The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.03.94

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 09.03.94

Originally written 07.22.25

Might as well just jump around all kinds of eras at this point. I had abandoned 1994 Superstars back in 2023 but I’m nothing if not a glutton for punishment. We had last left off with the go-home show for Summerslam.

I should also note that for those following the lore of my life, this was the point when my family got a giant C-Band satellite dish for the backyard, so I could watch this and RAW and all the other grey market US channels for a few months. And then we moved and had to sell the dish back to the shady place we bought it from, and I was sad.

Taped from Portland, ME, on 08.17.94.

Lex Luger v. Tim McNeeny

The babyface heat machine is in OVERDRIVE for Luger after he was proved to be not corrupt at Summerslam. We all know Luger wouldn’t betray the WWF for more money! The jobber attacks but Lex quickly powerslams him and finishes with the Rebel Rack at 0:48.

LIVE EVENT NEWS! We don’t even get promos for a show at the Poughkeepsie Civic Center, just a lineup and premade video for Yokozuna and Undertaker.

Meanwhile, in 1983, Iron Sheik upsets Bob Backlund to win the WWF title.

Mr. Bob Backlund v. Bert Centeno

The guest ring announcer introduces us to “San Joo-an Puerto Rico”. Kid was probably terrified that Mel Phillips was backstage waiting for him, can you blame him? Centeno goes for a single-leg and Backlund hops away from it while Vince dubs him BITTER BOB. That’s slander. Centeno gets a rollup on a distracted Bob, but Mr. Bob PROCURES THE CHICKENWING and puts him away at 2:48. I should note that the kid thankfully shows the proper respect and announces him as MISTER Bob Backlund after Bob chewed him out at the beginning of the match.

One of the commercials in this version advertises a “Bill Clinton Countdown Watch” which purports to count down the minutes until the Clinton administration ends. I’ve got some bad news for the people selling those.

SUMMERSLAM REPORT! WITH TODD!

Todd goes for the full court press of gaslighting, talking about how fans were going nuts for the Undertaker v. Undertaker main event and cheering like crazy. SURE they were. Also Bret Hart retained the title and British Bulldog debuted. Also Diesel and Shawn Michaels are revealed to be the new tag team champions, but Diesel drops the IC title to Razor Ramon.

Meanwhile, some stupid kid bugs Bret Hart before his big match and gets a pair of glasses instead of the smack upside the head he deserves.

Owen Hart v. Scott Taylor

Owen takes young Scotty 2 Hotty down with a wristlock, but Scott runs him into the corner and works a headlock on him. Owen ducks a rollup attempt and puts him down with a leg lariat and puts the boots to him. Butterfly suplex and legdrop follows. Scotty fights back again, but Owen takes him down with a backdrop into a northern lights suplex in one motion, and the Sharpshooter finishes at 4:00. Fun little squash.

The Smoking Gunns v. The Heavenly Bodies

The Bodies, who are sporting actual wings on their jackets, attack the Gunns before the bell and STOMP THE COWBOY HATS, which is objectively the worst thing you can do to a cowboy according to popular culture. So the Gunns steal the jackets and rip the wings off them and they all brawl on the floor over the various disrespect shown to each other’s ring gear. Sadly we don’t get a match.

1-2-3 Kid v. Roy Raymond

Apparently the nostalgia match on All American this week sees Ivan Putski facing Crusher Blackwell in a sentence I never thought I’d hear Vince McMahon say in 1994. Kid takes Raymond down with a headlock and works on that, and then pops up with a flying shoulder tackle. Raymond puts the boots to him while Abe “Knuckleball” Schwartz protests at ringside, still on strike. “Unquestionably one of the greatest backstops in baseball history” notes Vince. Kid hits a pair of leg lariats and the snap legdrop while Lawler quotes “famous baseball manager Yogi Bear” and then Vince ruins the joke by explaining it. Raymond actually goes up and misses a splash, and Kid slams him and goes up to finish with the Alabama Jam at 3:15.

IRS v. Phil Apollo

Irwin works him over and gets a stepover toehold while holding the ropes, and then puts him down with a backbreaker and finishes with the STF at 2:42.

Meanwhile, an old lady abuses some guys with wrestling moves in the name of the NEW GENERATION.

I will say, this one at least felt a bit more energetic thanks to being at the start of a taping cycle and coming off the PPV.