The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.18.91

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.18.91

Originally written 07.12.26

Taped from Omaha, NE on 04.16.91

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage & Roddy Piper

Ultimate Warrior v. Demolition Smash

Savage, still bitter, guarantees a Smash victory here because Warrior is still rattled by getting locked in a casket. Warrior slugs him down and puts the boots to him in the corner, but Smash replies with smashes before missing a blind charge. Warrior with a facejam, but Smash puts him down with a clothesline and beats on him with axehandles before choking him out on the ropes and chasing him out to the floor. Smash runs him into the post, declaring “I love my job!”, although according to his book that was not 100% accurate at that point. In fact he wanted to leave and jump to WCW or elsewhere, but they convinced him to stay with a new gimmick. Back in the ring, Warrior makes the comeback and bingo bango bongo with the splash to finish at 5:00. This was fine.

UPDATE! WITH MEAN GENE OKERLUND!

Last week, the Nasty Boys jumped Big Bossman, and beat him down along with the Mountie to show who the real law and order was.

Power & Glory v. Dan Robbins & Buck Zumhoff

Now there’s someone who needs to be taught law and order, hopefully with the cattle prod in an uncomfortable place. On the bright side, they finally found someone that makes Paul Roma look like the likeable one! Roma stomps Robbins down and hits him with a suplex while we get an inset from the Bushwhackers. Herc goes over and runs Buck into the post while Roma puts the boots to Robbins, and then back in they finish with the Herc backbreaker into Roma’s flying forearm at 3:30. Vince feels like the upcoming match with the Bushwackers will be a ROMP ‘EM STOMP ‘EM affair. We can only hope.

Irwin R. Schyster v. Red Tyler

It’s the debut of IRS, as he wears a full suit to the ring and does his first “You’re all tax cheats” promo before the match, of many millions to come. So for this debut match, he’s got tearaway pants and wrestles in long trunks plus the dress shirt and tie, which looks ridiculous. Switching to working in pants was actually a huge upgrade. Irwin dumps Tyler and back in for the abdominal stretch while holding the ropes, and then finishes with the samoan drop, which is currently called the Write Off, at 2:20. Not a home run debut but Rotunda absolutely had his spot in the midcard and settled into it immediately.

The British Bulldog v. Tony Squire

Bulldog takes him down and works the chinlock and then slugs him down and goes to a headlock before switching to an armbar. Bulldog runs Squire into the corner for the clothesline and then finishes with the running powerslam at 2:20.

Ted Dibiase joins Mean Gene for a special interview, which is a switch from the Funeral Parlor format. Dibiase’s got the same stuff to say about Virgil and that’s about it.

Jake Roberts v. Tom Bennett

Jake now has a newer, better snake named Lucifer that makes his debut here. Jake with a hiptoss and Bennett retreats to the corner and runs away until Jake goes to work on the arm. We get an inset of Earthquake, who points out that he told Jake not to bring the snake near the ring and then followed up on his threat. It’s true, speaking of someone who’s done a lot of management training, follow up is important. You can’t just tell people you’re gonna sit on their snake and kill it unless you intend to follow up and do so. Jake with the short clothesline and DDT to finish at 3:00 as the canned heat is particularly overdone here. And indeed he brings out the new snake, who looks a lot like the old snake. But I mean, I’m old, all snakes look kind of the same to me.

Meanwhile, we meet WBF superstar Aaron Baker, who is lifting weights. Is that all these guys ever do? There’s more to life than lifting! I mean unless you’re Brian Cage.

The Barbarian v. Sonny Blaze

Barbarian throttles Blaze and tosses him down before putting the furry boots to him while Vince makes jokes about Savage is really old. Wouldn’t be funny once that turned into Billionaire Ted skits. I DON’T HEAR ANYONE LAUGHING AT THOSE, VINCE. Barbarian beats him down and finishes with the KICK OF FEAR at 1:34.

Next week: The Rockers! The Nasty Boys! Col Mustafa! Bret Hart! Jake Roberts! Mr. Perfect!