXACTLY as advertised. Should have been that Troy Martin kid taking this beating if we’re being honest.

NEXT WEEK: The Killer Bees! Dick Slater! Sheik & Volkoff & Hercules v. JYD & George Steele and someone! The Dream Team v. The US Express!